What the Cinnamon Toast Force is this?

Rating: 2/10 (12 June 2020)

So... here's the summary: Palpatine is back, somehow, with a fleet of planet killing Stardestroyers, as if we weren't tired of those already. He decides to have them in the First Order so he can take over the Galaxy again.
Question 1: Why is Palpatine back? The First Order is already a big enough threat, and they already have the Galaxy. Why does Kylo Ren think that they need the help of Palpatine?
Question 2: WHY ARE ALL OF THE STARDESTROYERS PLANET KILLERS AND WHO BUILT THEM?! We've had three different ones in the span of 30 years! And before any canon junkies tell me, yes I know who and how, but it's still a stupid, stupid explanation.
Back to the summary: Rey is still trying to become a Jedi under the tutelage of Leia. It's cut short in favor of a fetch quest that has Rey, Finn, Poe, Chewbacca, and C-3P0 looking for an artifact that can guide them to Palpatine. Along the way... *sigh* Rey is revealed to be the granddaughter of Palpatine.
Question 3: WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD PROCREATE WITH SHRIVELLED OLD PALPS?!? I know the explanation, but if we need supplementary material to explain a major point of the movie, then the plot point itself is not good.
Let's finish the plot summary: Rey goes to fight her grandpa while the Resistance goes to try and destroy the planet killers, Leia dies, Kylo Ren dies, rebirthing Ben Solo, and the Battle of Exogol begins with a massive fleet of ships from the entire galaxy.
For the whole 2 minutes we can see of it.
Question 4: Why don't we get to see the whole battle?! This was supposed to be the final stand of the Galaxy, everyone fighting against the ultimate evil to defeat it. But in this movie? To heck with that. Let's make the entire climax not the battle above, but the rather pointless fight between Rey and Palpatine. I know that something similar was done in ROTJ, but here's the biggest difference: We actually see Pilots flying and destroying enemies and it has a narrative. Here? It's background noise.
Question 5: Where did the massive fleet come from? In pretty much every single supplementary material leading to this movie, the Galaxy gets terrible punishment for helping the Resistance. That's why no one answered the Resistance during the Battle of Crait. Would anyone reasonably help them out with the fear of retribution?
Let's end the summary: Rey kills Palpatine at the cost of her own life, Ben revives her, they kiss, he dies. The Galaxy revolts against the First Order, Rey visits Tatooine, buries the lightsaber of Anakin/Luke and Leia's lightsaber, and shows off her own while taking up the name of Rey Skywalker (WHY?!?).
Final thoughts that don't fit in the summary:
1. WHY DID JJ DECIDE TO REPAIR THE LIGHTSABER?!? It's kind of obvious from Rey training with her staff in The Last Jedi that her using a dual blade would have been a more practical use of the split Kyber crystal. Why did J.J. decide to have her "learn" of a way to fix a broken crystal?
2. Why was Rose shafted? I understand that she wasn't the most popular character in Last Jedi, but that's why you show another side of her. You don't just sideline her, you show a side of her that is just more.
3. You could pretty much cut Lando out of the story and not miss a thing.
4. Why was there a ton of after the fact information about the movie? Not to mention all of the supplementary material needed to understand some of the things inside the story. If you need this kind of stuff after the fact, then I'm sorry, but you aren't a good storyteller.
5. The Dagger is a stupid plot device.
6. As terrible as this sounds... none of Leia's scenes felt natural. It'd have probably been better to not have her in the movie at all.
7. This wasn't a follow up to Last Jedi. If that's what you're looking for, okay... but this felt like the follow up to the version of The Last Jedi that doesn't exist: the "Fan" Remake.
8. Finn is useless in this movie.
9. It's almost like JJ was in a vacuum not working with the Lucasfilm story group to make sure his movie didn't contradict canon. The clearest example is the dumbest, most petty complaint ever: Chewie gets a medal. He got one, but wookies don't flaunt prizes. That's why he "didn't get one"
All of this to say, no. I didn't like this movie. The biggest reason is this: it was all fanservice, all safe, no risks, no challenge. If I had to choose, I'd rather watch Attack of the Clones than this.