Looking for a love story? Skip "Episode II."

Rating: Null/10 (28 May 2002)

As a movie standing on its own merits, "Attack of the Clones" is an exciting, memorable action flick. I was on the edge of my seat nearly the whole time, and just when I thought things were going to settle down, the energy fired up again. However, as a member of the Star Wars saga, this movie is sadly a let-down. Gone are the witty one-liners and quips that define the original trilogy. And yes, there's actually a male-female relationship. I don't dare use the words "romance" or "love," because the acting is so stiff that it's impossible to believe that Anakin and Padme really care about each other. Though considering that Anakin is growing into Darth Vader, the idea that the whole thing is just teenage lust is a little more believable. I don't think it would be possible for Padme to see anything good in Anakin because he was so shallow, bitter, and downright disgusting to her. What was she thinking? I could swear there was a jedi mind trick in there somewhere.
I was really happy to see Jango Fett in "Attack of the Clones" because I'm one of those weird fans of Boba. Unfortunately, he seemed way too clumsy and unsure of himself in this movie, and his reputation as a bounty hunter who never fails was unconvincing. Plus, he died in the first movie he appeared in! What a rip-off! I find it tough to believe the greatest manhunter in the galaxy was defeated so quickly. Especially with all those cool gadgets. If I had a suit like that, I could've beaten Obi-Wan. Boba was in the movie too, but he was just this ugly little kid having a bad hair day. Certainly not what I was expecting! I hope he grows a lot before Episode III.
One thing that always set Star Wars apart from other Sci-Fi sagas (like Star Trek) was that its technology was so different from everything else. In a way, the Star Wars universe was far more high-tech and cool than the 24th century of Star Trek. But it's so gritty and REAL that it's a lot more likable. The ships looked like real vehicles, assembled by real people, with function over form. I could really picture those things cruising through space. But lately the ships are getting so shiny, sleek, and smooth that it's hard to believe Episode II is a prequel to the original movies. What we have now are glossy yellow "Flash Gordon"-esque pods that streak across the screen effortlessly. Pretty stuff. But this is how many years BEFORE the beige behemoths of "A New Hope?" The galaxy seems a lot more populated in "Attack of the Clones" too, but I think that's just George Lucas flexing his CGI muscles. I think we've got a few anachronisms here.
I could write for a long time about this movie. But I'll stop now. It's a decent movie, bottom line, but not really worthy of bearing the "Star Wars" moniker. And the acting is ridiculously cardboard, especially the "love" scenes. Yuck.