Not SW, Call It Something Else - Popcorn Trash

Rating: 2/10 (9 January 2016)

Warning! May Contain Spoilers!
The Force Awakens was a huge con for many of us, they said it was Episode 7, with OT characters... that George Lucas wasn't involved seemed a good idea... but this was a soulless cash-grab rip- off that had somehow managed to buy the rights and stick the name Star Wars in the title and pay Harrison Ford to be in it.
It's popcorn trash notable for featuring a character that will become known as the most famous Mary Sue in cinema history. The named writers were only on-board after a committee had worked up a lame feminist-pandering storyline, and they hid that pretending it was supposed to be a surprise, rather than something they were worried about.
The first Star Wars film is full of great lines and snippets of dialogue, here's a few
Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi: These aren't the droids you're looking for. Stormtrooper: These aren't the droids we're looking for. Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi: Use the Force, Luke.
Han Solo: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
Ben Obi-Wan Kenobi: Mos Eisley spaceport: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Princess Leia Organa: Aren't you a little short for a stormtroopers?
Luke Skywalker: I have a very bad feeling about this.
Princess Leia Organa: Will someone get this big walking carpet out of my way? Han Solo: No reward is worth this.
There are so many more. There is nothing whatsoever that comes CLOSE to any of that, maybe half a point for Solo's exasperated 'The Force doesn't work like that!' as it's the only one that is fit to lick the boots of the OT, and one of the few lines, especially from HAN SOLO FFS, that is not just a clunky reference to the OT, or to do with how awesome Disney Princess Rey is.
The Tumblr-Feminists jumping around like... jumpy Tumblr-feminists about female protagonist, Do-Anything-Better-Than-You (If You Have A Penis) Rey, and how they at last have a strong independent woman in Star Wars seem to be ignoring Princess FREAKIN' Leia, and forgetting what a kick-ass character she was back in 1977 (through the two sequels too).
Star Wars was never All About Luke, it was an ensemble piece where everyone regularly saved each other, regardless of gender. Leia was always in all the promotional material and a main member/equal leader of the team, shooting stormtroopers, telling Vader to get bent, killing Jabba... and now what? In The Force Farts In Its Sleep she is reduced to a tiny role - hey feminists, I thought you wanted more parts for older women? Because us True Star Wars Fans thought after thirty years after we'd last seen her, finding out Luke is her brother, she would've developed her force powers and be a mighty Jedi by now.
Can you imagine a scene where That Shiny New One Who Is A Woman Under The Armor (don't go in thinking she'll be great, she's got two minutes of screen time tops) had Han & Chewie captives and in comes Leia and force throws her around the room? Instead we get not ONE action scene for Leia, and it turns out she hasn't developed as a Force user at all, just plays the same 'lets plan to blow the Death Star Up again' scene she did before. You wait Leia, next time there will be EIGHT Death Stars, then watchagonna do??
Instead while her brother develops has Force Powers, her SON develops his Force Powers, she is still fighting the Empire - I mean First Order - so it would make sense to have force powers, they wrote it so Leia never became a Jedi. Because as I said, the OT characters are just a lure, they are wasted or misused.
Of course I wanted to like or love this movie, who didn't? But To be honest the only character I would watch the next movie for is Luke Skywalker, maybe they will have a good reason for why he ran away and hid from the galactic mess he's largely responsible for. Instead I'm sure there will be a Space Prince Charming for Rey to start liking, plus that Nasty Kylo will be in love with her too! Which one will she choose??? Jinkies!
And there will still be fans promising 'er... they'll fix it all in the next episode!'
TFA doesn't work as a reboot because the new characters are so unengaging, especially compared to the legendary OT characters they are supposed to replace. It doesn't work as the next episode because it jettisons all the character work and carelessly undoes how those characters got to where they did by the end of the REAL Star Wars.
But hey, people lap it up. People lap up all kinds of fast food garbage, which is all this is.