Movie by committee.

Rating: 1/10 (17 December 2019)

This isn't George Lucas vision of Star Wars. Neither is it some talented and visionary directors vision of Star Wars. This isn't even a high budgeted and dedicated fan movie. This is basically just a movie made by a committee - a movie made by a corporation, trying to pander and please as many demographics as possible. Like; we need to have 50% men and 50% women in the movie - we need to have 25% Asians, 25% Africans, 25% Hispanics and 25% Caucasians (who of course mostly should be evil). There needs to be 27% action, 23% humor, 15% suspense, 18% romance, 19% nostalgia etc. We need to get the old fans back, and we need to lure new and young ones in. We need to introduce a certain amount of new cute and cool creatures, characters, weapons and vehicles that can be sold as toys and put on merchandise.
That's how I felt when I saw it. Like I was watching the worlds longest and most expensive calculated demographic pander. Not that J. J. Abrams is the most original, deep or visionary director to begin with, he's all ways been a corporate tool, most of his movies basically just feel like empty copy-pasted franchise-related fluff, but with this one, it really felt like he also had a bunch of corporate overlords telling him what to do, how many boxes he had to check and how many demographics he had to please while making the movie.
When I heard there was going to be a new trilogy, I was so exited to see my old childhood heroes again. But these movies quickly turned out not to really be about Luke, Han, Leia or the others, they were quickly pushed in the background, their characters changed to fit the narrative, before they were killed one off one by one right from the first movie. We never even got to see them reunited alive on the screen together again, and we were instead told to focus on the the new cast from Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
And the new band of heroes just doesn't have the same charm, personalities or chemistry together (actually this is the first movie in the new trilogy, where they do stuff together). They more feel like they have been cast for a United Colors of Benetton commercial, on behalf of their skins-color and sex, more than what type of character and personality they had to portray - they are all just so empty, like cardboard-cutouts with calculated screen-time and one-dimensional personalities. Most of them, hardly even have an arc or any real character-development over the course of 3 movies.
And the same goes for the new movie itself. The action is bland, nothing we haven't seen a 100 times before. Often way better and more impressive in other modern movies. Sure it's state of the art, but some of the CGI actually looks rather rushed and unfinished, considering the budget behind this movie, while at other times, there's just too much going on at the screen at once, for you to get involved, focus or care.
And the action often doesn't serve a purpose to the story - it's just more timely inserted space-battles, chase-scenes and sci-fi fights. Mostly just overblown shiny CGI stuff, with a few practical puppets, sets and costumes thrown in to pander to the old fans.
The humor feel as forced and artificial as in the first two new movies, more like the humor you would see in something like Guardians of the Galaxy or Thor Ragnarok, than in Star Wars. Sure the original Star Wars movies also had some humor, but in those movies, it felt natural, like when normal people in the real world make jokes and snappy remarks among each other, or are thrown into unexpected situations together. Not these wink-wink-moments, slapstick humor and juvenile self aware meme-jokes. At times I almost expected Rey to just start using her unignited lightsaber as a microphone and start to rap.
What's worse, is that this movie also tries to be dark at the same time, but this isn't Empire Strikes Back or Revenge of the Sith, those movies really were dark chapters in the Star Wars saga, with hardly any humor in them, but in The Rise of Skywalker, it just makes the movie feel even more like a tonal mess, since the movie also tries to be funny, upbeat and happy at the same, making both the humor, the drama and the darker elements feel even more forced and out of place.
Without going into spoiler territory, I can tell you this; if you felt that The Force Awakens and Especially The Last Jedi did more damage to the existing Star Wars characters and lore, more than it helped expand it, then you will hate this movie.
Not that there's really much to spoil anyway - the shallow Rey and her generic friends, just follow the markings of some convenient new space dagger, which takes them across a bunch of random locations, that leads to some pointless exposition and bland action sequences. Most of these sequences, feel like they could have been put in at any random order, like they were planed and filmed before the story, while most of the story just feel like an excuse to go to try and fill out two hours of more Star Wars - not like this epic, fulfilling and long awaited conclusion to some of the the most important movies in modern pop culture.
Or to quote the actor of C3PO Antonio Daniels; "We've waited 40 years for THIS?"
Basically, this movie and the new trilogy as a whole, just ruin more for the original saga, than it expands or concludes.
And the way they bring back Emperor Palatine is beyond stupid, not to mention his motives and plans, that hardly makes any logical sense. Sure, it's great to see Ian McDiarmid back as Palpatine, though it's basically only like an expanded cameo - but by bringing him back, this movie basically destroys the whole overarching plot of the first 6 movies - with Anakin being the chosen one, fulfilling the prophecy of bringing balance to the force, by helping Palpatine whipping out the Jedi, and then destroying Palpatine and his empire.
Bringing Back Palpatine felt more like a desperate act from Disney and the producers, to have a major beloved villain back and lure in more old fans, but when they did so, they basically made the plot and the epic story of all the first 6 movies pointless, all 9 movies are basically just a weird mess now story-wise.
Actually most of this movie, feels like a jumbled mess, that seem to have gone through countless script-changes, multiple edits and re-shoots. It almost felt like they came up with most of it, as they went along. Often it seems like entire scenes are missing, and we are left without crucial information and explanation. So many questions sat up in both episode VII and VIII are still left unanswered, while this movie still creates more questions and leaves you scratching your head. While also completely disregarding or changing a lot of the lore and "rules" of the Star Wars universe - the force and its powers seem to be more or less random now, and its wielders can more or less do anything when it fits the plot.
Supposedly Disney also went ahead and started to produce these films, before they even had an entire story planed out for all 3 movies, even though George Lucas all ready had a scripted idea for a new trilogy, that they discarded, to instead go along with something more "safe", that they hadn't even planned out first.
If you want to create a trilogy of movies, perhaps, you should have an overall story you wish to tell, before you wish to make a trilogy.
Instead of making it up as you go along from movie to movie - and in this episodes case, scene to scene.
Just an idea...
Though I guess calling your own long time fans out as trolls, Russian bots, racists, homophobes, misogynists and basement dwelling man-babies, just because they voice their disappointment and general critique towards the movies, isn't the best way to strengthen your brand either...
So even if you're a huge Star Wars fan, should go and support this movie?
The short answer is no. This is movie-making without soul, without love, and without the desire to tell a story. Without passion.
This is corporate entertainment at its worst. Everything seems calculated. This is only made to sell more plastic and to desperately still keep a major franchise relevant, even though it is clearly loosing its momentum.
Maybe we did finally get to see what happened after Return of the Jedi, but the way this trilogy ended out, I would actually have preferred, that they never made these movies - since they just make all the all the battles and sacrifices from the first 6 movies feel pointless now.
If you really are a fan of Star Wars, or movies as an art-form in general, then you shouldn't support this shallow nothingness with your money.
To quote something Mark Hamil said about it on Twitter; "I would wait till it's out on cable."