Absolute Trash.

Rating: 1/10 (25 July 2005)

Seeing this movie reminds me of the saying 'You can't kick a bark out of a dead dog.' That being said, this movie seems so forced in its attempts to be everything to everyone that it doesn't achieve any one particular aspect very well. The drama presented between characters is oddly placed when thinking of what kind of care they movie attempts to make you have for them. Basically, the character interaction is stagnant, with some contractually obligated hints at Anakin's angst or whatever, until such time as the obvious crescendo is is reached and signals another stagnant character interaction. There is nothing that makes you care what happens between Anakin and the ex-Queens relationship, save for an excuse to fart out some of the most forced and/or disinterested acting in Hollywood... and that says a lot. Normally that wouldn't directly make a movie abysmally bad if it has action or other redeeming entertainment value (like special effects), but all the pomp in this film cannot save it from the commitment the movie requires you to invest. It's long, long and cheesy. The movies cares little to present Anakins inner turmoil, and if it gives reason for it, it doesn't bother to make it a focal point. If an audience isn't made to care about the characters inner developments, then how are they supposed to care about the clichÃ© twists and turns it attempts to make? If you don't care about the characters, something the original trilogy succeeded in, you aren't going to care when Padame has twins in a minute and spits out both their names in the same breath. What? Why'd she pick those names? Was she looking for the first thing that came to her head? WHy didn't Lucas have enough sense to foreshadow an influence for her name ideas. All this would seem moot if the scene wasn't supposed to be so important in the entire saga. ANakin, as well is presented as a plastic 2 dimensional character, and I say 2 dimensional, because the film tries to fart out a sorry excuse of struggle of good and evil within him which basically consists in him saying the appropriate lines to tell us which side he is leaning on at the moment. Rubbish! And when he converts he is reduced to the one dimensional archetype tattered super-villain we have all seen before. The only relation I had with this film was when Vader gets off his operation table and shouts in the worst and most unconvincing 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' I have seen in a film since your favorite Ed Wood film, and the reason for this connection is that that is what i was screaming in my head during this entire picture. I wasn't expecting much in the first place. The first two prequels were horrible, with an amusing battle scene at the end of part II, but this film is exactly what Star Wars film shouldn't be - Star Trek parading around as Star Wars.
I think, with all sincerity, that Lucas' new Star Wars 'vision' (starting with his hacking the originals with horrible cabaret scenes and needless animations) is the product of a mid-life crisis. It is not his fault that the best STar Wars film wasn't directed by him (Empire Strikes Back), but there is no reason for garbage like this save for lining your pockets with the money of nostalgic Star Wars fans and their kids. And although, i have a fondness for the originals, and i have that nostalgia too, I am glad I didn't get suckered into paying 7 bucks for this trash. I downloaded it off the internet. Lucas is not an artist, but a capitalist.