Lucas Succumbs, As He Rushes to The Dark Side!

Rating: 1/10 (1 December 2005)

This film is that poor I failed in being able to summarise my argument into the alloted one thousand word limit. Still, I suppose that gives me another thousand words to chide this film.
The issue that annoys me most (bar the film itself), is the way George Lucas left too many things unanswered, too many things unsaid, and those "key issues" he managed to cram in, all came too quick. In Episode II we're introduced to the notion of this Jedi Master Sypho-Diaz...whatever...who apparently was sent to form the clone army. Here being my case for EpII being EpI. You don't need to introduce Anakin as a child with a "virgin" birth, it's just taking the story of the Bible and reducing to pure cheddary values. The worst analogy/parody/adaptation/borrowing/using of the story line, and i've seen The Passion of the Christ. The point being I researched online, being a star wars fan, i was curious as to who this guy was, but alas NOBODY knew, because Lucas had to rush everything. Poor story telling from a man who brought us so much joy, now brings us so much pain and suffering. The dark side he is.
Anakins turning towards the dark side is totally unbelievable and unfounded. He has dreams. Well fancy that, I have dreams about being able to fly, yet I don't cling on to a possibility that this might actually happen. The Emperor spins him an old wives tale about Darth SomeoneorotherIcouldn'tcarelessious, thus rivalling the Jedi's yarn, leaving us to meander our way through the layers of BS Lucas has layered, to find out that there is no Gold at the end of this Computer Generated Rainbow. Thus emphasising the case for setting II as I, (rewriting and recasting obviously an essential here. I thought Lucas wanted actors. Instead he only managed two actors, and the cast of Disneyworlds The Lion King Show). This leaves Anakin more time to slowly become "seduced". The whole point of the dark side is that you do not turn because of need, you turn because of greed. Lucas attempts to justify this, by making it so that Anakin turns for noble purposes. He wants to save his wife, so he needs the "power" to bring her back to life. *insert sarcastic applause here* Cleverly Done Mr Lucas! Perhaps if he'd been by her side when she was born, she might of survived. Which, baffles me beyond belief. She lost the will to live??? I lost the will to live during that film, and I managed to come out unscathed (partially).
So queue wooden acting. Where the first films had charm, these new ones have cheese. I'm not sure who to blame, the scipt is so poor, not much can be done with it, but Hayden Christenson has no excuse. He delivers his dialogue about as convincingly as a Spanish footballers dive. I..AM..HAYDEN..I SPEAK..IN..A MONOTONE..STARTING..ACTING..PROGRAM..ACTING PROGRAM LOADING..LOADING FAILED. The "nooooooo" is truly one of the worst pieces of cinema, and the phrase should be banned from cinema completely. Along with Portmans (that's right don't think I'd forgotten about you, it's going to take at least another five minutes) wooden "love acting" for Anakin, truly sounds like someone cast the prettiest girl in the school to act in the school play just because she's "that girl". At that's being damned charitable)
Where the first films had a sense of reality, these new ones are incredibly virtual in effects and content. There is no tangibility. Nothing that makes you want to cling on to and go along for the ride. Indeed it seems as if Lucas's train has come right off the tracks and has been delayed indefinitely.
McGregor partially saves it, but his actions are meaningless. Have a fight with anakin to the death then not killing him...hmm interesting take on the traditional "fight to the death". Leia can apparently remember he mother, after a second of birth. C-3PO has his memory erased but apparently not R2, who funnily enough doesn't remember how to fly come the new films.
The whole case for making II -> I, is that you can explain how the technology of the universe downgrades so drastically. Can make a point, of vader being menacing, literally hunting down jedi in an "alien/predator" esquire manner.
Preposterous, nonsense, and clearly not the saving grace. Anyone who thinks to the contrary will soon find they will need to prepare their face, as the force is definitely with my fist.