Stale Popcorn With Rancid Butter

Rating: 3/10 (10 June 2011)

Think Spielberg Lite: a dollop of his heart, half the storytelling ability, ladle on the special effects.
Super 8 is a nearly forgotten film format that succumbed to portable video in the late Seventies. Much the same way "Super 8" will be quickly forgotten by the time eyes acclimate to sunshine outside the theater.
'Popcorn' films were invented by Mr. Spielberg who mentored this project that's a thinly disguised sycophantic homage. Mr. Abrams (born 1965) is no Spielberg. (Speilberg is no longer Spielberg.) There are a few obvious nods to Mr. S.: among many others, a character named Brody, flying bike and a shot cobbed directly from "CE3K." In "Super 8" Mr. Abrams also casts himself as the heir apparent to the Speilbergian crown. It's the same deadly mistake M. Night Shyamalan made in stating, "I'm the new Hitchcock," just before releasing "The Happening."
Summer blockbusters eschew artistic merit for the promise of thrill ride entertainment. But Mr. Abrams falls far short by offering cardboard cutout characters – the square jawed, brave Sheriff-Dad; the mean-as-hell USAF Colonel - playacting basic emotions in a logic-defying story. In a reversal of Spielberg's 'Absent Dad', the opening shots introduce the 'Absent Mom' who's been crushed to death by a steel beam in the local mill. It's 1979. You know, when America still made steel.
A group of budding filmmakers hope to score big at the Cleveland Film Festival by producing a Zombie opus. Their filmic effort is interrupted by a massive train wreck loosing an alien transported cross-country via rail. (Huh?) The alien crashed on Earth a few decades ago, and suffered torture at the hand of the aforementioned mean-as-hell Colonel. (Why is it advanced lifeforms have difficulties piloting their craft? Don't they have to pass a test?) It seems all the none-too-cute alien really wants is to go home. Gee, that has a familiar ring.
The Kid-Director sees an opportunity to use the wreckage and sudden influx of military as backdrop and 'production value' for "The Case," the Zombie film within 'Super 8." Meanwhile, a little romance brews between the leading lady and our 13 year old hero.
Of course the leading lady is abducted as lunch for the alien, and the brave hero sets off to rescue her. The contrivances pile so high and so rapidly the brain numbs. Anyone over six years old intuits where things are headed light years before they occur. (Why are humans such a delicacy on alien menus? All the dogs are smarter and split the County before they become snacks.)
The one saving grace is Elle Fanning who is not only too good for "The Case," but too stellar for "Super 8." Her eyes belie a depth even her sister, Dakota, hasn't plumbed – and that's saying a lot. However, there's cheapness in using a plot device featuring children as wise stand-ins for adult thoughts and emotions. Kids are kids. They ain't wise.
There are a few laughs, but most of the wise ass lines fall flat and, at the showing I attended, were met with stony silence not only by this reviewer but my fellow travelers as well.
On the technical side the dialog mix was set very low. This is always a clue the filmmaker is practicing sleight of hand to direct your attention to the visuals, not the story.
"Super 8" as a 'Popcorn' film is only modestly entertaining, and in fairness the first half holds promise, but then plods to a feeble, sappy conclusion. It's mostly zip-bam-boom, and more surrender-your-brain-at-the-concession-stand than most. In its sloppy, ill and under-written script lies the germ of a great story with a lot of heart. Unfortunately, Mr. Abrams left that part in his word processor and instead infused the film with narcissistic recollections of his pubescent years as a LA film business brat. And set it all to his favorite songs from the late Seventies.
Make certain to stay through the credits when the amateurish "The Case" is unspooled in its entirety. It's funnier and more entertaining than the preceding two hours. Better still, stay home and NetFlix a double feature of "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" and "ET."