Scenery Chewing Debacle

Rating: 1/10 (3 June 2005)

Okay, I'll cop to this up front. I'm not of the Star Wars faithful. I thought it was a poorly done excuse for compelling science fiction back in 1976 and nothing has changed. George Lucas has perfected the art of printing money thanks to a generation of paying customers who think that visual and audio stimulation, combined with cheesy and unconvincingly delivered dialogue, makes for a good film franchise. The geeks will slap down their money at least ten times each for this chunk. The profit machine that is Star Wars is not in doubt. However, don't try to sell me the fiction that this is good film making. Where to start? The acting was horrific in "Revenge of the Sith". The story was apparently doodled on the back of a matchbook cover. The good guys dress like fashion challenged apostles and the bad guys resemble mechanized cartoon insects. The fight scenes look exactly as they did 30 years ago. Dialogue is delivered awkwardly and oh so s-l-o-w-l-y to suggest that what is being said is grandly significant. If you're a Star Wars fan, you will pay and gush and pay and gush again and again. If they ever finally do move out of their parent's basements, they may realize that they are only worshipping at the altar of the greatest marketing machine ever conceived. There's not a thing wrong with money, but just once, give the rest of us something worth paying for. You shouldn't have to be a hardened cult member to enjoy a film. Though I was dragged to "Revenge of the Sith" by a friend, I take full responsibility for utterly wasting $9.75. I can only hope that George Lucas will invest my money in a used copy of "Screenplay" by Syd Field.