Attack of the Groans

Rating: 1/10 (20 May 2002)

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, George Lucas made some pretty decent movies. That time has long since past. I'd love to get into how terrible this piece of CG schlock was, but I wouldn't know where to begin. Let it to suffice to say that this film lacked three fundamental that made the first three films great: 1) story, 2) a charismatic villain, 3) likeable, interesting characters. I should also add coherence to that list. And this is coming from a writing instructor and published author who often holds up Star Wars as an excellent example of the Hero's Journey in action. I feel sorry for George in a way, because it seems there's no one around him brave enough to tell him his script sucks. Shame on you George Lucas for using the Star Wars brand to once again peddle a bunch of crap on an unsuspecting public. You know you have us all over an emotional barrel. Star Wars was such a big part of so many people's childhood experience, that you know we can't resist. Here's my advice to you: Think back to your days as a frustrated auteur under the tutelage of Francis Ford Coppola. The geek may have come out of the closet and earned the money of a mogul, but you're not half the storyteller he is. Stick to what you do best: visual effects, and for the love of God, please hire a screenwriter to write the script for Episode Three (I'm available by the way). Perhaps you might even want to give Christopher Vogler a call (author of "the Writer's Journey." Just please, don't do this to us again!