This movie is a complete joke

Rating: 2/10 (22 December 2019)

This movie takes everything you know and love about Star Wars and craps all over it. All of the characters are either butchered, obnoxious, or stupid. The visuals are great but everything else about the movie is laughable.
There is literally only ONE funny scene in this entire Trainwreck of a movie. That is the scene with Luke and Rey, where he brushes a leaf against her hand. It was genuinely funny and was the only redeeming quality of the film. All of the other jokes are out of place, obnoxious and often ruin the entire tone of the film. The film even makes a "Your Mama" joke. After hearing the dialogue you'd think the film was written and directed by a child. A
The side plot between Rose and Finn is an absolute mess. Canto Bight is such an unnecessary scene, why should we care about some random animal rescue scene when there's a literal war taking place in the galaxy. Not to mention Rose is the most irritating character I've ever seen in a star wars film. We are first introduced to her when she stops Finn from taking an escape pod. The character fangirls over him before zapping him and it's honestly really hard to watch. Not to mention there should be a lot more security than just one guard, it shouldnt be that easy to escape if the Resistance actually cares about it. Anyway, there's a scene that is so horrendously bad that it'll make you want to tear your eyes out. So the Resistance is under threat of a giant siege cannon thing, and Finn is about to sacrifice himself by driving the vehicle into the cannon to destroy it. But Rose decides to crash into him and save his life, letting the First Order destroy the barrier and by extension the Resistance. She then drops dead on screen, and Finn drags her body all the way back to base. Because I guess the First Order just didn't feel like shooting these two exposed people. Also Rose actually isn't dead, for some reason. Upon realising I felt immense sadness.
Vice Admiral Holdo is another terrible character. She refuses to tell anyone the plan, and she is rude to Poe, antagonizing him so he'll start a mutiny, all because of her arrogance and incompetence. Some leader. Then, when the mutiny occurs, the mutineers just stood there watching Holdo and her supporters instead of stunning them like anyone with half a brain would. Later in the film Holdo does a hyperspace kamikazi into the entire First Order's fleet. This creates an abundance of issues since it means canonically the Rebels could have just hyperspace into the Death Star, ruining the entire purpose of the Original trilogy.
Then there's BB-8. This droid is honestly the most annoying "character". He's overpowered, can literally do anything by himself despite not even being a combat droid. Like, he can shoot coins out of his chest, he somehow ties up all the guards in the Canto Bight prison to help Finn and Rose escape, and apparently he can even pilot an AT-ST. He's literally just a plot device that conveniently saves his companions from all threats.
Luke's character is butchered, he throws away his lightsaber all for an unfunny gag. He refuses to help the Resistance and also refuses to train Rey, showing that he has lost hope even though this goes against his character. Furthermore, despite trying to turn his father, the most evil man in the galaxy, to the light side, AND SUCCEEDING, he sees mere visions of his nephew turning evil and attempts to murder him over it.
There's also Leia's Mary Poppins scene, that was an absolute joke. Oh, and also people can breathe in space, because reasons.
But aside from that, the entire premise of the film is just boring and there are no stakes. The main villain is killed off for not paying attention, the only remaining villain already shown to be useless since he was beaten by a girl who has never wielded a lightsaber in her life (blame The Force Awakens). And the entire film revolves around a slow space chase. With the beautiful visual effects we know Disney is capable of, it's disappointing that the resources weren't allocated to making a space battle that's actually interesting.
And there's the famous Praetorian Guard fight scene. A lot of people praise this scene, but honestly it's really badly choreographed. Rey is easily exposed and one of the guards is about to hit her, but then he goes out of his way to avoid hitting her. And then there's a shot where one of the guard's blades just magically disappears for no reason.
Anyway, it goes without saying this is a terrible film, and I honestly cannot comprehend how anyone can honestly defend it, at least without treating the entire franchise as nothing more than a cheap gag. I wanted to enjoy this film, but honestly it gives me nothing to enjoy. There's no stakes. No reason to bother seeing what happens next. Rey beats Kylo Ren like she already has before. The first order loses. The end. Now you don't have to see The Rise of Skywalker. (Btw I haven't even seen it myself upon writing this review).
. As annoying and rude as he has been, it's never okay to scare people, and there have been some pretty hateful things said to him and others involved in the film. I also don't subscribe to the idea that the sequels are propaganda. The films aren't bad because they have female characters (there are plenty of fantastic female characters throughout many different genres of film). The films are bad because the people writing them not only have no care about the damage they do to the Star Wars lore but are also incapable of creating stories with any suspense whatsoever.