Marxist atrocity

Rating: 3/10 (8 June 2018)

The Last Jedi is a Marxist propaganda reel and terrorist's handbook with a Star Wars skin. It breaks the saga, turns on the fans and ruins everything Star Wars has represented since 1977.
When JJ Abrams took the helm to direct The Force Awakens, it signified the end of an era. We lost those familiar wipe transitions that were only ever used by Star Wars (because truthfully speaking they're totally kitsch) but they had become a quintessential part of the saga's identity, as much as the intro title crawls. So their absence jumped out at me. I think there are just two wipes in The Force Awakens and absolutely none in The Last Jedi.
To replace them, generic lens flares, yay!
You start to feel like someone Sellotaped a police car's roof unit to your face. I thought Rian Johnson would have better taste than Abrams on this count but no, absolutely not.
And the direction format of every scene is like: buildup, buildup, buildup, fart gag.
In other words, loads of buildup then a disappointing slapstick anticlimax that doesn't fit in. I think the Star Wars saga has suffered from far too much slapstick, and that it has never worked. But that's just me. I'm weird. I think weird things, like, how can Jar Jar, a bumbling dyspraxic idiot be the single deciding factor in how Naboo repels the droid invasion in Episode I, The Phantom Menace (1999) - just by tripping up on everything?
The slapstick ruins the mood. Always.
Plus, Rian Johnson introduces never-before-seen tangible 'force' visions between Kylo and Rei. And a lot of the creature design looks like someone's just nipped to the asset store to get anything they randomly fancy the look of, instead of specially creating it as part of the Star Wars universe. Take those crystal foxes on Crait for example. They look like they should be in Final Fantasy, not Star Wars.
Now, does The Last Jedi deliver for the veteran fans?
Yeah, it delivers the biggest 'fark you!' (genuine Star Wars profanity) of all time. Never mind the fact that these are the people whose hard-earned money made the Star Wars empire what it is today.
When you think of Star Wars, you probably think of light sabres, right? When you ask George Lucas what Star Wars is about he says it's the classic tale of good versus evil. When you watch the first seven movies you are reminded that the Jedi religion is central to the plot.
The Last Jedi does away with all of this.
Luke Skywalker tosses his light sabre (symbol of the past) off a cliff with scant regard for what Rei went through to bring it to him, and later proceeds to destroy all the holy Jedi texts - which he admits he hasn't even read first. This glorifies ignorance and is analogous to the Burning of the Library of Alexandria by the Moors - because knowledge is power and therefore you must never let your enemies have access to it.
'We don't let them have ideas' - Joseph Stalin.
The Last Jedi is telling the audience that those who cling to knowledge, to history, are the enemy, that those who uphold traditions of the past (as do the First Order) are the enemy. Fark the old. We'll just run the galaxy on whims and kneejerk reactions instead. Being young, dumb and impulsive is so cool.
Now, have you heard of cognitive dissonance? This is the mental practice of thinking that two separate things are actually two opposite sides of the same thing - the theory is that hypothesis plus antithesis equals synthesis. It's the ideal state of mind for a slave in the eyes of a communist regime because it allows one to think 'War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength' - a quote from George Orwell's 1984. George Orwell worked closely with communist social engineers, as did Walt Disney, to develop ways to use cartoons to dumb down the population and create the perfect subservient human slave race.
'Disney are white slavers' - George Lucas.
But why is this relevant to The Last Jedi? Because we see the process happening right in front of our eyes with Kylo and Rei combining their forces. Synthesis.
The symbolism is lost on most people who have watched this film, so let me explain.
Most obvious first: C3P0's RED LEFT arm. Come on guys, you can piece this together!
Now the more subtle but still completely blatant.
Why kill Snoke off without telling the audience anything about him? Because the message of the film is kill the past! This is also why Luke Skywalker destroys all remaining Jedi texts. Ignorance is Strength, remember?
Why is it continually pointed out that Rei is a no-one from nowhere?
Because the themes of this film are: love communism; love the destruction of family values and ultimately society itself; forget religion; forget history; burn your heritage; love yourself; love ignorance; slavery is cool; hate the old ways. Because it's nothing but a commie brainwashing reel.
Have you noticed that the dumber people are, the more swagger they seem to have? It's called overcompensating. Star Wars has become exactly that.
Now am I being a bit too extreme by saying The Last Jedi bigs up ISIS and attempts to make Sharia Law look cool? No, I'm not. Just watch when Vice Admiral Holdo decides to ignore that they have things like androids and autopilot and instead becomes Mohamed Atta.
There's no excuse for this.
If NASA here on Earth can send unmanned spaceships to other planets, then why can't a space-faring galactic civilisation send one a few flippin' yards? We're talking about a civilisation in which owning a spaceship is more common than owning shoes.
Then Finn also tries a classic Al Qaeda kamikaze attack.
The rebels also literally burn books, denounce wisdom, kill anyone who disagrees with them, and destroy ancient relics. Ayatollah Khomeini would be proud. The rebels are Jihadis.
Oh and thanks to the Godlike providence of trending identity politics, the female characters in The Last Jedi are so much better than men that:

without any training Rei is more adept with a light sabre than Kylo, an established Sith Lord;
Leia can survive in space after being blown up and can fly;
Maz Kanata is older yet more nimble than Master Yoda and has a giant statue of herself.

Remember what I said about over-compensating? You're not even allowed to touch women - Finn, I'm talking to you - even when trying to save their lives. Hail the modesty culture!
The sociopolitical commentary is so contrived and overbearing that in their fundamentalist fervour the makers overlook stunningly obvious opportunities to make The Last Jedi a better film.
They could have reunited the original cast on the screen. They could have fleshed out Chewbacca's character and added so much more pathos to him as he looks around the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon and remembers Han. But Rian Johnson didn't have the instincts. It could have been a tear-jerker of a scene, just through the use of basic goddamn timing! The porg could have picked up on his sadness. It would have even made Chewie feeling guilty about eating a porg later make much more sense. Instead of just being a gimmick.
The Last Jedi is the most awful film in the saga by twelve thousand parsecs. Some good visuals and music are not enough to make it worthy of watching in an age where there is a lot of quality sci-fi to choose from.
One thing I was surprised about was that, even though Rogue One (2016) had a far less imaginative plot than The Last Jedi, and despite it being a side story it was actually a really decent film. The Last Jedi is not. It's a hellbound atrocity.