You'll ask "why?" a lot

Rating: 2/10 (1 May 2000)

We had high hopes for this movie. They were in vain. This is a classic example of a movie that had almost no thought put into its plot. It is a series of fights, interrupted from time to time with scenes of dialogue that raise more questions than they answer.
The 13th Warrior begins with a scene of Ambassador Ahmet (who existed in real life) headed north after being sent away so he won't fool around with the king's wife. He and his small retinue bump into a passing Viking gang, and for reasons never explained Ahmet must join a band of 13 Vikings in a mission to help a semi-feudal village that is under attack. Even more odd is Ahmet's decision to join the Vikings. He already has a mission, and doesn't seem to be under any duress. Even a throw-away line along the lines of, "I decided to go, so I could learn more about these North People who I will need to understand as ambassador" would have helped.
Along the way Ahmet learns how to speak the Viking language by, apparently, watching the Vikings talk. Never are we shown a Viking saying a word and tying it to an item, so that an observer might be able to attach meaning to the words. Yet somehow our hero learns the language. What are the odds of that?
At this point The 13th Warrior becomes a sort of a Viking "Seven Samauri," with our Viking heroes gathering the village people (the serfs, not the disco group, though if *those* Village People appeared it would not have surprised me) to defend the town against a band of cannibals who are (again) never fully explained.
During the ensuring battle scenes, there is an attempt to show a juxtaposition between the culture of Ahmet the Muslum and Rennaisance Man and that of the crude but effective Vikings. For example, Ahmet has trouble wielding a Viking broadsword but once he has a curved scimitar made to order he is ready to rock (of course, later, when the band sorties on a mission to attack the cannibals, Ahmet has a Viking broadsword tied to his back and the scimitar is nowhere in sight). Also, just before a big battle, Ahmet suddenly drops to his knees to pray as Muslins do five times a day (though we never see him do it at any other time). Anyway, you can *almost* feel the threads of a plot here revolving around Ahmet as an observer of another culture, but it never is clear nor develops (just like the rest of the movie).
There are many instances where events make no sense. The cannibal tribe at one point early on seem to have kicked the Vikings' butts and are burning the village, then withdraw at the sound of a horn for no apparent reason. It just means they have to attack again later, after the village has time to recover a bit. There also seems to be some voodoo involved in that the Vikings (and Ahmet, for a little while) don't know if the cannibals are men or spirits. It's unclear why there is any doubt, since the cannibals look like guys with animal headdresses and fall when they are stabbed. And throughout the movie it appears that the odds are something like 20 or 30 to 1 against the Vikings (and the cannibals are on horses!), yet somehow we have a happy ending.
The movie *tries* to draw on a theme of honor and courage. The Viking leader is noble and fights until he can no longer fight. But that theme is underminded by the numerous ploy holes. Why should we care about these people and what they fight for? Why are there only 13? Why do the cannibals attack? How did this start? Without answers to basic questions (and no clear indication of a moral cause), the idea of honor falls flat.
I cannot believe the average rating for this movie is 6.2. We gave it a 2.