What did I just watch?

Rating: 3/10 (19 December 2019)

Firstly, all the reviews over 5 are clearly fake (or written by ultra-Star Wars fan people who feel anything attached to the Star Wars franchise must be good).
Secondly, most people giving it a 1 are a tiny bit too triggered to be taken seriously - okay, the movie isn't great, but it's not a "Weekend At Bernie's 3" bad.
Thirdly, here's my view abbreviated:

the script is atrocious. Repetitive, dull, unimaginative. "Whoa, yeah!" was probably said about 400 times.
Adam Driver was miscast. Sure, he's a decent actor. But throughout the trilogy he looks like he's constantly about to cry, and that's in between him actually crying (which he does a lot). An emo pretending to be an all-powerful Force wielder.
Rey is... Utterly uninteresting. Her character development was atrocious, and this movie doesn't help her cause with the audience. By the end I was hoping she'd be killed off.
Too many side characters. I mean, there are hundreds of 'cameos', none of which add value to the story.
Lots and lots of big time action sequences - almost none of which made sense. (As an example, a universe filled with Dreadnaughts fall to a few rust buckets - what?)

JJ ruined the Star Trek movie franchise, and now he's done the same to Star Wars. Great work, mate.
I recommend watching this if you need closure. But if you've seen Return of the Jedi, and you're not fully invested in this current trilogy, best take your kids to see Frozen 2.