What a Weeney Turdd

Rating: 3/10 (20 January 2008)

This is a genuinely bad film; one dimensional, poor songs and a terminally slow plot. The Gothic landscapes are the only good thing about it (and they are brilliant). The fact that this is anywhere near, never mind in, the top 250 movies of ALL TIME is an absolute scandal.
With it's 18 certificate and ludicrously high rating it can only point to the need to tighten restrictions to prevent love struck teenage girls from getting into unsuitable movies. Sure Johnny looks great in mascara but can that really justify an 8.3 rating to those of us over 15?
Let's not hear any talk about depth. This was based on a Broadway musical. The cinematography was fantastic and brooding but watching the 95 minutes of the movie felt like i was transported back to the Victorian age and was forced to live through the intervening 150 odd years just to get out of the theatre.
If anyone invents a time machine I'd like to propose that those who think like me chip in to send Tim Burton back to Victorian London. That way he can w*^! it all out of his system and stop inflicting his fetishes on us.