Thank you for motivating me to become a better storyteller

Rating: 3/10 (29 December 2017)

I'll keep this short and hopefully sweet - if you've read other Last Jedi reviews from fans that were disappointed, you've seen the same themes pop up A) Stupid twists and gotcha moments all over the place that don't advance the story but rather, make it feel like a waste of time to be watching it B) Not playing off of or respecting what came before it, which serves the dual role of i. diminishing those films if we are to accept this film and any others after it and ii. makes this film either seem like it's the ending of a trilogy, or the beginning of a new one, when newsflash, it's the MIDDLE CONNECTING PIECE C) Stupid humor and jokes - this film comes off as a poor man's Guardians of the Galaxy without the excitement, characterization or good storytelling.
Above all else, Disney screwed themselves for episode 9 - characters are the biggest 'assets' you have when it comes to storytelling. For 2 movies (or 4.5 hours of screen time) the new Star Wars trilogy has had to balance introducing new characters while simultaneously including old ones. Because this new trilogy is disconnected and it couldn't make up it's mind, here's what we have to show for it A) New characters are underdeveloped, have virtually no character development or 'hero's journey', and B) Gutting the original characters or using them poorly. Now going into episode 9, we have basically no old characters left in the mix and all the new ones are either uninteresting, underdeveloped, and they have NOTHING LEFT TO RESOLVE. Rey is the least interesting protagonist in a long time because the audience doesn't go through a classic hero's journey with them... no struggles on learning how to pilot a ship, on learning warfare strategy, on learning how to use the force, on learning how to use a light saber and best a sith lord, etc. No pain... no gain. Our protagonist comes to us fresh out of the box ready to go. There's also no larger internal or emotional story or wound that needs to be healed because of how they botched her family in writing this story - what's left to resolve???? What is that big bad thing being held over Rey that she will be incomplete until she resolves it? With Luke, after learning who his father was, it was DESTINY to confront his father come hell or high water to see if he could turn him back to the light in the face of insurmountable odds. What is there for Rey?
Anyways, this was a painful film watching experience because of the missed opportunities. So many wonderful, amazing moments that Rian Johnson could have capitalized on - but didn't. The iron was hot and it was all over the place - he's drawing from one of the most densely populated creative realms (Star Wars) and he botched virtually every moment he had to deliver.
My message to Rian Johnson - we get it, you are a special unique artistic filmmaker 'genius' snowflake who is probably rationalizing the fan reception as "We are morons", "We don't get it", "We are fanboys", etc. What I want to say to that is STAR WARS does not belong to you. Star Wars is NOT about you. It's bigger than you. It's bigger than all of us. When you get pegged to deliver a Star Wars film, you are like the curator of a museum. You are the tour guide - deliver and showcase the goods and step the hell out of the way. Rian Johnson fundamentally didn't understand the place that this franchise has with it's millions of fans. He thought it was about him. It's not. It's not Rian, and as a result you botched it.
Last note - this film never felt like it 'got off the ground'. In every Star Wars film, there's always that moment when you're like "Alright! Things are about to get real now! Let's go!" When Luke turned to Obi-Wan and Said "I want to learn the ways of the force to become a jedi like my father", it was like "Yeah! Let's go!" In ESB, it was when the Imperial Armada is revealed, they discover Hoth and they're like "That's where them mofos have been hiding! Let's get em!" The original trilogy all had it. This film, doesn't. Everything moves at a slow crawl like it's wading through molasses. The film also fails to deliver any of those moments that when you're walking out of the theater with your buddy, you turn to him and go "...and that part when ______ happened, OMG! I lost my mind! That was awesome!" It's all very meh.
Rian Johnson delivers 2.5 hours of slow plot, bad humor, illogical twists and gotcha moments, underdeveloped characters, and relatively little spectacle. You botched it Rian. You botched it.