A Monument To Lucas's Ego

Rating: Null/10 (27 January 2003)

There are spoilers in this review.
If ever there was a clear indication of George Lucas's commitment to his vision, good or bad, it is the presence of Jar-Jar Binks in this film. Disregarding universal hatred for Jar-Jar, Lucas thumbs his nose at his critics by stubbornly placing Jar-Jar in several key scenes in this film. This commitment to his vision is what made the first three films so good, and what makes this one so bad; left to your own devices and many millions of dollars, what happens to your inner critic? It dies, and you lose your sense of what works and what doesn't. And this film doesn't.
It doesn't need to be said, but I'll say it anyway: Christopher Lee is cool, whether in this film or as Saruman in Lord of the Rings. With his icy voice, deadpan expression, and careful delivery, he alone is worth the price of the DVD. The acting is generally good all around, although since the actors are thickly couched in layers upon layers of special effects, you don't really notice anyway.
If I never hear the phrase `I don't think so' again, I'll die a happy man. This idiotic observation, better suited to any film or television series starring Chuck Norris, is sprinkled throughout the script like candy. And hearing C3PO say `what a drag' as his head is being, well, dragged made me groan. Such winking at the audience detracts from the film-watching experience, and turns the movie into its own joke. It just doesn't work.
There are so many little winks at the coming films: the Death Star plans, the meeting with Beru and Owen, the little Fett boy picking up the head of his father, the verbal jarring between Obi-Wan and Anakin.it just goes on and on, and there's always a dramatic pause at each one. I can't imagine what this irritating technique must have been like in the theater, with people going `ah!' after each one.
Someone please explain something to me: Anakin Skywalker wins his freedom, galavants across the galaxy for ten years, blithely forgets about his beloved mother, and suddenly remembers: `oh yeah, my mom' and rushes back to get her. Now, anyone else would have immediately tried to secure her release the second he joined the Jedis. A small loan from the Jedi Credit Union, and he could have returned immediately and bought her freedom. Instead he waits for ten years. Waits. For ten years. Okay.
Just in case your head isn't numb yet from Lucas's sledgehammer, the bickering between young Anakin and wise Obi-wan signals the start of Anakin's rebellion: oh, that's how it all started, that's the genesis of his darth vaderism. Gee, a surly teenager not liking what he's told, how original. I wonder how many other teen jedi knights have fallen into that trap. Better do what you're told, or you'll wind up on the dark side, young man. Frankly, the image of Darth Vader as a surly teenager is disturbing. `It's all Obi-wan's fault. He's jealous and he's holding me back.' Yes, it's as bad as it sounds.
I have to agree with other reviewers about the presence of Samuel Jackson in this film; he adds nothing to the plot, he looks uncomfortable, he's unconvincing, and he looks like he would rather be somewhere else. With his open-mouthed stare, at any moment he's going to spout off bible verses a la his role as Jules in Pulp Fiction. Jar-Jar and Jackson largely ruin the film, as if the dialogue alone doesn't already do it.

Much has been made of the clunky dialogue. During a romantic scene with Amadala, Anakin proclaims `I am haunted by the kiss that you shouldn't have given me.' Boy, that one made me wince. In another scene, after he returns from killing the sand people, he says `they are animals.ANIMALS! And I killed them all!' What his employees should have explained to Lucas, after drawing straws to determine which one had to tell him, is that Anakin didn't have to say anything. After seeing his mother tied up, we know they're animals, you don't have to tell us for chrissake.
The scene in the robot factory is fantastic, and I must say the battle scene toward the end is quite good, although I wonder why they didn't shoot down the other two spherical federation ships. `Aim for the closest one!' and down it comes, but what about the other two? Away they float, unattacked. Okay, whatever.
The robotic waitress in the diner, complete with Polly Holliday accent, was just plain stupid. Why shouldn't it speak in a monotone like all the other robots? And just how would some fat old diner owner know the origin of a poison dart? Why would `keepers of the peace' commission an army of clones? Would the Viceroy and Dooku really antagonize the Senate by executing Amadala and two Jedi knights? Why would Amadala leave Jar-Jar in charge when she knows he's an idiot? Don't think about this film too hard or you'll get a headache.
Overall, this is an okay movie. The beautiful special effects are the highlight of the film, but if you can't stand the silly dialogue you can always hit the mute button and enjoy the scenery.