Disney's Last Jedi - aka Mickey Strikes Back

Rating: 1/10 (28 December 2017)

Star Wars Fans Beware : If you are a fan of Star Wars lore, canon, and main characters traversing a powerful story arc, be prepared to be epically disappointed. Rebellious heroics, compelling unique battle scenes, Luke, Yoda, Chewy, R2 & C3-PO - all unneeded in this the new epoch. The basic tenants of Jedi lore: master/apprentice traditions, humility, purpose, self development - all are deemed unnecessary in this epoch where one girl possesses all of these traits while not having earned even one of them. If you have had enough of compelling real locations, riveting light saber fights, main character development, and memorable side characters, then this is your ticket - as all these are cast aside as well. Instead we have a new SW universe where a few strong women lead faceless innocents into obliteration - devoiding the audience of any care of outcome. Having established no connection to us, who really cares if they all die? Hours are then filled with reprimanding heroes, pointless coming of age crisis, irrelevant side stories and fizzling love sparks, along with a CGI fest of sleepy battles with predicable outcomes. With only 2 main characters remaining in the film, does anyone really believe some dronelike guards are going to take them out? The few intriguing characters are gone just as soon as we were drawn to them. 'Snoke', powerful Supreme leader, easily taken out by an errant saber. Benecio del 'DJ ' exhibiting Han Solo like charisma - all the better to banish him in a few quick scenes. Luke went to all the trouble of safely projecting himself holographically (note: holographs can't be killed) only to die from the labor of it. Poe, the one character exhibiting clear heroic struggle was reduced to submissiveness for all his wrong moves - which turned out to be right after all (or was it wrong?). i.e. Had he gone in with fighters (which can also carry bombs as recalled from the destruction of the Death Star) to attack the main Star Destroyer, the rebel cruiser could have escaped without being tracked through hyperspace. Instead we are dragged through the drama of large ships suddenly inching through space, the far superior enemy force unable to overtake nor flank them - for no reason given (except excruciating plot device). It was as if we were suddenly transported to the 18th century suspense of a ship of the sea taking 3 days to slowly close the gap on a slower sailboat. This epoch chase slogged over an hour of nothingness with no outcome so let's spare all the details which will be suffered by those who still choose to see this film (code: bring a pillow and eye covers). Yet we still have to get to the burning heart of the 4 questions most people have going into this film. 1. What about Luke Skywalker? 2. Who are Rey's parents? 3. Who is Snoke? 4. Will Star Wars VIII The Last Jedi use the Force Awakens as a springboard to greater SW universe expanding cinema?
1. Luke Skywalker, the heart of the SW universe, and all that we know him to be, is suddenly expendable and debased. The new Luke no longer believes in the force. He can be easily bested by a novice. To make matters worse, it is implied that he betrayed is nephew, Ben Solo, causing the storm (of the present trilogy) to follow. This means that all the prophecy fulfillment (SW I-VI) including that Luke would bring balance to the force, as he did, is negated. Luke's most powerful trait, his belief in Good has been lost. Fundamentally, SW VIII invalidates all of the previous Star Wars' values and achievements by debasing the fundamentals of who Luke Skywalker is. Simply put, we all wasted our time and should not have bothered to spend the previous 4 decades watching Star Wars and sharing the lore and collections we all so treasure. It all means diddly now. Luke ended up a bitter, confused, cantankerous old bloke showing early signs of dementia. - And Yoda, evidently unimpressed that his teachings led Luke to save the Galaxy years before, popped up for a few seconds to second the notion that it all meant diddly and has to burn. Luke's three final accomplishments were to argue with a teenage girl as if he was still the same teenager we all met on long long ago on Tatooine, to lose belief in all that he earned through the Star Wars epochs we all value, and to die inexplicably as noted above.
2. Who are Rey's parents? 'These are not the parents we are looking for, move along.' . . . In a quick sentence, Kylo Ren invalidates all deeper interest when he reveals that Rey's parents were essentially no-name peasants who deserted her. So, no mystery to hold onto there.
Unless... this is a clumsily written misdirection from a truth that would be deeper, and the only logical possibility in that this epoch has no other Force lending fertile couples other than Leia & Han Solo, Rey IS Kylo Ren's sister. But for now, she is not. Her parents were nobodies.
3. We finally get to see Snoke in the flesh. He is very impressive with powers not shown before in the SW universe (the ability to mind bridge other force users to his own ends) and also great telekenisis skills. His origin, how he became so powerful, his aims and other abilities- never to be known. As noted, before we could develop a better understanding or compelling fear of him, he was too easily killed - by carelessly allowing a lightsaber to be pointed his way.
4. Everyone viewer will make their own judgment. I went in to the first showing, open to the joys of suspended disbelief, and with the force of will to like this Star Wars movie irregardless of any incongruities and the occasional Jar Jar. The only problem was, by any measure of that far far away galaxy, this was not a Star Wars movie.