Shallow, lazy and weak nonsense for cliché teenagers

Rating: 5/10 (14 January 2016)

Let's put what's good out : the rendering is pretty. There are a few scenes that really feels like Star Wars. Usually involving exclusively the original cast. This is less bad than the previous 3 abominations, but that's not saying much. That's about it.
The Force Awakens feels like a Twilight-level cliché of Star Wars. Everything feels heavy, forced, unnatural. You know that whatever scene with a nonsense behavior is there to tell something to the viewer with a complete lack of subtlety.
You can expect everything to be overblown, overcliché, overkill. I would speak of plot holes, but I would have to recognize there is enough plot to put holes in it.
What will you see if you decide to throw away more than two hours of your life ?
Bigger Death Star! Capable of destroying a whole solar system by ... eating the sun. This is so wrong. As if destroying one planet was not enough. I predict that in episode 8, the new Death Star will destroy whole galaxies by consuming the super-massive black hole at their center.
Dear reader, please sit down. The Darth Vader replacement is worthy of Space Balls. I certainly did not expect that the equivalent of the Sith Lord (now with a new cool name for the new kids) is a stupid Emo kid:
"Wail, wail, feel the power of the dark side, oh, I feel a bit of the attraction of the light, please save me grand-father."
or something of that effect. I'm sorry to say that the actor has the aura and charisma of a dead snail. If feels as wrong as having generic-teenage-looking-actor-for-chick-flicks playing Rambo.
And that's not the worst they do.
What about the Force ? Do you remember it ?
That power that links everything ?
That power that an apprentice learns after years of training (even Luke).
That power you only used sparingly if you were a Jedi, and a lot, with permanent physically destructive effects if you were a Sith ?
Well, now the Force is instant, intuitive, and far more powerful than before. Freezing blaster shots in mid air without even looking at them ? No problem. Darth-Emo does it without breaking a sweat. The same mind trick used by the master Obi-Wan to give an order to a storm-trooper is used. The first problem is first that's it's done wrongly: "you will" instead of "I will". The second is that it's done by a girl that did not even knew the force existed for real in the first place. But don't worry : she first fails then really tries with her eyes and all and succeeds.
That's not all she does. She seems to know how to fix any piece of hardware in a ship (she used to collect garbage pieces of rusted ships for a living in a desert ship-graveyard planet, so I guess that's OK in the mind of the writers). She also fight as good as a trained Dark Force user (Darth Emo) and, when she realizes she is actually using the force (because he tells her), she take a serious-but-calm face and beats him.
Do I need to add all the statements like "the planet will explode in 2 minutes" that lasts at least 15. Which is, granted, said by the Rebels that just admitted they knew nothing of the new Death Star but still magically learned they are the next target and can now detect the state of the machine accurately enough to know when it will fire.
I could go on and on but I'd rather forget that unfortunate event.
Stay away, or don't.