There's Just Something About Ted

Rating: 7/10 (1 July 2012)

My admiration for Ted begins with the narration of a young boy wishing his Christmas gift teddy bear would become alive, his real best friend, and the ramifications of that wish coming true. A stentorian Patrick Stewart narrates as John Bennet meets Ted, his best friend forever and thunder buddy, John's parents freak out rather wonderfully in the kitchen at the sight of a walking and talking stuffed animal, and the opening pre-title sequence culminates in Ted becoming a celebrity and appearing Forrest Gump-like on Johnny Carson's show before, as Stewart tells us, pretty much everyone got used to him and stopped making it such a big deal. Roll titles with hilarious photographs in place of plot.
A 35-year old rental car employee John Bennet (Mark Wahlberg) and his PR executive girlfriend Lori Collins (Mila Kunis) begin the film struggling to find balance within their lives while living with Ted. Ted drinks, smokes up, hires prostitutes, and pretty much serves as mouthpiece for anything graphically sexual, virulently racist, or homophobic, and a his mouth spews a fountain of eighties and nineties references; his influence over John leads to conflict as John misses work, is late for work, still shares a bed and hilarious chanting ritual whenever thunder sounds. As voiced by MacFarlane himself, what Ted lacks in facial expression he more than compensates for in verbal acuity and acidity. Most of the joy of the first portion of this film consists of the incongruity of the visual of a kid's teddy bear spouting racist, homophobic, and sexist comments in a matter-of-fact manner. Very little is taboo, and part of the fun is trying to guess what Ted is going to say next.
So, in order to appease Lori, Ted moves out, gets a job at a local grocery store where his inappropriate behavior keeps getting rewarded, and struggles living without John. They both stay in touch, with Ted calling John to come over to his place to get hight instead of working his job, with a double-date that goes awry featuring Ted's new girlfriend, as well as an eventual chaotic party at Ted's new pad. Said party forces John to choose between a work- related shindig with Lori's predatory and slimy boss Rex (Joel McHale) or Ted's wild bash featuring an icon from both of their childhoods. The party sequence seems to be the centerpiece of the film, with Ted eviscerating Hootie and the Blowfish (as well as most of 90's pop rock) with supporting fights, cocaine, and hilarious one-liners. John's choice to attend the party and the consequences of that act drive the rest of the film, as does a bizarre subplot involving a deranged stalker named Donny (a creepily effective Giovanni Ribisi) who wants to buy Ted for his deranged son.
Wahlberg is winning in this film, a highlight being his offering a litany of white-trash names for Ted's girlfriend that brought the house down. Wahlberg rattles off over 25 names in one take before adding the second layer to the joke and repeating. Although I think Wahlberg's best role ever is that other Boston film The DeParted, his performance is great here, as he does not get swallowed up by a visual effect. MacFarlane's Ted fires up shot after shot, many of them layups, but there are occasional three-pointers of hilarity, and the consistent effort pays off with most shots going in (Ed McMahon thought Ted was Alf; a Teddy Ruxpin crack results in a three minute Kill-Bill style thrashing of an apartment with Ted punching John in the face, repeatedly; a 9-11 reference still catches the breath for its audacity or rarity). Ribisi brings the right level of creep to his role, and both Lori and John's work friends seem poised for more minutes of screen time but never get it. The film races to its inevitable conclusion with a Norah Jones concert as well as a chase scene ending up on the tower above the Green Monster at Fenway (Shouldn't that park be better guarded than it is, considering its role in this film and The Town?). A final joke at the end goes over extremely well and is offensive.
When John recalls a memory of first meeting Lori, and the film flashes back to him as the white-uniformed lead from Airplane! in the dance spoof scene of Saturday Night Fever, the moment works on level after hilarious level. I enjoyed laughing at the reference within a reference, but I realize that not everyone, particularly those younger than me, will get that reference. And it is funny even without understanding the reference of Mark Wahlberg as Ted Striker as Tony Manero. I like being able to get most of the references, though I'll admit to being lost with the Flash Gordon worship.
And therein lie the strengths of this film. A willingness to throw joke after joke up with many of them sticking. An affinity for transgressive humor though not as bodily-focused as a Farrelly Brothers film. A skillful glee in referencing 80's and 90's culture (at one point, Ted grabs his torn arm from behind a doorway ala Indiana Jones, with just a line of John Williams' score). An assembly of really good actors who look like they're having fun. An off-the-wall, anarchic sense of play and that nearly anything goes. A fully realized commitment to having Ted be a character, not a visual effect. Impressively, Ted focuses on the character's statements more than his actions.
Three stars is a strong rating. I had fun watching this movie, and I would watch it again. I think some of the surprise and shock will dissipate and some of the weaknesses of the story might become more glaring. But there were enough shining moments for me to recommend this film. And the few cameos, another staple of the comedy, are handled well.