Star Wars... the Panto. Utterly disgraceful.

Rating: 1/10 (27 December 2017)

This film is mind bendingly awful. From the very get go the acting is so hammy I felt like I was watching Panto...
Rey: "What, where is Kylo?"
Audience: "He's behind you!"
General Hux is the worst if not only offender. He seemed to be there for comic relief but really his acting felt like the collective relief of the acting worlds bowels all over the screen. We have Rey, Finn and Po, protagonists that are so lacking charisma and are so entirely one dimensional that more emotion stirs in me releasing morning wind than it did watching them try to replicate the characters we wish we had in the originals.
The plot had more holes than my favourite gruyere and was at least seven times more cheesy. Fluffy terrible CGI penguins were abducted straight from Pixar and inserted into the film like an unwanted object being inserted into ones behind, without invitation, for such blatant ungratuitous commercial gain that my mouth were left agape, allowing yet another orrifice for Disney to insert themselves over the course of the movie, and insert themselves they did. Over the course of 2 hours and 35 minutes I felt like the prettiest boy in prison.
I want my money back.