So wrong and disappointing that it can't be saved by the few positive things

Rating: 3/10 (15 December 2017)

Short version: TLJ is an extremely long, sluggish, slow-motion chase through space, with some really good CGI, boring and pointless subplots, annoying humour, disappointing answers and choices and a script that adds absolutely nothing in terms of plot, by the end of this film we are almost where we left at the end of TFA.
Long version: as a Star Wars fan I feel deeply disappointed by this film. I know the hype was extremely high, the expectations were great, so many questions left unanswered, masterfully done trailers. But TLJ is so bad on too many levels.

The plot -

I can't guess why they had to deliver such a sloppy, puerile and lazy script. Most of what happens through the film leads us just nowhere, it's pointless. The main plot goes something like this:
First Order: Follow them!
Resistance: - We have 10 hours of fuel left...
FO: - Kill them!
R: - We have 8 hours left...
FO: - Destroy them!
R: - 6 hours...
FO: - Annihilate them!
R: - 5...
The Finn/Rose plot is pointless, we follow them for most of the movie in a journey to a casino city - which, by the way, is original and exotic as a fish in the sea, it just looks like a scene from a James Bond movie with smoking-wearing, champagne-drinking aliens - and, when they finally come back, Pink-wig and Leia tell them "ok, kids, stop pestering around, we have a different plan". It just doesn't make sense, it doesn't let the characters grow or change nor the story progress in any way.
I liked Ray and Kylo being connected and talking, but the way they did it was so wrong, it just looked liked a telepathic Skype call.
The Rey and Luke plot? Luke doesn't want to teach Rey, she finds herself somewhat attracted by the dark side, she ends up in an interesting, psychedelic cave and she suddenly becomes a powerful force user without any training at
all.

The humour -

We're being force-fed unsuitable and cheesy comedy for the whole film here. Perhaps it wouldn't be so annoying if it just wasn't too much. Poe Dameron prank-calling and bullying general Hux (I mean, he's a general of the First Order, not a high-school nerd)? Two main characters being arrested for a parking violation? A guard slipping on coins shot by BB8? What's next, banana peels and farts? Did I watch "Star Wars VIII" or "Spaceballs 2: the search for more money"?

The characters -

The major disappointment is Snoke. In TFA he's been introduced as an extremely mysterious, utterly ominous and dark character, a dangerous, devil-like figure, an overwhelmingly strong villain. For two years people have been speculating about him. Who is he? Where does he come from? What's his background, his story? What does he want? How did he seduce Kylo Ren? Who are the knights of Ren? How did he take over the remnants of the Empire? And then, after all that, all he does in TLJ is pointlessly dying like an idiot. No, answers, no plot, nothing but plain pointlessness.
Phasma is still great at being useless.
Yoda, the mighty and beloved Yoda, he appears just to behave like an escapee from a psychiatric hospital and set afire everything he believed in. Why? Even him did they ruin. At least they had the decency to use a puppet, like in the original trilogy.
Poe Dameron: I like him and I understand he's supposed to be a space version of Tom Cruise's Maverick, but he lets most of the Resistance fleet be destroyed just to show he's cool. And he gets just slapped in the face for that.
Leia flying through space like a galactic version of Mary Poppins? No, please. And the only thing she does in this film is fleeing.
Rey. I really like Rey. But why did they have to hint she might be connected to the dark side too? It just doesn't feel right, she radiates sheer goodness from the very beginning. I love when the positive characters show some dark sides too, they feel real and complete, but here it's been made in the wrong way: Rey can't have a bad side, while Kylo can't be have a good one. And then, how did she become so powerful without training? I know she's a badass character, while Luke was just a boy who spent his life repairing flush toilets on Tatooine and, despite being the son of Anakin, he needed to train with Yoda; but it's seems all too easy for her, she just decides she'll be force-lifting rocks and she becomes a powerful force user.
And I understand this was supposed to be a film about survival, about having to run for your life, but all the sacrifices seem exaggerated and bloated with undelivered pathos. The first female Asian bomber sacrifices herself, admiral Pink-wig sacrifices herself, Finn wants to sacrifice himself, Rose sacrifices herself to save Finn and almost succeeds to die with an annoyingly cheesy line, Luke sacrifices himself in the end (did he really need to die after force-projecting himself on the battlefield?).
There are more disappointing things, but to sum it up, the script is painfully lazy, the plot pointless, the humour is annoying, the characters have a lot of wasted potential and their stories don't progress almost at all, the most interesting mysteries and questions from TFA have been thrown away like garbage. This film can't be saved by the nice CGI and the good performance of some of the cast. I understand that the wanted to take the saga in a new direction, nobody wanted to see "The Empire strikes back again, and again, and again...", but that's definitely not how it should be done. I really hope that Rian Johnson will stay away from the Star Wars franchise for the rest of his life.