Zack's wild and crazy plundering of movies he likes

Rating: 8/10 (4 April 2011)

At the Pitch Meeting, somewhere in LA, Zack Snyder and a Studio Boss...
SB: Hey, Zack, man, I loved your Watchmen and 300 movies. Whatchya got for us today, dude?
ZS: Well... Charlie's Angels had 3 hot babes. I think there should have been 5. And the Matrix had 2 alternate universes, there really should have been 3. More is better, right?
SB: I can dig that.
ZS: And I liked that Tarantino multiple movies in a single movie thing that he did with Grind House, recently.
SB: Yeah, but that was too high concept. We had to chop them back into separate movies.
ZS: That's because Quentin made them too separate. What you need is to mix them up in the same movie, and keep the running time under 2 hours.
SB: So, what are these separate pieces then, Zack, mi amigo?
ZS: Well, I don't want to over-simplify, but one reality is kinda like One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. But with hot, semi-naked chicks, instead of Jack Nicholson and an overgrown Indian.
SB: OFOTCN was a great movie... but I always thought something was missing. And what else?
ZS: I think a bit of Moulin Rouge... but with a psycho pimp and some Kung Fu.
SB: Man, you are one crazy dude, I always thought there should have been more Kung Fu in Moulin Rouge!
ZS: And then a bit of Kill Bill.
SB: But Bill's dead.
ZS: Yeah, I know... but I found someone who looks just like him! Isn't that cool? And then I added some giant robot samurai!
SB: Whoa, most excellent, dude! The kids are crying out for giant robot samurai! Are you throwing anything else in here, or are you done already?
ZS: Well, those are just the main realities. But we have some adventure worlds, too. I got some stuff happenin' on a high-tech train with a bomb and weaponized androids. And a world war I adventure which is kinda like Inglourious Basterds, but with hot, semi-naked chicks in my kill squad, instead of a bunch of Jewish dudes. With German soldiers as zombies driven by clockwork and steam. And then a bit of fantasy-style Lord of the Rings with Orcs and Dragons, but with hot, semi-naked chicks on a quest, instead of those ugly little Hobbit dudes.
SB: Man, you are really pushing the envelope here, Zack! It sounds wild and exciting, with, like, remakes of every cool movie of the last 20 years! Um... not to be churlish, but does it have a story too?
ZS: Of course. There's a hot, semi-naked chick, framed for a murder she didn't commit by her evil stepfather. And then she bonds with her fellow inmates, and teaches them self-reliance and stuff. Although it's not very useful, 'cos she gets most of them killed. Except one. Who finds freedom with Bill. And there's some quests, not for a ring, but for a map, fire, knife, key... which sorta help get them out of wherever they are. And some really bad dudes. And lobotomies. And did I mention the hot, semi-naked chicks? I'm going for boots, thigh-highs, little skirts, and plenty o' cleavage.
SB: Zach, you crazy sob! Let's do it! I got $75m to make it! Is that enough to include a ton of CGI and the hyper-real look you did with 300? And a really loud rock / pop / rap soundtrack?
ZS: Absolutely, man. Oh... and make it $82m, and I'll get Don from Mad Men to add some class.
SB: This is so crazy, it might just work!
GJ: And it did. Don't ask me to explain why, but it was kinda fun. I guess the hot, semi-naked chicks helped it along. Just don't over-analyze it, or expect anything highbrow. I feel bad admitting it, but I liked it.