A mo-cap mess

Rating: 2/10 (2 January 2015)

This is a horrible film, but then I knew I'd hate it outright as I'm somebody who actively hates motion capture and who believes that CGI is the worst thing to happen to cinema. The only mo-cap film I didn't mind too much was BEOWULF, but that was more for the story than the execution; unfortunately, THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN takes everything a step backwards.
Spielberg has made a film for kids and kids alone. The humour is juvenile, the plot and characters simplistic in the extreme, and the acting is so mannered and manufactured that no adult would take it seriously. Jamie Bell's wooden Tintin is a charmless creation, still saddled with those dead eyes and carved wood expression that mo-cap results in. Still, Andy Serkis spares him the embarrassment of being the worst actor in the thing; I never could work out if Captain Haddock was supposed to be Scottish or Scandinavian, because Serkis is all over the place.
The story and characters only vaguely resemble the original comic books by Herge (of which I am a big fan) and most of it boils down to the kind of incessant, entirely routine CGI action that nowadays blights many a Hollywood movie. It's like Jackson's THE HOBBIT: THERE AND BACK AGAIN, with endless chase scenes and swooping camera angles; none of it means anything, there's no realism or danger, it's just bland and safe. It's no surprise that Jackson has his fingerprints all over this and, unfortunately, in Spielberg he's met his match as a purveyor of soulless entertainment. I'd love these guys to go back and make real films without relying on CGI all the while but I fear it will never happen.