No Laws of Physics, No Danger, No Characters, No point

Rating: 1/10 (16 December 2017)

I've never been a Star Wars maniac, but I've enjoyed all of the movies for the most part leading up to this one. Here are the reasons this movie sucked out loud, and why there will probably be a worldwide outcry for the movie to be deleted from the record and be remade.
No laws of physics: Again, I'm not a Star Wars scholar, I've only seen the movies, but even in a sci-fi world, there has to be SOME consistency with laws of physics so we can actually feel a sense of danger for the characters. Now all of a sudden, if you are a main character, you have no problem surviving in space without a mask. You can make a skype call anywhere in the universe if youre a main character. Your spaceship can be tracked through space and time at lightspeed, but for some reason cant be shot at from short range. And falling into an interdimensional artsy-fartsy cave for 15 minutes is a substitute for actual Jedi training.
No danger: Rey needs to infiltrate the most high security evil ship in the universe. Does she have a clever plan--nope. No plan? No problem, because there is no danger/no consequenses to any action in this movie. Need to kill a powerful boss who can read your mind and connect skype calls across the universe? No problem, just count on him to not be reading your mind literally 2 seconds after he demonstrates he can read your mind. Want to survive your ship being blown in half and you being in space without a mask? Just fly over to the ship like Marry Poppins.
No characters: Luke being an old depressed broken man undermines all the lessons taught throughout the original series about how wisdom and doing the right thing will lead to salvation. Rey's character teaches the lesson that you don't have to work toward your goals and put in effort to improve, just be born with the force and be kinda a nice person and boom you're ready to fight the most powerful evil in the universe. The purple hair lady was nothing less than a completely useless mute who would rather let people die than explain herself. This again, teaches a horrible lesson--you need not possess any real leadership qualities to ascend to leadership. Snoke also was just boring, generic, and "bad". Vader was feared, admired, commanded respect, and had a purpose and a goal. Contrast Snoke with a truly evil, dynamic character such as Heath Ledger's joker. And Emo Kylo Ren is an embarassment. Somehow even though he's taking massive amounts of testosterone to get that buff, hes still a soy boy.
No point: All of the previous points being combined--if you cant die outside of committing suicide, and you have the power to make skype calls and do artsy interdimensional shape shifting--why do a bunch of resistance characters need to bother being chased through space? Why doesn't Ren realize that 5 more minutes on that skype call with Cuck-lo Ren and he would have dropped out of the First Order and taken her to a My Chemical Romance concert?
Overall, this movie just sucked out loud. Maybe if you're the modern-art type, or maybe are into heavy drugs you can enjoy the visuals of this movie, but anyone who actually likes plots, characters, stories, and earning power rather than waking up lucky, will want to use the Ace Ventura plunger on themselves after watching this pile of warm garbage. I bet this will be the first movie in history that is scrapped from the record books and completely remade.