One of the worst films ever..really!!

Rating: 1/10 (12 September 2008)

Taken.
Sometimes you just wish that you had the power to press 'pause' in a movie and just tell the punters "Look...this is one of the worst movies of all time...it's trash and I'm going to show you why". Taken should NEVER have been made. Now for every reviewer that has liked Taken, let me assure you that you are wrong. Is it that every story has been told in cinema, that we must deal with the same old same old...over and over again?? There was NOTHING original in this film. Luc Besson has proved time and again that he can't write. This is his Citizen Kane! Taken is every action/thriller cliché thrown into one violent shambles. Neeson is a retired agent, who is suffering guilt at a wrecked marriage and at being a bad dad. Yawn. Famke Janssen is the ex-wife. She now is married to a dull rich guy. She rants that Liam was never there for her or the daughter. After spending five minutes with them, you know why! They are horrible! Liam can't compete for the love of his hideous daughter. He buys her a karaoke machine, cos she wants to be a singer! We never get to hear Maggie Grace sing...but then again, we never got to see her act either. New dad buys her a horse, which she rides around her party. Liam takes lots of photos on his throwaway product placement camera...to put in the photo album he keeps of daughters' birthdays. Oh Liam, just don't get all deep and tender and touch the photo...no...NO...he touches the photo!!! Then daughter wants to go to Paris. But really, she's doing all of Europe, following U2! Liam is concerned. The worlds a bad place...and U2 are a bad band! Daughter jets to Paris with airhead blonde girlfriend. They meet an ugly guy with cross eyes. The girls play music really loud and jump around and then the blonde is taken by Albanian human traffickers who were contacted by cross-eyed guy.
The daughter phones dad. Then she's 'taken'!
There is a fantastic clichéd funny scene as Liam jets to Paris. He holds the tape to his ear,listening to the kidnapper saying "Good luck". He pushes stop, rewind and listens again...and again. It is a side-splitting moment. Within 5 minutes of Taken, you just wish SOMEONE would whack the daughter! She is an acting vacuum and just really annoying. Aaannyway, Liam chases cross-eyed guy, who gets killed by a truck. He's lucky...he got out of this horror story early! Liam does some researching, hangs out in with an Albanian translator...then some hookers. The translator tells Liam that his daughter is at 'the construction site', which Liam finds immediately, because there is only one construction site in Paris! He doesn't find his daughter in the site brothel...but does find her hideous denim bedazzled jacket! He takes drugged girl, jacket and a gun and does some killing and car chasing. Then he saves the girl in his hotel room, with a drip full of stuff to get her over her 'Jones'. Methadone?? Liam is, if nothing else, very prepared for every situation! He starts doing lots of killing around this time. Lots! There is one hilarious scene where he challenges his bent French cop pal (who has just come home with a bread stick under his arm, because that's what French men do! Hahahaha) and Liam shoots the guys wife, then yells, "It's just a flesh wound!!!" as a way of chilling the French dude out! This whole movie is a flesh wound! To the brain. It is funny and it wants to be serious. It is stereotypical, racist, sexist and violent beyond need. Every character is a parody. Liam the conflicted father. The nasty bent French cop. The cold ex-wife. The innocent daughter. The nasty tattooed Albanians...all called Marco! Hahahaha
Liam eventually finds the daughter. She is being auctioned off. Maggie Grace tries on some method acting as if she is drugged. She fails. Maggie goes for half a million dollars! This is insanely overpriced.
Now some of you 'reviewers' noted that this film is important for dealing with the topical horror of human trafficking. Umm...can we stop just there? Stop reading into this film! Stop trying to wring some deeper meaning from it. It is not deep or thought provoking. If you truly thought this was a deep, profound storyline, then you are an idiot. Say it with me "Idiot". There. Better? Good. OK...back to the 'plot'. Liam gets the daughter...then gets knocked out! Then we find him tied up over some piping above his head. How many times have you seen this scenario?? And right on cue, the pipe snaps, Liam really snaps...and he is off on some more killing! He searches through some rooms to find his daughter. He finds lots of other girls, chained to beds...but leaves them. He finds blonde girl, but she's dead. He doesn't seem too worried about this. Tough, is our Liam! Liam then steals a car and goes on a long car chase alongside a river, to get to a boat, with his daughter on board. The daughter is found on a boat, in the arms of a fat greasy guy (the head baddies are always fat and greasy) who looks like Jabba the Hutt! Liam kills him. He kills...everyone really. Then he is calmly allowed through international customs to jet on home with his daughter. No questions asked. Oh...and there is still time to pop around to the singer to drop the daughter off for her big break! How peachy! How anyone could find this film interesting, enjoyable or original is quite frankly, probably retarded. You should probably stop watching movies and at the very least, stop writing reviews praising such a clunker!