Critical Failure

Rating: 1/10 (20 December 2015)

The Snore Awakens! This movie is a poorly done rehash of the original trilogy and conveniently ignores everything that everyone knows about what happens after Return of the Jedi. 30 years later and everyone is doing the exact same thing? Did time just stop while everyone was away? Throwing in mediocre acting and poor character development (learning everything you need to know about a character in 15 seconds flat! Well, in Poe's case, they even outright tell you what you need to know in writing before you see him for the first time. how efficient!) which detracts from the movie even more.
Scene after scene are stale and predictable with you saying to yourself over and over "hey, this is another repeat of X scene, oh, that is another repeat of Y scene!" and it gets truly yawn-worthy. Hunting for droids in the desert just like the beginning of the episode 4. The x-wings barreling down the ravine like the first death star. Han and Chewie setting charges to lower the shield like the moon of endor. Black leader breaching the structure and flying around inside blowing up the interior like the 2nd death star. Walking into the strange bar just like Mos Eisley. /facepalm
Not to mention the entire movie is built on coincidences. Oh look, the first order shows up right when you are handed the map. Oh look, your droid just happens to pass by Rey. Oh look, the millennium falcon just happens to be sitting there. Oh look, Han and Chewie just happen to be there to find you. Oh look, Luke's lightsaber happens to be right there for you to find. Oh look, you learn how to use the force in 20 seconds flat and escape. How handy, Kylo just happens to be there. What a coincidence, Kylo doesn't remember that he is a dark Jedi and can simply burst Finn's organs with a single word. It just never ends.
It just makes my head hurt like you can't imagine. All they did was flip-flop content from the original star wars around. It isn't an orphaned boy named Luke, now it's an orphan girl named Rey. The desert planet is no longer tatooine, it is now Jakku. The droid sidekick isn't R2-D2, it is BB-8. Instead of fighting for the rebellion, now it is the resistance. The enemy isn't the empire, now it is the First Order. Their superweapon isn't a moon, now it is a planet. It doesn't destroy planets, but entire star systems. It isn't Darth Vader killing the mentor Obi-Wan, now Kylo Ren killed Han. It just keeps going and going, the train wreck only gets worse the longer you watch.
And we aren't even getting into the subliminal messages/programming. Rey's big phallic black staff that she carries everywhere? The demonized white male villains as angry supremacists? They could have been a little less blatant about it. I know it is important to push certain agendas in Hollywood, but give me a break.
Summary: They wiped their butts with star wars. Congratulations.