George Lucas needs your money ...

Rating: 1/10 (27 October 2005)

Hayden Christensen (who can't act) and Ewan MacGregor (who can act, but chooses not to) set off to rescue Ian MacDiarmid from the clutches of Dracula and a coughing cartoon character. Christensen kills Dracula, rescues MacDiarmid, kills loads of robots etc etc..
They then crash land on the planet that looks like a city, after which Christensen has some 'meaningful' conversations with MacDiarmid about evil whilst MacGregor rides around on a badly animated cartoon dragon. Samuel L. Jackson gets killed by the force of MacDiarmid's Oscar-winning over-acting and Christensen turns evil for no apparent reason at all (or none that I could fathom anyway).
After this Christensen kills everybody he meets and those he doesn't are killed by Australians with wobbly heads. MacGregor, who by this stage is furious at the thought of signing a contract committing him to appear in this drivel, tracks Christensen down and fights him in a volcano. Christensen, bogged down by an inability to act, has his arms and legs cut off and has to be turned into a thin-looking Darth Vader with a weird-shaped head.
Natalie Portman then dies of 'a broken heart' (no word of a lie) and her babies are handed over to the chap out of 'LA Law' and some guy with a beard. The End.
I'm afraid I've missed out quite a lot of what happens in this risible little film because it's already fading from my memory, but I reckon I've got the main points. Hopefully, this'll be enough to warn you off wasting nearly three hours of your life watching this badly-acted, overblown children's story.