Cotton Candy-All Sugar and No Substance

Rating: 2/10 (18 December 2017)

I'll admit, I'm a Star Wars fan. Not an ultra-mega-fanboy fan--just a regular, mortal fan who maybe read some EU when I was a kid.
So when I walked into The Last Jedi, I tried to be pragmatic about it. Of course I wanted to be floored a la Empire Strikes Back, but I was prepared to be simply entertained like I was by Rogue One or, to a lesser extent, The Force Awakens. Sadly, when the movie was done, I left really disappointed. While I absolutely agree that the film delivered great special effects and exciting moments, I found much of the plot to be forced and hollow.
Some of my complaints are problems with modern action movies in general. For instance, the original SW movies spent enough time in each setting to establish some sense of place. For example, when Luke trained with Yoda, it actually felt like he had been training for long enough to gain some knowledge. In these new movies, one or two lessons and boom: Jedi Knight. Then it's off, breathlessly, to the next contrived problem.
Other issues, however, are specific to this movie: character overload, corny jokes, unnecessary plotlines, a stupid premise, Laura Dern's character (why?). Where critics gush over "Nonstop Action!!!!" I was thinking "This movie is just throwing stuff at us because it doesn't know what else to do." It like, when the writers outlined the story, they were just like "and then, this! And then, this! And then, this! And then, this!" and so on, ad nauseum. It felt more like Marvel or Fast and Furious than Star Wars.
And that's what really bothers me--the series feels lost from a story perspective. The Empire had this great, rich history as the benevolent Republic turned fascist. The First Order, in comparison is just thin. It seems like something writers came up with to deliver "Star Wars" action. There has to be a bad guy, so let's just write one in. Oh and we'll need stormtroopers.
Star Wars is supposed to go somewhere. Trust me, I'm no fan of the Prequils, but in comparison, at least they knew where they were going. The issues with the Prequils were mostly technical-bad acting, bad directing, a bad script-whereas the issues with this new series are both technical and fundamental.
Is it the worst Star Wars movie? In absolute terms, no. It's still more watchable and enjoyable than any of the Prequils. To be fair, I loved Adam Driver's character and I thought the Snoke plot twist was brilliant. But in exchange, Star Wars has sold its soul. Disney is churning out Star Wars-flavored cotton candy. It's all sugar, no substance. And given that these movies are the last opportunity to use much of the original cast in a meaningful way, that's really sad.
Finally, I'll focus on the real world for a moment: I don't understand why this movie has gotten such good reviews from critics. Maybe Disney's scare tactics really have moved the needle on intimidating publications out of writing bad reviews. In any event, with all the praise and the giant box office opening, there's no reason that the same formula won't be used again and again in the many future movies currently planned.
The Evil Disney Empire won. Lucasfilm has turned to the Dark Side. There's nothing for Star Wars fans to do but flee to exile while their galaxy is twisted and plundered, hoping that someday, the light will return.