An Honest Review

Rating: 1/10 (27 December 2017)

I do not normally write reviews, but given the crazy one sided "this is the greatest movie ever made" and "this is the worst movie ever made" posts, I felt it was my duty.
This is not the worst movie by a mile. Nor is it the worst Star Wars movie. However, it does cut close. Let's start with some context. I loved The Force Awakens. I loved the Original Trilogy. I hated the prequels, except Revenge of the Sith. I was not apart of the EU. I wasn't born yet, and to be honest, I am not even sure I understand what the EU really is. Nor am I some woman-hating bigot (that is what some people are using to defend the movie and that is abhorrent). I love love love love love women and support freedom, equal protection, and love for everyone and anyone.
Let's start there. Where are the aliens that made Star Wars awesome? I have always loved the diversity of life that Star Wars showcases and was disappointed that none were made important in this film. What little chance there was for Chewie was slowly depleted as he was turned into a fireside joke. Why? This character just lost his best friend and all he can do is eat a porg? I understand they are trying to sell toys but good lord. I hate to break it to you Disney, but "cool sells."
I understand there isn't a lot of room in big budget blockbusters but... oh wait a minute there is room because this is literally one of the most expensive movies of the year. Also 30-45 minutes of the movie I saw could have been cut and it would not have affected the film's plot. You think I'm kidding, but I'm really not. The plot was overbloated and why? There was so much territory to cover from The Force Awakens - it was like Rian Johnson sat down and said, "f- that," I am going to make the movie I want to make, regardless of what this other director laid out.
Except it is not "like" Rian Johnson did that. He "admittedly" did that. And that's a really big problem, because cognitive dissonance is totally cool in films that do not have an established framework, but this story did. Not only did TLJ defy TFA. It also defied the prequels and the original trilogy. Purposefully. Dude, when the actor who has played Luke tells you "that's not Luke," you should listen to them. And to top it all off, they killed Luke in post production without him even knowing? Are you actually kidding me right now?
Drop dead.
All of this is to say that this movie also suffered from problems that had it "not" been a Star Wars film, would have made it an even bigger failure. Those failures include convenient plot devices, unnecessary characters who do nothing to further the plot, poor or no character development, changing established rules to fit the plot, etc. The Poe/Holdo situation is a great example of this, but I am not going to spend thirty to forty minutes writing this review, because the film is not worth it.
But you are, which is why I have continued this far.
All of the performances in this movie are "spot on." From Finn to Rose to Rey to Luke, I loved them all. But unfortunately, being a good actor doesn't make up for mischaracterization. If someone writes against the character you play, that means you still have to act in their version. You can't just walk off the set and say, "Finn wouldn't do that." Part of me wishes they could, because it would have meant a better Star Wars VIII.
It would be a very bad idea to have Rian Johnson signed on for the next trilogy. His callous disregard for fan expectations is an affront to the fan base. If anyone from Disney reads this, please understand that this particular decision will cause irreparable damage if it is set in stone. Do not let that happen.
And finally, because this is titled "An Honest Review," know that the reason I am giving one star instead of four is to send a message that I - and my family - will not support this movie or future installments made in the same light. We will settle for nothing less than scrubbing it from canon or fixing it via story-telling (all a dream; future-sight; or similar explanation).