Star Wars: A Lost Hope

Rating: 4/10 (21 December 2015)

After a fairly strong first half, the movie - just like its main villain - eventually drops the mask, revealing a tortured and juvenile attempt at copying great ancestors. Yes, the plot is a shoddy carbon copy of "A New Hope" (with elements of episodes V and VI clumsily duct taped on), complete with a main protagonist growing up on a desert planet, a map hidden in a droid, a Death Star, a rebel base on a jungle planet and a mask-wearing main villain who answers to an even bigger villain who looks like a zombie and only shows up as a hologram.
It is not simply derivative; it is a blatant and cheap knockoff. Here are just a few examples of ideas that the movie debases, nay, parodies:
* The "Starkiller Base" (the new Death Star) fires a magical beam that can hit multiple planets in a solar system on the other side of the Galactic Core (the Hosnian system). Fair enough, it travels through hyperspace somehow, but the beam can be seen in the skies of planets (Takodana) in other solar systems, many hundreds of light years away! (Don't believe me? Check out the official map.) I get that Star Wars isn't exactly "hard SF", but this is just insulting.
* Instead of Alderaan, this Death Star destroys the current capital of the Republic (and presumably the Republic fleet too, though this is not shown.) Funny how none of the characters react much to this devastating loss of life and military power. The audience does not react much either, since we are not told what the Republic is at this point in history, or its relation to the Resistance (the regurgitated Rebel Alliance) or to the First Order (the regurgitated Empire.) We are just told that the Republic has been "destroyed". Just like that.
* The "Starkiller Base", though ridiculously huge and powerful, can be destroyed as easily as the first Death Star, in pretty much exactly the same way (X-Wings running through a trench to hit a target area once the shield has been lowered.) This time though, the target is bigger and must be hit over and over again. Good thing it's pretty much undefended. Oh, the suspense!
* Rey is a girl power version of Luke on crack who doesn't like a man to hold her hand (as she keeps reminding the audience). Instead of having to train for years to master the arts of the Jedi (that would be far too dull), she just instantly gets them (without even knowing these powers exist, such as the "Jedi mind trick") and proceeds to out-fence the villain. That's some female intuition!
* The villain, Kylo Ren, acts like a moody teenager and projects none of the menace that Vader (or even Count Dooku!) did. Instead, he fears being "seduced by the Light Side" and is soundly trounced by a failed stormtrooper/janitor (Finn) and an untrained whelp (Rey).
* There's a Cantina with funky looking aliens, except the mood is mellow and the music forgettable.
* The Emperor, er, I mean the Supreme Leader, looks like Gollum and sounds like Gollum (because he's voiced by Andy Serkis), except his hologram makes him appear gigantic (his first introduction is truly cringe-worthy.) He bears the menacing name of... Snoke (sigh).
The movie is also full of lesser annoyances, like the awesome looking but totally pointless and utterly pliable Captain Phasma, the seemingly instant hyperspace travel (no sitting around playing chess and talking to Obi Wan), the miserly exposition (just a few more lines, please?), the "Triumph of the Will" Nazi moment with General Hux, and Finn the stormtrooper who suddenly grows a conscience after at least a decade of training and indoctrination (but he has no problem mowing down his squad mates! The guy is obviously a complete psycho...)
So, why do I give the movie 4 stars? Well, the first half or so of the movie actually holds up pretty well. Chewbacca and Han Solo steal the show, and almost made me believe the movie was good for a while! The acting is not terrible overall (certainly better than what George Lucas ever managed to squeeze out of his actors.) I also liked the visuals and the new droid, BB-8, but that's about it. I have lost what little hope I still had in Star Wars.
Oh and J.J., please get someone to teach you how vast a galaxy really is. You didn't get it in your Star Trek reboot with your magical supernova and you still don't get it with your magical death beam that can be seen halfway across the galaxy. (Actually, I can live with magic, but not willful ignorance...) Get a sense of scale - it will only make your movies more epic!