Not-Luke, stupid humour, pointless plot points, flat characters, not SW fun enough - needs a redo (seriously)

Rating: 1/10 (19 December 2017)

The story points are so dumb, the humour is very badly put in serious / interesting parts, and the characters are not smart or true to themselves. There are some really good things, but they are massively overshadowed by the bad things. This movie is so much worse than SW7... it's on part with the stupidity of Rogue One's story points and use of characters.

SDestroyer would have sent out faster bombers (Tie bombers) to take out the main ship... end of story

They would have used a droid (eg. BB-8) to hyperspace a smaller ship through the bridge of the bigger ship if that was possible... end of story

Luke maybe was a hermit... okay, I understand his sadness / motivation, but there's no way he would have stayed away... that's not in his nature. You can see him struggle in ESB, but he sees Yoda raise the ship because he doubts and that is why he fails... he would have come around. He would have raised his x-wing from the depths, taken R2-D2, and away he'd follow Rey etc. It is NOT in his character to be mentally defeated like this. It ruins the whole story arc and everything he seems to stand for... and how that DEFINED the star wars experience.

Him flinging the lightsaber behind him was soooo stupid. Awkward humour... wrecking the weight of the situation. And this was done again where you should reach for the ___... literal reaching. Dumb humour. Ruining a moment that many fans were waiting for. This type of humour is very misplaced. Some humour is great (eg. han saying tauntauns smell bad on the outside as he's cutting it up... but it will keep you warm). Somebody needs a lesson in how to not mess the feeling of the story up. What the hell? Who okayed this slapstick attempt at humour... AND FROM LUKE??? No... he is not old-yoda.

Someone would have taken Admiral __'s place

the infiltration of the SDestroyer was a total waste of time, and the trip to get the master code breaker. I know they freed the horse and the stable boy now has hope, but other than that, the whole story arc was a waste.

... and now Rose loves Finn (?)... weak

What were they trying to accomplish by sending out the super-old skimmers against the mega sized atats???!!! It would have been cool if they had accomplished ANYTHING... maybe brought one down using the acidic dust churned up with the ski... then the atats start to disolve and fall over. Not all of them, then the story kicks back in, but to have them all die basically... just like all the bombers???!!!! What the hell? Nobody (including Poe) is this stupid.

-Snoke going into Rey and Kylo's heads and then to facilitate a connection is dumb. That's too powerful... this is why Superman is so much worse of a character than Spider-man. If the character is actually so powerful, it's not interesting. It's cool that Kylo could mask his feelings / thoughts, and that's a great way for him to Darth-Sidious his way into control... but the general way Kylo brings Rey in is so dumb.
... there are so many ways this could have gone better. Hey SW... hire me to come up with ideas. This stuff you're doing is not reasonable.
eg. If Luke doesn't want to be found, what the hell is the map in SW7 for and who made it!?... and if Luke didn't turn R2D2 back on, are you telling me the force turned him on? It's more awesome if Luke does it... and it's more in line with his character.
... which is something that is absolutely ignored in SW8 (SW7 was mostly great, but SW8 is so much worse because of problems that SEEM small to you guys in production).
BB-9E should have battled BB-8, or at least BB-8 could have taken him out with the ATST... anything???? nope. Huge FUN Star Wars opportunity LOST! There are so many things you could have done to make it FUN and star warsy... nope. Such a waste.

so where did Snoke come from?... nothing... not even a little bit? - great movie plot opportunity lost.
how did Snoke find Kylo?... nothing? - great movie plot opportunity lost.
knights of Ren?... nothing? - great movie plot opportunity lost.
Snoke in SW7 acts like being the master of the knights of ren is a big deal... but in this movie, he's scolding Kylo for wearing a helmet JUST like the knights of ren do. - sooooo stupid.

... have someone check for consistency!!!!!... it matters!

Chewy leads the tie fighters away... skier speeders still all get destroyed. - whole thing, flying under the surface basically pointless

Poe's revelation about winning a battle where almost everyone dies (bombers all die) is so absolutely dumb. From SW7, he's a smart clever guy. There's no way he could have thought that was okay... and there's no way he values life so little (eg. seeing Finn or BB-8 again). Give me a BREAK! There's no way he'd be okay seeing numerous friends in the bombers just die. This story is retarded. Someone must see this was a mistake!??... and in SW4-6, it was a big deal going out to war... everyone busy and helping and comerarery...

