viewers with the attention span of a hummingbird

Rating: 1/10 (26 November 2013)

Although I should know better by now, it still astonishes me when viewers fall into the trap that the suits in Tinseltown set for them -- keep things moving, blow up stuff, say things that sound important (but are not) and no one will ever notice we produced this in a Walmart parking lot using summer interns who dropped out of film school. Look, Taken 1 was astonishing. It was technically perfect. It moved like a well-oiled clock. It turned Liam into an Action Figure at an age when he should be lining up at the all-you-eat seniors buffet. You can even argue that it set the standard for the "hero predicting in advance how things will turn out" thingy (Twohy tried to reuse this dramatic device in Riddick .. and failed miserably). But then predictably the suits just could not resist running out this "sequel" to cash in. OMG, what a joke. Just the scene where (correct me if I am wrong) they crash a stock automobile in a guarded-by-the-marines US embassy, and then protect themselves from blowback by (again, correct me if I am wrong) putting their heads between their legs and hoping no one actually shoots them..? THAT single scene tells you everything you need to know about this film. If you gave this mess a rating of more than 1, you are grounded and need to go to your room where you can watch the Magnificent Ambersons a dozen times, but that's all.