Disney officially kills Star Wars. The Last Farce!

Rating: 1/10 (4 December 2019)

Right from the opening this movie lets us know we are in for a rough space ride. The jokes don't land, humour is misplaced, the first order are made out to be the bad guys from Space Balls. Completely understand we are in the universe of a space opera, but space bombs defying gravity didn't work. Luke Skywalker is wasted, and basically his character is ruined. He is a lonely old angry hermit who has turned his back on the galaxy because he had a bad day at work (the new Jedi academy).
Spoiler alert, Klyo (Ben Solo) was turned to the darkside and corrupted by the mysterious Snoke. Further elaboration on his character below.
The plot is essentially a slow chase through space while various undeveloped characters go off on solo missions to move the plot along. Kylo Ren is not intimidating at all, a cheap copy of Vader that just doesn't work. What is Del Toro's character? He's a double crossing good guy? Jurassic Park women, Laura Dern has purple hair for no reason and the worst escape plan in history. Leia does a Marry Poppins and we are introduced to Force Facetime hologram Projection? If you are confused? So is this movies tone. No dramatic tension, stupid one liners that no joke a full movie theatre did not even chuckle at once.
Now to the biggest problem, and potentially the definitive Star Wars ending scene. Laura Dern jumps to light speed and absolutely annihilates a super duper massive star destroyer death attack bird! Why oh why was this tactic never used before? It most definitely won't be again. Well done Rian Johnson, take a bow sir. Expectations 100% subverted.
This review is pretty incoherent, but trust me the movie is worse. Yoda shows up, and that could have been so good, but nope, it fell flat and didn't work.
Mark Hammil warned us. Rian the hack Johnson flat out subverted our expectations so much that he killed a franchise that peaked in 1980. I think that's an achievement so well done son, if that was your plan. You certainly succeeded sir!
Oh yes, and Snoke? Who was he? What's his backstory? Motivation? Plans? Doesn't matter he is killed off towards the end of the second act.
So to summarise, the humour fails, the plot is a slow chase through space, there is no character development or arch's, Leia is the only one to survive after she develops the force power of space flight, Luke Skywalker's character is literally thrown out through a sewage system and there are no lightsaber fights.
1/10 is generous. Time will not be kind on this movie? Hopes for Rise of Skywalker? Ah it'll be fine.
Peace.