A train ... well... star destroyer wreck :(

Rating: 2/10 (27 July 2016)

OK, so last night I watched Star Wars VII for the first time. On a rental DVD.
I'm a huge fan of the original trilogy and literally grew up with it (I was 12 when I first saw it at the cinema), bought the remastered videos in the 90s and later the "pimped CGI" DVD edition. I loved everything about it and still am able to watch it and enjoy it. In all the years it hadn't lost its effect.
The prequels kinda passed me by. I found the whole story arc less than appealing and never bothered watching it other than when it first aired on TV. Well, it didn't leave an impression, really. Neither good nor bad. The only scene I remember is Anakin being hacked to bits by Obi Wan (how this got rated PG I will never understand. Bloody hell!) (And if you needed a specific spoiler warning for that one, you've been living under a rock) But anyway ...
With the all new trilogy I paid a bit more attention because it would leave familiar territory and make it all new and interesting exploring this changed universe ... or so I thought.
Oh, what a huge let-down it was! :(
The acting, the directing, the writing, dialogue delivery, the OMFG right-in-your-face exposition like they weren't even TRYING to build anything up ... an utter non-stop relentless cringe-fest.
That's what it felt like to me, and OMG how even did this movie actually got anywhere near a rating of above 8?
Especially the excruciatingly horrific exposition is what got to me.
* SPOILERS START HERE *
Scenes that burned themselves in my memory (and I hope it will fade soon) for just this reason and general underwhelming execution are, for one, the way Finn broke Poe out of the cell. Awful. Then there's Han's and Leia's first meeting with a piece of dialogue that had all the subtlety of a Terminator on a rampage. And, of course, the Han/Kylo Ren scene that could have been the most character defining ever but it was butchered. At that point I didn't really care anymore because I was too busy facepalming myself over the whole mess that was this movie.
I could think of dozen of ways that would have made the whole "he's our son" thing infinitely less worse and more poignant. Letting Han and Leia only slightly imply that they had a kid and then have Han drop the bomb right at the end, would be one. There! So easy, so effective. It wouldn't have hurt how the story played out one bit. It's making it all the more painful to know that super stars like JJ Abrams had their hand in this. Unbelievable. What they did was nothing short of disrespectful and almost abusive towards the abilities of these actors.
Although, I have to say I found myself enjoying some scenes quite a bit. Han's and Chewie's entrance was a bit epic. Unexpected and kinda out of the blue. But absolutely covered by the suspension of disbelief. Han, once again, up to his eyeballs in trouble, requiring almost over the top measures to wheedle his way out of yet another desperate situation. The timing, the pacing, the editing, everything was beautiful and came with a feel of old excitement. And for an all too short moment it had me thinking "Allllll righty! Here we go. Now they're on track. This is going to be goood." But then... BAM! like the door that cut the tentacle monster in half ... right the next moment back to the cringy exposition dialogue on that death .. er.. planet(?).
Sadly, these Falcon scenes felt totally separate from the rest of the movie. As if they switched writers and/or directors just for this bit. Strange. Really strange.
So here I am... giving 1 star for the movie because I feel outright insulted, yet an extra star because I truly enjoyed the Falcon scene and I feel extra generous today.