First we had the Episode IV plagiarised, now it's Episode V's turn

Rating: 2/10 (30 April 2018)

Well The Last Jedi was better the 'The Farse Awakens' (see my review of it to understand), but it wasn't great.
Where Episode VII was a rehash of Episode IV with elements of the other films thrown in, this was very similar to Episode V with elements of the other films thrown in.
At the beginning of the film the Resistance are escaping from a base after the First Order have discovered them (how did Episode V begin again?)
Poe then launches a one man assault on the Dreadnought so that the Resistance bombers could destroy it.
Lumbering and slow as they are, four of the Resistance bombers are destroyed and only one reaches its target. But predictably for the Star Wars franchise, and rather dubiously, that one bomber is enough to to destroy the Dreadnought.
So why did they send five in the first place?
This is very close to using the ion cannon on Hoth to disable the Imperial ships, it had the same effect of distracting them as the main ships escaped.
The Resistance escape but the First Order track them through hyperspace and are right behind them (which everyone says is impossible, but they did it, but they can't, but they did? They never really did explain that one, yet they knew how to stop them?)
The First Order fighters then attacked the Resistance ships and with Kylo's piloting skills (that could rival Anakin Skywalker in Episode III) he destroyed the Resistance ships hanger to stem any defence.
But when Kylo has a chance to destroy the main ships bridge he hesitates because mummy is on it. So his escorts do it for him.
We then see Leia dead and floating in space, but somehow she wakes up and floats back to the ship, even opening the sealed airlock door from the outside and then collapses. Now THAT was complete nonsense.
Her next in command then assumes control but seemingly does nothing.
It then became a boring game of 'keep away' between the Resistance and the First Order. Meanwhile Finn and the new girl, Rose, went off to find a way to stop the First Order.
I should add here I'm really glad that Kylo ditched that ridiculous mask.
Meanwhile on Luke Skywalker's island, the once plucky optimistic good guy has turned into a crusty old cynic who hates the Jedi. After several days of pestering him, Luke agrees to train Rey (if only to show her why the Jedi should end) but during her training Luke is scared off when Rey shows the same level of strength as Kylo had.
Rey discovers a cave on the island that is strong in the dark side. As curiosity gets the better of her she enters the cave, and through some nonsense with mirrors she thinks she will see her parents, but only sees herself (anyone familiar with Episode V should have known how that would end, it's an obvious rehash of the cave on Dagobah)
Luke then refuses to help Rey and save the Resistance, so she leaves him sort of like Luke leaving Yoda to go to Han and co on Cloud City.
On a side note, Skywalker island was overrun by these weird alien creatures, which seemed as irrelevant as most other animals in the previous trilogies. I was told the real life reason for these was to disguise the puffins that occupied the island they filmed on, but once they were off Skywalker island why were there still animals on the Millenium Falcon? Did puffins stow away in the props?
At least before they had a justifiable reason for having them.
Now to Finn and Rose.
They go to a planet to find a code breaker to stop the First Order, and are sent to a casino filled with aliens gambling and watching big horses with Yoda ears race around a track (I'm reminded of the bar in Episode II when they're hunting for the bounty hunter Zam)
They are caught by the police for illegally landing thier shuttle on the beach, and in prison they encounter a man who claims to be a code breaker and can stop the First Order.
Finn and Rose escape prison and are hunted by guards, they are saved by the man they met in prison and everyone returns to the Fist Order and Resistances game of 'keep away', and using some trickery with the First Orders shields they board the lead ship.
Disguised as officers (just like in Episode IV when Luke and Han disguised themselves as Storm Troopers) they go to disable the tracker.
Aboard the Resistance vessels they are slowly losing power and one-by-one they're falling behind and the First Order destroy them until only the lead ship remains. Still it seems like Leia's replacement is doing nothing, so Poe leads a mutiny, but it ends quickly when Leia wakes up and sides with her assistant.
She reveals to Poe that there was a plan all along, an old unrecorded Rebellion base was conveniently located nearby and they all escape on shuttles to get there; all except Leia's assistant who remains on the lead Resistance ship.
However Snoke knows the small ships are escaping, so the First Order start destroying them and ignore the lead Resistance ship all together.
It's about now that Rey arrives, launching herself in an escape pod from the Millennium Falcon and easily glides onto the First Order ship, somehow ignoring the shields that Finn and co had to disable to pass through.
Rey then allows herself to be taken prisoner by Kylo and taken to Snoke (it's Luke, Vader and Palpatine in Episode VI recreated perfectly)
And as in Episode VI Rey convinces Kylo that there is good in him, and he kills Snoke - at least the red suited guards do something about it this time, they were curiously absent when Palpatine was killed.
We finally got to find out who Reys parents are. They're nobodies who sold her for gambling money? When Luke said she was as powerful as Kylo I had expected her to be a Skywalker? It's what I had thought all along - abandoned by daddy Luke because he went into exile on Skywalker island.
Guess I lost that bet.
Kylo then does what Vader had planned for Luke in Episode V, he tries to get Rey to join him so they can rule the Galaxy as father and son (wait that WAS Vader and Luke, it's all too similar)
And like Luke, Rey says no and escapes, Kylo then returns to being the bad guy and takes command of the First Order in Snoke's place.
Now back to Finn, thier unnamed code breaker and Rose. Just as they get through the security door to the tracker the trio are captured by the First Order soldiers who somehow were already behind the locked door?
And before they're sentenced to death, Finn and Rose discover that the code breaker had turned them in for a big reward (which they should have seen coming after he tried to extort money out of them for his help)
Meanwhile, the First Order are still destroying the small Resistance shuttles, so Leia's assistant decides to fight back, she turns her ship around and activates hyperspeed towards the First Order ships; the Resistance ship cuts through the First Order and destroys them.
The subsequent damage allows Finn and Rose to escape thier execution and finally Captain Phasma gets to do something; although she dies rather easily, and in a weird move BB-8 drives an AT-ST to help get them to a shuttle to escape.
Finn and Rose reunite with the Resistance in the old Rebellion base.
Now if the first planet wasn't enough to resemble Hoth, the First Order attack on AT-AT walkers while the Resistance have pre-dug trenches and weapons platforms.
Then the pilots come, not flying proper snow speeders as on Hoth, but really bashed up pieces of junk. Against AT-ATs and tie fighters? No chance.
And as you'd expect they lose an retreat into the base.
Back to Skywalker island.
Luke firmly believes the Jedi should end and threatens to destroy the treehouse containing the Jedi books, but he hesitates when ghost Yoda appears. Seeing Luke hesitate ghost Yoda destroys the treehouse for him and helps Luke to regain some of his hope.
They finally get Luke back to his old self, and he uses the Force to project himself in the Resistances base and face Kylo Ren.
The AT-ATs attack but Luke emerges unscathed (because he's just a projection) then in a very Episode IV moment, Luke faces Kylo and lowers his weapon for Kylo to kill him, but he's just a projection so can't die, but his ruse allows the surviving members of the Resistance to escape aboard the millennium falcon.
They then show Luke on his island just in time for him to complete the Episode IV reference and disappear as Obi-Wan had.
I hope this doesn't mean Episode IX will have a cynical pessimistic ghost Luke Skywalker.
I think between this film and the previous barrel of tripe they have plagiarised Episode IV and V pretty completely, I expect Episode IX will have a somehow bigger more dangerous super weapon/planet.
And I'm sure they'll find a modern version of the Ewoks.