Where do we start...

Rating: 1/10 (18 December 2017)

"I got a bad feeling about this"

I actually did get "a bad feeling about this" before seeing this film....unfortunately that long standing quote did not appear for the first time in any SW film.

Escape from Starkiller Base

No mention of how Hux, Captain Phasma or Kylo Ren escape Starkiller Base....uhg...

Back story or lack thereof

Whats Luke been doing for decades? What about the Knights of Ren? Who was Lor San Tekka? Amazing how Finn's "love interest", "Rose" is given more development in #LastJedi than Snoke and Phasma in two films combined. No reaction from Luke when learning about Han's death...no Obit...nothing! Wouldn't Luke be able to 'Feel' the loss of Han in the force? Plus hardly anything with R2-D2 who's been a staple through ALL the films!!

Selective rebel ship shields

In the battle near the beginning of the movie, the rebel fleet ships have shields and deflects the first orders fleets shots when hitting them...however small fighters, Kylo Ren and his wingmen are able to penetrate and bomb his mother, Lea's ship.

No Airlock door...

When Lea force pulls herself out of space and back into the bridge she was blown out of, they simple open an airlock door to let her in, no one is sucked out...no doors shut behind her because she's in a destroyed area of the ship open to space....wtf!

Poe's prank phone call

The opening scene saw Poe Dameron prank calling General Hux from his X-Wing, was a total Guardians of the Galaxy ripoff...what movie was I in again...this is straight out of Family Guy, which I love...but this is supposed to be a Serious Star Wars movie not Family Guy.

Luke's lightsaber throw

Fans have been waiting two years to see what happened next after the final scene of The Force Awakens on Ahch-To, with Rey reaching out to Luke with lightsaber. How would the Jedi Master react to seeing his blue lightsaber, lost with his hand thanks to Darth Vader in The Empire Strikes Back? Surely with some suitable dramatic and emotional gesture? Nope.
In the most trolling way possible it seems. There might as well have been a record scratch noise to halt John Williams' glorious theme as Luke casually throws his father's blue laser sword over his shoulder and just walks off camera. Seriously? We waited for that!?

Running out of gas...yes, really...

The whole premise of the film is the Empire is in pursuit of the Rebel ships and apparently no matter that the Empire ships are much larger their engine just can't seem to gain on the Rebels. So they simply resign themselves to chasing them until the Rebels run out of fuel...yep...that right...they managed to master interstellar flight at light speed but are still dependent on fosil fuels..oy vey!
Even accepting that the dreadnoughts have a cruising speed equivalent to a camper van, could the First Order seriously not jump to a position just in front of it and cut it off?

The milking scene

As Rey follows Luke on his daily routine in exile, the last jedi decided to milk a large fat sea cow and slurp its milk right in front of her. Just a tad weird....

Floating Leia

Attacked by the First Order, General Leia is sucked into the vacuum of space and slowly starts to freeze over. But just when you think it's all over, she suddenly wakes up and decides to float toward the surviving airlock. Presumably she was using the Force? Even so, odd.

All of Canto Bight

Finn and Rose are sent to the galaxy's casino hotspot to find the Master Codebreaker, only to never reach him and come back with some bloke called DJ. Essentially the whole trip was a pointless venture in a dragging middle, just to show a new area of the Star Wars universe and introduce some cute animals for merchandising purposes.
This was touted as like noting ever seen before in Star Wars.True what we saw looked incredible lavish and beautiful. Unfortunately it all whizzed past so fast nothing made much of an impression except for unnecessary 'comedy' scenes with a tiny alien gambler.
What was the point? The entire plot to find Benicio del Toro's code-breaker was utterly pointless. The mission was a total failure, the falviers didn't look that great, the kids were like Oliver Twist extras and the entire drawn-out sequence introduced nothing that was relevant to the rest of the main plot. Even worse, it fatally made the entire movie sag.

Captain Phasma

Again...over promised and under delivered. Phasma sounds like a phone-sex operator but seems unable to ever give or get satisfaction. She was hopeless in The Force Awakens, giving away the codes to destroy her army's biggest weapon without a whimper. This time she swaggers around and then fall off a big ledge. A bit like this movie.

First order tracking device...piss poor explanation.
Topless Kylo Ren

During the "Force texting" scenes between Rey and Kylo Ren, one of their encounters features a topless Adam Driver. Just because? Rey even tells him to cover up.

