Wha. Tapee. Sashit.

Rating: 3/10 (8 January 2016)

I once read a Superman comic as a kid back in the 1970's, where Supes travels into the future by zipping around the earth at super-speed, thus crossing the international dateline over and over. And at the end of the story, to get back to his own time, he of course zips around the earth IN THE OTHER DIRECTION. Even as a ten-year old, I can remember thinking, "But that's just stupid." I regretfully gave up reading Superman.
I had exactly the same feeling watching the sun-vacuuming Starkiller base (Death Star cubed?) zapping all the Republic homeworlds, which of course are all within naked-eye sight of each other, in a few minutes FROM A DISTANT STAR SYSTEM, while the Resistance watches the event unfold like they are watching a fireworks display. (Don't even get me started on the whole "killer beam splits into five" when halfway there.)
That is by no means where the howlers end. I could go on about the tentacle monster trying to suck the windshield off the Millennium Falcon while the Yakuza thugs whom it had been trying to eat a few minutes before stand calmly nearby trying to blast their way in. Funny, yes. But not in a good way.
I could go on about the First Order building a super-duper Death Star with exactly the same design flaw which caused its destruction TWICE before.
Or the chasm in the planet which SO conveniently opens up between Rey and Kylo Ren JUST after she beats him in a lightsaber duel.
Or about Rey turning out to be a super-mechanic, pilot and Jedi adept in a matter of hours, with no training. Beating Kylo Ren in a duel the first time she picks up a light sabre. Performing Jedi mind tricks instantly, despite never having heard of the Force before. How did it even occur to her to try it? I'VE heard of it, and it STILL wouldn't occur to me to try to command my way out of a speeding ticket ("these aren't the droids you're looking for, officer..."). No, DON'T try to tell me the Force is whispering in her ear. If she's just an empty vessel for the miti-chlorians, or whatever, why should I care about the character? They could just as easily have chosen C-3PO to be their super-powered Jedi hero. Come to think of it, that would be kinda cool...
And that brings me to another problem with the movie -- I don't care about any of the characters. Lots of movies are full of sci-fi bits that stretch credibility to the breaking point. Guardians of the Galaxy springs to mind. But that movie was full of charisma, character development, and excellent writing, so by the end I really gave a poop about Quill and Rocket and company. Not here. Abrams is so busy rushing through the story, re-hashing beats from Episode 4, that there is no time for me to get invested in Finn or Rey or Kylo Ren. The writing is clumsy, half-hearted, lazy and uninspired, and audiences deserved better.