Force-ing A Point: How George Lucas Fooled All Of The People All Of The Time.

Rating: 5/10 (28 May 2005)

Revenge Of The Sith is darker than other Star Wars episodes in the sense that "Scooby Doo Meets Dracula" is darker than "Scooby Doo Meets the Harlem Globetrotters".
George Lucas, still has not learned that "more" is not "better", just "more annoying"; STILL throwing everything he possibly can at us, in the hopes that we won't notice his inadequacies. Ultimately, his ploy is working, for he has fooled a lot of the people a lot of the time. It's HIS world  we're just buying the merchandise.
Lucas is not so much interested in creating an admirable movie experience, as he is in cross-marketing his CGI product for video games, action figures, ring-tones and thrill-rides; whilst simultaneously publicizing his remarkable suite of computer tools, via the distribution of this deplorable excuse for a "finished" film. As to its "unfinished" aspects: plot line, character arc, motivation, dialog  none of which is rendered with any clarity. It is HALF a movie  the computer parts have been finished  they look great, thanks!  but did someone lose the rushes with the cogent elements of Anakin (Hayden Christensen) Skywalker's "descent into darkness" that all the press releases harp on about? One minute he's doing his usual unconvincing whining - this time about a "vision" of his wife's death, not even her REAL death - the next, he's bowing down before Palpatine and being called Darth Vader. I laughed out loud as my mind attempted to yoke the mantle of THAT NAME on this STRAWBERRY-BLOND CRYBABY. (By the way, for the sake of anyone who has been misled by the press releases or startling special effects: Christensen's acting still STINKS.) The storyline for this movie seems to have been written in the press releases, rather than into the movie. There is no legitimate concatenation of dire circumstances pervasive enough to elicit Anakin's bodyswerve to the Dark Side. That's point one. Space, and consideration that my readers all have REAL LIVES to get back to, prohibits me from outlining the thousands of faux pas and inconsistencies in this visually-overwrought and ultimately soul-less excursion.
George took a leaf from Mel Gibson's book: In Passion Of The Christ, the bulk of the earth's population is in on the gag, so film-maker Mel did not need to burden his movie with silly facets like exposition, character development, or motivation, for the mythology of Jesus is embedded in humanity's consciousness. So too, George, arrogantly and somewhat correctly, believes that enough of humanity has been inculcated with *his* mythology to allow Episode III to also stand alone WITHOUT any of the above facets. We've walked into this movie after being thoroughly drenched in press junkets and fan gossip, which "joins the dots" *for* us, so instead of giving us REAL motivation for Anakin's fall from grace, the void of exposition and development is land-filled with searing eye-candy.
"It's a trap!"
In Episode I, Darth Maul had a double-sided Lightsaber, so in Episode III, in deference to George's credo (More Is Better), General Grievous must necessarily joust with FOUR Lightsabers - eliminating any chance that the human eye could possibly track the action on screen. The dogfights and ground battles have become so detailed and overloaded with imagery that they've become meaningless, eliciting no tension, or even enjoyment, as your pupils are exerted to the point of exhaustion just trying to discern exactly which way is up, let alone who just blasted what.
It's a trap which the video game-wielding generation have fallen for, joystick, wire and screen-pixel.
And amidst all these glorious computer-woven dreamscapes, Lucas has lost the plot of WHO the story of Star Wars is really about: first, it was about Luke, the boy-child hero awaiting his transition into manhood; turn our backs for one movie and suddenly Han Solo has all the best lines and is looking ruggedly more do-able than that farmboy from the last film; a couple more years and we're suddenly witnessing a character arc of  Darth Frickin Vader?... whilst that forgotten farmboy and rogue are frolicking an emerald forest getting it on with mounds of sentient carpet called Ewoks. Twenty years later, George even reneges on his own created dogma and springs us with the specious assertion that "The Force" itself has NOTHING to do with "mysticism" or "spirituality", but is a mathematically-calculable physical manifestation in the bloodstream called "midi-chlorians"  Christ, George! We waited 20 years for THIS malarky? Episode II saw Yoda go medieval, whilst Obi-Wan and Anakin were relegated to bodyguard roles (we also learned that "padawan" is an old Jedi translation which means "whining bee-atch"). Now comes Episode III and George, with a completely straight face, has the gall to tell the world that the story of Star Wars Compleat is, and always was, the tale of how Darth Vader came to wear such tight black trousers.
And I'm not buying it.
George is "making it up as he goes along" - evidenced by the fact that he feels he needs the small screen to expand on the story between Episodes III and IV, to add EVEN MORE explanatory fluff to an already-bloated and over-written, un-thought-out tale.
Lucas would not need to explore the TV option if he had simply edited out the irrelevant content in Episode III. To wit: deconstructive droids eating Obiwan's fighter, Yoda's trip to Wookie-World, interminable battles between Obiwan and Grievous and Yoda and the Emperor, ANY scene with Anakin and Padme (which dragged the meandering plot to a standstill). These few elements alone, with strategic editing, could have saved us all from a lifetime of Star Wars spin offs and TV mini-series.
Hold tight, my brethren, the next ten television years are going to be rough. Jesus was right: truly, the geek shall inherit the earth.
(Movie Maniacs, read this article unabridged at: www.poffysmoviemania.com/StarWarsRevengeOfTheSith.html)