The Emperor has New Clothes....(or 'May The Forbes Be With You').

Rating: 5/10 (2 January 2016)

I wanted to keep this short as very few people will read it. However to understand my POV you need some background to give it context;
Imagine being 8 years old, wearing flares without any regret or taste, nagging dad to take you to see Star Wars until he gives in and does. After coming out of the flicks in '77 we were both hyper and couldn't stop talking about it - everything was 'Amazingggggg!!!!!'. We were pretty poor, but I still got the huge cardboard Death Star and a dozen figures for Crimbo, Dad 'got it' so got them, good man.
Then 'Empire', even better, and an AT-AT for Crimbo, he was earning more. Jedi was okay, certainly not bad, but the Death Star MkII was grabbing at straws. No memorable xmas pressies this time.
Then adult hood smacks me in the face, many substitute Carrie Fisher girlfriends, many Star Wars gen' friends, many fancy dress parties dressed as a Wookie. Then the news 'there's going to be prequels'. Much excitement replaced by utter disappointment and hate for Mr. Lucas when I and others realised this was just an adverts for plastic toys and lunch box makers. But still we went to all 3, more in loyal hope and desperation than anything else.
So imagine how we received the news that we were going back to basics with Disney and a master of action, JJ Abrams? After a million emails, texts and toasts in many bars we were all set - December 2015. Only 2 years to wait whilst devouring every morsel of news and gossip, no matter how minor. We felt vindicated, that the original fans had been heard, that although the franchise had lost its way, someone had found the original map.
Closer to the imminent release date and a work colleague buys me a ticket to a 3D screening with a sofa seat in one of the few UK cinemas with a bar (Dukes @ Komedia, Brighton). 'Happy Christmas Lew!'. 'Ah, man! I only got you a book on 'Medieval Iconic Art' (he's cultured and stuff, always going to museums and art galleries); 'this film is way better, thanks Ludvig!' (that really is his name, he's Dutch).
I have the date all set, December 27th is on my ticket, a Sunday. I make sure I have a nap in the afternoon so I'll be super fresh at the flicks. I shower and change so I'm all set and ready (I'm normally a bit of a scruff), I even trim my beard. This is more to pass the time than because I care about how I look; my nervous excited energy means I can't sit still for a second. My inner child is screaming 'Are we there yet.....?!' It's good that I'm going alone, no distractions are allowed because this is just way too important. On the bus there I listen to J M Jarre's 'Oxygen' specially dl'd for the journey just to get me into that '70's ultra sci fi vibe. I always put that album and SW together in my mind, probably because they were both iconic and of their time?
I get there, my sofa awaits (normally a 2 seater, but it's all mine tonight). The place is packed, the punters, old and young, are excited, you can feel it,touch it, taste it, slice it with a light sabre.
A thousand ad's later and the main title comes on screen - much applause and whooping (not normal for a UK audience) YES!!!YES!!!YES!!!
Within minutes the sense of de ja vieu is setting in, old plot lines are being resurrected and cannibalised. Yet I refuse to acknowledge this at first; 'give it time, Lewi, give it time'. I wish I hadn't, I wish I'd never gone, I wish that the Star Wars team were on the destroyed Death Star MkIII. The over riding emotion I had was boredom tinged with regret at being a sucker for the hype. How bored was I? At one point I got a tap on my shoulder because I was snoring.
There was a smattering of applause at the end, no where near as energetic as at the start, so I wasn't the only one feeling let down. Yet the chat in the bar after was muted appreciation, like no one wanted to be the first to say 'I thought it was the Star Wars story all over again, but not as good'. But you knew they were thinking it.
So why does the Emperor have new clothes? Because no one can admit he's naked in case they look stupid, which makes everyone stupid as a collective. To be fair, there are a few on here that think the same as me, but a lot more that don't. And like everyone else, I'll go to see the rest of the sequels, but with expectations way lower than before. We all should have known better.
Rule #1 - The Greater The Hype, The Bigger The Disappointment. This is an unbreakable rule of the universe and relates to all things. Like many true fans to the originals, I fell for the hype '...going back to the 'real' Star Wars, blah blah blah....' Why do we always forget the 1st rule?
Mr Abrams, your directing and manipulation of 3D were excellent, bet you wish you'd had a decent story and dialogue to go with it? And Mr. Lucas, can I just say 'May The Forbes Be With You'? You will certainly be in their 'Top 100 Richest' this year. You still own a lot of the merchandising and royalty rights after your sale to Disney for $3 Billion don't you? I bet you see a naked Emperor too, but at least you can wrap him up with $1000 bills as you blame Disney. You owe Ludvig £11.40.