Guardians of the Fury Road Galactica

Rating: 1/10 (14 January 2018)

The first couple of minutes set up the tone for the rest of the movie.
First of all, it established the mighty Imperial general as an ineffectual idiot who has problems even grasping the concept of microphones.
Secondly, if you though stormtroopers were horrible at aiming, just wait until you see the Imperial fleet. If one single fighter plane is able to take out every single gun of an entire battle cruiser, it makes the Empire look like the Keystone Cops and in no way a credible threat to the rebellion (which is further emphasized by their General being a pouty kid). One wonders why the rebellion even bothers to amass an armada when apparently one fighter per battle is all you need.
And finally we learn that this movie will be jam packed with lame attempts at comedy. It's obvious that someone at Disney has watched Guardians of the Galaxy far too many times.
The main storyline with the armada on the run going straight forward was the slowest and least exciting chase sequence since OJ Simpson's failed attempt at a getaway.
OK, let's buy that their ships were able to go slightly faster than the Imperial ships. Was there any reason for the Empire to not call for backup? The chase sequence lasts at least 16 hours in their universe, and in that time Finn and Rose are able to go to one planet, be imprisoned and escape, and get back to the armada. One would think that the Empire would be able to scramble some backup from another system in that time.
Or how about having half the Imperial fleet on site use their hyperdrive to get in front of the rebellion armada? Or, since were in three dimensional space, jump some of their ships in front of, below, above and to the side of the rebellion armada, attacking them from all sides?
If Luke Skywalker didn't want to be found and ran away to the most desolate place in the universe and have nothing to do with the rebellion, one can only wonder why he left a map to his whereabouts in the last movie.
The Finn and Rose storyline is completely meaningless as it changes nothing and has no impact on the story. Finn came close to serving a purpose in this movie when he was about to sacrifice himself, just to have his idiot new friend and love interest (apparently) smash into his speeder, cementing his role in this story as utterly useless.
I have loved Star Wars ever since I was a kid, and I watched this in the cinema with my girlfriend who couldn't care less about Star Wars. Interestingly enough we both laughed out loud at Rose's dying (?) words about the rebellion being about love or some bullsh*t, as those words came right after she had doomed all her friends and the entire rebellion to an apparently certain death through her kamikaze decision.
Rey is a Mary Sue once again, effortlessly holding her own against the Supreme Leader's elite body guard without prior training except shadowboxing against a rock for five minutes.
At the end of the movie (almost) all of the characters are back to where they started, having learned nothing but to blindly bow down to authority, apparently. Some rebels they are.
This movie took a huge, steaming dump all over the Star Wars legacy. Apparently the force and the Jedi mean nothing anymore in the Star Wars universe, rendering all previous movies meaningless. I wasn't a big fan of The Force awakens, but that movie almost seems like a masterpiece in retrospect.
In a way it's impressive that the prequel movies aren't the worst in the series anymore. This movie is the embodiment of midichlorians.