Brilliant, Charming, Timeless, Witty

Rating: 10/10 (19 December 2011)

Every successful movie needs a singular heroine without flaws, and this has it (as do Spielberg's other teen masterpieces) in Caucasian spades -- especially in the case of South Asia.
Steven Spielberg delivers another unborn out-of-wedlock baby yet again, only this time it happens to be a weird red-headed genderless child with a teenage lesbian haircut. Whilst waiting for the relentless picture to end, my partner's response to me was "He stole your merkin and put on that kid's balding head! And he gave him your culo!" After looking over myself in the mirror for a few days, I wholeheartedly agreed and concluded that she was right on the money. At least the money I had paid her to conjoin with me at the seedy motel post cinema.
Yes, we had a lesbian good time at the midnight show, enjoying the fluent English-speaking pooch, evil eagle, and rollicking with the cast and chain-smoking crew of Cutthroat Island.
If we hadn't been kissing and hugging and cavorting so much, I might have missed some critical moments, but as it happened, the movie was too distracting with all the CGI and whatnot.
I was shocked that my 3 year old almost-unborn baby had to be witness to all this violence, but then I thought of Sophie's children and understood how it might be that Hollywood Magic could pose a very real traumatic theme for youngsters of any age (much like Nim's Island).
I was eternally grateful that the film completely disregarded potentially important socio-cultural-economic issues in favour of petty thievery, Scooby-Doo deep investigative research, hooch swigging ship captains, shrill opera divas and the profitless trade in bootleg bottle art (an unintentional swipe at downloading).
And praise god that there were virtually no women in the film (in truth, there were two), although there were a few Ahab-the-Arabs. If real life can't change my gender, at least Steven Spielberg can, temporarily. But I do want my merkin back.
Bravo!