The worst episode ever

Rating: 2/10 (26 December 2015)

Short version: at some point I actually started laughing... and not because it was funny. Up until today Episode 1 was the worst one, now it's miles away from episode 7.
Long version: WTF?!? Are you kidding' me? Well, at least now I know why the bad guy wars a mask - because he is a lame pimple faced cry baby. I mean one of the most menacing aspects of Darth Vader or any other Sith in the Star Wars movies was the calmness, the repressed anger, and the fact that the rage was channeled when it mattered. This guys is just the opposite of that. He makes you laugh when you see him loosing it twice and starts bashing and thrashing stuff around him with that ridiculous thing he calls a light saber. You remember the ending of episode 3? You could feel Anakin's / Darth Vader's anger, his rage at finding out Padme's dead. Now Kilogrim... I just laughed. Vader... Pimplegreen. Vader again... Poshy spice girl...
Well, since the directors thinks us stupid, they actually say it right to our face: the super girl says at one point that Lamey Thin is afraid he is not as powerful as Darth Vader - what a frocking' joke.
So in a word a spoiled brat that thinks he's a bad ass with a stupid unpractical light saber.
Almost all the characters are one dimensional. Some of the scenes that made me cringe:
1. So Han tries to get his kid back on track (and of course the setting involves some light going through some door 100 feet above them illuminating just the two of them). So the hipster bad guy (who can, by the way, do stuff even Yoda couldn't, like stop blaster shiny deadly stuff in their tracks) says: "Yeah, I'm torn, help me dad" and Han says "How can I help you with? I'll do anything!" and I was like "YEAH! He's a mean son of bitch so he's going say... You can DIE! - and then kill Han Solo." - Instead.. WTF?!?! He starts to almost cry and when the frocking light goes off he turns to the dark side?!?! WTF!!! And even though you can see Ford's good (not best mind you) acting, the other guy makes you cry!!! He doesn't transmit ANYTHING! His eyes get wet, yet body, and his voice, and his face tell you he doesn't actually give a damn. Why the hell did they cast him?!?!?!? He's abysmal, even compared with Hayden Christensen/Mark Hamill (who seems a better actor now actually :))) ).
2. So the girl (I can't even remember her name, and she was one of the most interesting characters) gets into a fight with the supposed Luke-trained-Han and Leia's super Force Sensitive kid... And she's quite a good match and he almost gets her until.. he says "force" and WTF?!?! she relaxes (and the guy of course doesn't press on with the attack) and she beats him... badly! Without any training... WTF?!?! Because this movie just pushes you to compare with the original trilogy (through "smart" reference lines) I remember Darth Vader / Luke duel 1.0. I mean you could just "see" who was the master and who was the apprentice. Even though at that time they didn't quite have the choreography we have today (in terms of light saber battles) Vader just emanated sobriety, restraint (since he wasn't trying to kill Luke), elegance even. Luke was just out matched, out paced even with Obi-Wan's training. This girl doesn't even know that the Force is - she just found out it's not a myth. And she beats that farce of a Dark Jedi(?).
3. So there's this piece of map... the sort-of Empire can't find Luke without it but the stupid Resistance can't find it either. I mean are they frocking' retarded? In the scene where somehow R2-D2 comes back online and gives the whereabouts of Luke the god damn "piece" of map is a huge chunk of the Galaxy. 5 minutes earlier some resistance retards said they couldn't locate the "sectors" the piece of the map contained... I mean really.
4. Luke almost cries. That was it for me. So the guy that saw his "family" die, his friends die, his apprentices (if we're to believe the reasons he left) die, his teachers die, his real father die (and then incinerate him)... so probably on of the greatest Jedi almost cries (you can see his eyes wet) when some girl (yeah, it's his niece probably, but still it's stupid and out of place) just appears out of nowhere with the family light saber. WTF!!! WTF WTF WTF!!!
5.Terminator-style lines. Few of them. Nothing of consequence. Linear and predictable. In line with the one dimensional characters. No need for acting, just CGI CGI CGI.
In the end... I really really hope you won't be disappointed. Star Wars has never had great depth yet this one is so shallow. Good CGI, but too fast paced, lots of logic leaps, lots of stuff that just pops right out of thin air. Bad directing, worse acting, worst writing. If it didn't have Leia/Han/Luke and the Star Wars name I wouldn't even stay 'till the end, worse than most B-rated SF. And those "clever" references to the original series don't save it - even worse, it goes to show just how bad this Episode is (since it forces you to compare with the last 6 Episodes).
I will of course go to see the next one, and the last one too - since I grew up with Star Wars. Just out of curiosity for the whole story - right now there's nothing else.
Good... GOOOD! (job JJ Abrams&CO)! I wish you could feel my anger!