A mess of a movie

Rating: 3/10 (17 December 2017)

You can say what you want for Episode VII. It indeed played it too safe, it was so close to Episode IV that it was borderline insulting. Still it was a pleasant watch, it introduced the characters wonderfully and set up several plot lines for the future sequels that were discussed by all of Star Wars fans even the day before the premiere of the Last Jedi.
Let's summarize for a moment what those plot lines were shall we? Kylo has finally embraced the Dark Side and was ready to be trained by Snoke, a mysterious figure who we knew nothing about at that moment. Rei was awoken in the ways of the Force and finally got the map to find Luke so she can be trained as a Jedi by him. Finn was gravely injured and a future rivalry with Phasma was ignited. After the destruction of their ultimate weapon the Rebellion finally seem to level the table against the First Order. And of course there's the biggest mystery of all. Who were Rei's parents and why did they leave her on that planet in the first place? What was her connection with Kylo? Siblings? Cousins? Students under Luke? Everything seem to be going quite good for the heroes and the trilogy despite the complaints about the first part of the trilogy.
So what plot lines did the Last Jedi took advantage of? Well to be honest basically none of them. The first slap comes from before the movie even begins. According to the rolling text, First Order conquered the galaxy. Why? How? No explanation was given. Even though in the first movie they seem to be only a sect, a relic of the Empire, who have just lost their ultimate weapon and most of their forces, they still conquered the galaxy and the Rebellion instead of growing stronger they are now but a few hundred people on the run. Em.... what? But let's let that slide shall we? After all maybe they did have huge armies across the galaxy but wasn't mentioned that much in the first movie.
Ok what happened to Finn? How is he coping with his serious injuries from his fight with Kylo Ren? What he is totally ok? Em... ok. Moving forward.
Let's go to the people we care about. Luke is finally ready to train Rei and make her a badass Jedi right? Nope. Apparently the person who risked the outcome of the battle against the Empire in VI because he believed Darth Vader can return to the light is now a miserable old man that gave up his ways and just waits to die, refusing to train Rei because he was afraid of Kylo Ren's powers. But she makes him change and he decides to train her right? Nope. She swings a lightsaber a couple of times, meditates and then leaves him behind.
But at least Snoke trains Ren to be a badass Sith Lord right? Nope. After he makes fun of him a couple of times, Kylo finds a chance and just kills him. No epic battle, no team up with Rei, nothing. He just uses the Force to move a lightsaber next to Snoke to cut him in half. You know, the strongest Force user in the Galaxy. The mysterious villain we all wanted to know more about is just fodder of Ren in his way to become the ruler of the First Order. Lame.
What about the greatest mystery of the first movie, Rei's backstory and parents. Nope, screw you guys, they were nameless nobodies and Rei has no connection to Kylo other than to be the Yin to his Yang.
What about Finn's epic confrontation with Phasma? Which by the way didn't face any consequences after she blatantly betrayed her faction to save her life and left to die in a trash compactor. She is still a commanding officer, she still wears her cool chrome armor. But at least she and Finn have an amazing fight right? Nope, she hits her once with a button and then falls to her death in a fiery pit.
And we pretty much ended with all the plot lines from the Force Awakens. Not a single satisfying conclusion to any of them. But we still have ways to go. After all the plot lines not going anywhere is only one of the issues with the movie. I'm going to try to speed things up to avoid this review/analysis becoming a book.
First we have the humor. Badly timed, in poor taste, childish and not fitting with the rest of the movie's tone.
Then we have the film having the audacity to expect the audience to feel sad for events involving characters we only knew for a few minutes. Oh my god the female general Leia left in charge while she recovers from an injury sacrifices herself to rescue the others. Who cares? We only knew her name! Oh my god, Benicio Del Toro's character betrays the heroes. Who cares? We knew him for 5 minutes. Rose injures herself in an attempt to prevent Finn from sacrificing himself. Well that was stupid, she almost killed them both. And of course even though she was prevalent in the movie it's still a new character to us, her sacrifice won't affect any of the audience at this point.
Then there's the biggest plot hole of the movie that so bad it really made my angry. The general Leia leaves in her place never tells the others her plan making Poe to start a mutiny against her believing she just waits for them to die. Not only that the whole middle act of the movie with Finn and Rose only exist because of her refusal to tell her plans to the rest of the crew. Them landing on a planet, getting caught, finding a hacker, boarding Snoke's ship, getting caught again, getting betrayed by Del Toro's character, the whole act was pointless. In fact not only it was pointless it ruined their escape plan.
And then we have the final act. A battle on a deserted planet (but this time it's a desert not a frozen wasteland) but not really. They got cornered, the great base defenses (their words not mine) mean nothing since they made a battering ram just for that (emm... what?), they launch a counter attack with some crappy crafts, don't shoot even once, just die one after another until they retreat. And then Luke comes to the rescue. Everything promises an amazing duel against Kylo in an attempt to give time to the Rebels to escape (again). Nope... Luke dodges Ren twice and it's revealed that he is just an astro-projection. Cool, that means that he played Ren like a fool and he and the rest of the cast escapes to fight another day right? Nope, after he returns to his body... he dies. Simple as that. In a scene out of nowhere he decides he did his part (even though he didn't train Rei in the slightest) and becomes one with the Force.
Sorry if it became more of an analysis instead of a review but I wished to share my thoughts with you. The movie is watchable and it has it's moments but it's so badly written that it boggle my mind. If you just a casual viewer seeking a sci-fi movie to pass the time, it's fine, forgettable but fine. If you are a Star Wars fan that is happy just seeing a new part of his favorite franchise you will find stuff to enjoy as well. But if you are a more hardcore Star Wars fan then I don't see how you can really enjoy this movie.