A very long joke, and not even funny

Rating: 1/10 (2 January 2018)

The opening lines of the movie, delivered by General Hux, truly felt like a parody and I genuinely wondered if it was some kind of pre-movie joke. Unfortunately, it wasn't, the real movie had indeed started and felt like a joke throughout.
So, critics were raving about the humour in this movie. And indeed, the original Star Wars movies had humour in them. But those funny moments were delivered by only a few characters (like Han Solo or Chewie) and a handful of situational moments like the Cantina. In this movie, it's a constant. They even tried to give a funny moment to Kylo Ren at the end of the movie (when Hux was repeating his orders like a moronic parrot)... Really? He's the super villain of the galaxy, not a comical relief! If Darth Vader had been delivering jokes, would he be the epitome of the bad guy? No! To have credible story and credible bad guys, you need to lay off the jokes and create believable and fearsome characters.
Anyway, I disliked the fact that every scene and every situation had slapstick comedy, but maybe that's just me.
On a more objective note, there are things that cannot be forgiven.
Luke Skywalker, for instance, has become an hermit and spend his days fishing and generally doing nothing on a remote island off the irish coast, inhabited only by weird looking nuns and ugly fat sea-anteaters he milks on a daily basis. He doesn't care one bit about the fact that his sister and the Resistance are being slaughtered by the First Order, he's just moping around because he failed his apprentice, Kylo Ren. And why did he fail him? Because he saw darkness in him and gave up all hope to train him as a jedi. When did Luke Skywalker become such a quitter? Did he give up on Vader, who was the baddest baddie ever? No, he saw a bit of light in him and did all he could to turn him! Then he gives Rey a half-hearted lesson in Jedi things and quits teaching her right after. And finally, he does his ultimate force projection at the end, vanish into thin air, and leaves us wondering how did the mythical hero of the Star Wars universe become such an uninteresting wimp.
So, that's one character ruined.
Let's not talk about Leia who can force-fly through space, Mary Poppins-like, I'll just pretend this never happened.
The rest of the movie is just a succession of bad plots and bad ideas, and I'll just list a few here:
* Space bombers that are designed to drop bombs. In space. Where there's no gravity.
* Purple haired admiral who waits until the penultimate ship of the Resistance is destroyed (luckily, the only that's left intact is the one with General Organa and the heroic pilots in it) before finally moving her big ship and destroying the First Order dreadnought.
* Purple haired admiral who decides not to tell her plans to her companions because hey, why share that when you can pass for a traitor and freak out your entire crew, leading them to mutiny? By the way, that's not how a plot twist works at all.
* The big bad guy Snoke killed by a cheap trick you can see coming miles away, without his background, story or character developed one bit. Two seconds to kill him and then 20 minutes of fighting his guards in the most meaningless lightsaber fight ever. I still don't even know why the guards were fighting. To protect Snoke's dead body?
* The Resistance, hidden behind a big metal door gets trapped because the First Order arrives at said door and "it's the only way out". Nobody thought about checking the back of the cave even though the sparkling foxes found a rear exit without any problem.
* The Finn and Rose adventure in Space Vegas, absolutely unnecessary and stupid side plot, especially because they had access to communication devices and could have called anyone to help them after they talked to Maz Kanata. Why not call that super-duper code breaker guy instead of wasting fuel and time in this nonsense adventure? Just for the sake of having them ride space race-goats and then being betrayed by Benicio del Toro and not save the day at all. But anyway, there wasn't any day to be saved as the rescue plan was going as planned and no purple-haired admiral was trying to ruin the Resistance.
Anyway, I could go on and on about all the things that weren't right in this movie, but the bottom line is: this is not only a bad Star Wars movie, this is simply a bad movie, half written, full of plot holes and bad ideas, negating everything the previous movie tried to build and generally ruining the Star Wars universe.