A game of galactic roulette with product placement

Rating: 1/10 (20 December 2017)

Droid with vital information coincidentally found by Force user girl on planet and saved from destruction. (Coincidence No. 1) Of all the First Order soldiers in the Galaxy, the one that suddenly has a change of heart (Finn) is on the ship where owner of droid (Poe) is taken for interrogation, and this is the exact moment he has this unlikely change of heart, even though he must have seen quite a lot of ugly stuff already, and also used to work as a janitor (seriously?) on mega-superweapon Starkiller Base. Oh, and Finn, who seems to be a cautious guy, chooses the most idiotic method of deserting the First Order's ranks: he gets in a Tie fighter with Poe, hoping to escape, even though he knows they would likely be shot, INSTEAD OF delaying his desertation just a little bit, until they land somewhere and he could arrange his disappearance in a battle or with some outside help. No, he wants to do it right here and right now. (Coincidence No. 2, although this is actually a combination of unlikely coincidences, Implausible Behavior No. 1). After they land and Finn leaves the scene, he meets Force user supergirl (Rey) by sheer chance. Rey could be at home, or out scavenging, it's not as if she spends her entire day in the settlement. Also, if Finn is trying to get away from imperials, why on earth does he head for the settlement when he knows that's where the First Order are most likely to look for him? (Coincidence No. 3) Soon enough, the First Order guys find them and start shooting them with laser cannons from fighters whoosing up and down above the settlement. If they really need the information in the droid, isn't that a bit of a risk to take? Why alert their prey and why not wait a bit and send a large landing force to surround the settlement? Why shoot with laser cannons when the droid could be hit and the information destroyed? Just for fun? (Implausible Behavior No. 2) So Finn and Rey are on the run now, and guess what they find conveniently lying there in the desert just a few hundred meters away: the friggin' Millenium Falcon! Of all the places in the Galaxy, the Falcon is on the planet where super Force user girl lives, Luke's friend with the vital information lives, and where an indoctrinated First Order soldier decides to finally break ties with the evil First Order. (Coincidence No. 4, or we could call it Product Placement No. 1, the product being Star Wars nostalgia) Okay, so it's only natural then, that after they successfully escape with the Falcon, they are captured or found by none other than... oh, yes, I can feel the Force in action now, it really awakened, didn't it... Han Solo and Chewbakka, who else? Everyone is here for a party, it seems. Okay, the ship does have a beacon, and they find it via the beacon signal, but as they clearly state: "Just lucky we were in the general vicinity when the ship powered up and its beacon snapped on." Yeah, just lucky I guess. Of all the places in the known Galaxy, they were in the general vicinity. (Coincidence No. 5) And this is the exact moment when two rival gangs arrive to settle debts with Han. They did not find them by tracking the Falcon (in that case, this would make sense, as the Falcon's beacon has just been turned on), but by tracking the freighter. So the exact moment when Han finds the Falcon, the gangs arrive with guns blazing. (Coincidence No. 6) They have to escape in the Falcon, to a planet called Takodana, where Maz Kanata lives. And guess what this female wannabe Yoda happens to have lying around in her basement? Hmm? Noone? Friggin' Luke Skywalker's lightsaber, that's what! Of all the places in the Galaxy, our team of adventurers happened to wind up in the cantina where also Luke's lightsaber is kept. By Maz Katana, who sympathizes with the Resistance, yet has somehow failed to mention this so far to anyone at the Resistance, even though she must have known they are actively looking for the lost Jedi. (Coincidence No. 7, Implausible Behavior No. 3)
And this is just the first quarter of the movie, and just the most embarrassing stuff. It's not a story, it's intergalactic roulette. Coincidences abound, irrational behavior is the new norm, product placement rules supreme. Oh, and did I mention the new superweapon, Starkiller Base can destroy multiple planets or whole systems ANYWHERE in the galaxy? I understand they wanted to up the ante, but seriously? How are they going to raise the stakes next? Galaxy-destroying thermal detonators? Uber-Jedi with the ability to destroy the entire universe with a flick of the wrist? No, thank you. They have lost sense of measure in the attempt to impress the audience, using the characters as disposable plot elements in a game of galactic roulette. Logical, character-based story arcs are a thing of the past. I could go on, but there's no point really. Money seems to be flowing in for Disney, so why should they care? Lucas referred to the SW movies as his kids, and added: "I sold them to the white slavers that takes these things, and...," Then he laughed and decided it's better not to finish this sentence...