Rest in Peace, CGI Wars (er, I mean Star Wars)

Rating: 2/10 (2 June 2005)

Why do so many IMDb members rate this movie highly? "The actors really pulled it off," they say. Are you kidding, a third-grader couldn't be fooled by that acting. In fact, it wasn't even acting. It was the sound of thespians being tortured. "The plot-line was gripping," they say. Gripping?! This must be the MTV generation talking: "Give me flashes of light, give me staccato scene changes, give me words dropped like concrete balloons from another dimension, and I'm totally gripped."
** Major Spoilers follow ** Here are a few highlights, so to speak:
(1) In EpII, we see Anakin struggling with Democracy. He says to Padme something like, "If I'm in charge, I'll make everything right." So we see the root of his lust for power: to improve the Republic by controlling others (of course, the viewer knows this to be a recipe for disaster, so we see the end coming). But Lucas drops the ball. In EpIII, this premise has nothing to do with the key plot turner that makes Anakin turn to the dark side (which is: a personal love story). (I won't even bother with the mechanics of Anakin's conversion. It's too painful to discuss.)
(2) (Paraphrased) Anakin: "Are you joking?! You won't make ME (Anakin Skywalker, a barely pubescent noob) into a Jedi Master right this instant?! How could you do this to me?!!! Waaa, waaa, waaa!" I wanted to crawl under my seat.
(3) Anakin physically abuses the woman he's risking everything to save. What?! I'm totally confused. Then he looses because he jumps too far? Come on, Lucas. And then Obi-Wan just stands there and delivers a monologue while his "friend" sizzles and toasts, then he walks away without finishing him off or taking him into custody or to a medical center to be incarcerated later. Arrrrgghhh!
(4) (Paraphrased) Anakin: "What happened to Padme?" Palpatine: "You killed her." Anakin: "Noooooo!" Um, forgive me, but wouldn't Anakin be just a little pi**ed off at Palpatine at this point and a little less willing to believe him? From the beginning, it was impossible to believe that Anakin would be so totally comfortable accepting everything that Palpatine claimed to see in the future or in his own mind. Yet he did. Now, suddenly Palpatine bears no responsibility for failing to see this coming or to do anything about it. And it never occurs to Anakin that it was Palpatine who put him up to this in the first place. So stupid it hurts.
(5) Padme dies of a broken heart. Me, too.
This rating system on IMDb teaches us all a lesson: If a person wants to believe in something badly enough, he will do so. It's a rather sad commentary on modern culture. (And a good reason to invest in CGI studios.)