Seriously, only Depp and Carter could pull this off .. and they did

Rating: 8/10 (13 January 2014)

If you have ever, even once, fancied yourself a connoisseur of filmic arts; or ever felt a special passion for the medium; or, heck, ever felt certain that you could actually spell the word F-I-L-M first try out of the box, then you will absolutely want to see Depp and Carter singing and slashing and filleting their way through SweeneyTodd. Not that this is a great film, or even an entertaining film, or even, dare we say, a film you would ever possibly want to see a second time. Rather, this is more akin to a true astronomical event, a meeting of the great planetary bodies of Hollywood as it were (Depp, Carter, Burton); and, as such, is only going to happen once or twice in your lifetime. So you simply can't miss it, if only for the sake of the grandkids, and also to have something to share with the other guests in the 'Home' when you are in your 80s and constantly in need of memories to dissect . Whether they are worth dissecting, or not. ???Can Depp sing??? Dammit, laddy, he can. One doubts if even Depp himself, prior to this role, knew that he could have had a robust career as a Broadway leading man, but such is the "dep-th" of his enormous talent (pun intended), that no one really knows if he can do a particular thing unless you actually pay him to do it. Beyond that, you are left, sadly, with Burton and his 'dream team' trying to bring life back to an ancient and weatherbeaten Hal Prince musical. And there's the rub. Prince was an anarchist in his day, doing everything differently than his peers, whether called for or not. And Burton is clearly an anarchist in our own day, which raises the metaphysical question whether two negatives ... make a positive? Sadly, no. Todd is possibly the most depressing and somber film you are likely to see in your lifetime (many critics have gravitated to the word "humorless," but that's only because they themselves were in post-traumatic shock, and lost the manual dexterity needed to access a thesaurus) -- but the sad and simple fact is that, if you were already melancholy prior to entering the threate, then you should BY LAW have to leave your trouser belt and any sharp objects at the popcorn stand, lest you do yourself, and nearby patrons, serious harm. (Of course, if you are bound and determined to commit such acts, arguably, this would be the most appropriate forum for such mischief ...?)