The Fall and Decline of Star Wars

Rating: 2/10 (30 December 2017)

To quote George Lucas, "there is no Episode VII." And by the transitive property there is no Episode VII. This is not Star Wars. This is an expensive fan fiction film.
I truly don't know where to begin with this train wreck of a movie. Let's get one thing out of the way. This film allegedly takes place about a day after the prior film. In case you don't recall, Starkiller Base was destroyed and the First Order was on the ropes. However the film's opening crawl claims "THE FIRST ORDER REIGNS." How did they gain such an advantage in the course of 24 hours? Is the struggle between the "Resistance" and First Order like a basketball game. Where the advantage keeps going back and forth between the two? In ESB we're given some exposition that the Empire has been chasing the Rebels and has driven them to Hoth. The film opens with a fleet of Star Destroyers chasing the Resistance fleet and never lets up. This film is one big chase scene filled with forgettable dialogue, dull characters, and zero tension.
Rey's training goes very well with Luke. She faces little to no adversity while learning the ways of the force. Aside from Luke's reluctance to train her. Unlike Yoda's playful banter in testing Luke, he comes off as mean spirited and like an old man who's pissed she's on his lawn. There are no moments of self doubt, like Luke had. He had to confront his own fear and failure while becoming a Jedi. Luke's confrontation with the apparition of Vader gave Luke a glimpse into what he could become. And Rey gets a hall of mirrors style carnival trick which made little to no sense. Oh, and Rey's parents are space hobos or drunks or something like that. They're nobodies, after an entire movie's worth of mystery and her desperate wait for her parents, we find out they're just space trash.
And Luke's character is betrayed by the lazy writing. In ROTJ he felt the conflict in Vader and wanted to turn him to the light side and redeem him. And after an emotional battle with Vader where he reveals that Leia is his twin sister, he is forced into a rage and nearly kills his father while Palpatine goads him on. Only when he realizes that he is giving into the dark side he throws his weapon aside and refuses to kill his father. That's when Luke knew he did everything within his own power to redeem his father. In TLJ he mentions trying to kill Kylo Ren in his sleep because he had a thought that he might be evil. Give me a break! The Luke from the previous films would have realized he could still save his nephew and try to turn him to the light side without resorting to murder.
And speaking of Kylo Ren, he's as whiny and conflicted as ever. He killed his father in cold blood. He couldn't do the same with Leia. He had the chance but didn't pull the trigger, literally. There is no great loss that he experienced like Anakin, losing his mother, being denied love with Padme, and initially being turned down by the Jedi council. There is no conflict that would force him to turn to the dark side. And his relationship with Snoke is pretty pathetic. Snoke is just a throwaway villain, like Phasma, looks interesting but there is not substance to them.
As I said earlier the movie is one chase scene. And Finn & Rose's subplot to the casino planet is just that. Tasked to enlist an expert code breaker, who is a high roller, to stop the First Order from tracking them, they arrive on the planet and get busted for parking on the beach. Seriously, they parked in a red zone. Although it might be cliched and overly done a high stakes card against the code breaker could have been a decent distraction from the constant chases. Rose could have used her pendant as collateral to buy into the game. Like it was said on the Simpsons, "it may not bring in much cash. But the sentimental value is through the roof." A family heirloom vs the fate of the galaxy could have brought some tension to the film. Instead we got a lecture on the evil one percent of the galaxy, another on animal rights, a done to hell jail break, all wedged between two Looney Tunes style chase scenes. And I didn't see any Hutts in the casino. Aren't they supposed to be gangsters and obsessed with gambling. That might have made up for some of this useless plot line.
And since this movie is completely out to ruin Star Wars with its Social Justice Agenda and identity politics, I'd like to point out that I could care less about a character's gender identity, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity or whatever as long as there is good story to be told. This film introduces us to Vice Admiral Holdo, after Leia is rendered unconscious and somehow Mary Poppins her way through the cold vacuum of space back to safety. A little character development can go a long way. We're supposed to trust her to save the Resistance and act as a foil to Poe Dameron's maverick pilot. If she were introduced earlier commanding a ship and taking out enemy forces she would be a more believable character. If we saw her in action and turning the tide for the Resistance it could have helped the film move forward. Much like Phasma is a female villain just to be a female villain, Holdo is a female hero just to be a female hero.
Other thoughts are as follows. General Hux is a JROTC cadet who has been given command of an aircraft carrier. He's only about 35 years old, Iain Glen would have been a better choice he's a year older than the current Chief of Naval Operations, just to give you an idea of how old an Admiral or General should be, and would come off as a much more battle hardened and calculating military officer. Poe Dameron is no Han Solo, no matter how hard they try. Harrison Ford had a natural charisma that breathed life into Solo. He had witty one liners whereas Dameron's humor is forced and lame. Luke Skywalker mentioning Darth Sidious by name was the best part of the movie. I was glad that the prequels were finally sort of mentioned. Rian Johnson was the wrong director for this film. Ang Lee would have been a better choice. He's won two best director's Oscars, Brokeback Mountain and The Life of Pi. The latter of which featured massive special effects. He could have brought some much needed prestige to the film.
In conclusion, please avoid!