This is not the film you are looking for

Rating: 2/10 (20 December 2019)

Ok to use a gridiron analogy. It is the 4th quarter. Its first and inches and you only have to move the ball forward a small bit to score an almighty touchdown and win the game outright. No question. Simple. And just to be clear. The ball is Star Wars.
Easy. But we just have to explain a bit first. We want to fill in the unanswered questions about Reys backstory. Explain her heritage and so on. Okay. Oh and we want to fill in other characters backstories too. Enrich them. And we want to clarify a few things that have been done before. And, because its Star Wars we want to show how inventive we are and throw in some completely new characters and plot devices at the same time. At the same time we want to contain quite a few throwbacks, have a few nods to the old Star Wars heritage. For the fans. And we want a love story. Preferably unrequited. After all we so want the film to have meaning. Oh and we want it to be shocking, unpredictable and twisty. And we want it all to be cinematic. A grand visual exiting epic.
So, by trying to do so much then unfortunately what was potentially the easiest win in history becomes an unbridled confusing bit of a mess really.
I overlooked the plot holes in the original trilogy. I forgave Binkgate and, arguably the introduction of the most annoying Star Wars character ever. I eventually forgave the travesty that was Episode II : Kevin, Perry and Anakin Go Large. I defended the endless revisiting and remastering/tinkering of the originals. I even embraced the Disneyfication of Star Wars. I enjoyed the Force Awakens and The Last Jedi and am loving the Mandalorian despite baby Yoda) so was fully prepared for a bit of schmaltz. I would have given them that. But what I won't forgive is this fumble. This mish mash. This is Star Wars. Not high brow entertainment. It is the ultimate pop corn fodder. But I never ever, in my wildest dreams, would have thought that I would find Star Wars emotionless and boring. But it was. Despite all the cinematic gold and heritage that could be drawn upon (save for the unintended comedy moment where Chewie turns into Zoidberg from Futurama 'Whumpwhumpwhump') this is ninety minutes of cookie cutter unchallenging watching. I could wax lyrical about all the faults I found and the few things I actually did like (yes there were some : the CÂ£PO mind wiping alien, the nonchalant little nod from Kylo Ren when he pulls off his wonderful slight of hand) but I won't as safe to say that regardless of this negative review then you need to see it anyway as it closes the book on a cinematic universe, but try not to get too angry watching it.