More Garbage From The Disney Garbage Machine

Rating: Null/10 (18 February 2003)

It appears that putrid garbage has become the status quo at Disney. This film was a complete waste of time and effort. For both the artists and the audience. Well, I guess Eisner gets a new home. Disney starts off with their now requisite butchering of the story. But this time 'round the changes completely alter the tale. The book isn't much to begin with but having animals that speak English kinda takes away everything that TARZAN was about. Why not just call him Zantar or Notlob or something. Because the names are all that remain of Burroughs' story.
And so with that eliminated, what are we left with? Sub-par animation (yes, the computer technology has improved the animation technically, but it also seems to be having a detrimental effect on the artistic quality), equal to that of the average Saturday morning cartoon; bad jokes (both those aimed at the adults and the children); an absolutely offensive performance by Rosie O'Donnell as Terk; one-dimensional characters that you've seen in every other Disney flick in the last 10 years; ridiculously inaccurate animal behaviour; intrusive, grating pop singles that do not jive with the context; cutesy baby faces and corporate and fast-food merchandising tie-ins galore. I know ones who read this will say "but it's a KIDS movie"...but it isn't about kids or storytelling or even just plain entertainment anymore. It's just fat guys in nice suits and dollar signs in their eyes.
Besides, children are far more intelligent than Hollywood treats them, running them through the brainwash & ringer of mindless consumerism, supplying the predictable formula of familiar franchise foodstuffs of cinema to minds arteries clogged with nutrient-free subsistence. If you absolutely must place your children in front of something that buzzes and flashes, please, for the love and future of humanity, put them in front of an episode of Sesame Street or an old episode of Reading Rainbow, they'll have more fun and even learn something.
Still, Disney Co. will continue to throw around the words "classic" and "magic" like they created (or own) them.
Sorry, this ain't much of a review but the film weakened me to this state.
Ugh, I feel like my innocence has been swallowed by some beast.