shallow

Rating: 1/10 (22 October 2005)

It is 10pm the night before the Star Wars trilogy script is due. George Lucas says "I... can... do... it" and writes the whole thing in an hour. Congratulations George, you wrote a six hour movie that didn't make sense. It didn't have developed characters, it contradicted itself, it missed essential elements, it had dialog like cheese and it wasn't even enjoyable. This is not to mention the fact that it looked like a cartoon and you couldn't get the acting right.
Here's are my suggestions to improvement areas: 1.) Use sets in addition to special effects and tone down the special effects a lot. Make the CGI dirtier. It would make the film less cartoonish and make it look a lot better. 2.) Emphasize the sith history more. I heard some things about how 1000 years ago the Sith ruled the galaxy, they had a messiah figure but they were later defeated and went into exile. Tie in Yoda's childhood with this. 3.) Make Palpatine a great 'rising star' dark side warrior from the start. Don't portray him as 'I was able to lead the Senate, was able to lead two opposing armies and in my free time I was able to master the dark side of the force'. It is almost hilarious to think about how much work he would had to do to pull this off. Episode I could have featured Palpatine. He would bring the Sith order 'out of the ashes' and turn it into a feared fighting force the same way Hitler did Germany in the 30's. 4.) Tie in Anakin's early years in with Palpatine's conquests of terror. 5.) Give a religious fundamentalist story to the dark side. Instead of 'give in to the dark side', they could think 'I serve my emperor palpatine, master of the dark arts and follower of the great sith messiah ______' that would be a lot creepier. 6.) Kill off the stiff humorless psychic nature of the jedi order. By making them like fatherly saints (like they seemed in the original trilogy), Yoda could have retained his easygoing humor and the whole institution could have identified with the audience much better. Underplaying their true genius and skill until a crucial moment would have been inspiring. 7.) Kill off the flashy sword effects and add more magic and wizardry to the force. Reflexes and lightning speed is merely one asset of the force, not the backbone of it. I would have been perfectly happy seeing Yoda never wield a light saber but be a master of the force in other areas (and not in stupid prophecy either). 8.) Make the jedi and sith master force a variation of our special forces. Quiet infiltration and deadliness like the Navy Seals would have seemed very sensible. Jedis being on the front lines of a battlefield is stupid and absurd. 9.) Have the jedi hunted down and killed by Anakin one by one like the original movies say. 10.) Have Anakin be pulled many different ways instead of 'my wife is in danger'. His amazement at the great abilities of the dark side, his frustration with the higher moral ground of the jedis, his yearn for power and his recklessness could lead him into the arms of Palpatine. He could 'disappear' for six months or so and come back skilled in the dark arts before he makes his complete transition. Episode 3 could show Anakin as a traitor who's all evil and then show Obi Wan as the hero who defeats him. This would be better than the 'sympathy' thing that they had instead. 11.) Have a more plausible explanation for Anakin's downfall while still respecting his abilities as a dark side master. Maybe have him trying to take on Obi Wan and Yoda himself and fail or become involved in a ship crash or something. 12.) Leave Episode 3 with the assumption Anakin is dead and the children don't exist. The "I am your father" quote would have been that much more prophetic that way.