This movie is about failure. That's not ironic.

Rating: 4/10 (6 January 2018)

This movie really struggles to get across its themes. It has commendably bold themes, but it juggles plot threads like Jar Jar Binks in its painful-to-watch attempts to portray them. Subtlety is a foreign concept here. In the end the narrative settles for throwing everything on the floor and telling you what it was trying to do via characters spelling it out for you when in actuality very little holds up to such estimations.
Tone, pacing, structure, you name it, this movie screwed it up. Any scene you're prepared to take seriously is probably going to slap you in the face with a poorly placed joke for having such rational expectations; many of which will long outstay their welcome after nailing the comedic timing with the accuracy of a storm trooper. Important scenes come and go with little time to really sink in, especially on the first viewing, and most of the run time is delegated to long, drawn out subplots; which tie into the third act through such baffling contrivances it feels like a bad dream. The only thing that really matters in the third act is a spontaneous conversation between two characters who had little to do with anything throughout the rest of the story. Everything else leads to a dead end or worse.
Don't get me wrong; the structure is a hefty rock balanced on a stick and called a hammer, but a lot happens in this movie. There is certainly a lot of change by the time the credits roll. Episode IX could be anything... anything but a rehash of Episode VI. The Last Jedi beats it to the punch: a few key scenes are ripped directly from Return of the Jedi, one of which is almost literally fast-forwarded in comical fashion. At least the efforts to subvert these scenes will leave you dumbfounded, one way or another.
The acting is top notch, but it's kind of hard to tell when many characters are too stubborn, stupid, and illogical to relate to. Dialogue is without a doubt one of the few joys in this film; if the characters aren't cracking cringe inducing jokes with the misdirection of a 5 year old trying to hide the bubblegum they stole from the checkout shelf at the store, they're eloquently debating different points of view. And there are a few witty lines here and there that made me laugh without hating myself, so the humor isn't all bad. If most of the humor works for you, you'll likely feel more forgiving for the rest of the film's underwhelming elements.
But for dedicated long-term fans, there are very few of the down to earth human moments the franchise is known for to keep you grounded during this flight through abstract human allegory and externalization. There are some emotionally potent beats that will undoubtedly do the trick for some viewers, but for those of us who need something substantial supporting those beats to stay invested in them, we're left empty-handed.
Special effects are absolutely stunning, as always. However, most of the set designs are oddly generic and uninspired - which has never been a problem before in this franchise. There's a moment where Finn expresses awe at a certain setting and I can't help but recoil in embarrassment at how unsuited a reaction it is.
There's some really cool, innovative, and visually impressive action sequences, but the standard action scenes you might traditionally expect are either lackluster or missing altogether.
There are some plot twists that are pretty sure they're smarter than you are, and are almost by nature rubbing your face in how smart it is. The cinematography takes your nose to some dark places to make sure you know, this movie is smarter than your dumb fan theories, and it relishes every second it has your face lodged in its nether regions. Personally, my big take away from all this is insulted intelligence... not that I think I'm particularly smart, but I don't feel these subversions are as clever as they fancy themselves. Some might find these exciting, others will not be impressed.
The biggest thing this movie attempts to do is expand the Force. It simultaneously passes with flying colors and fails in a spectacular dumpster fire of a mess. It's three most prominent instances of Force abuse are haphazard, cheap, and tasteless, almost certain to paste the toes of fans who hold any reverence for the fictional entity that makes this galaxy far, far away so unique. In other instances, more integral to the plot, the expansions build on preexisting established lore in a logical and satisfying manner, ripe with mystery and intimacy between you and the characters exploring these new facets - marking the most investment I had watching this film.
Overall, this movie is a pretentious attempt at subverting the Star Wars saga as a whole, and only really succeeds at showing us why Star Wars is great through an example of what-not-to-do. It's sloppy, like a kid playing with his toys. Before long he is taken by passion and whim, abandoning any sense of logic or introspective to have fun pretending he's crafting a compelling story, only to let the passion die out of eventual boredom, and forget every ridiculous thing that just transpired in his hands to go back to the well of deep and inspired stories that inspired such passion in him in the first place.
This is a depressing example of why Star Wars fans don't make Star Wars movies. Or rather now why they shouldn't be allowed to. Rian Johnson has an interesting imagination, but it got the better of his cognition in this particular film-making effort... and I can't blame him. This is fan-fiction, quickly and excitedly sprawled out on a canvas, unchecked and unhinged. Had it been thought through more rationally in the writing phase, maybe these ideas could have yielded an amazing and fresh Star Wars film, but this is sadly just not the case here.