THE RISE OF SKYWALKER IN 10 POINTS

Rating: 5/10 (19 December 2019)

I grew up with Star Wars.
I watched all versions of the original trilogy countless times, collect both Expanded Universe (now known as Legends) and Canon novels, played games and dreamed of being a Jedi (admittedly, sometimes a Sith too).
So it was a no brainer to guess that when the movie that is the conclusion of the Skywalker saga premiered last night I went and watched it.
How do I feel about the movie? Below is my review of "Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker" in 10 points delivered in popular Star Wars line without spoiling it for you:
1. Impressive. Every act in this movie is bantha poodoo.
2. The story is as clumsy as it is stupid.
3. Stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!
4. I'd just as soon kiss a wookie.
5. The Rise Of Skywalker? Jeez, George Lucas was out of it for a little while, everyone gets delusions of grandeur!
6. And I thought The Last Jedi smelled bad on the outside.
7. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy of a Star Wars movie.
8. The ability to make movies does not make one intelligent.
9. Where'd they dig up that movie script?
10. Take care of yourself Disney. I guess that's what you're best at isn't it?
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