2 hours of hackneyed plots and reminders that men are pigs.

Rating: 2/10 (15 December 2017)

Plot summary of The Last Jedi: Why Women Should not Be Allowed to Serve in Combat
Kylo Ren learns legillimency and sings a stirring rendition of Let It Go as he urges Rey to realize that she's never going back; the past is in the past.
Luke worries that the Sorting Hat put him in the wrong house and is further disturbed when he learns that Rey can speak Parseltongue.
Rey turns down Luke's offer of occlumency lessons and instead goes down into the cave to seek the Mirror of Erised. There she learns that there is no secret ingredient, it's just her. Then she finally agrees to be the Mockingjay.
Leia leads a rebel army highly trained in displaying Mockingjay pins, scolding Po, and preventing men in general from acting heroically.
Her first mate, Dr. Ellie Sattler, confirms that woman inherits the earth because females are motivated by love and not just by the desire to look heroic.
Finn shamelessly tries to look heroic by flying his own ship into the Alien ship's primary weapon and celebrating the rebellion's Independence Day. He is thwarted by a woman soldier who, after stopping him from saving them all, lectures him to save what he loves, not kill what he hates. Then she sings A Little Fall of Rain before sort of dying.
Po spends the whole movie spraying toxic masculinity and being scolded by Leia and her lieutenants.
The film is periodically interrupted by public service announcements from ANTIFA and PETA, reminding us that it's good to steal from the rich to help the poor, and that meat is murder, respectively.
Chewy becomes a vegan.
Luke meditates under the peach tree of sacred wisdom before burning the dragon scrolls. In the film's climax, he re-enters the endless war drama in the form of a propaganda film that establishes him as a legendary action figure, sparking kids across the galaxy to enlist in the army while displaying their Mockingjay pins.
Leia is hit by a fatal blast from the First Order's new genetically modified ship, then reanimates in the vacuum of space. The mitichlorions converge to propel her back to her rebel ship, pausing only for a waterskiing excursion so she and this series can officially jump the shark.