The Angsty Spider-Man is Shockingly Bad

Rating: 4/10 (15 May 2014)

I ignored the reviews that criticized this movie for its similarities to Twilight. They were right and I was wrong. I ignored the reviews that complained about the lack of action and the underdevelopment of all of the major villains. They were right and I was wrong. I ignored the reviews that complained that it seems like the director was more interested in reeling you back into the theater 2 years from now than telling an interesting story this time out. They were right and I was wrong.
I ignored all those reviews and went to see this anyway because I really liked The Amazing Spider-Man and thought most criticism of it was off-base. I liked its take on the origin story (subtler and less colorful than Raimi's version but somehow equally powerful), and I liked that most of the Spider-Man scenes looked like a real guy in a suit. Raimi's versions were ruined by the ultra-cartoony fakeness.
I also liked Andrew Garfield's take on both Peter and Spidey much better than Tobey Maguire's. If there was a weak link in TAS-M it was the choice of villain, not to mention his casting and rendering. I'm sick of British-sounding villains already and he just wasn't lizardy-looking enough.
But TAS-M2 just drags and drags. The make-up/break-up, on-again/off-again romance between Peter and Gwen, not to mention the bromance between Peter and Harry, is nothing short of tedious.
The movie starts with a completely uninspiring tow-truck chase, notable only because (I think) Paul Giamatti was driving the truck.
The first encounter with Electro - which happens way too far into the movie - is interesting as Spidey tries to use psychology to calm down his foe. It doesn't work of course.
Then there is a completely throw-away scene where Harry helps Electro escape and an even more worthless scene where Electro blasts some office furniture but still can't manage to intimidate the blatantly treacherous corporate back-stabber at Oscorp.
Then there is some big battle at a nondescript power plant where Electro buys the (wind) farm. And after that it gets even worse...
The only thing TASM-2 does well is that the stunts and effects continue to be much more convincing than any in the Raimi series (even when you know they must be CGI). Spidey usually looks like a guy in a suit doing really impressive stunts. But that can't make up for what is otherwise a very disappointing sequel and a near-the-bottom-of-the-heap superhero movie. I'd rate it as one of Marvel's worst, just above the Hulks and Fantastic Fours (and actually, even the first FF is probably more enjoyable).
The buildup to the Green Goblin reveal/transformation doesn't pay off at all. Some guy who looks like Leo DiCaprio with a Hitler haircut gets some Parker DNA, develops a bad case of acne, and crawls into a mech suit. I didn't have a stopwatch going but I think the Green Goblin got defeated less than 5 minutes after making his first appearance.
Although Willem Dafoe was an excellent casting choice, I was always disappointed that Raimi's Green Goblin was really just an armor suit. Well, TASM-2 messed things up even worse. The Green Goblin this time was disfigured, but he just didn't look menacing or even much like a goblin. And the only thing worse than a Green Goblin that is just a mech suit is a Rhino that is just a mech suit...
**MAJOR SPOILER ALERT** By the time Gwen Stacy died and Peter-Man was bawling over it, I was so sick of all the emoting in the movie that I literally felt nothing. And I cried at the Saturn commercial when that guy was empowered to pull the rope and stop the assembly line just to maintain quality, so I'm easily moved (where is Saturn now, by the way?)
Thanks for nothing, Marc Webb! You ruined Spider-Man in only 2 movies! It took Sam Raimi 3 tries to wear out his welcome (at least for most people - I was sick of the cartoon effects by the second time I watched the first Maguire outing).
In no particular order, here are four other annoying aspects of the movie:
1) The (ab)use of the classic 60's Spider-Man cartoon theme song as Peter's cell phone ringtone. It's not a clever homage, it's an irritating anachronism.
2) OK, we all saw that it's a Sony picture, so the constant use of VAIO laptops doesn't seem like legitimate product placement but rather some creepy form of nepotism (and I am writing this review on a VAIO laptop!)
3) What's with all the police cars? Was this NYPD product placement? There were more NYPD patrol cars crashed in this movie than in The Blues Brothers. Aren't there any other vehicles in New York? Or anything else to smash? Is this supposed to reinforce the idea that police are ineffective against super-villains?
4) The voices in Max Dillon's head probably drove me crazier than they drove him. And, yes, the reviews were also right about Jamie Foxx being unconvincing. I generally like Jamie as an actor, but this role did him no favors. Jim Carrey was better as the Riddler.
That last thought led me to another while watching this movie. The Marvel universe may have the coolest superheroes, but the DC universe sure seems to have the more interesting villains... at least judging by major motion pictures. Give me Gorilla Grodd over the tepid trio in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 any day of the week.