What was I expecting? Not this

Rating: Null/10 (18 May 2002)

Well I must admit I wanted Star Wars 2 (I don't type long names) to be action, love, and slight comedy the likes of which The Empire Strikes Back became. Several things disappoint.
Warning: There will be spoilers ahead.
First of all the trump card named Hayden Christensen. The kid has the face, has the attitude (mostly) and has the voice but that's the extent of it. From the first scene to the last I thought that I hadn't seen what George wanted truly. His inexperience, or maybe just the fact he's not a dark guy, ruined it. He was overly emotional about trivial stuff. He wasn't emotional enough about tragedy. And I'm not talking indifference. I feel that he was hired cause he made a decent "I'm evil inside" face occasionally. And decent was as good as even that got. I know people who would have played it better. Heck, I've personally done good guys with dark sides roles better than this kid. No biggie though.
We can overlook Anakin. But I refuse to overlook Star Wars long time gag C3PO. He was horribly cliche in this movie. His head is dragged on the ground by R2D2, he says "Well this is a drag" that's script writing at it's worst. George is losing his touch. But George isn't fully to blame.
I'm no scholar on the material but the digital effects left me less than awed this time. The Phantom Menace looked exquisite to me. Attack of the Clones left me wondering what was up with ILM. Take Obi Wan for example. In almost every scene he looks like a cardboard cut out plastered onto the scene. The other characters blend better though so it's ok. Mace Windu (Samuel L. Jackson) fits perfectly and is the only character other than Palpatine (not including Yoda, as he is a comp. generated one) that fits and makes you feel like Han is around the corner. The ships looked nice, the backgrounds were decent in Coruscant, and Naboo was very atmospheric. But the rest was just dribble. Wait til you see the plastic baby doll looking clones in the bottles...
The love story, the thing I drew my final hope from after the first 30-45 minutes. Well, what can I say? It wasn't love. It wasn't even flirting. It wasn't lust (which at a stretch I'd tolerate). It was just kind of there. Like for example Anakin falls off of some butt ugly excuse for an animal on Naboo, nearly gets trampled to death and lies there unmoving. Padme/Amidala (I can never figure this out) rushes over to his rescue and he rolls over laughing his head off. Did the monster crush his brain? Faking death isn't a way to win a woman's heart last time I checked. Nor is it even that funny. Chuckle possibly, but not hilarious, side-bursting laughter. Whatever.
I will note Jar Jar was good in this. The way he should always have been. Short, mostly silent, and stupid. The doors open on a few things such as Mace Windu's power, Bail Organa's importance, and Palpatine's influence. Too many questions were answered too fast (Boba's entire past and the Clone Wars fiasco is answered in about 2 minutes of time total). Too many questions were left unanswered. Obi Wan is hated by Anakin...immensely...I mean pure hatred flowing here. Then suddenly he's flying across the galaxy to save him cause he's like his father. What the heck? This was never answered or explained and I'm sure SW buffs will tell me to read the book or something similar but I want to be a movie fan, not a comic/book/toys/stamps/coke can/mouse pad fan. I like my stories well rounded and if a question is left unanswered it should appear in a later movie. This was something barely tapped on and it was about Anakin and Obi Wan's past so it will probably never get answered. Oh well. I'll still shell out my 8 bucks for Ep 3. Stupid addictions