Cheap, Trite, Atrocious

Rating: 2/10 (25 May 2005)

I must say, George Lucas has disappointed me beyond any level I was expecting. Going into this (as it turns out) total piece of trash, I was guardedly optimistic. I mean, 80+ on the tomato meter? Friends saying "Hey, it's better than I and II". (Well that should've been a warning).
He's killed one of the great joys of my childhood. I've always been able to admit that Episodes 4-6 had their weaknesses, but I've loved them anyway. This though. Wow.
The disappointment occurs on oh so many levels. Levels that have been explored by many other reviewers, but here goes anyway: 1. CGI - $115 mill for this? Critters that look less realistic than Jurassic Park I? Space battles less impressive than TV shows currently extant. (Nevermind that I'm sick, sick I freaking tell you! of space battles with capital ships mere yards apart. Even in *earthbased* naval warfare in world war II, the capital ships almost *never* caught site of one another. And now it's all about missiles and fighters baby!) Anyway, ILM sure did a disappointing job on this front. I want puppet Yoda. He was somehow more expressive.
2. Dialogue. Well, I guess you could call it that. Seems to me to be on par with some of the plays we had to write during 8th grade English class. Though I've got to say, I think our sentence structure was significantly more complicated. I'm not asking for Faulkner, but stringing more than 8 words together must be hard for IL' George these days.
3. Acting. How in blazes do you hamstring Natalie Portman, Samuel L. Jackson and Ewan McGregor? Fine actors all, but with the dialogue and direction provided by Mr. Lucas, it's like they phoned it in over a bad connection from Eastern Europe. (And that's not even getting into the oh so mighty skills of Mr. Christensen).
4. Subtlety (or complete lack thereof). Must we really attempt to explicate every event in this thing? I suppose if you assume LCD for your audience, then yeah. You should.
I really can't go on. See it for yourselves. If you still like it, you need to sit down with a few Scorsese, Kubrick, Welles, Hitchcock, Coppola ... well, a really long list of great directions making great movies. If you want sci-fi, do yourself a favor and rent "Bladerunner" or even "Farscape" (even with all it's melodrama and plot issues) and try thinking about your sci-fi rather than eating this bland pablum cooked up by this now bland man.
This will *not* stand the test of time.