110 minutes of nothing, glazed over with hot girls in skimpy outfits!

Rating: 4/10 (1 September 2011)

**SPOILER ALERT**
Emily Browning plays Baby Doll. A young girl who has suffered abuse from the hand of her Step Father. It is implied that her Step Father has 'bumped off' her mother for her money and is outraged when she leaves everything to her two young Daughters. During his outrage, he attempts to 'assault' Baby Doll. She scratches her Step Fathers face, and he locks her in a room before turning to her younger Sister prompting Baby Doll to escape her confinement and run to her sisters rescue by jumping from a second story window. Somehow, she acquires a gun, and while aiming at her Step Father at point blank range, she still manages to miss, accidentally killing her younger sister in the process. 'Dirty Dad' phones the Police and Baby Doll is whizzed off to the funny farm to greet her fate..
All this happens within the first ten minutes. All in slow motion with an unnecessary cover of 'Sweet Dreams', performed by Emily Browning who, in my opinion, is just another one of those 'new age' singers who sing with absolutely zero amount of soul and concentrate on perfection rather than pouring emotion into their *ahem* 'material'. Most of the soundtrack is identical cover versions of classic songs, brought into the 21st century and turned to crap at the hands of inexperienced performers!
Anyway... Baby doll discovers that she has a 'magical power' which enables her to render any one in her immediate vicinity while she's dancing, completely powerless. During her adventure through Wonderl.. er... Neverl.. CGI land, she is accosted by a wizened old man (without beard... LACK OF CREDIBILITY) who bestows her with a "Hitman" style Hardballer, (with a nice little charm bracelet attached to it just to show that it's a girls gun) and a nifty little samurai sword. (That'll come in handy in the Kitchen!) The 'Wise' Man (without beard) explains that she must find four items (ssh.. the fifth one is a secret) to complete her quest, and before she can go back to the land of the living, she must defend herself against three.. well.. to be honest, I can only really describe them as 'The Shadow Demon' from "Dragon: the Bruce Lee Story" only three times over and 3 times the size. So after getting laced for a few minutes, she pulls off a Rocky Style comeback and canes the treacherous trio having had no previous Martial Arts or Combat Experience! Then she climbs back into herself before trying her best to explain her marvellous completely flawed and thoughtless plan to the other girls.. Who hate her for all of seven and a half minutes before they're B.F.F.F's!
Four items. FOUR! That's all they had to remember.. BETWEEN FIVE OF THEM! So just to make sure they remember, Baby Doll conveniently writes a list in chalk on the back of a blackboard in plain sight where anyone can find it! Why? Why would any one do that? "SCHOOLBOY ERROR". It's like they wrote a bad screenplay, decided to use dodgy CGI... 'obvious' CGI, and then envisioned how bad it would be, so just put all the girls in skimpy outfits to distract the viewer from the bad points. Now don't get me wrong, I like a bit of tit as well as the next guy, but after you've seen hundreds, nigh on thousands of pairs of 'funbags'... the novelty wears off. I can understand the allure of this premise to prepubescent teenagers looking to 'put one in the bank' on a lonely night, but I don't watch movies for that. If that's what I wanted, i'd watch porn like normal people do!
The only reason I watched Sucker Punch to the end, is because I was intrigued as to what the 'secret' item was.. As it happens, it was a huge cliché. As was the *ahem* 'twist'... if you can even call it that. The old 'the beginning is actually the end' routine. Yaaaawwn. Been there, seen that.. I gots me about 70 T-shirts to prove it! The characters did nothing to make me like them. I didn't feel like I was 'right there with them' at any point, and less than half way through I was almost shouting at the screen; "COME ON... GET ON WITH IT!" But they couldn't 'get on with it' because they were to busy crying at every opportunity.
I didn't think much of the action sequences. The choreography wasn't too bad, but I thought it was ruined by the rest of the Movie.. and wire fighting, which I loathe because it never looks fluid enough to be real. The cinematography throughout many of these sequences was spectacular. In fact, the cinematography is outstanding, and this is the only redeeming thing about "Sucker Punch"!
The little 'moral' talk at the end just made me want to climb inside my monitor and just ruin the face of any passer by who just happened to be in that particular shot! Then the ending leaves it open for another installment of 'This is gunna Suck-er Punch!'
Im not happy with it.
I wont be recommending it.
And I wont be watching it again.
Ill just watch 300 with Gerard Butlers teeth playing Leonidis' Teeth!
4 outta 10
END
I'm Popeye Doyle and I approve of this message.