It's a rehashed Star Wars movie. What more do you expect?

Rating: 1/10 (17 December 2015)

J.J Abrams once promised us all of a majestic meal called the 'seven course Star Wars meal.' This included a bubbling white wine with a wedge of lemon on the rim of the glass. On the side was the delicious, steaming, roasted seven course gourmet meal.
Fans doubted this promise, but J.J Abrams told us to stay patient. And so December 2015 rolled by where we finally got to J.J Abrams' dinner. Fans show up and we're served molded cow *beep* on a plate sprinkled with cheddar cheese, a smoking bucket of mongrel stomach bile and a small wine glass filled with entrails of an ostrich with a cocktail stick jabbed through a tiny tarantula eye.
Fans roared in disgust while J.J Abrams looked at us in stupidity. "What? You don't like your molded cow *beep*? What is wrong with you fans?"
You know what some people say, J.J Abrams, right? Gag me with a *beep* spoon.
And so the Star Wars meal was absolute rubbish. You lied to us, J.J Abrams. You're a big fat liar. You ruined Star Wars and all hope it had. You ruined the classic characters in spoiler ways in which I will not get into.
YOU, J.J Abrams, are the Devil himself in his full form! YOU ARE KYLO REN!