Oh, the horrible. It BURNS.

Rating: 2/10 (19 December 2017)

As someone stated on a message board, "I should have known that it was horrible from the moment that I read that George Lucas loved it." Like his prequels, it seemed like they were just throwing CG garbage on the screen for the sake of throwing CG garbage on the screen. Most of the scenes between Rose and Finn were the worst offenders. It seemed like their side adventure was getting deeper and deeper into the realm of a Saturday morning cartoon. It culminated in an ultra-goofy moment when BB8 is revealed to be the thing that it shooting up a bridge. He/it looked completely unnatural in that moment like it was in a Space Jam movie. I know that even a lot of J.J. Abrams's critics admit now that there is something to be said for using CG sparingly as he did.
People have praised Mark Hamill's performance, and I agree with them-- for the most part. When I read all of the spoilers in advance, I thought that when I actually watched the movie, Luke's death-- as moronic as it was-- would at least cause me to shed a few tears. Nope. Instead, it looked like (sorry to sensitive readers) a constipated man was trying to defecate and somehow forced a smile in the middle of it. Luke died an undignified, Elvis Presley-like death. And I felt nothing. Later they said, "he died in peace." Really? That intense, sweaty expression was the exact opposite of peaceful. If Rian Johnson were a real director he would have said, "please just look at the sunset in the same manner that you did in the first film." But let's be real-- he probably *was* taking on that expression, then Johnson ordered him to look like Elvis in his last hours.
In addition to the bad CG, there is just god awful video editing in general. There were a lot of awkward cuts in the scenes and between scenes that just took me out of the film. It's why people complain about the film's pacing.
It somehow got a few things right: I enjoyed the lightsaber teamup battle with Kylo and Rey throwing down against Snoke's elite guards. The striking red colors in that set the scene in that battle really impressed me. I guess that it's one thing that Rian Johnson read about Star Wars lore-- the red guard is fierce. Unfortunately, they seemed like a much fiercer challenge than Snoke ever presented, which is laughable. Why didn't they just strike them down themselves if he was that weak? It's one of the tenets of the dark side: if an underling senses a master's weakness he pounces on it, and in the spirit of evolution and keeping the chain strong, the master welcomes the challenge. I can't imagine any dark side "master" was ever as weak as Snoke.
I also enjoyed... well, the porgs. And, frankly, the porgs, as loveable as they are, should not have been one of the few "great" highlights from the film.
This thing is just as depressing as the ardent fans are stating. I know that Abrams will direct the next film (thank god), but I doubt that I will care much about it. And each film that Rian Johnson makes in the next trilogy will just feel like a painful chore for me to watch. The man just does not know how to make a Star Wars film.