The Star Wars Holiday Special Comes to the Big Screen!

Rating: 1/10 (20 May 2005)

Well, so Luke: This whiny dork is your father? Now I understand why Luke Skywalker screams "No! No! That's impossible!" so dramatically in 'The Empire Strikes Back'. I'd jump into a chasm too, if I knew my dad was this adolescent, miscast, Scott Stapp-lookin' wimp. (Casting Hugh Jackman or Alan Rickman would have made a lot more sense!) Whew! Well, George, thanks. It's been fun. Go write for Sesame Street now.
Everybody keeps hyping the battle scenes. Why? It's the battle of Naboo all over again, only in space. Yeah, the fire trucks were a nice touch; but who was who? And what the hell was all this fighting about to begin with? ...And who killed all the good writers, anyhow?
Annoying to the point of self-mutilation, Yoda has become! Backwards every one of his lines is. Jeopardy it is like watching. Get it, we all do! Stop, now you can! Older than your 900-year-old butt, it is getting. Enough about that, that is! At least 'Jar-Jar Binks' keeps his cake-hole shut in this one. That's about the only saving grace.
***Spoiler Alert*** The opening credits are yellow, and they slowly crawl away from the viewer in an almost pyramid-like fashion. Pretty cool!