Loose ends and dead knots

Rating: 3/10 (20 May 2005)

This movie is as bad (or maybe as good for some) as the previous two iterations. Now that we cleared that, I have a quiz of a sort, for those versed in the Star Wars mythos: 1) Shouldn't real "balance of the Force" require equal strength of both sides: "Dark" and "Light", and therefore lead into endless confrontation of the two? Are Jedi knights super-dumb to seek this balance, and at the same time believe that they ought to get "all the chips in the game", using Lucas's pretzel logic? 2) Does Palpatine wear iron underwear, so that the dumb Jedis won't sense the "disturbance" in the Force when he prances around them throughout this trilogy? 3) Shouldn't Anakin's premonitions/dreams contain something more of the things to come than just a fake grimace on his wife's face? Maybe something about him destroying the Galactic Republic, or burning in a river of lava? Apart from being a lousy actor, is he also the worst psychic in history of the Galaxy? 4) Anakin/Vader springs out on the landing ramp on the volcanic planet, to meet his beloved wife, who he will strangle in just a moment, and delivers unforgettable line: "I saw your ship!" Now what purpose, apart from insult to the audience, do these words carry? Maybe we will be blessed with the director's cut DVD release with more of this useful monologue? Something like: " I saw your ship! On the monitor, you know. That's why I came out. Otherwise I'd stayed inside. But I saw it, and I came, so there This is your ship, isn't it? It's a nice one. Nice and shiny" Oh joy! 5) What kind of superior neural networking does R2-D2 use, when he always outperforms in a whim more sophisticated Droid "life-forms"? Note that other R2s in these movies, apart from looking like trash-bins, also share the intellect of a pile of trash.
6) How exactly do two Jedis survive air escaping into the great yonder through a broken window of a spaceship, after general Grievous (or whatever the bugger's name is) breaks the glass? After all, we saw again and again in the "Alien" series (not really philosophical cinema either, but at least 3-4 stars better than this IMHO) that "releasing the air" is indeed a great way to eliminate big nasty Xenomorph when no weapon is at hand. Maybe Lucas should make another special movie named: Jedi vs. Predator vs. Godzilla, to really see who'll turn the lights off. Now that would be a hit! 7) And for the end, my favorite: Which part of the Force, the Dark, or the Lite (like: lite in the head) is responsible for a Buzz Droid sliding, and slipping off of the wing of a Starfighter, while they both travel through vacuum at the same speed, and in the same direction? No points are assigned for completing this quiz...