Very fast, very fun, very predictable, very stupid

Rating: 4/10 (20 December 2019)

Let me start by saying that this is a bad movie. The plot is stupid, the dialogue is literally laughable, the conflict is absurd, and it left me thinking that it would've been better if Disney had never made this sequel trilogy at all.
That being said, I had a BLAST watching this film. It's like a fanfiction written by a 12 year old that doesn't really understand Star Wars yet, but knows how to generate the FEEL of a fun Star Wars story. It's so bad that it's actually fun to watch it all fall apart. Some of the cringier lines even have PERFECTLY TIMED pauses where you have exactly enough time to realize what the next line is and audibly say something like "She better not say it..." and then she says it.
This is the first "So bad it's good" Star Wars movie, and it might actually be my all-time-favorite "so bad it's good" movie because it's not exclusively bad. The effects are generally amazing (with a couple notable examples that REALLY stick out in a hilarious way), the actors are clearly skilled, and there are several scenes that are legitimately good (given their context within the story) and carry significant emotional weight. These facets of the story serve to enhance the hilarity of the rest of the movie. I Laughed out loud several times. Not at the jokes, but a laugh is a laugh and I don't think I've ever laughed that hard at a movie.
The movie theater I was in was roughly 60% empty, which really just enhanced the bizarre nature of the entire experience.
My wife fell asleep for several minutes and immediately started laughing whe she woke up because the movie is paced so quickly that literally nothing onscreen made any sense to her after missing about six minutes. This movie should've been at least two movies, but I'm so glad that it was just one bizarre sack of plot density and contrivances.
The first thing my wife said to me when we walked out of the theater was (while we were both laughing) "Did we seriously just watch that? Like, did that really happen? What the (censored) even was that?"
I'll avoid any possible spoilers, but I would NOT recommend seeing this movie in theaters. Disney needs to take a hit to the pocketbook for making the sequel trilogy in this manner. HOWEVER, I would 100% recommend watching this movie at home at some point because it is truly the most wild, yet EXTREMELY predictable, ride I've ever been on.