Worst Movie Ever Made

Rating: 1/10 (14 April 2020)

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is hands down the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It's worse than Samurai Cop. It's worse than Troll 2. It's worse than Geteven. It's worse than Things. Because unlike those movies I listed, this travesty has zero redeeming features or qualities. Zero. All the actors are bored and are going through the motions. Nobody seems to care. So why is it so bad?
Well for starters, the very opening crawl sums it all: The dead speak! The galaxy has heard a mysterious broadcast, a threat of REVENGE in the sinister voice of the late EMPEROR PALPATINE.
Yes. For reasons unknown (We the audience never discover exactly why Palpatine chose this very moment to make his comeback) emperor Palpatine has returned. And with it has piqued the interest of even sad emo child Ben Solo. So when Ben meets up with Palpatine, we the audience see Snoke clones all over the place. Which was my second laugh. And they decide to join forces.
Cue to Rey who trains with a deceased Carrie Fischer. Cue to the appearance of Poe, Finn and some other characters where the Rebellion/Resistance? - is informed that Palpatine has made a comeback. Which elicited my third huge laugh.
Then for the next hour our good guys/girls make a mind numbing trek to go after something, which leads them to something, which leads them to planets and more planets and then they have an ancient dagger which showed the location of the remains of the second Death Star?
I don't know. Because at this point, the action had become so mind numbingly fast, my brain started to shut and and I started to nod off. Yes. I almost fell asleep during a Star Wars movie. Thanks JJ.
So to sum up what's happening, because I hate even thinking about this stupid movie, Rey and Ben battle against Palpatine, which was my fourth huge laugh of this abomination.
In a nutshell, other "so bad they're good movies" generally succeed because they sometimes have at least one thing going for them. Maybe it's the bad acting, or special effects, or writing, but it's usually something to keep my mind engaged. This one wasn't even that. It was JJ Abrams giving the audience the middle finger. And yes The Last Jedi was bad. But at least with TLJ I knew where I was. At no point watching TLJ did I feel baffled and confused when watching a scene.
This on the other hand was a confusing mess, and completely forgettable. Even the Prequels had redeeming qualities to it. The very least JJ could've done was throw everything in TFA and TLJ away and simply make an entertaining Star Wars movie, but we never even got that. I would give this a zero if I could. Yes. I'm not joking. This deserves a zero.