Star Wars: TFA Review

Rating: 2/10 (11 April 2016)

My previous experience with Star Wars has not been very positive. I watched The Phantom Menace when it first came out and thought very little of it. Recently I decided to watch the original movie and did not find it remotely enjoyable. I tried to watch the follow-up but gave up after 20 minutes: I was not enjoying it in the slightest and it just seemed a waste of time persisting with it.
I noticed that the Blu-ray edition of TFA was available online so I decided I may as well give this a try. Although my previous experience had been negative, it had good reviews and I thought I would give it a go, going into it with an as objective as possible frame of mind. I will now just cut to the chase: I thought it was absolutely dreadful and nothing quite prepared me for the complete and utter excrement that ensued. My intention here was to provide a detailed review but really I am struggling to do so.
Right from the start I was so incredibly bored that I just wanted it to be over. I stuck with it but at no stage did it evoke the slightest emotion. I like movies where I actually feel SOMETHING watching them. Whether it is humour, excitement, horror, provokes thought or just does anything at all really. With these big budget, commercially driven Hollywood movies though they are just extremely clichéd, simplistic, visually driven special effects experiences and we really are not being engaged on any level. I felt completely empty watching this, much like I do with all of these equally timid superhero movies and shows that saturate the entertainment industry nowadays. It is all just very cheap, basic entertainment for the masses.
I struggle to understand exactly why so many people seem to consider this to be in any way good, and I am also not clear exactly which type of audience would particularly like it. I understand it is obviously aimed at a nerdy young male child/teen demographic, but really I see this being too trite and timid even for a young audience, at least one who want to be engaged on some sort of level and do not just want to see the same old formulaic, big budget, dichotomous good guys v bad guys nonsense. Are you people not bored of this?
Regarding the antagonist, was he really meant to be in any way intimidating? It is somewhat difficult to find someone frightening when they look like a homosexual, French pornstar. This is really the most dastardly villain they could conjure up? He just existed as a character and there was no reason to particularly dislike him. The general characterisation was not in the least bit impressive, nor was the lacklustre, tedious plot. The black stormtrooper in the perpetual state of perspiration decided to go on the run, where he met a few characters who went on a monotonous journey full of turgid special effects and camp, childish humour. Then it concluded with the appearance of Luke Skywalker. At least this time they gave him no lines and it seems they have finally learned something. Mark Hamill cannot act and any future appearances should be continued in this manner.
Essentially, this was another highly predictable, tame, big budget Hollywood yarn laden with CGI effects and minimal characterisation, aimed towards children and the mentally deficient. In fact, I truly believe if I was to put on any random episode of Spongebob Squarepants, I would find it infinitely more engaging and interesting. This movie was instantly forgettable, a complete chore to watch and I found it much like Guardians of the Galaxy such was its childish, inane banality. It was devoid of any intelligence or originality and painful to endure. At no time was this a remotely pleasurable experience, being an utterly vacuous one.
To summarise, this is why I disliked it: it was predictable, mundane, tame, unoriginal, unengaging, unintelligent, lacking substance, juvenile, pedestrian and unentertaining. This was a quite miserable experience for me, and basically encapsulates everything I hate about Hollywood. I have tried to give Star Wars a chance but the series and all of its childish irrelevance will not be getting a minute more of my time.