Dumpster Fire

Rating: 2/10 (20 December 2019)

Wow, soooooo much wrong here...
First off, let's just say this: Rey's backstory finally get's revealed, and she's Palpy's granddaughter. How? Who did he shag while reigning over the galaxy? I sure as hell don't know, and they don't bother telling you. So then how does this make any sense? It doesn't. Absolutely none.
Point two, Palpatine's return makes no sense. His body was destroyed and it was implied in the original that his spirit did not (and could not) live on because he was evil and amalgamated the force to do what he wished. All of that is erased here. He is now a zombie like figure on the new Sith world (why would you make a new Sith home world when they already had one in both legends and canon?). So how is he alive again? They imply they cloned him, but how? What did they clone him with? They don't tell you. It feels like extremely lazy writing, they ran out of ideas and somebody just (probably jokingly) said "Let's bring back The Emperor!" Since Rian Johnson killed the head honcho, they needed to try and get a fan response to a dying franchise and used Palpy. Two words: cop-out.
Thirdly, the title makes no sense. Rey confronts Palpatine and kills him after Palpatine sucks the force out of her and Ben Solo (and subsequently tossing Ben off a cliff into the void, so if you thought a Skywalker would be the one to save he day as the title would logically imply, you're partly wrong). She has the voices of past Jedi chant for her to take him out as she zaps him with lightning redirected with two lightsabers into his face. After she kills him, she dies. You think that finally it's over, no more Marey Sue. Then Ben comes up from the void by the only means I can think of being black magic, so then you think and maybe Ben will come up and be the last Skywalker and restart the Jedi Order maybe (despite how pointless this would have made the entire saga). But instead, he says "No! Disney's strong female lead can't die, that defeats the forced plot point!" So he decides to use the force power he had (she stabs him earlier in the film but then uses the force to heal him from his mortal wound like a magic bandaid that kills cancer) to heal Rey. They kiss, he dies. That was "The Rise of Skywalker". He saved Rey, that was his rise. What a let down.
After this, Rey goes to Tatooine and buries Luke and Leia's lightsabers (because Leia actually had Jedi training now), then she reveals she built her own yellow bladed lightsaber (how she got a crystal, who knows at this point! Don't you know you aren't supposed to be asking questions!). After this a woman with a mount comes walking by asking for Rey's name. She says "I'm Rey," and you might be thinking that she'd say Palpatine as her last name after looking to Like and Leia's force ghosts, perhaps thinking she will finally be comfortable with who she is and complete a character arc (albeit a very loose, stupid, small one). But nah, she says "I'm Rey Skywalker," and then roll credits as she looks at the setting suns. The entire point of the movie (ending the Skywalker Saga) defeated with one sentence (since Rey now proclaims herself to be a Skywalker).
How has this movie solved anything? The answer is that it has solved nothing. It was pointless. This entire trilogy has been pointless. This whole Disney Star Wars fiasco is just what the title of this review calls it; a Dumpster Fire.