"I'll be cack."

Rating: 5/10 (6 March 2004)

WARNING: REVIEW CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS

Nah, I'm only kidding, this second Terminator sequel isn't actually that bad to be honest. That said, I have only seen it the once, and can't imagine its thin-even-by-Terminator-standards plot really holding my attention a second time.
The original still holds its place as a quite impressive arthouse SF thriller in my opinion. Judgement Day? Well, it depends on how I view it - sometimes it's an overlong moronfest, others it's an exciting FX extravaganza and others it's a soulless, noisy popcorn machine. Certainly the day I posted my review of it to the IMDb I wasn't looking on favourably, though it's clearly superior to this pedestrian follow-up.
What plot T3 does have (and with its subtitle "Rise of the Machines" it could arguably be taken to court under the Trading Standards Agreement) seems to be dividing into two unequal halves. Remember those really corny episodes of Knight Rider (okay, all episodes of Knight Rider were really corny, but roll with me) where an evil KITT known as KARR would control Michael Knight's vehicle and turn it against him? Michael would have to stand there arguing with KITT's sense of reason? Even back in the days of David Hasselhoff's 80s perm that was dated, but here we have similar shenanigans with Arnie's battered T-101 under the control of the TX. The other, much larger, half comes directly from a straight rehash of Judgement Day.
Unfortunately, this does get rather silly as it means that while the film delivers a reasonable twist, it does yet again contradict itself. The nuclear war will come... no it won't... yes it does. Though this development makes the phrase "I am" possibly the most predictable in cinema history, the nuclear explosions are made to look quite beautiful. Whether this is a good thing or not is open to debate, and maybe with a bit of post 9/11 angst this would have made the film feel relevant, rather than just an old relic trying to relive glory days.
Of course, the biggest problem making this an okay sequel instead of one you actually give a toss about is the TX. When a character is so rigidly defined by their sexuality as Kristanna Loken is, then it removes all tension. It's just not possible to be scared when your libido is being forced to work, and even by T2's standards there's an enormous amount of obvious humour, pushing it beyond parody at times. Okay, I did shame myself by laughing at the gay gag, but when it gets to the stage of the TX checking her reflection and squeezing Arnie's balls it's just gone too far. And with her superpowers there to attempt to top Robert Patrick's superb T-1000, we get silliness like her power over other machines and inflatable breasts. If the inevitable fourth film continues to build on this we'll soon have flying Terminators that can assume the form of small rodents.
An okayish script is often dumb, allowing for back-slapping cameos by Dr. Silberman, and a nauseating plane scene where Clare Danes contrivedly explains how she used to test fly her brother's. Generally though, while there's the traditional reams of exposition in between pointless explosions, this isn't so contrived, and even offers up intriguing possibilities with the foretold death of John Connor. Commendably, even the paradoxes inherent in the concept are addressed, with Connor (Nick Stahl, quite good) reasoning that their actions may make the T-101 cease to exist.
If I really wanted to be nit-picky I could cite the incredibly crude uses of product placement, but instead I'll just ask the question of what new does this sequel bring to the party? The answer is nothing. There is no real reason for this sequel to exist, though it is nice to see Arnie having another hit, when his lower-key successes of late have all been worthwhile (though The 6th Day was a stinker).
The lack of usage of the theme and that eerie android sound effect surprise, yet the FX are, naturally, technically the most proficient. However, Jonathan Mostow's leaden direction fails to work them in any innovative way (and why do the Terminators now arrive in a disco mirrorball?), meaning they fail to impress. Combine this with the fact that such effects are no longer groundbreaking, as they were for T2, and it's something of a let-down. Forward to 2004 and we now have Governor Schwarzenegger of California. Was this his half-hearted farewell?