"Hey guys. I think we forgot how to Star Wars..."

Rating: 3/10 (15 December 2017)

Like most people who enjoy Star Wars, I grew up with it. I watched it every time I found it on TV as a kid. I purchased The Trilogy about three times in various formats and iterations. Then, the Prequel Trilogy (The Poop Trilogy, as I tend to refer to it) comes along and ruins all of hope of seeing a good Star Wars movie again.
The Force Awakens is released two years ago and my hope is restored. It's not the same, but it doesn't need to be. It has the spirit that I want. There was love in that movie. And Rogue One was great in ways that I hadn't expected. It was also different, but made it clear from the beginning what its intentions were.
So the roller-coaster ride of Star Wars fandom brought me to The Last Jedi with pretty high hopes. My friends and I were all pumped up and cheering as The Crawl began, like everyone else.
By the end of the movie, the customary applause did not occur. The theater was silent, and I realized that a contorted expression of disgust that remained since about half-way through.
I apologize, as if you've read one negative review of this movie, it seems that you have read most of them. While a lot of people did like it (and I can see why), everyone that disliked it seemed to very similar reasons:
*Bad writing and awkward jokes that felt like they belonged in a different movie.
*Nearly every lesson learned about goofy CG characters was forgotten. The last half of the movie felt like it was devoted solely to cramming in as many shots of cuddle critters as they could.
*Everything except Rey's storyline is completely pointless. There's a mutiny on-board the Resistance cruiser that is so irrelevant (and far too much of the movie) that I'm not even going to get into it. Though I will mention that Laura Dern sticks out like a lavender-haired thumb in this movie. The section with Finn and Rose, like the mutiny that is occurring simultaneously, could have been removed from the movie and basically nothing would have changed, other than the run-time being drastically shorter. This convoluted bit of filler involves light speed tracking devices, codebreakers, encrypted shields, a casino on a planet of war-profiteers, and Benecio Del Toro. Throw in a little action sequence for Capt. Phasma before "killing" her again, and the storyline ends in basically the same place as it started. The tracker is not disabled, DJ (Del Toro) betrays them for money, a bunch of faceless characters die, and that's about it. But we got more cuddly CG merchandising out of it!
*The "Don't Spoil This" gimmick that they attached to the TV spots was for good reason. Remember all of those enticing mysteries set up during Ep. VII? Who is Supreme Leader Snoke? Who are Rey's parent's? What really happened with Ben Solo and Luke? You will be extremely disappointed to find out that Rian Johnson did not care to answer those questions. Not to save the revelations for Ep. IX, he just threw them away and moved on with more shots of CGI toy advertisements. Who is Snoke? Who cares... he's dead. Who were Rey's parents? Nobody. They were space white trash that sold her into slavery for beer money. Luke and Ben? BIG misunderstanding that just got WAY out of hand. All of the mystique built up over the past two years was discarded, seemingly because the director/writer couldn't come up with satisfying answers.
*PERSONAL PET PEEVE: No love for Stormtroopers in this movie.
That being said, it was not ALL bad. There were some really shining moments in this movie. And despite being tedious in many respects, it's never really boring. The little cameo with Yoda was one of my favorite parts, and the way Luke's face lights up when he sees R2 for the first time in years is really pretty touching. But I have still rated this VERY low, as the negative aspects are too overwhelming for me. I've heard Abrams is coming back for Ep. IX, which is pretty exciting. But I feel he's got an uphill battle once again, as Last Jedi effectively paved over what he built to make a petting zoo.