She's gone from suck, to blow!

Rating: 2/10 (31 May 2005)

This movie is 2 hours and 20 minutes long. Herein lies 1 hour and 30 minutes of some of the worst dialog I have ever had the misfortune to witness (even worse then Stargate!), 35 minutes of classic Hollywood clichés ("She's dead, Annie"... "Nooooooooooo...!!!!") and about 15 minutes of some reasonably sufficient fight scenes. And sadly, that is the movie summarized in one run-on sentence! So, common... I must have at least one good thing to say about the movie, right? Yep, and here it is - At least Lucas didn't use racism for character development this time (nice use of the Cali-Surfer dude in place of your traditional Japanese accent for the "evil, money grubbing" Ferengi-esquire leaders of the robot army, George)! It seems that George had his (ex)wife for a muse when he wrote/directed the first trilogy. I guess she was the only one gutsy enough to say "Agh, George, that sucks." His story arch's are some of the best in the business (hell, that's really why everyone loves Star Wars, right?). And even in this tripe, those wonderful story arch's are there, yet they are hidden behind his pubescent attempt of "dialog" and "character development". Some of the story devices he uses are quite well done (such as how Palpatine manipulates control away from the Senate "with thunderous applause") while other devices are worse then pitiful (such as how Palpatine manipulates "Annie" into being a bad guy  "What have I done!? {agh, all well, I guess I'm evil now} I'll do anything you want me to do Sith Lord").
How can one story be so brilliant and subtle, and yet so imbecilic and heavy-handed all at the same time? Good question! And yet, there it is 2/10 from me (and props to those who caught the Spaceballs reference!).