Did anybody WATCH the movie???

Rating: 3/10 (7 June 2005)

Has the whole world gone mad? Have otherwise intelligent movie critics taken a long walk off the short pier into the abyss of stupidity? The movie was dreadful. Oh yes, it was the best of the 3 new "Star Wars" movies, but that's like saying you're the best hockey team in the Congo. I think I know how Will Ferrell's character felt in "Zoolander". I couldn't stop laughing and for all the wrong reasons.
We'll start with the story. The damn thing raised more questions than it answered in terms of the original three and at times even managed to contradict dialogue that Lucas himself wrote. How can Leia have vague memories of her mother that Luke doesn't possess when the woman dies 30 seconds after the Skywalker twins are born? Work with me here people. That's what called a plot hole. What was up with the lame way they explained how Obi-wan can talk to Luke from beyond the grave with that one line toss-off about Qui-Gon reaching out and touching someone? Why didn't he just talk to Obi-Wan right off the bat? Apparently the after-life has no phone book or directory assistance. I can go on and on, but I'm getting tired.
The acting was the best part of the the intangibles, but only because two excellent actors, Natalie Portman and Ian McDiarmid, managed to portray something other than stony-faced stoicism. Just because a Jedi is in control of his emotions doesn't mean his voice doesn't have any inflection. It was like watching the tone-deaf actor's guild at work.
Now we come to Mr. Lucas himself. I'm praying that he doesn't direct the next "Indiana Jones" or else that franchise is in deep trouble. I'm not sure what he was telling the actors, but "Be realistic" apparently wasn't in there. Even the little kids couldn't deliver a line. It was embarrassing to watch it sometimes. I'd like to give him credit for the special effects, but he didn't do it all himself and I think if he had had any significant role in their production they would have been atrocious. The King is dead.
The special effects, always a trademark of the "Star Wars" movies simply couldn't save this flick anymore than they could help the first two. But they were great. The opening battle in space is visually stunning. It was like a roller coaster ride through space and it was truly something to behold. I just wish the remaining 2 or so odd hours had been half as good.
For the third movie in a trilogy to only rate a C- means one thing and one thing only; this series of Star Wars movies and Mr. Lucas have been treading on the fame of the first to the detriment of the series and I wish to the everlasting shame of Lucas. But he's sold his soul to the Romans for his 30 pieces of silver and true "Star Wars" fans are left with nothing of the original trilogy other than their parents VHS copies of them because IL' George went and "improved" them to match up with his current abortion. I'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.