Terminate McG someone, please

Rating: 1/10 (3 July 2009)

Full Throttle I quite liked in a funny sort of way. A very postmodern endeavour; not claiming any originality, tasteless, all traces of narrative extinguished so that we are left with an empty set of signs with no meaning. I can watch Full Throttle and chuckle at the deliberate stupidity. For Terminator Salvation, though, I think it only fair that McG takes a double tap to the head in a Hollywood back street. A disappointed fanboy, a Blackwater thug suffering from PTSD who's hired himself out to Christian Bale's agent, the executor of Cormac McCarthy's estate... I don't mind who gets the satisfaction, but I think McG's pushed his luck too far. Hurlbut was a patsy, Surely Bale was actually more pi$$ed off with McG for saying, 'Christian baby, that voice you did for Batman, that was cool. can you do it again, but make it less convincing?' It's a modest proposal, taking McG out. After all, he took a real heavily-pregnant woman off the street and got her to stand around on set because he couldn't find an actress to play Connor's wife. That's just mean. The poor lady looked completely distraught, not knowing what to do. I can say I enjoyed the first 20 minutes or so, or was it 15, up until I could hear McG's voice in my ear saying, 'Helena, can you push the wimple back a bit more'.
McG should definitely not be given a second chance. Maybe, people can change. Maybe in a few years he'll wake up one morning, slip out from between the twin hookers and struggle to the bathroom, look in the mirror and suddenly wonder what he's done with his life, angrily swiping away the piles of coke and empty Red Bull cans he'll shout to himself, 'NO. I've wasted my LIFE.' and go on to make a shorter, pithier version of Heimat. But why take the chance. Even better, somebody make some sort of machine and go back in time to stop him making Salvation in the first place.