When movies stop being about art, and start being about money.

Rating: 1/10 (14 January 2008)

***This comment is one gigantic spoiler, so brace yourself***
Firstoff I've been a huge Terminator fan since I was the age of 6. I love both films and they're in my Top 3 of movies of all time (Along with The Godfather, and Goodfellas) Now this T3 comes along, and it's supposed to be a bigger more Badass Terminator than we already know. Rather than give my review, I'm going to give you a play-by-play of how this movie starts from my point of view.
This movie starts off, no Terminator Theme, no frightening yet mysterious visions of fire, just a black screen with the casts names up there. After a minute of agonizing nothingness, we hear John Connor speak. Now this isn't the rebellious, "Doesn't give a damn," "Leader of the Resistance" John Connor we know and love. No-no-no that would be too cool. Instead he hear the first words of what would later be found to be a whiny little brat that could couldn't lead a dog to a can of Alpo. His first words are "No Fate but what we make for ourselves" (an idea that was presented to us in the first 2 films, but after getting into this 'film', we'll soon realize that James Cameron's idea will be sh-t all over, and it's ass will be wiped with dollar bills.) After we hear him yap for a while, we cut to a CGI nightmare of the future. This scene is the first major rip-off of the first 2 films, the difference is the original version (again, I remind you that it was made in 1984) looked 10x better.
Fast forward a few minutes (I mean this movie has to get better,) And we see the classic scene where The Terminator arrives. Only this time it looks like a bad comic book. It literally looks like a parody of the originals. And do we get a tough, bad-ass, gives your children nightmares Terminator ? No-no, again, that would be too cool. We get some Victoria Secret model with neat hair, perfect make-up, and motherly eyes. The overdone CGI, which include the manikins melting and a 'cool' grid that surrounds the time portal is just enough to make me sick to my stomach. After she steals a car (it's a Lexus, by the way if you didn't see the 8 foot, million dollar logo) she makes a call on her (Nokia) cellphone and identifies her 8 targets. Blah-blah, runs red light, cop car, Victoria's Secret ad, boobs, likes cops gun.
If that weren't enough of a slap in James Cameron's face, this will be. We see Arnold stroll into a Bar, just like in T2. But get this, it's not a Biker-bar this time, it's...he-he...I can't stop laughing while typing this...it's... a male strip club! And they all think Arnold is a male stripper he-he! While "Macho Man" is playing in the background, Arnold spots clothing that fit him...and get this...they're on a Stripper! Who would have guessed!? BRILLIANT writing. After quite possibly the gayest exchange I've ever seen in a movie (and I've seen Brokeback mountain,) I'm wrong yet again. Apparently the writers thought it would be funny if The Terminator, the same guy who mercilessly shot the wrong Sarah Connor in the face, and tried to run the real one down with a Mac truck...wore pink Elton John sunglasses. Why again did Arnold agree to this ? (Oh yea, 30 million big ones) You can literally hear the writers laughing to themselves. Only it's not a normal laugh, it's one of those geeky, nasally, Steve Urkel laughs. Next scene: How did he remember to look in the sun visor for keys when John taught to the other Terminator?
I'm not going to even go into this movie any further, because I honestly feel like I'm losing braincells writing a review for it. In summary, this movie is a joke. An unfunny caricature and borderline parody of, arguably, 2 of the greatest films ever produced. Lets see if the Sarah Connor Chronicles, and T4 can clean up the mess that T3 has made for the franchise.
One star.