Finn and Poe.

Both Finn and Poe were little more than whooping hotheads who kept disobeying orders and put other people's lives at risk.

Crying Rey

This girl's great acting gift must be to cry on command because they take full advantage of of it several times throughout the movie.

Multi-Rey's clicking

Investigating the Dark Side inner depths of Ahch-To's island, there's suddenly multiple Rey's clicking...no real challenges for her. Okay. But then do we find out who her parents really are? No, no we don't.

The ironing scene

Having infiltrated Snoke's Supremacy, Finn, Rose and DJ leave the ship's ironing room. Of course there would need to be these areas on such a ship, but it felt in the realms of self-parody, in the vein of Eddie Izzard's Death Star canteen.

Snoke's death

The sequel trilogy's main villain was barely introduced in The Force Awakens and as soon as we meet him properly he's killed off. We don't know who Snoke is, how he gained power and he's already dead half way through a trilogy. What on earth?

Rey's parents are nobodies

This was one of the biggest questions left by The Force Awakens and was presumed to be a shocking revelation in The Last Jedi. But no, Kylo Ren revealed her parents were just nobodies. That's it? We're hopeful he's lying though and she'll be revealed as a Skywalker in Episode IX.
Why else would she have the Luke/Leia twin-like connection with Kylo Ren and to the Skywalker lightsaber? Why did Lukes lightsaber call to her...nothing...

Walkers

Just like in ESB, the assaulting Empire forces land miles away from their target with a slow moving laser battering ram or something...then the rebel ships are pieces of junk that apparently anyone can fly with zero training and for unknown reasons drag on the ground rooster tailing red soil as they head towards the walkers painting an obvious big bullseye on each ship.

Force Ghost Yoda

So force ghost Yoda can bring lightning down in the physical world. Why can't he just appear on the New Order ship and kill everyone?

Luke's dusting off hand

After Kylo Ren orders Luke to be shot in a fury of lasers, the last jedi emerges from the red smoke on Crait, only to dust himself off with one hand.

Luke never left Ahch-To

Every Skywalker saga Star Wars film has a major lightsaber battle.
While this looked set to be fulfilled with Kylo Ren against Luke, it was only very brief. However, the "big twist" was that Luke was never really there at all. He just projected himself on Crait with the Force, by meditating on a rock. What an anti-climax. I mean if Luke was gonna end of up dying due to him doing the force projection then why not take on Kylo Ren in the flesh and die bringing total carnage to the New Order assault forces.

Social Justice Warriors

Apparently all the rich guys in the cantina are evil, Chewie is guilted into becoming a vegan, animal cruelty at the race track at Canto Bight, etc. Towards the end of the movie Rose saved Fin from flying into the battering ram cannon and says "It's not about fighting the ones we hate, but saving the ones we love." Lord....sounds the like the USA immigration policy under Obama...
-Why did Luke leave a map to lead people to him if he never planned on returning in the first place?
-If Luke sent a "force projection" of himself to confront Kylo Ren, then he could've easily came himself if the end result was the same. He dies either way, so what was the point?
-Kylo Ren should've easily seen through Luke's force trick. Him and Rey broke Luke's blue lightsaber prior to that scene. So how was Luke using that lightsaber even as a projection and how could Kylo not use this to deduce that it was a trick?
-Snoke can manipulate the force across planets to connect two people galaxies apart, move objects just by looking at them and overpower Rey and Kylo, both of whom are very naturally strong with the force. Can sense every feeling and thought of Kylo Ren, but can't sense, hear or feel the lightsaber moving right next to him on his metal chair?

Why didn't the admiral lady tell Poe her plan from the beginning? "My plan is to get everyone in the escape pods, and turn the main ship towards the First Order, jump to lightspeed, shredding the enemy ships in the process, thus giving the fleeing pods time to make it to this close planet that conveniently has an abandoned rebel base on it." There was no reason to not tell Poe the whole plan.

-Luke in ROTJ went on a suicide mission to face the two most powerful and most evil people in the galaxy, on the off-chance he could turn Vader, his father and enemy back to the light. Yet, he senses evil in Ben Solo's future, so tries to kill him on impulse? His nephew and son of his twin sister and best friend? That's out of character for Luke.

Btw, bombs don't drop in space...

I didn't think it was possible to make a Star Wars movie worst than The Phantom Menace but somehow, Disney found a way.