I'm sure it's too late to save you from seeing it, but...

Rating: 2/10 (25 June 2019)

...This movie was wall-to-wall silliness. I never saw it in the theaters, which I thank my lucky stars for. Every scene is fraught with the type of punchline moments that are meant to get hoots and hollers out of large crowds. In one scene, Kylo Ren and General Hux are having a slapstick tug o' war for command of the First Order army, which Kylo Ren wins by force pushing the general into a wall. This is enough to get a nonchalant obedience from a gunner sitting at the controls. The scene is even complete with a pause for laughter, though I can't imagine anyone actually laughing.
Around every corner, the movie is constantly poking fun at the Star Wars mythology. Now, it's no secret that the series has been on a downward trajectory for decades at this point. However, each previous entry at least seemed like it was attempting to fit into the series as a whole. This one felt like a giant middle finger to the series and anyone who loved it in its glory days. "May the force be with you" has become a flippant exchange, the same way you might leave a cash register while saying, "have a good one." The force itself is trivialized as the ability to make rocks float in a couple of scenes.
In another scene, it is used as a club against religious tradition in general. Luke is deathly afraid of anyone who is skilled with the force. Then he directs his fury at the Jedi traditions and decides to set fire to the sacred tree and Jedi texts (literal substitutions for the Tree of Life and the Bible, respectively). He has second thoughts, but Yoda's ghost calls down lightning to do it for him. This is particularly strange due to the heavy Christian themes tying the first two trilogies together (Anakin is born to no father, is the chosen one, but he succumbs to the darkness before giving birth to a son who carries the same spiritual strength and redeems him while bringing salvation to the universe). Whether or not you agree with the value of such themes and stories, it seems undeniable that a direct rebuke of them in the same series feels out of place. It would be like a Harry Potter sequel series where the Death Eaters form a new faction, and the Order of the Phoenix leaders go on about how magic is to be avoided and feared because it's too difficult to cultivate the love that is necessary to overcome evil. Then to resolve this internal conflict, they burn down Hogwarts to demonstrate that they don't need the old ways of teaching to do so.
Then, there is the acting. I almost expected Mark Hamill to break into his Joker voice at a few points. It was almost like he was desperately trying to avoid another moment like in The Empire Strikes Back (NO!! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!). Larua Dern seems like a confused group therapist more than an admiral. She was oddly robotic too. Carrie Fisher (R.I.P.) may have actually been a robot. I'm inclined to believe that this came from some bizarre direction she was given, but it ultimately led to a performance of someone acting old. She wasn't in the role of Leia. She was just playing an old person. Lastly, Adam Driver is no villain. At least they write this into the dialogue throughout the movies that he will never live up to Darth Vader. Even Snoke tells him that his mask is ridiculous.
This brings us to the issue with the character arcs at play. There is constant dialogue about Kylo Ren's internal conflict about whether to be good or evil. However, there is barely a shadow of this that actually shows up on screen. Sure, he kills Snoke and teams up with Rey for the minute it takes them to kill Snoke's guards, but it is immediately revealed that he has self-serving motives for doing so. Rey, on the other hand, has (or at least had in the beginning) the potential to be interesting. She has a connection to the force from a young age with no training, but it overwhelms her. When Luke begins to teach her, she is drawn to the dark hole. Alas, just like Kylo Ren, there is precisely zero tension allowed to build from these facts because they are immediately overturned. The overwhelming force is harnessed in her first bout with Kylo Ren. She goes into the dark hole to search for answers about her parents. Once inside, she is never tempted by what else may be in there. After she and Kylo Ren team up, there is never a moment where she considers his offer to rule the galaxy with him.
With all that said, the practical effects are enough to drudge two stars out of me. Seeing puppet Yoda again was a treat.