A 2.5-Hour, Contiguous Trailer for a Really, Really Poor Movie

Rating: 3/10 (2 January 2020)

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is what a SW film would look like if directed by a Pulp Fiction era Tarantino, while on a drug binge: a bunch of half-realised scenes and set-pieces, thrown into the air and edited together at random, into one, unholy migraine-inducing mangled mess, and then cynically packaged as a film for the mindless, mouth-breather masses.
There is no redeeming quality to this film -- period: not its writing; certainly not its hammy acting; not its action choreography (sheesh... could these "Jedi" be any WORSE swordsman and Force practitioners?!); not its video game-y special effects; and especially not its remedial directing school drop-out tier directing. Heck, if "Jar Jar Abrams" ever gets another big budget project after his two SW self-soilings, the perceived dire dearth of talent in the film industry, will be proven irrefutable fact.
There is literally zero point in delineating any further on this faecal flinging fest of a film, because it is nothing more than an incoherent mess of what genuinely seemed like the brain farts of a 12-year-old (Disney) SW fan, projectile-vomited to screen. The film is really THAT bad -- even from a non-partisan, purely filmic perspective.
SW: TRoS is, without doubt, objectively the worst SW film ever produced; and arguably, pound for production budget pound, one of the worst films ever rendered to screen. Read the myriad reviews here detailing why -- no blockbuster with a "Star Wars" moniker attached to it would attract such negativity, if it were not grounded in some fact. You have been duly warned ⚠
(NB: I did not pay to watch this film, as I did not pay to watch any of the Disney SW offerings, beyond the first one -- ep.VII.)
3/10