First 911, Now This!

Rating: 1/10 (5 April 2018)

I have seen many films in my life and only one has made me truly angry. I went in smiling and came out fuming.... Director/writer Rian Johnson didn't understand that he was making a direct sequel to a film as he has now managed to retroactively destroy many plot points from The Force Awakens... It's actually much much worse than Brett Ratner's treatment of X-Men: the Last Stand. A rare feat. Bravo Rian! Where were the signature Star Wars scene transition wipes? Where was the line "I've got a bad feeling about this"? Are you even a Star Wars fan, Rian? In TFA Finn needed a pilot so he could escape the First Order, yet being set literally days after that event he now has the ability to fly anything with ease. Bravo Rian! In TFA there was a map left by Luke Skywalker so that he could be found if the resistance needed him and now he just tosses lightsabers over his goddamn shoulder. He wants nothing to do with the Jedi anymore even though he wears their clothes and lives on their island. Bravo Rian! The Last Jedi features a lot of underdeveloped/pointless new characters while old characters (from pre-Disney) didn't live up to their potential (Luke Skywalker, Leia, Chewie). Costumes (Such as Holdo's dress) didn't fit the scenes - she's an admiral in a battle wearing a ball gown. A lot of hypocritical actions like Leia pushing responsibility for military deaths onto Poe for actions she had the authority and awareness to stop (when Poe led a successful assault to destroy a lethal threat) or when Rose stopped Finn from committing suicide to protect the resistance and then telling him that the only way to win is to protect the people he loves (which is what he was trying to do and almost did, Rose literally almost got the resistance killed). The internal contradictions in this film are laughable. First Order are childish villains and would be lacking punch if it weren't for the resistance being just as incompetent (First Order are supposed to be a military, yet their general is literally toyed with in the opening scene by an idiot, like an idiot). Old characters are humiliated and killed in the most lacklustre ways. Epic Rey training montage missing. Phasma exists, and then doesn't. Snoke exists, kind of reveals his grand plan, stops existing because Deus Ex Machina. To finish, Canto Bite. Even the morons who defend this film agree that Canto Bite was the worst scene.... This movie had large backing, talent, and still ended up in a state which leaves me genuinely stunned at how badly they f*$ked it up. Bravo Rian! "Your move, chrome dome!"