How can this much action be so boring?

Rating: Null/10 (18 November 2002)

Attack of the Clones can be summed up in two statements:
Lots of stuff happens. There's no reason to care.
Has there ever been a more lifeless romantic couple than Hayden Christenson and Natalie Portman? Snails mate with more electricity.
The state-of-the-art special effects are maybe too good. Remember the barroom scene in the original (which is to say, the 4th) movie? There were all sorts of strange alien races present, each of which you could see and appreciate. Here, you have a sequence in a droid factory with Anakin fighting off dozens of critters who move so fast you couldn't identify them in a lineup. Sometimes slower is better.
Ewan McGregor makes a good young Obi-Wan, but the story keeps cutting back from his interesting adventures to the monumentally boring Anakin and Padme. Did both of these people study acting under Keanu Reeves?
One loose end that Episode 3 needs to clear up: Where's Anakin's brother? Luke, after all, was introduced as being raised by his uncle.
Inquiring minds want to know.