Jar Jar Abrahms Mess, Worthless Sequel/Prequel/Whatever

Rating: 1/10 (4 February 2016)

Well, I saw the new Star Wars Movie done by schlock miester, Jar Jar Abrams. "Janitors In Space" is a better title.
Yeah, SPOILERS..
This movie was amazing: It managed to insult my intelligence, myself personally and be boring at the same time.
Once again, JJ manages to churn out another piece of trash wearing a venerable film franchise as a disguise. I saw this film about a week ago, everybody was gushing over it (Warning #1). George Lucas gave this half-hear-ted complement about this film in a recently published article (warning #2), No clapping at the end of the movie, no smiling faces, except those laughing derisively.
The "main" character was a space janitor, but not even a good one. Of course he is black. For a minute there, I thought that he was going to start screaming "lordy-lordy, what wees gonna dos" at any minute - horrible acting, when he wasn't getting beaten by pretty much everybody in the movie. Maybe they will bring Jar-Jar back so they can do a copy of the old Amos and Andy routine..... - Insulting to me.
After 40 minutes, I turned to my friend and said " this is almost the same plot from the first movie." He said "The first 2 movies.". And Luke Skywalker IS in this movie, at the end, and he does not speak ever; just stare like he is in a Telemundo soap opera. - Insult to my intelligence.
Lots of bad dialog and stupid plot points. Just dumb, dumb dumb. Tons of scenes where we are subjected to the female lead character's "Daddy Issues" - how unoriginal and boring. "Daddy Daddy, why-did-you-do-this-to-me.." dialog. boo-hoo-ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz. - Boring at the same time.
Stupid Stuff: -The main villain, I'll call Him Greasy Kids Stuff, can stop a laser beam in flight, IN FLIGHT, while force grabbing the guy that shot it from his space gun while ordering his special Ex-Janitor Kill Squad. BUT a whiny girl who JUST learned that she had powers defeats him in five minutes?????? Fanboys/girls have all kinds of justifications for this garbage nonsense: "His hair got in the way, his pimple cream - he was allergic and he could not see through the tears, blah-blah-blah - dumb, dumb, dumb..

Did you see the part where Admiral Akbar had to hock his fleet to pay for his divorce lawyer? You didn't? Well that's because IT DID NOT HAPPEN. The Empire/New Order whatever had one command ship. Greasy Kid Stuff had his own transport, nobody else had anything. The Rebels attacked a planet-sized Death Star with about 20 fighters - that's all you ever saw, X-Wings and TIE fighters, except at one part where you see a Rebel transport that looked like it was created by the Infinite Improbability Engine and a sofa manufacturer. Where are all the B-Wings, A-Wings, Y-Wings, Assault Carriers, Cruisers??? WHERE?? Fanboy/girl response: "Those will be in the next film", yeah, and Skywalker will talk in the next one too. Dumb, Dumb, Dumb....

The Death Star Version 3, this time its even bigger. I would have liked a scene where Greasy Kids Stuff had to call the New Order's Insurance Carrier to get a policy for this thing: Insurance Guy:"No, listen, we just can't. In fact we're dropping you as a client.." GKS: "But it is the most devastating secret weapon ever. It uses an entire sun to power it! Your lack of faith is disturbing...." Insurance Guy:"That's impossible, even in a Star Wars universe. You know how big, how much power you are talking about. How many years does it take to eat a whole sun?" GKS: "About 20 minutes.." *click* GKS:"Hello? Arrgh! Let me destroy this control panel!" *BANG* (Control room explodes, killing Greasy Kid Stuff and 20 storm trooper/floor waxers, well that's what should have happened) Dumb, Dumb, Dumb...

Han Solo - Yeah, I would kill myself too if I was in this movie. That is what he did: KILLED HIMSELF. I guess being a General, hero, married to the potential ruler of the ENTIRE REPUBLIC wasn't as much fun as transporting Bandersnatches from Planet Claire to criminals in a broken down freighter. His death scene was supposed to be dramatic and sad but it was dumb, dumb, dumb..
Then again, he REALLY would have died earlier: "I'm going to hyper-jump past the Super-Duper Death Star's shields, then slam on the breaks in the last minute. This is where Chewbacca should have stopped growling and said "Excuse me Han, can I interject. That plan is BUG NUTS CRAZY. How are you going to calculate and unknown distance, using info from the Space Janitor. Why don't we sneak in on a transport?" - OH, THAT'S RIGHT, NO ONE HAS ANY TRANSPORTS. So I guess jumping in is a go, hopefully nobody notices you slamming into the atmosphere (Yes, this planet sized weapon has an atmosphere, and trees) at Mach 90,000.... Dumb, dumb, dumb...
Fanboy/Girl response:"You don't get it.." I hope that I never will. This film is terrible, but the bad thing is people believed the hype (I did, thank goodness I didn't pay extra $$ to see it in IMAX 3D, *whew*)
Stop watching JJ Abrams junk now and in the future, before they give him a Marvel film franchise to schlock-up..