Episode 9 From Outer Space

Rating: 6/10 (20 December 2019)

Unspeakable horrors from outer space paralyze the living and resurrect the dead! You may recognize this tagline from the Ed Wood turkey 'Plan 9 from outer space' but it is basically the plot of 'Rise of Skywalker'. The dead speak! Palpatine is back from the dead and trying to corrupt the galaxy from the super secret sith home world of Exegol.
Hello there.
I would like to start my review with my credentials. I am a long time Star Wars fan (since '93) and a film expert. I know everything about film. I have seen over 250 of them. And I know even more about Star Wars. So without further ado, here is my spoiler-filled review. I will to divide it into the good, the bad, and the Ugnaught.
The Good:
After episode 7 came out, my friends and I gathered together and decided what should happen in Episode 9. For the most part this movie hit the right beats. Leia goes to redeem Kylo and then Kylo and Rey must team up to beat Snoke. Of course, Snoke is dead, so they had to replace him with Palpatine (portrayed again by Ian McDiarmid). The movie explains a little bit about how he is still alive, but my friend asked me a question right when they explained it during the movie, so I missed out on the full details.
I like Kyo Ren. He has a pretty good story arc in this one in my opinion and Adam Driver is a pleasure to watch. (He's not a show stealer, but he is my favorite character in this movie).
I like Anthony Daniels and I live C3PO. It was nice to see him a little more in this movie.
Carrie Fisher: It was very interesting to see how they used extra footage of her to create her scenes in this. I didn't hate it.
Last Jedi Backlash: Rights the 'sins' of episode 8, the Holdo Manuever, Rey's lineage, Luke's casual disregard of his laser sword, and Rose. All of these problems are somewhat rectified plotwise in Episode 9. This movie basically takes a big bantha poodoo on episode 8. And Rose makes for a good secondary character in this movie. If you like the decisions Rian Johnson made with Last Jedi, you may not like this aspect to the movie.
New Force Powers: This movie introduces us to some new Force powers. Well, not super new, as some were introduced in the Mandalorian a few days before this came out. Some will hate them. I though some were a bit odd. But they keep the movie interesting.
THAT cameo: I enjoyed Kylo Ren's visitor. I won't say anything else about that, but I appreciated how it was handled. Notice it parallels the same scene from Episode 7. It contains much of the same dialogue with Kylo Ren making different choices this time around. It's like poetry.
A thousand generations live in you: The final confrontation lacked some emotional depth, but I did appreciate the voices of Jedi past. Look in the credits to see who all they brought back. Spoiler alert, fan favorite Adi Gallia is one of these voices. Thank goodness for that...
The Bad:
Rey: Rey is unfortunately still a bland character. She is perhaps even more flawless in this movie than before. However, at least this time around, it gives us some more insight as to where her powers come from. She has the sacred texts and some training from Princess Leia. And then her origins. Although, she does get tested both physically and morally, I never once was worried about her choosing the dark side or getting killed.
I don't feel any emotional connection to Poe, Finn, Rey, or any of the new characters in this movie. That's a pretty big strike.
Let's crank the Death Star up to 11. For old times sake, let's have another planet get blown up so we can witness the 'ultimate power in the universe'. Enough already!
CGI battle- Like every movie from our day, it decides to devolve into a GIANT CGI battle. Even the final confrontation with Palpatine forgoes a more intimate personal battle after a minute of Rey getting tempted and goes full CGI. SO that makes it really difficult to get completely invested.
Space Horses- The rebels or resistance or whatever they are called these days ride into battle on the planet Sith Planet on horses. Why was this necessary? If Rose is so concerned about space animal rights, I would have thought she would have campaigned to leave them on Endor and not die gruesome deaths at from blaster bolt wounds.
Deus Ex Machina- I know Lando is a smooth talker, but how did he manage to get half of the galaxy to join in their fight at the end? He even manages to get Dennis Lawson out of retirement to reprise his role as Wedge Antilles. The only time an Deus Ex Machina ever worked was in Ex Machina. It did nothing for me in this but at least I got to say say 'Look it's Wedge!'
The Music: I feel dirty saying this, but I didn't like the music. I love John Williams. He is responsible for more iconic scores than I have ever made. But the music in this movie did nothing me. But I still love you John!!!!

The Ugnaught:
These are all the nitpicky 'Star Wars fanboy' complaints I have. Casual viewers may not care. But as a great smuggler once said, 'I care.' Skip to closing remarks if you don't care.
A good question for another time: In episode 9, we are teased with the question how did Maz Kanata come into contact with Luke Skywalker's first lightsaber (Anakin's lightsaber). She says 'that is a good question, for another time.' Well, now was that time JJ! And we still never got it answered!
Speaking of Luke's lightsaber color, Rey is given Luke's (presumably second) lightsaber in this movie. And It has a blue blade. Luke had a green lightsaber at the end of Return of the Jedi. Twenty years have passed since the Battle of Endor, so Luke could have received a new lightsaber in that time period. But if they wanted to pay homage to Luke, his lightsaber which was bequeathed to Rey should have been green. I wonder what the reason for the change in lightsaber color was?
Two Go In, One Comes Out: I'm sure there will be a video on youtube explaining this by the end of the night, but what was going on at the end of the movie? Rey goes to the Lars homestead on Tatooine and buries some lightsabers. Then a new one comes out with an orange blade? Do lightsabers procreate using midi-chlorians?
Alien Diversity: There should be less alien diversity. I saw one Mon Calamari, one Sullustan, and two or three ewoks. Would it have hurt J.J. Abrams or Kathleen Kennedy to put in some more 'classic, George Lucas era aliens?' I have not been a fan of the lack of OT (Original Trilogy) creatures in these films. But hey, we got this weird Jabba the Hutt type resistance character. His name is Klaud and I am sure every kid in America is gonna want one of these.
Stormtroopers: This movie gives us so many stormtroopers and they still can't hit anything! Except maybe Poe's arm. No worries though, it will be all better by the next scene. But at least they (the stormtroopers) fly now! Clearly Poe, Finn, and Threepio have never played Star Wars Battlefront, or consumed any other Star Wars media where Stormtroopers have had jet packs since forever. And didn't Poe used to be a stormtrooper?
Super Secret Sith Homeworld: They must got to Exegol to defeat Emperor Palpy once and for all. The Sith already have a homeworld called Moraband/Korriban. I'm sure they have a reason for using Exegol. But why make a new planet when one already exists?
Knights of Ren: I have nothing to say but what a waste of potential.
Closing Remarks:
Thanks for sticking with me. It had almost everything plotwise that I expected and answered/remedied some problems created by episode 8. However it still was a hollow shell of Star Wars and lacked any true emotional depth, with the exception of some Kylo Ren scenes. I enjoyed the lightsaber fights and seeing the Emperor again. But in the end, what was accomplished? What was the point? Rey is now in the exact same position as Luke was at the end of Return of the Jedi. I enjoyed the movie but as you can see, I had a lot of problems with it.
My final verdict is around a 6/10. I will only see it three more times...today.