Force Awakens is to Star Wars what Zathura was to Jumanji

Rating: 6/10 (23 March 2016)

So, I finally got around to watching the new Star Wars movie and although it entertained me, my biggest feeling when I walked out was... disappointment.
Disappointment that JJ Abrams seems unable to make a movie without borrowing heavily from any previous franchise work that has gone before. If you thought Star Trek Into Darkness was a ripoff of Wrath of Khan, then you haven't seen how far rehash Abrams is truly willing to go.
Force Awakens is, as my tagline suggests, an almost perfect rehash of Episode Four. Beat by beat, scene by scene, set-piece by set-piece, this movie revisits all the plot points of the original movie. The characters get to swap around a little, with some old hands reprising roles of their mentors. Indeed, if it wasn't for the presence of those old hands, then this would be a reboot, not a sequel.
So... shameless copy then?
It pains me to say it, but that is what this is. Couldn't they have come up with a different story? A different bad guy? How many movies about blowing up the Death Star does Star Wars really need? Does every evil force bent on galactic domination need a Darth Vader analogue? Must there always be an Emperor figure lurking in the background manipulating events? Must the children of Force capable parents always stray to the dark-side? The movie so slavishly copies everything about the original movie that it is embarrassing to watch. But hey, this is designed for a new generation who, apparently, the film-makers decided wouldn't notice they basically remade Star Wars.
So with the shameless copying out of the way, is it any good?
Well, it is entertaining. I can't deny that. But in considering why I found it so, despite the story plagiarism, I am forced to admit that it was the presence of the original characters that made it so, especially Ford as Han Solo. Not that Ridley and Boyega don't give a good showing as the new generation, but I went primarily to see the old guard.
That said, I really wish filmmakers would stop putting classic lines in the mouths of others. It isn't clever. It just takes you out of the moment.
Whilst I'm at it, what was with Darth Emo? I mean, seriously? We are supposed to believe this guy as some badass Sith-wanabee? It's like they learned nothing from the Hayden Christensen fiasco. Darth Stroppy-Manchild even has tantrums, for God's sake!
The plot between the end of Return of the Jedi and the start of this movie has been hand-waved away, for the most part. There is some info in the opening crawl but it amounts to "Some elements of the old Empire survived and.... yada-yada... bullshit-bullshit." Not only did they survive, but they also have the resources and manpower to build a super-death-star and have tens of thousands of men (even though they only ever send a few on vital missions).
Other gripes include the galaxy-wide amnesia that sees the Jedi and everything that happened previously as little more than myth, despite the fact that barely forty years have passed. Also, all the old guard have aged appropriately, but Chewbacca's fur looks as glossy as ever. Would it have killed them to throw a few grey hairs in his coat? I get that he's an alien with a longer lifespan, yada-yada. Yet when you see him stood next to Han, it looks like the latter has succumbed to an aging disorder. Minor niggles, perhaps. But niggles nonetheless.
It must be heartening to the bad guys, that every time they are defeated, despite huge losses, they come back stronger than before.
It's... disappointing, as I said. They could have done so much more with the franchise than this. So much more.
I can only hope they move into new territory with the next movie, because I swear, if there is an ice planet in it and Luke starts talking like Yoda and Darth Emo entombs someone in Carbonite, there will be hell to pay.
SUMMARY: Basically Episode 4, but not as good. A slavish remake of the original with the same everything in it, down to lines, settings, iconic scenes and character roles. Entertaining, but marred badly by this lack of originality.