A joyless cut and paste slog.

Rating: 3/10 (30 December 2019)

The Last Jedi tarnished Star Wars, but it was a competent movie. It had a beginning, middle, and end, and while I disagree with Ryan Johnson's choices, I recognize that he can make a compelling film, even if it's something only he can enjoy. Knives Out proves this.
Rise of Skywalker in comparison, isn't just a terrible Star Wars movie. It's a terrible film. This
is evident right from the opening crawl. This is easily the worst prologue to a saga movie ever. It references an event that never officially happened (unless you play fortnight), talks about characters that don't exist (secret agents), and finally tries to give us insight into Kylo Ren's disposition (raging). It's BS and starts the movie on the wrong foot.
Then we get a truly contrived sequence of the events that puts Kylo Ren in the presence of the film's big bad, and I'm positive this sequence was filmed about a week before the movie premiered. Tonally it doesn't fit the movie at all, being more LOTR than SW.
Once we settle in, the movie does it's best Return of the Jedi impression, but with none of the mystery, or set pieces, which is a crime. This is the first SW movie with no memorable set piece. No Hoth, no speeder chase, no Battle of Endor, no asteroid field. Nothing. The commercials for the film show almost everything they thought would be exciting, in their entirety. None of these are actually any good. The single lightsaber fight is horribly choreographed, looking more like a senior golf club outing than a majestic jedi knight battle which is cringeworthy. The final space battle, which doesn't actually happen in space, amounts to a cgi videogame cutscene. It's embarrassing.
Finn and Poe, played by John Boyega and Oscar Isaac then, are the only reason to watch this film. They bring a good buddy cop feel to the uneven shenanigans, and I wouldn't have minded if they had been the film's primary focus. This team-up was never fully explored, and in hindsight, it's the only saving grace this trilogy has. Instead the film focuses on Rey and Adam Driver's sullen Kylo Ren, one a magical Jedi with powers that only existed in the extended universe till now, and the other an admittedly cool character who developed backwards since the Force Awakens. Adam Driver phones it in, looking like a bored Harrison Ford in ROTJ, but without any classic lines or memorable moments. Mark Hamil, this trilogy's real victim, is simply reciting lines at this point. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to be involved in this film.
There's way more, like the last 40 minutes being the worst good vs evil portrayal in the series, and the ending, which takes a big crap on George Lucas's mythology, but hey, that's what youtubers are for.
In closing, Go see Uncut Gems. Then pretend it's a Star Wars film. Miss this one if you can.