My milkshake brings all the girls to the island.

Rating: 1/10 (14 December 2017)

Firstly Luke...
What an annoying whiney old wind bag, completely useless, void of any appeal, the great Luke Skywalker hero to many children was basically an empty vessel with nothing to add, no wisdom to impart, just empty filler to link the story, it was made very clear luke was not important and felt very much like they were sweeping the character under the carpet.
Then there was *cough* supreme leader Snoke.
Well...he vanished like a fart in a hurricane.
After an entire movie building him up to be Emperor Palpatine, he was in fact as expendable as a stormtrooper...what a waste.
Now for the point in the movie I hated the most.
I believe the place Finn and Rose go is called Canto Bight, it's a planet with a huge casino that the rich frequent.
This entire side story massively distracts from the main plot and serves as nothing more than a low brow attempt to point out the greed involved in war and introduce us to some terrible CGI effects.
This was the point in the movie I knew it couldn't be saved.

On the subject of Finn and Rose, they were involved once again, in not one, but two scenes, that I might have forgiven (maybe) if the movie was better.
Firstly both Finn and Rose were in handcuffs, with hundreds of stormtroopers surrounding them, the ship is then hit at light speed and everyone on the deck is killed, apart from Finn and Rose of course...yippee
Then in another scene Finn decides he needs to sacrifice himself to stop the ramming cannon (not sure that's the correct name) by driving into it, Rose on the other hand decides she needs to stop him killing himself by potentially killing the both of them and proceeds to smash into him at 200mph, while 30 feet in the air (too dumb for me to accept) oh and by the way she just met him for the first time a day earlier.
Both characters were badly written and their scenes added nothing to the movie.
Lets move on to the fact that Rey at no point in either movie has any training, yet is as powerful as Kylo Ren...lazy lazy writing.
Laura Dern was pointless, and the movie dragged whenever she was in it.
There was a quasi-political feel to this movie emphasised by its casting choices, which I just about forgave in the force awakens but not in this ham fisted mess.
NEWS JUST IN...Princess Leia can purposefully move her limbs, and use the force, all while completely unconscious and floating in the vacuum of space.
Unfortunately she thought it served the rebellion best to keep this to herself and stand around looking concerned, while telling others to go off to battle... bummer.
Now... unfortunately whenever I watch the original trilogy, I know that Luke becomes a hermit, cowering on an island, who hides a piece of a secret map in R2D2 for people to piece together, and then after the loss of many lives in trying to protect these map pieces, he tells them to get lost after they eventually find him... troll much
...he also drinks milk straight from the teats of an alien cow/elephant.