Cinematic Garbage

Rating: 3/10 (2 July 2005)

Before I begin this review I will point out I am a fan of science fiction and have been since I was a kid; I'm not a huge Star Wars devotee but I do really enjoy Episodes IV-VI. Despite some flaws with dialogue, they are hugely entertaining, genre-defining classics.
I have avoided Episodes I and II on advice from others and based on the reviews on this site, but decided to view this one as I have been told it is far superior, and in some cases nearly equal to the majesty of the original trilogy. I went into it as unbiased as possible, but a part of me did hope this would add to the series, not further tarnish it.
Unfortunately I was disappointed. In fact that is an understatement - for most of the film I was bored to tears. Here are my reasons why.
I did one or more of the following when listening to the dialogue: groaned, shook my head or sighed. Many of the lines are so clichÃ©d and obvious it is insulting. Ben Kenobi comes across as a complete idiot with none of the supposed Jedi wiseness. The scene with Anakin's conversion to the Dark Side happens far too fast, which makes it very hard to believe his character is actually a character at all.
I found a great majority of the CGI to be incredibly unrealistic. I believe part of the reason for this is because everything looks too clean and too well-lit - it reminds me of the early Star Trek TNG Enterprise shots. Yoda looks terrible - I really wish he was a puppet as he was in the original films, he is so much more believable in that form.
I swear that the plot, although guaranteed to follow certain criteria as prequels have to, could be mostly guessed at by anyone who hasn't seen a single Star Wars film before. The 'grand finale' is only as entertaining as the 2 hours that precede it should have been. I didn't care for anything or anyone in this film, it was a chore to sit through.
I'm staggered and disappointed that the rating at the time of writing is 7.9. That ranks it marginally higher than a handful of my favourite all-time films. The only reasons that I can fathom for this is that there are a lot of people who really love Star Wars (who perhaps saw the originals at the time of release) to the point of it being a blind spot, and that a majority of those people were relieved that this is isn't as bad as Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. If Episode III _IS_ better than either of those films, I hope I am never misfortunate enough to watch them.
My honest opinion of this film is that it is cinematic garbage and I advise anyone who saw the original trilogy and enjoyed it to avoid this. Even the thrill of the big screen can't hope to cover this gaping hole of a movie. 3/10