Star Wars: The Last Nail In The Coffin

Rating: 2/10 (13 April 2018)

Make no mistake, this is a monumentally bad movie.
I should have known in hindsight to be honest. I have had the unfortunate experience to have seen some of Rian Johnson's previous films. Looper belongs in the death star garbage chute and Brick was a forgettable indie noir that felt like a poor man's (and by poor man I mean illiterate drunk hobo) Coen Brothers flick.
Luke, Darth (father/Son) the battle between good and evil is basically the theme which dominates the original saga. Cross that with classical archetypes and the plot line of Zelda, King Arthur and the Princess and the Dragon trope and you have the 70's game changer. In the prequels of the 1990s, these themes follow (in a large degree albeit with terrible application) with the fall of Anakin and act alongside Abrahamic themes of the Fall of Man. These two conflicts: Lucas' personal relationship and the Judao-Christian father son (God/Man) relationship, have created film narratives that capture something we all know instinctively in all of us. This is why today, in the 21st century, Jedi has become an official religion (according to UK census rules), the cult of Star Wars fandom is pseudo religionist and Star Wars The Original Trilogy as a result, are timeless classics and remained the zeitgeist of Hollywood for a period of twenty five years after their original release. Sadly, the Star Wars Hollywood Zeitgeist is now firmly dead. This was confirmed within the first five minutes with The Last Jedi and its lame attempt to mimic today's zeitgeist of Hollywood: the Marvel franchise's self aware comedy. It was at that point the final nail in the coffin was hammered in home for me. What I hadn't been prepared for however, was how the rest of this long winded two and half hour tedious bore was so tragically awful.
Let's start with the positives:
1 Star rewarded to: Soundtrack. John Williams is a genius. Enough said. His score is outstanding and as usual, captures the individual themes with finesse.
2nd Star awarded to: Special effects. No doubt about it, this has great effects and looks stunning from ILM and set the standard.
3rd Star awarded to: all of the work Rian Johnson contributed to as I can't give him a zero.
The Last Jedi is the epitome of style of content and plot with no narrative. Where it really fails however, is in the writing. The plot (other reviews cover this) is so boring, stupid and full of holes it makes swiss cheese more viewable. The fact that Rian Johnson has decided to reboot both Empire Strikes Back, The Prequels and Return of the Jedi in one film, is just plain lazy and fails. The 'comedy' aims for Marvel and instead hits Spaceballs (I laughed more than once at the film rather than with it). The dialogue aims for The Matrix and hits Phantom Menace.
The antagonist in Star Wars, the Sith - the mythological equivalent of the Devil was always genuinely sinister. Couple this with the Space Nazis that the Empire represent and you had imaginative bad guys. The First Order in comparison, and with General Hux behaving more like Dwight Schrute from the American Office, are a complete joke. In fact this film reminded me more of Spaceballs and the prequels than it did original Star Wars. It does however just scrape ahead of Attack of The Clones of not taking the mantle of the Worst Star Wars Film Ever. But only just.
Avoid. Please don't bother watching this forgettable tripe full of characters that make decisions that make no sense, talk forgettable lines and you couldn't care a less about. It is terrible.
Also, how did this receive such positive reviews from the mainstream press on release? Could it be one of the biggest corporations in the world are manipulating our media? And how come IMDB have rated this 7.4?? All of the reviews I have seen are 3 or less... just a thought...