Noooooo!

Rating: 3/10 (17 May 2005)

How good is Revenge of the Sith? Or, more pertinently, how bad is it? Because let's face it, George Lucas has earned such a reputation for mangling the fond memories of his once loyal fans that one can only be pleasantly surprised by his prequels if one has the lowest expectations.
Episode III is not nearly as bad as Episodes I and II. Don't get too excited, mind. It still stinks in many respects. George has pulled the dead rat out from behind the fridge but there are still mouldering prawns under the dishwasher.
If you take it for granted that the one-on-one scenes will be poorly scripted and that the acting, even among the principals, rarely rises above mediocrity, then you might start to be sucked back into Lucas's elaborate vision of his far, far away galaxy of long ago.
Unlike Episode II, the dazzling son et lumière show here is more than a non-interactive computer game and delivers a grand plot that fits neatly into Episode IV, its 28-year-old sequel. But this continuity is also the film's fundamental weakness. We know exactly what is going to happen.
***SPOILER BEGINS***
Every combat sequence, no matter how intensely fought, has a predictable outcome. Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker vs Count Dooku. Obi Wan Kenobi vs General Grievous. Mace Windu vs Chancellor Palpatine. Chancellor Palpatine vs Yoda. Obi Wan Kenobi vs Darth Vader. I haven't told you the results, but naming the participants is effectively a spoiler.
And what about the really bad bits? The Jar Jar Binks-standard goofs that make you want to bill George for stomping on your childhood? The most laughable scene occurs when Darth Vader learns of his wife's death. "Nooooo!" he shouts as the camera retreats. It is a scene so clichéd that even parodies have tired of using it.
It is matched only by Yoda's decision to hide Luke Skywalker where Darth Vader can never find him: with Darth Vader's half-brother Owen, the only remaining Skywalkers in the galaxy. Honestly. Surely even Darth Vader could search the telephone book.
***SPOILER ENDS***
As the credits rolled I was just glad that it was over. Not just the two hours and 20 minutes (which felt much, much longer) but the whole franchise. During the most predictable parts I lapsed into wondering whether it would have been better to have combined Episodes I and II as a single film and split Episode III into two, but perhaps it would have been better never to have made any prequels at all. For all the entertainment George has given us, I can't help but feel he is a bit of a prat.