Better than VII, and 30 minutes too long

Rating: 7/10 (22 December 2017)

Much as we all thought The Final Destination, a/k/a Final Destination 4, would be the last, and final, existential foray into what Death penultimately wants from us, I am sure we all saw the first teaser for Star Wars: The Last Jedi, and collectively subconsciously rewatched "Looper" and "Brick", Rian Johnson's promo-wheels as his audition to rewrite cinema.
I had heard that Domnhall Gleeson, despite the extra acting lessons, had narrowly beaten Ahmed Best for the role of Whiny Little Snot, but alas that role was given to Adam Driver, the galaxy's hugest whiny little snot, despite being shorter than Gran' Poobah Snoke by a good couple feet. All hail Whiny Little Snot; long live Whiny Little Snot.
Some even said it's a kids' movie, a mystical adventure shut off from the credentialed elite adults, walnut slices ping-ponging down onto a vertiginous pizza dough, all a-Twitter with glitter.
Others said George Lucas wasn't even involved. Once you make a galaxy, next up is fashioning a whole 'nother universe. We won't stop craving, so do not stop your suppliance.
Adam Driver, you are getting slightly better at pretending . . . to be an actor. Then again, if you were good at pretending to be an actor, you might have qualified to take lessons at the Mark Hamill School of Acting Lessons Academy.
Pshaw, and whatevs, bros. I'm Ben Solo and I'm Kylo Ren. I wear shirts as needed, and I salt to taste. Let's all run for cover, and just in time, for the kids, and may the Force also be with you.
Not every problem requires self-sacrifice, and not every problem has a solution, at least in This Economy.