Star Wars: A Rip-Off of Episode 4

Rating: 1/10 (10 January 2016)

I did not have any specific expectations when I walked into this movie. I had not read any reviews or talked to anyone who had watched it. Having merely seen a couple of images from the marketing campaign and the (current at that moment) 8.5 rating on IMDb, I simply hoped for something halfway palatable.
Well, the kindest thing to say is probably that if you have seen the original star wars episodes, then you have already seen this one, but done a lot better. The more truthful thing to say, at least from the point of view of somebody who has a fond memory of the original films, is that this does not even deserve the term 'remake' - it feels like either bad fan fiction, or a blatant rip-off. The plot is EXACTLY the one of episode 4. But even worse, an estimated 50% of the movie consists of scenes that you already know from the old episodes, re-shot with different actors playing added (utterly uninspired and forgettable) characters and slightly reshuffled. The actual changes are incredibly random and make a mockery of the spirit of the originals:

The lead, a soon-to-become-Jedi girl who spends her life gathering scrap parts for food on a desert planet (all the while pulling off flawless makeup and VERY fashionable pants) learns star-craft piloting and engineering, the intricacies of the force AND masters lightsaber fighting in the matter of days, without any assistance or prior knowledge.

The second lead, a stormtrooper, turns into a rebel within 20 seconds after seeing one of his comrades die, promptly proceeds to kill several dozens of said comrades, only to then express his desire to run far away from all the fighting.

(The analogue of) Darth Vader is now a wimp driven by puberty hormones and adolescent rage. He is accompanied by a general who is a comically exaggerated version of some nazi figure.

There are MANY more examples of horrible storytelling that the movie displays and I will not try to recount all of them.
About halfway through the whole thing I could not help to think: 'My God, all these people involved, all the production value! They could have MADE something - an actual movie!' You know, a sequence of moving pictures on a screen that actually tells a story. But then I realized: They did not need to! I (and millions of others) had ALREADY payed in order to watch this drivel! And because of that they now have the license to make more of it!
Then, when walking out of the movie theater, I remembered the trailers that had been shown before the movie started: yet another rendition of the Jungle Book, yet another Superman flick, a remake of the Independence Day. There was not ONE original movie there. Now it is common knowledge that studios value financial security and people are unlikely to invest into a movie with shaky prospects. Still, it should not be this bad. Studios and directors should NOT produce one bad rip-off after another, calling them 'reboots', and still make millions since people will apparently watch no matter what.
So if, even after reading this review, you still go to the cinema and watch this movie (instead of say just spending time with your family or streaming a classic film at home) and then watch ITS sequel, and the one after that, for now other reason than the fact that they have 'Star Wars' in the title, then YOU DESERVE to be fed garbage over and over again.