The icy dead heart of big business just mocked you with this off the shelf evanescent crowd-pleaser

Rating: 4/10 (17 December 2015)

(no plot revealed)
So I've seen it. Finally. Today I felt as intrepid and wide-eyed entering the cinema as I did back in the 70s, when I first entered the galaxies far far away as a young boy. I'd seen the trailers of course. The anticipation was palpable. And then things all went butterscotch icecream on me, and my face fell into a rigid mask of indifference. There is no steadiness at hand here, no atmospheric silence, no tremors itching their exciting path through your innards, strumming at your strings like a virtuoso. Grievously, I must question the point of this film, its lack of fantasy, its lack of wonderment. The lack of awe.
I must admit I would have preferred a visionary sci-fi director like Duncan Jones, I've never been a fan of JJ Abrams. He makes popcorn munching 2 hour vacations for irritating attention lacking whiny tech nerds, used to learning life's lessons through hyper-chipped colourful touchscreens, either them or tired depressed overworked middle- agers looking to make as little effort as possible while they gorm at a bright screen. That lot probably loved it. But Abrams doesn't make films that affect, that bolt your childhood into another world, that open your eyes and identify you with something wondrous and uniquely personal. And he's produced a plate of his standard fare chicken wings right here, steaming hot and ready to gnaw on and toss into the trash. The busy rotating camera shots, the zooming in and out and all about - here here and here check. But, and it's a big but, a butt big enough to crush the prequels, he HAS got the aesthetics right. The look isn't overly digital, marvel fanatics might even find it too last century, maybe it isn't all Abrams' fault after all.
I mean the film certainly has the icy spectre of a corporation lurking at its heart. You can sense each shot was discussed and fine tuned in a committee and half a dozen subcommittees. Subsequently, there are well formed clean and tidy scenes plopping straight off the factory line. Like only corporations know how to do. This film has no bleeding heart maverick at its core. No singular vision. This is not a film dragged out kicking and screaming from the mind of a lone wolf, this is NOT a personal love affair. This is firmly and unashamedly for the masses.
So what do the people think? The critics seem to like it, or is that just peer pressure? The audience I saw it with seemed pretty mixed. Three teenage boys sitting near me declared it to be a "pile of steaming $%#&", yet a few others cheered at the credits. Well, one other actually, and I suspect he would have cheered at anything.
I'm coming across really negative here I know. It wasn't all bad. There are some really good bits, and even some moving bits, just an awful lot of bad ones. Hammy moments, American jock moments, action B movie moments. Yet I liked the new characters. The female lead is strong and bold and it was good to see the returning characters again, especially the ones that hadn't aged. It's just what's with THAT script? oh how naive, how sequacious, nothing new to see here, move along. And in keeping with the pandering rushing storyline, the camera is also dancing about like a perfect twit. Gravitas may be provided by the characters and the highly skilled production engineers and designers, but that isn't enough to shake off the influence of Abrams and Disney. They wanted to give us what we want so desperately they forgot to take risks, they forgot to break boundaries. In trying to make something so authentic, so much like the originals, they betrayed the very essence of what we loved.
But I was always going to say that wasn't I? I'm not that boy entering the cinema all those years ago. The real test will be whether the new generation take it to heart. Will it define them and last a lifetime? I suspect not.