The Last Jedi takes a baseball bat to our childhood memories

Rating: 3/10 (3 February 2018)

To whoever produced this abomination, did you ever even actually watch the first Star Wars? You've turned all the characters we know and love into some wimp shadow of themselves. The same Luke who blew up the Death Star and swung across a chasm now sulks and pouts on some island like a little girl. The same Chewbacca who'd rip your arm out of your socket if he lost at Holo-chess now snuggles up to seal-chickens, or chicken-seals, or whatever that pointless creature is they came up with to put on Burger King cups. Even the main antagonist Emperor Palpatine who would do evil things if it suited his purpose and gaze upon the universe he knew he owned is now some new antagonist with silly putty on his face with the personality of a wet wash cloth, and does randomly pointless evil things just to make sure people knew he's a bad guy. Just in case we forgot.
Then there is the plot. Half the plot is just one long scene of running away, and running away, and even more running away (occasionally broken up by the characters standing around talking about how they're running away)...and the other half is, actually I still don't know what the purpose of that was. Some convoluted plot for the heroes to go off on some huge pointless side quest which was just an even more convoluted plot for the bad guys to capture them later, I think. And show off the Dog-horses, or horse-dogs, or whatever that other pointless creature is they came up with to put on Burger King cups. Remember the clever and very cleanly sprung trap Darth Vader laid out for Han and Leia at Cloud City in the first movies? Apparently the producers of this train wreck didn't. They should have channeled more Darth Vader and less Rube Goldberg.
Don't get me started on the Mary Poppins scene. You know exactly what it is I'm referring to. I know the Star Wars franchise is owned by Disney, but really?
I never thought I'd say this but even the prequels are better than this train wreck. The producers must really think we're stupid and we'll will sign onto any drivel they put out no matter how bad it is...but since a whole new generation of children are now asking their parents to buy them stuffed toy seal-chickens, or chicken-seals, whatever- they are probably right.