This sucker feels punched

Rating: 6/10 (27 March 2011)

You will be unprepared..... for this boring ride. I'm sorry to say it, but Zack Synder really dropped the ball on this one. I'm (well, I USED to be) a rabid fan of Snyder since Dawn of the Dead. I knew he was special because that movie just blew me away and really reinvented the genre for me (like 28 days later also did). It was something different and unexpected. I love it when a movie exceeds your expectations, which is so rare in this day and age with Hollywood (I generally go with the International scene if I want my mind blown nowadays - Japanese oldies like Crow 0. some good ol' Korean flicks and Euro horror generally satisfy now). Anyway, so I basically own every Zack Snyder movie on DVD AND Bluray since that point (except for Owls....but I seem to sense a trend ... and it ain't a good one...).
Suckerpunch fails on several levels - mostly on writing and acting. I love the worlds that he created - they're pretty lush, though the CG world of the dragon looked a little too fake in some fly-by scenes. What failed was the story that held it all together. There was no glue between each of the separate fight sequences. What you see in the trailer is what you get. Literally. Basically "You need these 5 items... now go forth" - "Wow! That's great. I will collect them and ask no questions and not have a plan. Yay!" *Clap hands excitedly like a little school girl*. All resistance is also quelled with the declaration that the plan only requires these items. Um.... really? You're not even going to try, Zack? If he had even tried to string it all together, I would have gone with it. One really cool idea, though, was the usage of steam to emulate blood. What a great PG-13 tool - though it was brilliant on its own merit without trying to mask blood.
I love the different worlds he created, but the world she created in her mind (the Dance world) was incredibly boring. B-O-R-I-N-G. That's because it relies on Synder's ability to tell a story, write dialogue and the girls' acting abilities. Cornish and Malone were the only competent girls, though Cornish's accent kept fading in and out. Cornish was tough and beautiful and I loved her knight costume with the hood. Babydoll has the most incredible look, but that's all she had going for her. She is stunning with zero substance. She relies on her looks and her eyes more than anything else, and just stands there most of the time. None of the girls were seductive. I don't know if this was a case of PG-13 affecting the movie, but there was this pseudo lesbian scene that I'm assuming Zack wanted to make hot, but it fell completely flat. Competent actors could have made it work - Hudgens.... let's just say I've never seen High School musical that made her famous - and I'll bet Sucker punch won't be her ticket to the big leagues either. Chung is cute and really doesn't do much else except be cute. She has the acting prowess of those import car models, without the sultry sexiness.
I don't know if it's because I walked in there with such high expectations - I was waiting excitedly since it was announced - but I was hugely disappointed. The movie is one big trailer, and though that's not a bad thing sometimes, it is in this case because I thought maybe he'd insert a story somewhere. My bad. The dialogue was really weak as well and the girls weren't competent enough to save it. And the most nauseating scene is the lighter scene in the change room. When you see it, you'll know what I mean. It defies classification - it's something a high school project would have come up with. The intro - it was a high point. If the movie just stuck with that pacing (love the Soundtrack by the way), it would have been another groundbreaking Snyder film, like 300, Dawn, and Watchmen... but it could have just been because there was no dialogue and it relied on Zack's forte... stunning visuals. And then they spoke....
Zack: I'm disappointed with you man. I love you. I did love you. I just might have to retire you next to my old fallen hero, James Cameron who failed me with Titanic and followed it up with some more boring Blue crap.
My personal score for this movie would be much worse, but I'm rating it according to IMDb scores, and they tend to be more generous than I am. If you're a Snyder fan, you'll be unprepared.. for this crapfest. This movie isn't going to make anyone rich. I really hope Snyder gets to still do Superman after this... his star might have fallen really hard after this opening weekend. Maybe Nolan can save him (though... I have my doubts with his writing after seeing the over-hyped Inception... good movie... but not that good, nor creative.)