SUPER 8 is Super Lame

Rating: 2/10 (20 June 2011)

What a roller coaster ride!! I'm not talking about SUPER 8 itself, but am referring to the marketing blitz and mysterious buzz this film's had over the past year. Since May of 2010, this film's had a buzz even before the casting was finalized. There were rumors that SUPER 8 was either the prequel or sequel to CLOVERFIELD and then that it was a stand-alone "giant creature runs amok" film. Either way I was really looking forward to seeing SUPER 8 for the better part of a year. Then all of a sudden Steven Spielberg got involved. Hhmmm. Sure he terrified us with JAWS and somewhat scared us with POLTERGEIST, but since then I really can't say Spielberg has done anything all that interesting in the genre. And then I saw the trailer; the trailer where all you see are children and floating cars. I suddenly found myself not all that excited anymore. My gut was telling me this was gonna be a pathetic kid's flick; an E.T. for the new generation. My gut was right.
I'm angry people; seriously angry. I went to the midnight screening of SUPER 8 and realized that 90% of the cast aren't even allowed to stay up that late. Let me summarize what this film is and then explain why I did indeed hate it. That's right; I hated this movie. SUPER 8 is nothing more (and I mean nothing more) than THE GOONIES meets E.T. meets every single coming-of-age kids' drama ever made. Now let me be clear: I love THE GOONIES. It's a great film because I knew I was getting a fun kid's movie. SUPER 8 was marketed as a "giant creature destroying stuff" movie. There's more sentimentality and schmaltzy emotion in SUPER 8 than in most romantic comedies. I had to double check to make sure Rob Reiner didn't direct this one. Let's get to the story.
The film begins with a funeral. Little Joe Lamb (Joel Courtney) lost his mom in a factory accident. A steel girder turned her into a pile of goo. Joe's dad, Jackson Lamb (Kyle Chandler) is the small town's deputy and is a good candidate for the Worst Father of the Year award. Now keep in mind that all the kids in this film are in middle school yet act and think like adults. It's a total Spielbergian world here. Joe's helping his tubby friend Charles (Riley Griffiths) make a zombie film. One night at midnight (that's right; midnight ... are there no good parents in this entire town??) Joe, Charles, Preston (Zach Mills), Martin (Gabriel Basso), and Alice (Elle Fanning) all gather outside of town at the train station to film a scene. There's a horrendous train wreck which some thing survives, and it goes on a semi-killing spree in the town. First the electricity is knocked out, then people and pets go missing.
The creature takes a back seat to the drama going on with the kids and Abrams doesn't miss any of the common coming-of-age/GOONIES/E.T. trappings. Does the main kid, Joe, go through some kind of trauma? Check. Does Joe have an estranged relationship with his father that gets reconciled with as much cheese as possible? Check. Does Joe have a sweet, innocent love interest? Check. Does his love interest, Alice, have an estranged relationship with her dad? Check. Is there a mystery that only the kids can solve because the parents are all ineffectual? Check. Do we have a funny, fat kid? Check. Is there an evil military dude. Check. Is there a semi-scary looking, misunderstood creature who's really just scared and is more "human" than the "monstrous" military guys tracking it down? Check. Yup; its all here, and when you add it all up there's nothing scary or horrifying in this entire film.
The best thing going on here is the train wreck in the beginning. Abrams knows how to film a great wreck (i.e., the plane crash in the pilot of LOST) and the train wreck here is spectacular. But after that everything takes a back seat to the kid's, their problems, and their drama. I was also confused with the tone/setting of the film. It obviously takes place in the 1980's, but it feels as though it's set in the 1960's. The tone was all wrong.
SUPER 8 is pure, 100% sappy schmaltz marketed as a genre film. Everything about this film is targeted at a young crowd and it blatantly and liberally rips off THE GOONIES and E.T. We even get floating bikes and a touching ending. Technically this movie is extremely well done. The acting is strong from the young cast and it's filmed beautifully. It's just the content that I hated. The story offers absolutely nothing new and what's worse, the movies SUPER 8 rips off are way more enjoyable. SUPER 8 will definitely find an audience but if you're looking for an edgy monster flick, SUPER 8 is definitely not for you. You never feel any of the kids, or even main adults, are ever in danger, and the only scares Abrams musters are from having a loud accent of music as something jumps out of a shadow.
SUPER 8 is a huge disappointment and a rare miss by JJ Abrams ... a HUGE miss. Even though the credits assure is that SUPER 8 was written and directed by JJ Abrams, there's no doubt this is a Steven Spielberg film. If you're looking for a sugary kid's flick a la THE GOONIES, then go watch THE GOONIES. If you're looking for a disgustingly sentimental film like E.T, then go watch E.T. If you're looking for a giant creature film like CLOVERFIELD, then go watch CLOVERFIELD. But if you wanna be completely disappointed and feel let down after 12 months of hype and buzz, then SUPER 8 is what you're looking for. I hated this film.