Perhaps the Worst Movie I Have Ever seen

Rating: Null/10 (21 May 2002)

I saw this movie last night, and, while my expectations were low, my God, I had no idea how truly terrible this movie was going to be. I think it may in fact be the worst movie I have ever seen. Sure, others are technically worse, but at least most of them have ideas, or characters, or something to sustain one's interest. This is an utterly vapid (and LOOOOOOOONG) journey to NOWHERE.
Others have made many of the most salient comments, so I'll just stick to these short points:
The dialogue is indeed execrable. You will laugh.
The acting is hideous.
It makes me wonder about this new generation who seem to decide to pursue acting not because they have any talent, but because they're good looking. So we have hundreds of movies filled with young blanks who have never experienced a human emotion in their lives, attempting to portray human emotions. Hayden Christianson is ASTONISHINGLY awful. It's as though he goes out of his way to deliver his lines horribly. Portman is just as bad, with her Vally-teen delivery.
The special effects are dull, dull, dull. In the days when special effects folks had to be creative, not just computer button-pushers, you would have a FEW special effects in a movie and they would be spectacular, because they were SPECIAL. Here, it's just one after another, all in your face, so that none of them have any effect whatsoever. I thought at least I'd get some good eye candy out of this, but its all such overload there is No sense of excitement or wonder.
I can usually watch special effects movies more than once, just for the eye candy, but there is no way I could possibly endure the experience of sitting through this film again. I believe this one is actually WORSE than Phantom Menace. It would be nice if there were a story of some sort. This thing begins, runs two hours, then ends. I was not engaged with these characters in any way.
I was trying to think what I liked about the first Star Wars. For one, the scale was smaller... you had a few characters, who stayed on one planet, then in space, the whole time. The canvas here is just too broad, skipping from planet to planet... with no time taken for anything to develop or have emotional [ or ANY kind of ] effect.
One gets the feeling that Lucas is betting a lot on our love of the first films, and seeing pieces fall into place. Well, maybe for some, but this cynicism and EXPECTATION that we love his output is just making me resent the whole enterprise, and feel ashamed for being such a geek to like the first films at all. Many have said that the last 30 minutes are awesome, as they are all action. Maybe, but it is action that doesn't make any sense, and we don't really understand who's who or what's what. Suddenly there's these big armies outside the stadium, and these big spaceships, and these other big spaceships, and these ones are trying to stop those ones... whatever, will it end soon?
The scenes REFER to emotions we should be feeling. When Amidala is on the conveyor belt, you get the sense that there should be a title on screen saying "And now, HERE's the high-flying whimsical adventure you loved from the first films!" Needless to say... I would like to know who actually had some reaction to this part, or any part of this whole turgid mess.
Can Samuel Jackson be someone other than Shaft in some movie, please?
Am I wrong, or did Yoda say "Whassup?" And by the by, the puppet Yoda was MUCH better than this computer garbage. At least then you're looking at SOMETHING.
One senses a Star Wars-type story about Lucas himself here, who began by making this small, ecstatic movie that started so much, and is now chained and enslaved to the continued generation of this massive, ungainly creation. One pities him.
--- Check out my website devoted to bad and cheesy movies at: www.cinemademerde.com