The Rise of Skywalker falls from the glorious heights of the Jedi to the scheming pits of the Sith.

Rating: 3/10 (5 May 2020)

Over four decades. Eight chapters. Approximately a thousand minutes of storytelling. All culminating in a momental final battle between the remnants of the Jedi and Sith. It's all come down to this saga defining-moment. Rey finally realising her true potential as one with the Force. Kylo Ren combatting his internal conflict between the breaching light and overwhelming dark. Poe, Finn and the rest of the Resistance standing against the First Order for the last battle. Two and a half hours of complete sci-fi satisfaction, right? Wrong. Oh dear. Oh very dear.
Abrams is rushed back to provide damage control for the divisive results that Johnson's middling episode, 'The Last Jedi', provided. An undeniably audacious chapter that indefinitely split its audience, myself included. Kennedy and her camaraderie with Disney could not risk another boldly daring chapter to finalise the self-entitled "Skywalker Saga". The backlash would've been incalculable. So, instead, the team opted to erase 'The Last Jedi' from existence by ignoring its themes and plot details, and instead determined to unimaginatively resurrect a supposedly deceased Sith Lord that had zero buildup throughout the entire sequel trilogy, and had the audacity to carelessly finalise the many character arcs that were creatively constructed in the previous two chapters.
Rey discovers her ancestry, in a familial conventional twist that was brashly forced to provide a minuscule amount of emotional conflict within her. A conflict that was already subtly explored in the previous two chapters. Kylo Ren, again, experiencing a Force conflict where his allegiance is questionable. Well, this episode settles that mental battle, in what can only be described as derivative. The rest of the Resistance members failed to receive any additional characterised development, merely acting as tools for the visualised action sequences haphazardly edited through quick cuts and clinical dilution. The characters, particularly Rey and Kylo, is what made this sequel trilogy at the very least interesting from a narrative perspective. They aren't omnipotent beings of the Force. There is some fragility within. Yet due to lacklustre attention, the emotional impact these characters subsequently attempt to create are non-existent. Terrio and Abrams' screenplay seemingly ignores all preceding buildup to wrap its own story up, that hadn't even been set up by 'The Force Awakens' or 'The Last Jedi'. Consequently, it's a two hour fix-up for a trilogy that was rapidly convoluting itself.
Then the plot conveniences and holes become apparent. We're not talking one or two minor pushes in narrative momentum. This entire ordeal is built upon patronising conveniences, again, acting as a corrective instalment. Poe's old acquaintance Zorii surprisingly gifting him with a First Order pass, despite the clear antipathy for one another. General Hux' true intentions. The second transporter carrying Chewie that wasn't obliterated. The entire third act. Then there's the dagger inscribed with Sith text, that just so happens to guide Rey to a precise location on an entire planet, reliant upon the destruction of a space station, the exact location to which the bearer stands and the angle to which they hold the dagger, to find a peculiar wayfinder that's been hidden for years. It simply doesn't make sense, and rather annoyingly the whole story is powered by these indescribable conveniences.
As always, an ensemble cast of new and familiar faces are present. Williams is back as an incredibly insignificant role of Lando Calrissian, merely employing fan service. Maz Kanata makes a brief return, remember her? That one scene in 'The Force Awakens'? Again, insignificant. Rose, the blossoming romance between her and Finn, gone. She's just an insignificant mechanic now. The Knights of Ren make an appearance, and do nothing. Boyega's American accent seemingly worsened. And Driver isn't even trying, and somehow feels like an entirely different character (frustrating given how excellent his development was). Ridley and Isaac were notably the only engrossing performances, passable at best.
The last substantial criticism for the film, is the desperate employment of fan service. Abilities, such as Force healing, which had only been demoted in the extended Star Wars universe (otherwise my boy Qui-Gon would've lived...), now providing crucial plot points within this episode. No character seemingly wants to perish. The Knights of Ren, again, what's the point? Oh look, ewoks!
Abrams is a master at conjuring nostalgia, but the unembellished retreat helmed by a higher authority has forced this episode to be, quite simply, one of the worst finalisations to a franchise ever. Yes, Williams' score reigns supreme once again. Yes, Mindel's cinematography gorgeously captures the scale of the Star Destroyers. And yes, aside from Rey's confrontation with the Sith, the third act was mildly entertaining from a blockbuster perspective. But as a Star Wars episode, a closing chapter to the sequel trilogy and the "Skywalker Saga", it's a catastrophic failure. Unimaginative, uneventful and unforgivable. Hopefully the stars will rest easy now, until the next trilogy comes along and rages war against its audience once again.