Most painful 2 hours of my life.. might include spoilers

Rating: 4/10 (18 May 2002)

First off, I heard/read all the critics warnings about their being too much dialogue. I disagree with that. There was too much BAD or RECYCLED dialogue. I'm putting money down that no one had to remember a single line because they've all heard it or said it before. Take Christopher Lee - who is Saruman in Lord of the Rings. Do we REALLY need to hear him say "The Dark Lord" in the middle of a Star Wars movie after just seeing him in LOTR? If you have any knowledge of LOTR, those words coming out of Christopher Lee's mouth right away take you out of the movie experience and give you a chance to stretch your muscles as you roll your eyes. His storyline was great and could have been brilliant - if not for the weak dialogue - especially the part where he might as well have come to center stage and said, "And now, audience, you will see the much anticipated and highly ridiculous light sabre battle between Yoda and myself." Don't introduce a battle, just get to it. Back to the comment about the battle being ridiculous - Yoda reminded me of a green Sonic the Hedgehog with all the hopping and spinning. I thought this was supposed to be one hell of a battle. The people in the theatre with me were all either laughing or crying. I still can't figure out why the other two Jedi in the scene just stayed where they were doing nothing to stop Count Dooku from escaping. Yes, they were injured - but not as much as the audience.
On to Padme and Anakin. Try to picture a stoic yet head-strong politician falling in love with a whiny Buddhist monk. You can't. It's not going to happen. And what kind of senator puts on a corset to tell a young man that they can't be together? Give me a break. Maybe Lucas was trying to blind the men and lesbians for the rest of the movie so they wouldn't see how bad it is. Need I mention the "Sound of Music" scene with Padme running around like Julie Andrews? I think Lucas threw that scene in to give her a break from all the acting that she wasn't doing. I won't even get into Hayden Chr-whatever's acting abilities. That'd be too harsh.

Ewan McGregor, on the other hand, is always up to any acting challenge.. not that he was given one. His storyline could have saved the movie, but too much time was spent with the 'love' story. Obi-Wan's discoveries were essential to the whole storyline, but were hardly given any screen time, much like the Fett boys, for whom we of the "unofficial and not affiliated with Lucas 'Boba Fett Fan Club'" were just about in agony waiting for. But they were hardly there.
Anakin and Padme will never, ever come close to having the chemistry of Han and Leia.. and anyone who says otherwise is under the age of 25.
I now understand why George Lucas gave this film the title "Attack of the Clones." All the dialogue was repeated from other movies, either of his, or just your average comic book cliche. "Attack of the really bad dialogue" would've been too obvious.
One final complaint - what's the deal with Obi-Wan's hair? It looked like a cross between someone trying to grow out a mullet and an antique wig they found in some dead guy's closet after 50 years of dust had settled on its box. If that was a wig - was its creator fired? If it wasn't a wig - what the HELL did they do to McGregor's hair? It almost looked as fake as the first time we see Yoda on screen and know he's not really there.
The movie wasn't all bad, though. Mace Windu defines cool.