We're ALL Jedi Knights! Cool!

Rating: 1/10 (19 January 2018)

So it turns out that you don't have to be born into a great Jedi family or really even train at all or read up on the history in order to become a great Jedi. Nope. If you are a cute little girl that dreams big, you get it all for free! That's right, for free. Well wait, you say... don't I need to train hard and study to one day reach my dream of becoming a great Jedi? Don't I need to learn and fail and then learn some more? Not according to this movie. You get to be a Jedi simply because you kind of want to. How cool is that!?!
Ugh! This entire movie was one giant 'eye-roll' moment that I kept hoping would end. Each time something moderately interesting would happen, it would just be written off in the most ridiculous way like it wasn't important at all. I just kept saying "but what was the point of that??" The answer: there isn't a point. And I guess their doesn't have to be one in a Disney RomCom set in space. It's just for the kids anyway. Check out our product placement of cute little Porgs - oh wait, this one is smooshed onto a window - I bet we can sell some with suction cups on them like the Garfield's in the days of old.
Did you like the original Star Wars Trilogy? I'll bet you did! But this movie isn't for you. We're going to take all of the characters you love and deem them as useless! Chewbacca, R2D2, C3PO, Yoda - you'll see all of them!! However, they'll just have some small role that is utterly meaningless to the movie. Do you love Leia? Who doesn't!?! I bet you'd love to see her fly through space like super-man even though she should be dead, right?
The more I think about this movie, the more I hate it. I reject this movie for everything it is and for everything that it isn't. I thought The Force Awakens was a good start to a new Star Wars Trilogy (not perfect by any means but good) but this has made me write off Star Wars for a while. They've gotten too cocky. They think they can hand us utter garbage that makes no sense and we will giggle and clap our hands as they feed it to us. Maybe they're right. Maybe we're all a bunch of idiots hungry for pretty characters and a looping story line that leads to nowhere.