Calling Walter Kronkite, Calling Walter Kronkite

Rating: 1/10 (13 June 2011)

I called this "Calling Walter Kronkite" because you see him at the beginning of the film, and as the film pro or regresses one wonders why someone just doesn't call 60 minutes or some other outfit to investigate the strange goings on in this town. I mean when all your dogs go missing, dozens of automobile engines are stolen overnight, etc., etc. doesn't that sound as though a major news organization might be interested in those mysterious events? Apparently not. Does this town not have a newspaper, or a television station, or any other communication with the outside world? After all, this is 1979 not 1949. Guess not.
However, putting that aside, I marked spoiler but the next statements are not (I don't think) spoilers because they occur near the beginning of the movie. But, just in case. So, here goes: A huge train towing I don't know how many cars (but lots) comes barreling full speed along a railroad track when a pickup truck turns onto the rails and heads full tilt toward the rushing train. The engine, of course, hits the truck at full speed, the train goes off the track, and railroad cars fly as though someone threw a handful of toothpicks across a room. Wow! Yeah. Do you know what would happen to a train with the force of a dozen or more speeding rail cars behind it if it hit a puny pickup truck? Nothing, that's what. Do you know what would happen to the pickup truck and it's occupant? They would be disintegrated into millions of tiny little pieces, that's what. But not this truck, no-sir-ee, it's still in one piece, a little mangled, but in one piece. And the guy driving it? No need to worry, he's alive, oh, banged up and a little bloody, but not too bad off at all. This should be insulting to any true lover of film or sci-fi because it tells you that the director thinks you're a mindless boob who will praise him no matter how outlandish the story line he delivers to you is. The end of this movie (which I will not reveal) is even stupider than this, reminding one too much of the Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skulls climatic fiasco.
As to other aspects of this film, it should have been rated R. It is filled with cursing from the beginning to the end, with the chubby kid having basically a one word vocabulary that rhymes with "hit," which he says over and over and over and. . . . Once he says the "P" word, the one that used to describe a cat, in front of the 14 or 15 year old heroine and she says, "Oh, that's OK." Really? Chubs just called his male friend a term to indicate that his his friend was weak, a pansy, and cowardly, which, since that word is used to refer to the female anatomy and females in general, also means you little girl, and that's "OK?" Then there's the other hero of the film, the doper, the guy who offers to supply drugs to the kids, but, really, man, uh, you know, it's OK, he's cool. He's a good guy. He's a hero.
So, the messages to the targeted audience of youth this is aimed at are clear: 1. It's OK to curse. Be sure to do it hard, loud and obnoxiously; 2. Girls are trash and should not be offended by boys who talk dirty around them. They should recognize their inferior place in society and just accept themselves for the pathetic losers they are; and 3. Dopers aren't so bad. Just because they try to sell young teens drugs doesn't make them evil. They're just trying to get by. Yours truly, Uncle Steven and cousin J.J.