The Remake Awakens & The Viewer Goes To Sleep

Rating: 1/10 (21 June 2016)

If this movie didn't have Star Wars name on it, nobody would even remember it in less than a year. Well, maybe we would remember Abrams getting sued for plagiarism, but the movie itself IMO is ridiculously unremarkable.
To get the obvious out of the way, yes it's a remake pretending to be a sequel. It redoes New Hope with new characters taking the roles of the old ones. It doesn't have the guts to stray from the path in any significant way, and that makes it boring and predictable. If you've seen New Hope, you're up for no surprises whatsoever.
Other than that, everything about the movie screams generic. Everything, from it's heroes (female Luke and defector stormtrooper with lots of wasted potential) to it's villains. Take Emperor Palpatine, smash him together with Voldemort and Azog the Whatshisface, and you receive Supreme Leader Silly Name. His design is as unoriginal as it could be, and his lines don't help either. Kylo Ren is criticized for being whiny, but I couldn't even get annoyed with him, that's how little impression he made. This movie would need a Joker class villain to pull it's head above the sea of blandness, and instead it gave us these two.
Dialog, story, and character development take a backseat to the near constant action scenes. What little plot there is seems squeezed to fit the (too) fast pace.
It's not a bad movie per say. It's just a very, very mediocre one that seems to lack ambition to be anything more. It has nothing at all to distinguish it from dozens of similar blockbusters. Even John Williams seemed to understand that. His soundtrack suits the averageness of the movie perfectly, not giving us a single memorable track, which is really below his usual level.
This film made me miss the underrated prequels. Yes, they had their share of problems, but at least they prioritized the plot over explosions and presented some new ideas.
The Force Awakens may deserve four or five for what it does well (practical effects, CGI, diverse cast, acting) but it certainly doesn't deserve 82 it currently has on IMDb, so here is my score.