Just plain awful

Rating: 4/10 (23 May 2002)

Let's make a list of good and bad: The good: 1. Beautiful scenery, background 2. John Williams 3. CGI was brilliant 4. Lightsaber duels 5. Ewan McGregor
The bad: 1. The acting was so wooden, I was laughing at serious moments! Seriously, if Portman is praised to be the new generation's greatest upcoming actress--what the heck was she doing in Episode II? She, and everyone else was walking through the whole thing! Do not tell me she would like a guy, who's supposed to be six years younger than her, touching her after ten years apart and barely a week of knowing each other again???
2. Plot holes! R2D2 can fly? Why doesn't Owen Lars remember any of the droids in Episode IV? Why don't they just reveal Palpatine as the Emperor? We're not dumb--it's played by the same actor in Episode IV, I, II and III! Why is Jar Jar Binks, an outcast from his own society and clumsy and DUMB, a freaking senator who manages to convince a Senate ten times larger than the freaking US Senate to declare Palpatine new powers? I didn't understand what the freak was going on soon enough and I was so bored, I kept looking at my watch! 3. R2D2 and C3PO. Please. No Jar-Jar so now we have a lame comedy act? "What a drag?" What the heck???????????????????????????? 4. HORRIBLE SCRIPT. Really, really bad. Crapola and a half. 5. copying off other movies. ie. LOTR, Harry Potter, Jackie Chan, the Matrix. What was that Yoda stance? And like someone else said, why is he bouncing around like some kind of green bug? 6. TOO LONG 7. Hayden Christensen. I still think he's cute, but geez, he will definitely win a Razzie for most annoying, worst performance since Travolta in Battlefield earth. 8. It says a lot that I was more entertained in the Mummy Returns last year and definitely a lot more ENTERTAINED in Spiderman! 9. The freaking romance plot! Please, I wanted to be shot! Rolling around in a beautiful field surrounded by beautiful scenery but yet weird elephants? WHAT???????? Why do they even love one another? I was more convinced that R2D2 and C3PO were in love. 10. CGI will not make a good movie. Characters and a good script does. Look at Memento. That's a movie that had no special effects but it was good and made a substantial amount of money!
Ok, Star Wars fans will want to hang me, but seriously, come on. As a SW movie, I'm sure fans are pleased. But as a movie overall, it was really bad. I don't hate Lucas, I don't want to bash. But this was so AWFUL, a waste of my money and I saw it because, hello?, it's Star Wars!
As a side note, Willem Dafoe made a greater villain than any villain in Episode II (because of bad script and acting, don't get me wrong. Darth Vader is the ultimate villain). Tobey Maguire runs rings around Hayden Christensen. Kirsten Dunst had more appeal and energy than Portman. Raimi was a better director and got more out of his actors. And Spiderman could beat up whiny, annoying Anakin Skywalker.
4/10