Not the worst....but not far off

Rating: 4/10 (12 May 2005)

I am really not sure about Episode 3! If you don't know the story by now, you must have just crawled out from under a rock! This is the film where all hell breaks loose. The Jedi are wiped out by the Emperor and Anakin (now titled Darth Vader). Luke and Leia will be born. Anakin and Obi Wan will face off above the lava we have heard so much about. Boy, does it look spectacular! Unfortunately beauty is only skin deep, and beneath the CGI skin of this film is a very hollow, empty heart! First, the positives! If you are after spectacular action, then look no further. The opening shots of the battle in space are simply jaw-dropping. The lightsaber combat is the best of the series, from the first battle against droids, to General Grievous' 4-way sabre wielding, to the spectacular fight above the lava. Even the Yoda fight (a scene which just looked plain daft in Episode 2  prompting laughs from an audience for all the wrong reasons) is impressive this time, taking place in the Senate chambers, as the green guy faces up to Palpatine. The Kashyyk battle is wonderful, with ILM giving some of their best CGI to date throughout. Jar Jar is only visible for a few seconds, and doesn't talk (thank you!) However, that is all this film is. Gloss and CGI action. The story is minor, and as weakly written as you would expect from Lucas' pen. The direction of the 'between fights' sections is dull, and Lucas has once again managed to make a bunch of great actors look like they are on stage in a Panto! The romance between Padme and Anakin is as force fed as it was in Episode 2, with no chemistry existing between the pair at all. Is this really Hayden "Shattered Glass" Christensen and Natalie "Garden State" Portman, or are they really clones? Once of what should be the most haunting and powerful scenes  where Anakin walks into the Jedi temple and is confronted with the scared children  is severely weakened by a child actor who has only just learned to read his lines, let alone saying them. Perhaps I missed something there, and maybe the scene was showing the Jedi council as an equal opportunities employer, having recruited a mental retard to the ranks! But I think not.
No doubt there are many of you who will say I am talking rubbish here! You will point out to me how the fights were great etc. Yes, I said that myselfbut effects do not make a movie. Think back to the original trilogy  what are the memorable scenes for you? Is it the fights, or is it the pace setting scenes, such as Mos Eisley Canteena ("A more wretched hive.."), the sneak around the Death Star to rescue Leia ("..reactor leak, big leak..."), the banter on Hoth ("Who's scruffy lookin'?"), the training with Yoda, the slow build of romance between Han and Leia, Jabba's throne room, the temptation of Luke by the Emperor? You see, with Revenge of the Sith you will always remember the fights, but the dire-logue is forgettable. It is all spectacle, and no testicle! I used to be a huge fan of Star Wars. This was supposed to be the film I have wanted for the past 28 years! If Lucas really believes this is what I wanted, then I pity him. He really has lost his vision.
I will need to watch the film again to truly decide if it is better that Clones or not. Suffice to say it is not as good as Jedi, and that was the worst of the original trilogy. Thing is, I really can't face sitting through the whole thing again at this point in time. I'm now going to re-watch Empire again to remind me what good Star Wars really is (and I mean the VHS original cut).