Lucas brings balance to the Force (not really a good thing)

Rating: 7/10 (3 July 2005)

There is a really good film in here... somewhere.
THE GOOD SIDE Hayden Christensen is a BIG improvement on 'Attack of the Clones', and Ian McDermid is an excellent cackling, hissing, villainous essence of pure evil. Ewan McGregor ain't bad either.
There are some really interesting ideas. the legend of Darth Plaguies is thought provoking, and for once GL doesn't bombard the screen with impressive, but pointless and even more distracting SFX - Ian McDermid tells a story, and the audience uses its imagination. The final transformation into Darth Vader is really quite good.
The final third of the film is best. No spoilers, but its pretty gripping and entertaining.
There is one honourable mention - Stormtroopers sound less like Crocodile Dundee this time ("Thatz nodda blazter. Now thadza blazter!!!"); it's as if GL suddenly had a revelation in his sleep and changed his mind, because now the Stormtroopers barely speak as if he's trying to hide their accent! But...
Unfortunately, like Yoda's obsession with bringing balance to the Force (er, why? isn't it better when the Jedi are winning?), GL has crafted together half a good film and half a bad film in some unholy matrimony. For every good moment, there's a moment that makes you want to slap the fanboy cheering next to you. For every moment of good dialogue delivery, there's a cheesy, cringe-worthy line that makes rubbing extra mature Wendsleydale between your toes sound like a good idea.
THE DARK SIDE So many missed opportunities! I could tell you some, but when you watch the film you'll know what I mean! In short, GL dropped some really interesting ideas for (oh. my. god. what a surprise.) even more SFX and cartoon slapstick where its not wanted! Yoda flips around like a radioactive yo-yo and says things like "Not if anything about it I have to say!".
Suddenly, R2D2 has rocket-boots! He seems to have forgotten how to use this ability 20 years later though. Strange. How did that happen George? Did he get amnesia and just forget he could fly? Oh and the dialogue. GL has faithfully trawled through The Cliché Dictionary. You name it, it's here. "Something wonderful has happened," "I love you so much," "So love has made you blind," "I hate you," "It's not fair," "We've always wanted a daughter," and "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!". I dare anybody to tell me those are good lines.
Remember Jar-Jar's Olympic winning flip and jump into the water in Episode I? Well it's back!! Why have a menacing villain simply walk down the stairs in a threatening way, striking fear into the hearts of our heroes... when you can have him flip over a banister like a Spiro! SFX like this completely ruins what could have otherwise been gripping moments in the film. In the climactic light-sabre duel, its neck and neck between the two adversaries, its the ultimate battle between good and evil, evil has the upper hand, the good guy's going to die, OH NO! HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT AND... oh look at that cute droid there. GL constantly ruining any suspense he's been building up for the last 20 minutes with a pointless piece of CGI.
And my personal favourite - General Grevious. I heard he was a half-robot, half-alien, pure evil, genius military tactician, rebuilt to be able to win the war for the Separatists. So evil and powerful, a Jedi had to be sent to assassinate him! Right? Wrong! He's a wheezing asthmatic, who wears a cloak in space (?!), can't sit up straight, constantly runs away from fights and rides a unicycle. He's about as scary as my baby sister. And even worse than this: THERE'S NO POINT TO HIM IN THE STORY!
CONCLUSION I'm afraid my review has turned into a bit of a rant. I apologise for that. This isn't a bad film, its actually quite good. It's just even more annoying for that, because GL is his own worst enemy. When you see this film you'll know what I mean. There's a really good film in here... somewhere.