Star Wars, the twenty-first century Disney-kids version, with instant Jedi and the depth of a tablespoon.

Rating: 4/10 (7 January 2016)

First of all: the tempo. Everything went way too fast, every scene was cut off before you could really take it all in. Big part of the appeal of SW to me is the big landscapes, that entire, weird, strange and beautiful universe. They didn't show that at all, it all felt so tiny, like a TV-show.
The prequels were pretty bad, but that's at least one thing they did better: that majestic, grand SW-feeling.
Then, the story: what a mess. Everybody is looking for Luke Skywalker? Why? Shouldn't the republic concentrate itself on the giant evil First Order that's rising? And what the hell is 'the resistance'? What are they 'resisting'? The First Order? If the republic is in power, wouldn't it be a better idea to create a huge army and crush the First Order, instead of creating some 'resistance' that seems to have limited power and resources? The map: what the hell? Some guy has a tiny piece of it? Why? Who is that guy? Did Luke gave him a piece of the map were he is? Why would he do that? And then put another part n R2D2? What the hell? Is he going senile? Is he playing some weird game? Come look for me, hahaha. Here's a piece, there's a piece.
The entire story felt silly and contrived, it felt like a ride in an amusement park, not like a movie. Harisson Ford was alright. I think I liked the second act the most, there were at least some scenes that were a little bit slower.
Rey was a blank slate. Just this random girl that kept running across the screen, grinning, shouting, fixing things, crying. Like a Disney Princess on speed that had wandered into the wrong movie.
Nothing was ever explained. Stuff just kind of 'happened'.
And then 'the Force'. Oh my God, the Force. Now they really did it. Lucas came pretty close to killing it with his stupid Midichlorians-idea. But in this movie they take it to a whole other level.
There's actually this scene between Finn and Solo where Finn says: 'It's alright, we'll use the Force!' And then Solo kind of indignantly says: 'That's not how the Force works!' I think the filmmakers actually realized they were messing things up on a major scale and that scene was some sort of Freudian excuse, because in their movie, that's exactly how the Force works.
They took this spiritual concept and dumbed it down so much that is embarrassing. It reminded me of a King of Queens episode in which Doug and Carry start praying for a new dress to be on discount or for the last pork chop to be not taken away by another customer, because they think it actually works.
Just close your eyes for a few seconds and 'few', there you go. No weight to it, nothings special. And the way they talk about the dark side and the light side, it's so extremely silly, like they talk about going to McDonald's or Burgerking.
It was very American and very now, and not at all that otherworldly universe from long ago. Star Wars, the twenty-first century Disney-kids version, with instant Jedi and the depth of a tablespoon.