Only a master of crap, George

Rating: 4/10 (25 May 2005)

And now, to quote the once Arch-Badass Himself, the circle is complete. I walked out of this final installment of what should go down as one of the grossest miscalculations in the history of gross miscalculations telling myself, as we all have since 1999, that "It's still good! It's still good!" In reality I had already given up after The Phantom Menace. It's not a coincidence that I watched Attack of the Clones in the same week as Alien vs. Predator (both on DVD, both for a lark). I had no intention of seeing Revenge of the Sith until critics and friends were proclaiming it to be the best Star Wars film since Empire. Now, what we have here is one of the largest cases of mass cognitive dissonance in history, a product of doublethink on the part of the masses, doublespeak on the part of the critics, and deception on the part of Lucas' Culture Industry. We all desperately wanted to believe. Hell, for the first few hours after seeing Sith, even I believed. But upon "searching my feelings," I realize that I can't pretend any longer. I was a Star Wars kid, but any good will I, and I will argue anyone else, ever held towards these cartoons was a product of sheer desperation. The saga is over and the final nail is in the coffin. All that is left is the ancillary exploitation.
We can perhaps take solace in the fact that we are nonetheless witnessing film history, albeit not of the kind we had hoped. Consider for a moment the millions spent, the billions grossed and ultimately, the millions duped.
We witnessed George Lucas single-handedly dismantle his legacy with a degree of cynicism - and narcissism - that only a person of his stature can possess.
We witnessed the production and subsequent mass consumption of the three most expensive B-movies ever made. What we have here are characters motivated only by inevitability, performances so wooden, a narrative so convoluted, and frames so cluttered with pixelated junk (I suppose Lucas-apologists would call it "detail") so as to be unwatchable.
Of course I sound crazy to the apologists, but isn't it interesting that even the praise for these video game commercials needs to be qualified? Critics and fans alike all admit that, yes the dialogue is absurd and the acting flat, but they're still entertaining, they're good movies to just shut your brain off and enjoy. My friends, is this how low our standards have dropped? If your desperation to enjoy these movies is so strong that you need to brace yourself before viewing them, then something is wrong.
Jon Stewart said that President Bush is living in The Truman Show. I can only assume at this point that George Lucas lives right next door. He sits alone at the heart of a multi-million dollar machine, surrounded only by yes-men and endless resources, and he simply does not have a clue.