I said "Disney... mmgh! Stop it now!"

Rating: 3/10 (15 December 2017)

Everyone told me
Not to stroll on that beach
Said Disney gonna come
Poke me in the coconut
And he did
And he did
First of all, I didn't like The Force Awakens. It felt extremely forced and most of the time it was just a lame rip-off of the old episodes. So, I totally didn't plan to support The Last Jedi by paying for it. And then that awesome trailer happened... It was so... charming and mysterious that I thought "Whatever!". And went to premiere. Man, I was a fool...
The best thing about The Last Jedi is that, unlike previous episode, it doesn't really feel like exactly the same thing. There's no another Death Star (well, no proper one that is), there's no more "father / kid" stuff, etc. Thanks to that it feels somewhat fresh. Like it's a movie on its own, not just copy / pasted content from the old movies. It is something new to see. Something you didn't see before. I really liked that about the movie. Of course, some things are still feels old. For example. they literally turned Phasma into a new Boba Fett and it's hard not to notice that. But all in all, this movie does provide new content. And it's a good thing. Most of the things that were supposed to be pretty obvious and straightforward ended up in a totally unexpected way. Since the previous episode was extremely predictable, it was nice to see something different. The movie also comes with some nice new design and creations (porgs, for example, were really nice addition) and I loved that they still kept puppets as a part of the thing. All that is pretty good. Also, the final battle here is arguably the most beautiful one in the entire franchise. All that red and white colors... It looks incredible in 3D. The movie probably worth watching once just because of that beautiful final battle. People who designed it did fantastic job.
Unfortunately, everything else about the movie is just bad. Especially the script. It's just a mess. It doesn't even feel like a proper movie. More like a bunch of some random scenes. But what really killed the movie is two things.
1.Jokes. Yes, Star Wars always used to include some, but this... It doesn't even feel like Star Wars anymore. Believe it, or not, it's more like a MARVEL movie now. Remember Thor: Ragnarok? That's how it is here. Cheap jokes even ruined Luke. I'm not kidding. Legendary Luke Skywalker in this movie looks more like an old internet troll. Since the early scenes the movie tries to be fun and fails. I thought Thor: Ragnarok killed the Thor series just because of such lame humor, but here it's like a complete catastrophe for the entire franchise.
2.Snoke. In the previous movie he was teased like a dark and mysterious being. For two years people tried to guess who he is. The first Sith, or some sort of vampire who lives by consuming the Force. But guess what? He's nobody. Just some random guy. Not only he fails to be a proper villain. In this movie he looks like the most pathetic creature in the entire universe. He looks exactly like some random pimp from the gangster movie. You know, one of those "all talks" characters. Who dies right after everybody begins to think he's too annoying.
Snoke marks the point where everything goes down the drain for real. Just because thanks to him the whole trilogy falls apart like a house of cards. If he's such a loser, why in the world everybody's so afraid of him? How the First Order is even possible with such a "supreme" leader? Hows the whole war possible? I mean, in this movie we can see that it's not that hard to get on Snoke's ship. He isn't hiding, or something. And with Luke so strong and Snoke so stupid... why in the world Luke didn't even try to stop this war at the very beginning? To save a lot of lives. Just because he feels down? That's just stupid. I mean, yeah, Star Wars movies aren't supposed to be deep and realistic, but this is just... stupid.
Think about it. Kylo Ren is just a kid. A kid who didn't show any real power. He was beaten by a girl who took the lightsaber for the first time, he was almost killed by a Praetorian Guard, he was heavily humiliated by Luke, he didn't do anything real for two movies besides whining... But he easily kills Snoke, who's supposed to be big and important. With just a stupid pimp and a single wannabe Sith... How in the world the First Order can even be a thing?! It's just... *sigh* Snoke's death is literally the most stupid scene in the entire franchise. Probably the most stupid thing I've ever seen in any AAA movie. It's THAT bad.
Another thing I hated is that the movie doesn't even try to think about the old movies. In The Phantom Menace Jedi Council refused to teach Anakin Skywalker because he was "too old" and therefore too unstable. And even though he got there eventually, he was heavily monitored all the time. In the original trilogy, Luke was trained as "A New Hope". He was way too old, but he was trailed by Grand Master Yoda himself. In this movie we have Rey. Who didn't even know about the Force and just used the lightsaber for the first time. And everybody's OK with her being the successor of the entire Jedi Order without any training whatsoever. It's like nobody even cares anymore. The Force is strong with you? Go and do some stuff then. That's how this movie works. It's just mind-blowing how stupid it is.
And that's basically it. It looks pretty good, it's nicely designed, there are good old actors we all love... But it's so dull and stupid that it's literally impossible to enjoy it. Any fan theory about this movie on Youtube is about 9999x times more interesting and complicated than this bunch of nonsense. If it's true and Rian Johnson will also write the first episode for the new trilogy, then Force save us all... No idea why Disney just can't hire a proper writer for such an expensive franchise, but I honestly do want them to stop with such lame approach. Even though I love Disney since I was a little kid and think that there's a loot of good things about them, Star Wars is franchise that was killed exactly because of them. Stop, Disney. Just stop. Please.