Wish I could like it, I really do

Rating: 3/10 (22 March 2016)

Trust me when I say, I WISH I could like this movie as much as it was hyped up for me to - I really, really don't.
To start with, literally the entire movie felt like it was on fast forward. Character development was rushed, I can't say whether or not I care about either of the main protagonists because of this; new characters being introduced willy-nilly left and right; events that would sometimes take more than just one movie to happen happening every damn 30 minutes; all of this was quite annoying but I tried to ignore it at first. Kylo Ren couldn't look less like he was Han and Leia's son than a rat could look like it's the offspring of a roach - the dude looks NOTHING like either of his parents nor does he act like them! He's also a weirdo, asking the destroyed mask of Vader for "guidance" despite the fact that Anakin redeemed himself and became one with the force in episode VI; it really doesn't make sense why Ren thinks that Vader will help him resist the "lure" of the light side. There was literally only 2 friggin' lightsaber dueling scenes and they were both at the end of the movie. They killed off Han, which is so stupid in my opinion. They literally had us all thinking that Han had convinced Ren to come back to the light, then that douche-bag kills him and just as a last middle finger to his father, says "thank you" to him before letting him fall into an abyss. WHAT a let-down, I bet they could have salvaged the plot by making it so that Ren joins the Resistance but no, they wrote him as teenaged brat who can't even decide whether he wants to follow the light or dark side. It ALMOST made me glad when Rey defeated him, then I realize that a girl who was previously nothing more than a desert scavenger with barely any knowledge of what the force even is was able to defeat a powerful sith lord like he was nothing. Even Finn, who was a bit of a coward at the beginning of the movie, was able to hold his own against Ren in one on one for a while until he gets a nice slash to the back from Ren's crappy, medieval-style, cross guarded lightsaber. Much of the movie plot itself was just a rehash of episodes 4 through 6. Because of this, it was so utterly predictable and boring that throughout the movie, I was hoping that some kind of twist or crazy turn of events would happen to make the movie seem a little more original; it didn't. In a bid to cover up most of the plot being nothing but reused garbage, much of the movie had humor in it. I dare say, some of the humor moments weren't even appropriate for the situation. They tossed around Anakin's lightsaber like it was toy quite a few times, I'll summarize: somehow, a 1000 year old alien lady gets a hold of it, tries to give it to Rey, who refuses to take it, gives it to Finn who uses it all the way until he gets slashed in the back by Ren, then Rey FINALLY uses her force power to levitate the saber into her hand during the last duel of the movie and uses it to defeat Ren. They threw that lightsaber's worth and symbolism right out of the window with that, basically anybody can acquire and use it now.
This movie was a complete disappointment and I'm utterly shocked at the prospect that another two are being made. I imagine they'll be just as bad or even worse than this movie. It's surprising to think that George Lucas was present in the making of this movie in order to offer guidance. Some "guidance" he gave. Months before this movie came out, I would always joke that J.J. Abrams was going to do a sh*t job at making the next Star Wars movie. As I said, they were nothing but jokes. Unfortunately for me, those jokes were on point, Abrams has completely and utterly f*cked up on this movie. Oh, and since I've bashed the entire film into submission, I guess I'll state ONE thing about the movie that I genuinely liked throughout the two hours: the music. That's it. I was impressed by the music.