Animation-technology validated with insufficient plot

Rating: 5/10 (28 May 2005)

The film is, of course, a must for any hard-core Star-Wars fan. The animated scenes and characters are virtually indistinguishable from the natural actors (apart from them having mechanical or un-human bodies, which, obviously, is the whole point). The blend between humans and artificial parts is perfect. Perspectives are impeccable. I only caught one glimpse of a light saber being blocked behind the opposite person. 10 out of 10 for animation-technology-perfection. There is just this obsession with impossible extreme-g turns, people cushioning falls that will break any bone (or whatever) structure a few times over. Also, Industrial Light and Magic is true to its name - including too-obvious re-use of animation. General Grievous' head comes straight out of "The Fifth Element" (the friendly aliens in the pyramid). Obi-Wan's riding dragon moves just like that hound in "Ghostbusters" chasing the geek across the lawn. Senator Palpatine's character is directly modeled on Ian Richardson's (splendid) performance in "House of Cards" (down to intonation of speech).
Now, the plot. The basics are clear right from the start (Annakin transforming into Darth Vader, Obi-Wan and Yoda surviving, Padme giving birth to twins.) That just leaves an unfortunately strong focus on the thread of the story itself. And that does not measure up to the technical perfection, the viewers expectations and the human actors' abilities (as proved in Pulp Fiction, Leon, etc.). Yoda exhausts one's patience by constantly making diffuse and basically useless comments about the dark force. A former queen (of an entire planet!) and important senator to the (galactic!) council putting up with a petulant boy going on about how he cannot understand why his betters do not trust him with a job. On the other hand, he is supposed to be The Chosen One (not-so-fresh out of "The Matrix") and being able to save his mentor (General! Kenobi of the revered Jedi council) from whatever mess he gets himself into. The plot itself does not give a time reference, yet the impression is that it covers but a few weeks at the utmost. In that time Padme's pregnancy goes from being unnoticeable by her environment to giving birth. Their technology permits them to restore butchered Annakin to Darth Vader in apparently mere hours, but Padme carrying twins goes unnoticed right until she delivers them. The romance is about as subtle as a car crash. Their deepest moment actually comes, when Padme asks Anni, when they finally will be honest with each other (this has more depth then a concerned Yoda repeating that difficult to see the future is, because the dark side clouds everything). Padme is supposed to die because she lacks the will to live. However, she retains enough presence of mind to name her (expected) child on her deathbed while unexpectedly giving birth to a second child. For which she also conjures up a name. Also, Annakin retaining some good in him, while blatantly being manipulated, realizing what he has done by killing Master Vindu and then going forth to slay helpless children (in order to save his own) is utterly incomprehensible. Especially for a supposed super-Jedi. Leaving out Jar Jar was a good move. However, bestowing the role of court jester upon Annakin and Obi-Wan (at the beginning) is not fitting. That is depriving C3PO of his sole meaning in this film.
And finally, I do not remember ever seeing Darth Vader actually do evil (apart from slaying children as his initiation). I mean, strangling a stupid starship captain or throwing someone across a room in combat is not so far from everybody's mind. Does that make you or me evil Sith Lords? And the dark side of the force is actually revealed as being able to save lives. Not too bad a thing I'd say. Modern medicine is certainly striving along similar wishes.
All in all, the plot certainly ties a few loose ends together. But it does not straighten them out properly.
Sorry George. This is a perfect base to apply for a demanding animation job. It certainly will not get you hired as director or script writer.