Bass-heavy music and slow-mo scenes do not a movie make

Rating: 2/10 (25 July 2012)

It's like Inception and Kill Bill got drunk and had a three way with Pan's Labyrinth and this is their awful hangover. Jena Malone must have been sucker punched into doing this because she's normally in rockin movies. I'm all for fantasy and sci fi, and even the occasional comic book/graphic novel adaptation, but this was beyond ridiculous. It starts off interesting enough, but quickly turns to trash as the plot loses all focus and simply becomes a teenage boy's wet dream of legs, boobs, and slow mo fight scenes. Baby Doll (seriously?) gets locked away in an asylum by her stepdad who makes a deal with the doc to lobotomize her in five days. Interesting enough. To mentally escape her horrific situation, BD fantasizes that she's forced into this "orphanage" burlesque/brothel.(Because that's so much more soothing.) There she has to dance. You never see her dance, but from what I gather from the other character's reactions, it must be like looking into the face of god or something because they're all totally hypnotized. Instead of seeing her dance, she once again fantasizes and is taken into some alternate CGI universe. There she meets her sensei who spouts clichés every time you see him, and tells her she has to collect a bunch of items to attain her freedom. So she and her mental patient/stripper gal pals slow-mo CGI battle giant samurai, nazi zombis, dragons and robots whilst on their scavenger hunt for freedom. I won't go into too much detail (it's honestly not worth the time to type it as it is to watch it), but the gal pals get knocked off as they go. All except Sweet Pea (seriously?!?) who took the entire movie to warm up to BD, naturally. So BD and SP finally hit it off and BD realizes she was the fifth "mystery" object and sacrifices herself for SP's freedom. BD gets lobotomized, doc gets arrested for malpractice, and sensei (now a bus driver) hauls SP to freedom.