The Last Review

Rating: 1/10 (16 March 2018)

Where are all the 10/10 reviews? Where? Maybe just the 8/10s, how about those? I mean, they must be somewhere right? Because this movie has 7.4/10 on IMDb, 90% on Rotten Tomatoes, 85% on metacritic... So where are all these positive reviews to be found?
I looked... the number of positive reviews for this film can be counted on both hands. Nobody that I have talked to online or in person has said they would rate this movie over 5/10 and 99.9% of the reviews here on IMDb bear that out.
But of course, if you Google search the film, you will find nothing but overly positive reviews... occasionally an article pondering the controversy - why so many of those pesky fans appear disgruntled by this movie. It's just a great mystery... maybe they're all bots, that must be it.
I don't even need to tell you how bad this movie is. If you have half a brain and working eyes you already know how bad it is. So I'm not going to waste my time talking about the complete lack of plot, the poor acting, poor writing, laughable characters, laughable depiction of physics (even by comparison to the rest of the Star Wars universe), the plot holes flying left and right, the pathetic CGI... No, I just don't feel the need. Because let's face it, nobody is going to read this - just another 1 star review in a proverbial deluge of 1 star reviews - and it's not even going to be factored into that 7.4 number anyway.
But hey, I just wasted almost three hours watching some crap so why not waste another 5 minutes writing this?
The ONLY good thing to come out of... whatever the hell this was... is that it has shed light on the fact that Hollywood can, with apparent ease, buy positive ratings. Our digital democracy may have existed at some point, but it's long dead. Maybe I'm being cynical, but I will be writing reviews solely for my own benefit from now on.