George Lucas is a sellout and J.J.M. Abrams is a cinematically illiterate toss monkey

Rating: 3/10 (21 June 2016)

As far as I can tell, the planning stage for Force Awakens went something like this:
Lucas: 'So, do you have any original ideas to spice up the next episode?'
Abrams: 'None whatsoever. Not a single thing. I don't see the point really, we could trot out any old ******** and they'll still buy it.'
Lucas: 'Well that worked for me in the last three films.'
Abrams: 'Hahaha!'
Lucas: 'How about recycling 90% of the plot from IV, with a few scenes from VI?'
Abrams: 'Brilliant! I'll do it!'
The movie starts well, but quickly descends into a mess of clichés. With the exception of Daisy Whatever, everyone looked like they were just phoning it in. Chewbacca gave the impression that he would happily sell his own backside to get off the cast, but unfortunately he had to stay until the bitter end.
Emo Ren is the weakest, least convincing villain I have seen in cinema for many years. He has no personality whatsoever, and we know virtually nothing about him. Equally useless is his mentor, the evil Severus Snoke.
This movie is essentially a rewrite of the original Star Wars, and they even admit this when somebody points out that the new megaweapon is just another Death Star ('No it's not!', says somebody else, 'Because this one is bigger!')
And yes, the new totally-not-a-Death-Star has the same old weakness that everyone knows about, which is easily accessible because no attempt has been made to protect it. And the rebels—who were previously cursing the Empire for blowing up planets—praise themselves after blowing up a planet.
The token black guy was so irrelevant he might as well have been an extra. The stormtroopers followed their well established tradition of shooting in every direction except where the heroes are, with all the military skill of a cross-eyed donkey with four wooden legs. Meanwhile, the heroes are equipped with auto-aiming weapons that guarantee one shot, one kill.
Blah blah blah, stuff happens, who gives a toss. Oh, and something something Luke.
I rate Star Wars: The Force Awakens at 9.99 on the Haglee Scale, which works out as a humiliating 3/10 on IMDb.