Bantha Poodu

Rating: 1/10 (16 December 2017)

I gave this heap of garbage one star because it's impossible to give it a zero rating.
THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS
About halfway through this film, as Finn and some chinese girl - who didn't appear in the last film but had obviously been shoehorned in when Disney realized they'd neglected the Chinese market - were messing around on some casino planet or something, I had a horrible, horrible realization. That realization was "This is absolute, total and utter garbage."
In fact, if it wasn't for the fact that I was with a group of kids I'd mistakenly bought tickets for, I would have stood up and walked out, shaking my fist at the screen as I passed it.
Make no mistake, this is a truly awful Star Wrs film. Noone involved comes off well and, when it all comes down to it, nothing actually happens, you could skip this one and go and see the final one, it changes nothing.
Characters we've been speculating about are simply killed off with no explanation as to who they were or where they came from. New characters are introduced that serve no purpose than simply to annoy you, what was purple haired Laura Dern even doing in it?
There were plot holes you could drive a Star Destroyerr through and a curious reluctance on the part of The First Order to actually use their firepower.
One bit saw some of the characters easily escape a destroyed spaceship by piloting only the legs of a Scout Walker which reminded me of the silliest parts in the droid factory of The Clone Wars.
Too many silly jokes too, be warned, this is not the Star Wars you are expecting, I for one am severely puzzled as to how critics are giving this great ratings and reviews, it was crap,
Sorry Disney, the last cent, from me you have had.