Some title suggestions for the re-release of TFA in special edition in 2050 that will undoubtedly make billions

Rating: 4/10 (25 December 2015)

1) Finding Nemo meets Despicable Me meets A New Hope:
Nemo= Luke, Steve Carell= Kylo Ren (I want to be the most evil villain EVER!), A New Hope= the plot for this movie.
2) Darth Millennial and the failure of liberal parenting:
Harrison Ford was a cool, fun dad, who raised his kid on good California values of jedi training and organic food. But Kylo Ren just wanted to be a Republican like grandpa.
And though I thought this whole family drama felt incredibly fake and contrived, maybe subconsciously it's a critique of American family life. Maybe it's saying that if we keep raising our children the way we do, they're going to all end up as bad guys- and not cool, scary bad guys, like Darth Vader, but pathetic, disappointing ones...
Anyways, it's a long shot, but I'm just trying to find some deep meaning in this very not-deep movie...
3) Star Wars Episode VII: How to get rich without even trying... to write a plot.
Here's how I think TFA was made: market research was done to find everyone's favorite parts of episodes IV and V (not VI because it received the worst reviews out of the original trilogy). Then a computer was used to randomly organize the data into a film that a 4th Grader could sit through. (snow on Hoth- we'll put that on the new Death Star, Han Solo being a fun smuggler- we'll reset his character development to pre-episode IV, storm troopers- we'll just bring those back, etc.)
4) Star Wars Episode VII: How to marry your mother, kill your father, and make a ton of money.
So Star Wars has a few family themes: the good son rebelling against the evil father (Luke and Vader), the emo son rebelling against his cool father (Kylo Ren and Harrison Ford), and finally, the business savvy son (Abrams) rebelling against his out of touch father (Lucas) and marrying his rich mother (Disney), to the delight of the masses.
5) Star Wars Episode VII: attack of the horribly named bad guys:
The First Order? Supreme Leader Snoke? The Starkiller Base? Heaven help us all, sounds like the cartoon names guy scored a side gig with TFA and didn't get paid very much of that $200 million.
6) Star Wars Episode VII: The explosions are fun, the nostalgia is real, and the force is definitely asleep.
I've been pretty negative, but there were a few things I enjoyed about TFA. Here's a couple:

When the Millennium Falcon is introduced as "that piece of junk." The perfect appeal to my nostalgia, nice work J.J.

The fact that one of the heroes is a Storm Trooper- an interesting idea, that could have led to a lot of interesting moral discussion (but didn't).

Daisy Ridley's performance- she just felt like she fit in Star Wars, nice casting.

It was an entertaining movie, and it didn't have any particularly painful moments. But it didn't have any particularly "real" moments either, and by the end I was completely uninvested in the characters and the plot. Rather than having genuinely interesting central conflict, it simply used obvious artificial dangers to fill in the gaps. Like:
-That pilot guy disappearing. Obviously not dead.
-Fin leaving Rey to go off on his own. Obviously not going to happen.
-Han Solo not going to join in the fight against the Empire, but do his own thing instead. Seriously, we're doing this again?
Instead of there being an overarching plot, the writers- and the characters- were constantly running from the emptiness of this recycled "blow up the Death Star" story. The "peril of the moment" was used to try to hide the fact that no one actually knew what the "greater peril" was, because this new world with these new bad guys who looked surprisingly familiar is not at all organized or well thought-out.
7) Star Wars Episode VII: You either die a hero or live long enough to become J.J. Abrams.
George could have stopped at episode six, and if he had, he'd probably still be generally loved rather than generally ridiculed. But life goes on, and a creative fellow like George isn't going to call it quits. So he made Episodes 1, 2, and 3, and had his reputation change from "that cool guy who invented Star Wars" (which he DID do by the way) to "that idiot who ruined Star Wars." And then he got replaced by J.J. Abrams, who made a movie that is cautiously predictable and unoriginal.
And honestly, I missed George. I missed all the random, unnecessary aliens, like that rat who laughed at everything in Jabba's Palace or the Sand People who shot at people during the pod races. I miss his obsession with symbolism and his epic shots of single Jedi going against some monstrous beast or a single rebel facing up against a giant imperial walker. George's world had it's problems, but at least it was a coherent and interesting, not just a random collection of old, recycled favorites thrown together in the most marketable bundle possible. To me, this didn't even feel like a Star Wars movie. I felt like I was watching something from a studio "far, far, away." But this is what we get. We got rid of George Lucas, and now we have a fatherless franchise- a Star Wars world without cohesion or plot, but with a lot of fun explosions and comic relief. And many people are pretty happy about it. But I, for one, am disappointed.