One long action-packed-gun-toting fan-boy fantasy sequence

Rating: 5/10 (6 February 2012)

When it comes to Zack Snyder films, the first thing that you can be sure of is that that Sucker Punch is going to be visually stunning; if your eyes were starving fat people and Zack Snyder films were burgers, your eyes would be massaging themselves in a not entirely appropriate way with the burger residue without a thought for the consequences.
And yes, there are consequences. Whilst this film is very much 'my eyeballs have gained weight from the delicious visual burger that is Sucker Punch',there is a suspicious absence of credible plot. This isn't plot-driven like Indiana Jones and, let's admit it; everyone loves a good plot-drive now and again.
In every Indiana Jones film, our bull-whipping, jaunty-fedora-sporting action-archaeologist has been faithfully steered through the story by Spielberg and Lucas like an Action Man being played with by two 8-year-old children. We can forgive Spielberg and Lucas for their lack of character development because, much like a parent jangling their keys at a hyper-active toddler, we are sufficiently distracted by the shiny exciting plot to notice anything else. Despite the 'what I've just been through should make me have a cup of tea and a sit down and a serious think about my beliefs' moments (note: the holy, albeit Nazi-melting boxes; terribly ancient cup-guarding swordsmen; Willie Scott successfully screaming and whinging her way through the entire film without Indy killing her just so she would shut the f*ck up), at no point do any of the characters show any signs of developing as their personalities. Nothing. Not even a flicker.
It is the same with Sucker Punch. The girls happily pout and lady-kick their way through the film without any allusion that they are growing as people.
Similarly, our 'villain-in-residence' Blue Jones is a very 'Cruella De Ville' type gentleman. In the same way that we will never know whether a back-stabbing, two-faced Dalmatian tipped Cruella over the edge, causing her to want to skin and make a coat out of any future bastarding Dalmatians she sees, we will never know why Blue Jones is such a git. What is his motivation? Was he irrevocably hurt by some pouty, midriff-bearing young ladies in his youth? Is his final goal to skin and make a coat out of Baby Doll and the rest of the pouty lady-kickers? Who knows? We cannot begin to imagine the horrors he has seen at the hands of such beautiful, pouty tormentors.
The lack of character development could be forgiven if we had a plausible plot. Nope, scratch that, it could be forgiven if we had a plot that, whilst not plausible, actually made sense.
Zack Snyder tries to go all Inception on us and fails.
My interpretation is that 'Baby Doll' accidentally killed her sister whilst trying to kill generic sweaty abusive step-dad. Following this she was bunged into the nut house.
That is all fine (well as 'fine' as such a story can be up until this point).
What I don't get is why we are taken into Baby Doll's fantasy where the nut house is, in fact, some naughty gentleman's club where she and her pouty inmates are the dish of the day.
Now, whilst being confused at this point I do not entirely lose the will to live until we are then taken into Baby Doll's fantasy within a fantasy (which is heralded by Baby Doll beginning to do cheeky little 'sexy dance'). As a side note, I'm sure we were all quite willing to put up with the tissue thin plot in the hope that we got to see Emily Browning 'do a Jessica Alba' a la Sin City.
Instead, we end up confused as Baby Doll's fantasy takes us to Japan and a wrinkly Jack Crawford from Silence of the Lambs (who seems to be pretending to be Hattori Hanzo). Jack Crawford then tells her that, in order to escape from the naughty gentleman's club/nut house, she will need to collect five items. Thanks Jack Crawford! Baby Doll then kicks the ever-loving sh*t out of some giant Japanese samurai robots. Whilst dressed as a naughty school girl. Right.
Back in imaginary naughty gentleman's club Baby Doll proceeds to plan an escape from the imaginary sexy gentleman's club with the help of her fellow pouty inmates.
I won't continue the rest of my synopsis so as not to spoil it for those yet to eat this visual burger but I will say that it is basically one long action-packed, gun-toting fan-boy fantasy sequence.
It is like a fan-boy has filmed all of his fantasies about sexy young girls shooting and kicking in slow motion whilst wearing risqué outfits and then slapped in some half-arsed story between each fantasy sequence to create a film.
The combination of the 2 dimensional characters, everything in the film being visually stunning (excluding wrinkly Jack Crawford), and dubious plot leaves you feeling confused, yet strangely aroused.
Another plus point for this film was the soundtrack. Being confused and strangely aroused can be jarring so the least you can hope for is a fabulous soundtrack to be confused and aroused to. Sucker Punch delivers this with a surprisingly good mix of Bjork, Skunk Anansie, Queen, and Emiliana Torrini (to name a few). We are also treated to the added bonus of Emily Browning chirping away on both 'Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)' and 'Asleep'. I was pleasantly surprised that young Browning has a lovely set of pipes on her and held her own on the soundtrack. Browning was joining some pretty big artists on the track I did not notice it was her until I checked the soundtrack listing. She slotted in there a sneakily as a sneaky ninja at the World Sneaking Championships. Well done Browning, well done.
Overall I give this film 5 stars and a Golden Melinda Messenger goes to Emily Browning's pout.