Turdinator: Full Throttle

Rating: 4/10 (27 May 2009)

I was excited to see this film since the trailers were excellent and made it out to be something worth seeing. Once the opening credits started, my suspicions began. The opening credits really sucked. The words "A McG Film" came up on the screen and the theater burst out into laughter. What kind of douche waffle names himself McG? That wouldn't even be cool if he was black let alone the whitest guy on the planet! Anyway, I can sum this entire movie up like this; A couple of above average action sequences dispersed among several below average action sequences that are over reliant on CGI shaky cam spaz vision, and endless boring cheese-drama scenes that all go on 8 minutes too long where Bale screams every single line of dialog as if everyone in the future were deaf. Plot? Not really, its so stupid you won't care and so predictable you won't need to. The casting of this film is so god awful, it never had a chance of being taken seriously. Its good to know that the post Nuclear Holocaust future will be inhabited by supermodel jet pilots, perfectly trimmed hunks, and everyone will have their hair styled. I hoped this film would reflect the dirty, gritty, future we were given a glimpse of in the first Terminator film. Instead we're given the usual Hollywood apocalypse 90210 crap bogged down in CGI hell. It spends far too much time paying tribute to the other Terminator films and thus never really finds a reason to stand on its own legs. We do get to see Terminators killing and getting killed, and for that it cannot be considered a complete loss, its no Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. However, much like the brief scene of a CGI Arnold we are forced to swallow in the end, this film ends up being a familiar skin on an empty shell. Hopefully someone will go back in time and terminate McG's mother. That would be worth watching.