Spectacularly horrible.

Rating: 3/10 (23 May 2005)

So the final (hopefully), middle (middling more like) film is complete. Now, at last, Lucas can (should) disappear into the undergrowth, never to be seen again (by anyone, himself included, preferably). Revenge of the Sith is utterly, utterly bad. But why? Well....where to start? I've seen bad movies. I've seen really, really bad movies. Sith is bad in a whole new way. It's as if Lucas realised that it's a horrible movie, and knew he had to camouflage it with computer generated whiz-bang effects. Industrial Light and Magic are great, as always, but they just douse the movie with so many ships and explosions that everything else takes a back seat. The acting is so wooden it makes my house look Oscar winning. I pity the actors, though Lucas is completely to blame since he provided the lines.
Here are a few great ones:
1.) When told to finish off Dooku after chopping his arms off, Anakin tries to resist, questioning that "he's unarmed."
2.) A doctor robot says "She's lost the will to live," as Padme lies in the hospital before giving birth. Oh dear.
3.) Padme miraculously able to name her children before kicking the bucket.
4.) Anything Windu says. (Jackson was so miscast. Horrible).
5.) The brilliant "Nooooooooooo" before Vader pulls a Frankenstein.
6.) The horrible "I love you," "no I love you more," "no I love you because you love me because I love you because we're loved" crap that Anakin and Padme spew to each other.
--- But what else was wrong? Firstly, the light-saber fights were monotonous. I mean really. How many times can we watch people swing light sabers at each other over and over with no variation? I implore you to watch the Windu versus Palpatine fight. It's so hilarious. It's like they hired two really, really decrepit wheelchair-bound old fogies to fight. There was no aggression at all. (Why was Goodly Jedi Windu about to kill Palpatine anyway? Trial, anyone?) Miserable. Yoda too was fairly horrible, and helpful he was not in fighting Palpatine. Windu can kick Palpatine's ass, but apparently great Master Yoda is unable. Instead he loses, and now must go into exile, for no apparent reason other than...well...no, no apparent reason. "What have I done," cries Anakin, but turns to the Dark Side and kills small children moments after. Uh-huh. Anything and everything that needs to tie to Episode IV was carried out in a forced, rushed, unrealistic manner. Thank you Senator Organa for happening to want to adopt a baby girl. How convenient. Oh, and note to all directors: don't cast small children in ANY role. The youngling, when questioning what to do about the impending attack, is just cringe-worthy in his delivery.
What hurts even more, is the movie was boring (not something I expected), and horribly edited. We watch Obi-Wan fighting Grievous (a useless bad guy who needs to cut down on the Marlboros, and whose only purpose is to help Toys R US sell more Star Wars crapol....err...memorabilia). Part way through their fight, the movie cuts to a completely different scene, before returning many minutes later to the exact point it left off at! Did time freeze for Obi-Wan and Grievous? Is this a new Jedi power we have not heard of? This happened several times in the movie and was a glaring editing choice (read: mistake).
Oh, and Williams, lay OFF the crack pipe when putting music to film. We UNDERSTAND it's supposed to be exciting in X scene where there are people dying, but seriously, I don't need the DUN DUN!!! DUN DUUUUUUN!!!! music so brash and brazen. I mean really.
Just don't see it. Oh but you will anyway. You know you will. You likely already have. More fool we.