Almost as good as "Showgirls"

Rating: 2/10 (19 May 2005)

I just saw Star Wars last night at 12:01am and I wanted to vent about it. It was TERRIBLE! Probably the worst movie ever next to "Showgirls" (if you have not seen "Showgirls" I'll let you borrow it). The lame love story and the lame plot just made for a totally lame evening for me. The boring exposition (which is the same exposition from the other five movies) took up 3/4 of the film and made me want to jam my head into a garbage disposal. It completely contradicted the original three movies and it was about as "dark" as white on rice on a paper plate in a snowstorm. About 30 minutes into this wreck I just wished that they shut the movie off and replaced it with a showing of "Batman Forever". So, for all of you Star Wars fiends out there who were awaiting some cosmic ending that will blow your socks off, do yourselves a favor and wear sandals to this one because the only blowing came directly from the movie. In fact, the only foul wind that I got last night, besides the movie of course, is the rotten milk stench from 2 guys who have obviously been bathing in cat urine over the last month. The movie was a complete disappointment and should be shunned by the SiFi community instead of being applauded the way it was last night. The only "force" out last night was me forcing back the vomit during the kindergarten love scenes which were obviously written by a sixty year old man who has struck out with every woman that he has ever met. George Lucas has to be stopped! He has taken a classic franchise and turned it into trash. With his overuse of CGI and bad actors, the films have become high budget B movies that make the Toxic Avenger look like Citizen Kane. He should either retire or start making women in prison flicks. Thank you for your time... have a great summer.