Disjointed and terribly fast paced to distract from a lack of any logic

Rating: Null/10 (23 December 2019)

If you just casually care about Star Wars: stay far, far away from this! Watch episodes 4, 5 and 6, which are classics in movie history. And then go on, live a happy life without knowing about this trilogy.
Obviously this movie had to overcome a big hurdle. It's the third in a trilogy where the first two movies wasted a lot of chances to set up themes and story arcs. Or to be more precise, a lot of potential was buried in the sand in The Last Jedi just for the sake of subverting fan theories.
As a consequence, they had to put A LOT in these 140 minutes. It is crammed with ret-conning and two movies worth of events and it does not give you any chance to soak in the universe or appreciate what's happening. If you go for a too long bathroom break you could miss out on a whole planet. After watching I wanted to go back to the late 70ies and just spend a minute with Luke staring at a sunset on Tattooine and take a breather.
*SPOILERS*
Let me just recap the first third of the movie, to show what a pure ADHD fueled nightmare it is:
Four minutes in and Kylo meets the Emperor. You know, the dead villain from the old trilogy? Followed by a highspeed, quick-cut chase in the Millenium Falcon. Then cut to Rey training with Leia in the jungle. By the way: In the last movie Luke told Rey the Force is not just about levitating rocks and now she's literally doing a Force training course workout? Don't think! Then for the first time we see our main trio Poe, Rey and Finn all three having a conversation - it's just shouting. Then the Rebels confirm: Palpatine is alive! And there will be attacks somewhere soon? Wait, what is happening? Ok, so Luke was apparently tracking down the Emperor's location. And now they have to find him. Got it. Wait, was that Rose? Did Finn just pet her on the shoulder? Umm, is that a holi festival now? There's Lando! Explosion! Quick sand! An underground dungeon? Rey's using the force healing a giant snake!?
They never stay on a scene long enough for it to get interesting. Actually you could argue, this movie has almost no scenes. It's set pieces. Maybe they did this so they audience can't possibly think about the logic behind it all.
Even Last Jedi (as stupid as some of the decisions were) felt like a normally paced movie in comparison, it's no fun to be constantly bombarded like this. Luckily, the movie slows down a bit for the second half. The middle of the movie actually was the most enjoyable part for me.
Although I could smell Kylo's redemption two movies ago, Adam Driver was the best thing about this whole trilogy because he is an amazing actor and had an interesting character to portray. And lastly comes a paint by numbers showdown. Fighter battles, light saber duels, and of course, there is a super weapon on every Star Destroyer cause JJ Abrams loves those.
Everything about Palpatine was cringy. Whereas it was unclear whether Luke would strike down his own father in Episode 6 or join the dark side, it is obvious that the super-evil Emperor has nothing to offer to Rey. Instead he sucks the force out of Rey and Kylo, which reminded me of the Harry Potter franchise. Or Batman v Superman.
The ending was overly sentimental. It would make sense as a farewell after 9 Episodes if we would actually have cared about the last three movies. And then there was the lesbian kiss in the background which Disney wants to call progressive.
I don't give 1/10 or 2/10 to movies that have some visible production quality to them. But I can't go much higher than this.
Possibly some hardcore Star Wars fanboys will defend it to the death (there's plenty of fan service).