The not-so-Amazing Spider-Man (by Sony Filmmaking Committee)

Rating: 2/10 (27 October 2012)

Sony had to start the production of a new Spider-Man movie a few years after SM3 lest they lose the rights to Marvel Studios. Since Sam Raimi was probably reluctant to put up with Sony's micromanagement like on SM3, and since actors' salaries were likely to be heftier for SM4, Sony used all of these as a fine excuse to "reboot" the series.
While SM3 wasn't as good as the preceding installments, rebooting had no artistic justification. Raimi deserved at least one more shot to correct the ship. However, more cynical reasons are at play here, as I've said above. They've (Sony) obviously got a lot more micromanageable crew now (at least for the moment), and the result is TASM, a film "by committee" if there ever was one.
TASM's struggles for a justified existence and its own identity shine through from its every pore. TASM doesn't know what it wants to be, so opts to just throw everything at the wall in the hopes that something will stick. But, alas, nothing really sticks: TASM is neither epic nor intimate; neither energetic popcorn fun nor deep; neither surprising nor rock-assured; etc. I could go on and on.
All of this might not be the result of a "screenplay" as such, but simply the result of market research fed through a few "sure" screen writing algorithms, or heck, even a roulette. :D TASM tries especially to catch two recent commercial lightnings in a bottle: the "dangerous" emo teen love drama of Twilight and the grim & gritty superhero approach of The Dark Knight. Since neither is really the bread & butter of the Spidey-verse, it causes a malfunctioning mixture, and crucially, even the traditional Spidey elements (lighthearted fun & epic action) fall flat on their face here. There is simply nothing to chew on here. TASM is a pastiche of things that "should" work simply because they have been commercially attractive elsewhere. The Sony Filmmaking Committee wanted to have their cake and eat it too, by bringing these alien elements into the world of Spidey. Luckily, context-sensitivity still outs hacks and cynics with quite the aplomb.
TASM is indeed tonally all over the place: it can shift from a technological thriller, corporate espionage, emo teen love drama, slapstick farce, "gritty" action, CSI-style mystery solving to family quarrels (of which there are far too many) within minutes and without a hint of subtlety or smoothness of transition or even any stylistically justified logic. TASM is a jarring hodgepodge that on top takes itself way too seriously. Even when it tries to be intentionally funny (emphasis on TRYING, REALLY HARD) it only manages to be unintentionally funny. Yes, even for whatever jokes there were, I laughed AT the movie, not with it.
So, could the aptly named director Webb salvage TASM at least somewhat with strong performances from his actors? Unfortunately, no. Only Emma Stone is showing any kind of subtlety or restraint (ironically she is given very little to work with). Everyone else is ACTING as if their lives depended on it, making performances feel awkward, forced and stilted. Sure, the stilted characterizations of everyone are a get-go - handicap provided by the "screenplay", but Webb is unable to make things seem more natural. Worse, he seems to play straight into even the most heavy-handed scenes written into the so-called screenplay.
For example, in a scene of extreme improbabilities and idiocies, a few-hours-ago - spider-bitten (the iconic spider-bite - scene was infinitely worse here than in the original comic canon) Peter Parker SLEEPS on a subway ride, AT NIGHT. I really needn't write more about this scene, but let's make things clear: nobody who isn't under the influence sleeps on a subway ride, ever. The reason should be quite evident to anyone who has ever taken a subway ride. Plus, if you are in the danger of falling asleep, you use another method of transportation. But let us continue with the scene: a man who isn't drunk or drugged places a beer bottle on Peter's head (!). Why? Who knows? And apparently this isn't enough to wake Peter up - that happens only when a condensed droplet rolls from the bottle's surface to Peter's forehead. What follows is an embarrassingly ham-fisted attempt at physical/slapstick comedy as Peter, with the help of his new spider-powers, haphazardly and unwittingly rips clothes off a woman and beats up several guys. These characters, never seen before or after, don't bother filing a report to the police. Why? Again: who knows? Maybe these things just tend to happen in this "grounded" verse! Even in a movie full of idiotic screen writing, this completely nonsensical scene is possibly the worst offender of them all. While some other, equally cringeworthy scenes are plentiful in this movie, at least they have an impact on the plot. The subway ride scene, however, doesn't have this "luxury": improbable and idiotic things happen, yet without any real consequence whatsoever. There, a scene. Now, can I be a screenwriter?
Poor reviews from TASM's test screenings led to chaotic re-edits in an attempt to salvage the picture. All early-to-mid marketing became narratively void since that phase still promised an "untold story". Maybe the "untold story" marketing phrase should have included the subtitle "subject to a test screening", heh heh.
1 star for overall quality + 1 star out of pity for (some of) the actors = 2 stars overall.