... nothing? - great movie plot opportunity lost. (I know it was the beginning of the movie, but still)

It was great how Poe took out all the guns before the bombers came. It would have been better to see the bombers accomplish anything before all-but-one died. So, in summary, ALL the bombers blew up for that ONE bad-guy ship... and Poe was okay with those odds? No. Anyone can see this is stupid.

The bombers could have swooped around at least a little (?), and maybe bombed something with little results to validate their numbers and hulking existance. So stupid... but you guys get to sell toys. And all the kids can go - watch my bomber blow up without doing anything too! (you should put that in the commercials... that's the intelligence level you're aiming at). They all die without doing anything!!!???... except for one that uses gravity in space with the bomb doors open (?) for the remote to fall and then the bombs fall. Come on! Ask anyone to fact-check any of this (even within what's sci-fi reasonable). There are other ways you could have accomplished this without it being so dumb.
Why the hell is there a remote for the bombs? The control would be in the control panel. This is on the same level of stupid as the *other* computer for alignment in Rogue One where she has to walk out on a catwalk and then nearly fall etc.

Luke almost didn't help Rey with any training... and now she knows all that's in the books? Wow. - HUGE opportunities lost to make the story WAY more interesting. I can't say how stupid this is... so many interesting ways to go, and at least leave the door open for more in future movies? Why does yoda say she knows all she needs?... so she's a Jedi after learning 2 things (can't remember the 3rd), and not getting any lightsaber form training from Luke... or anything else (no standing on your head and levitating rocks type of cool challenges?). I would have loved something more. It's like you guys meant to jump the shark on purpose... but why? Why truncate what could have been the coolest part of the movie for many fans who love the mystery of what a Jedi is and how they become one. So it's 3 steps... that's it? Done?

the black hole under the island... it's a mirror. Come on!!!!!!!! That could have been epic if there was actually something profound (eg. the SW5 tree where Luke fights vader and ends up seeing himself in his perceived enemy). Where the hell is the profoundness / message in seeing a reflection of yourself off into the distance that "is not infinite"... then we get to the 'end'... and it's still just you. No revelations about parents, or the force, or even ANYTHING about the darkness down there.

... nothing? - great movie plot opportunity lost. Huge fun opportunity lost.
SW is supposed to have fun stuff (like Poe taking out the cannons), but there should be a force-luck-related reason. So, Rey gets pulled into the black hole, goes for a swim, sees many reflections of herself, and then climbs back up and tells Luke about it. That's so dumb and pointless.

the use of 2D characters is about on par with how bad Rogue One was in the story / logic department.

Rogue One was GREAT for space battles, but there's the story and the logic behind character motivations... and then there's the FUN that must be in every Star Wars movie.
I hope SW9 does this better. Someone should have dealt with the stupid Michael-Bay type jokes that ruin the feeling of the movie. I can't believe nobody caught this or fealt strongly how I do. It's so weird that these 'jokes' made their way in... there are not many, but they are profoundly wrong and they STRONGLY pull you out of the moment (eg. learning about the force... JOKE!)... you have cancer... JOKE! There are good times for jokes and bad times for jokes. Learn the difference.
Spend MORE time on the small things (interesting story points, consistency, etc.) rather than spending little time on everything (and ignoring the character motivations?). SW7 was so much better in this regard. It was completely FULL of quality content (much more than people claim).
Great special effects alone does not make a movie good... eg. Rogue One.
You need more good clever ideas to build the characters and the plot (with a story that makes sense) while maintaining continuity and allowing characters to be true to themselves. Hire me for ideas! I'd love to help.
There are so many problems with this movie that overall wreck it hard, but there are great things too...
Great things:

Leia everything
some of Luke as a hermit and his stubbornness and explaining his sadness and unwillingness to help
Luke with Leia
Poe and Admiral __'s issue where you're not sure who's right
no sound when the SDestroyer gets light-speeded
cinematography was great... epic shots... very well done

Unfortunately, the few bad things STRONGLY destroy the feeling of the film and do not let the good things shine.