An unambitious failure

Rating: 5/10 (17 December 2015)

Many months ago now, I decided that I would watch this film as soon as it became available, which meant going to the midnight showing of the film on the day of its release (17th December 2015). I was excited, optimistic, even beatific that not only was my beloved Star Wars returning for its seventh installment, but it was also doing so in the hands of a relatively competent director who seemed to understand just what made the prequels so unspeakably nauseating. From this I could enjoy reassurance that this franchise would be continuing in the same vein as the witty, exciting and genuinely clever original trilogy.
But I was misguided. Oh, how cruel can life be, that one film can generate so much hope, followed all too swiftly by the crushing agony of despair that will be familiar to those who have watched The Phantom Menace. The trailer for this film was exceptional: Ray appeared to be a solitary, intriguing character; Finn's conversion from stormtrooper to Rebellion fighter promised a fascinating ark; Kylo Ren seemed capable of perpetuating the evil of Vader and the Emperor into this new trilogy.
But I can never trust a trailer again. Ray's character shows promise, but is thus far under-developed and quite uninteresting. Finn is a clown, parachuted into the movie for (weak) comic relief more than anything else. And Kylo Ren... Well, without wanting to give anything away for those of you who are fortunate to have not watched this 'movie', you will understand just how pathetic a villain he is when you see him take off his (totally unnecessary) mask. Nothing can prepare you for the superlative lameness of this moment, I assure you.
People speak sometimes about the "bestial" cruelty of man, but that is terribly unjust and offensive to beasts, no animal could ever be so cruel as a man, so artfully, so artistically cruel. JJ Abrams made us trust him. He assured us that this film would mark a departure from the horrible and pointless CGI of the Prequels. So why, oh dear god why, does he feel the need to animate in some pointless octopus monsters which serve no purpose in the plot as a whole, and look neither cool nor impressive? WHY? Why does there have to be another Death Star (just this time slightly bigger and powered by the sun) with exactly the same faults as the previous TWO models? Yes, we wanted this film to return to the themes and quality of the Original Trilogy. That does not mean that we want a feeble copy of Episode IV. Unfortunately, this is exactly what JJ has given us.
This film is full of plot holes and lazy assumptions. Is it better than the Prequels? Just about, and only by dint of the lack of Jar Jar. Having said this, Kylo Ren is weaker even than the wholly undeveloped Darth Maul, Count Dooku and even General Grievous.
As I write this, I am curled up in my bed. I haven't left my room since returning from the film. I'm not sure whether I can ever face the world, and such crushing disappointment, again.
You have been warned.