Let's Take a Giant Dump in the Hat of Every Die-Hard Star Wars Fan (SPOILERS)

Rating: 5/10 (18 December 2017)

If you're still reading, I assume you already saw the film. I had to sleep on it to digest everything, but while I really liked the film, I have some major problems with it, mostly for the utter disrespect it shows to fans for its lazy writing, unnecessary plot devices and attempting to be "fresh" for "fresh's" sake instead of being good and true to the Star Wars ethos. In no particular order, here are my thoughts:
(1) We learn NOTHING about who Snoke is (now was), where he came from, how old he is, why he knows the force, why he's on the dark side, how he tempted Kylo, where he was during the Empire, what happened to his face, how he came to lead the First Order, why he's so strong in the Force, and why (if he was that strong) he didn't see Kylo's attack coming ... NOTHING! This was a huge disappointment as many theories had been floating around as to his origin, where he draws his strength, etc., and many were hoping those would have been answered in TLJ. His monologuing (especially to Rey) would have been the perfect opportunity to answer some of these questions. Instead, he becomes almost a wasted character, going from mysteriously all powerful bad guy to dead guy with no further character development. In my opinion, he should have survived TLJ (along with Luke), and Episode 9 should have ended with an Epic battle between Luke and Snoke, and Rey and Kylo. With the events that have occurred, it's like they moved the third act up into the second, and there's nowhere good to go from here.
(2) They made Luke into a whinny little wimp. If you've read any of the expanded universe, Luke post-Episode 6 was awesome. Here, he's portrayed as weak, fearful and, well, a loser. His major contribution to the universe is teaching Rey to reach out with her feelings and to buy the good guys some time to escape. And then he "becomes one with the Force," which was way too soon and showed off none of his mastery of the Force (which is what he should have been doing on that island lo these many years). Even after the visit from Yoda (who didn't look exactly right...), he still doesn't really return to proper form. I now know why Hamill wasn't happy with the character's treatment. I admit the trick at the end was cool, but for him to then die? What a waste.
(3) The trip to find the code breaker was just weird, and ultimately pointless and stupid. They don't even talk to the person they came to find, and there was no reason they couldn't "park" in the appropriate spot, so that plot device is just stupid and incredible. In fact, the whole junket seemed more like an attempt to make a statement against animal cruelty and war profiteering (for no other redeeming quality than the statement itself) than any real plot advancement. It's as if they didn't have anything for Finn or Rose to do (and had time to fill), so they set off on an utterly pointless (in the end) errand, which brings back (and introduces) Benito Del Torro's character "DJ" - a truly despicable backstabber who gets half the rebels killed in exchange for money. He's been compared to Han Solo's character in ANH, but they're not even in the same Galaxy - Han would never have betrayed the rebels for money, and in the end, he couldn't even abandon them to fate. DJ is a character without charm or anything worth saving; yet, he presumably lives. I suppose he could be more comparable to Lando, but even Lando fixes his betrayal by the end of ESB. I also thought the Mas Katana "union dispute" fight was silly, and an excuse to remind the audience that she's still out there.
(4) Once the First Order starts firing on the fleeing rebel transports at the end, why doesn't Holdo act sooner? Obviously, the jig was up after the first shot was fired, so why not move the cruiser to shield the fleeing ships? And can't a droid fly that cruiser just as well as a person could? So why does she even stay behind anyway? A KSO droid could have done it, like we saw in Rogue One. But the most disturbing is that she just sits there for a good 5 minutes and watches her "friends" get shot out of space before doing something. The "something" was totally cool, but this sequence bothered me.
(5) Why would Kylo and Rey have such a hard time with non-Force-using guards? They shouldn't have, and this was just for "action's" benefit. It would have been more accurate and more fun if they would have used the Force more and played with the guards, rather than the guards being portrayed as their near-equals.
(6) What's with Kylo's conversion fake out? The problem with Kylo's character is that he has NO REASON TO BE BAD, especially after Snoke is dead. What's his motivation here? It seemed that it used to be Snoke's influence, but he keeps going in that direction after killing Snoke. Vader's motivation was that he "must obey his master," but that ended when his master did. That doesn't happen here, which in and of itself is fine, but you need a real good "why," and wanting to rule the galaxy with Rey is not really a good "why" when it hasn't been convincingly explained how the son of Han and Leia, and the nephew of Luke ends up being the universe's #1 bad guy. He can't even explain why he killed Han. Why? Because he has no why. As with Snoke, Kylo suffers from a lack of character development.
(7) Rey's Heritage. What a let down this was. I was hoping for some kind of Empire-level revelation as to who Rey really is - is she Anakin reincarnated? Luke's daughter? Han's illegitimate child? Palpatine reincarnated? ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT? Nope. Instead we get a Force-cave experience that was totally worthless (unless she's her own parents) and a claim by Kylo that Rey's parents were just some nobody space junkers who sold her off to pay debts. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? We also get no explanation as to why the saber was "calling" to her in TFA.
In the end, the plot of this movie could have been SO MUCH MORE, and could have set Episode 9 up for an epic conclusion. As it stands, I have no idea where they could even go (Cloud City?) from here that would advance the plot beyond "First Order = Empire = Bad, Rebels = Rebel Alliance = Good." Obviously, the Rey v. Kylo angle will be played up, and I can see Rey being trained by some Force ghosts, but we didn't get any Empire-level cliffhangers (like Han frozen in Carbonite) that need answering in the next film. In sum, TLJ is visually a stunner, was acted to perfection, shot very well, but ultimately leaves so many opportunities untouched and potentials unrealized that upon reflection, it seems more a swing and a miss than a home run.
And where was the "I've got a bad feeling about this" line?