"A pox on thee for slating Star Wars II!"

Rating: 10/10 (5 June 2002)

Spank me. I feel racked with an intense, unrelenting guilt. I expected so little from Episode II. Please, someone. Spank me.
What was I thinking? I walked, a wry little smile across my cynical little face, into my local cinema. And I said to myself: "Come on. It's just something that has to be done, because it's there." Why did I think this? Because Episode I was such a terrible, terrible film. God, the afwulness. What was going through old George's mind when he did that? Who knows? Who cares? Attack of the Clones, bless it's heart, is just fantastic. Everything Lucas did wrong in The Phantom Menace he does so very, very right in AOTC. And then some. My stomach churns at the thought of that syrupy little Lloyd kid in TPM, trying so desperately to be good. How could that wee little oik go forth to become Darth Vader? There's just no way. Hayden Christensen, however. Now that's more believable. Anakin is no longer an inquisitive junior marvelling at the Jedi's "laser-swords" (that's Lightsabers, my young fool), but an adolescent, full of energy and, it seems, quite a bit of pent-up anger. Now we're getting somewhere. Those of you who haven't yet had the opportunity to go see AOTC, but have seen the trailers for it, will no doubt be wondering whether the entire story revolves around Anakin (Christensen) and Amidala's (Natalie Portman) blossoming romance. Do not be discouraged. Although it does obviously play some part in the storyline, it's only a subplot. The rest of the story focuses on the manufacture of a "clone army" on an unknown planet for the express use of the Republic by a notorious bounty hunter by the name of Jango Fett (Boba's dad), and, more importantly, Anakin's descent towards the dark side of the Force.
The script is where I was a little concerned (prior to the experience, naturellement). Described in a simple sentence: it has its moments. Granted, it's not the most groundbreaking or unique, or, well, particularly deep syntax, but it does have some excellent sections, such as one of the scenes between Amidala and Anakin, where they deliberate over whether to go forward with a real relationship or not. It works well for the actors, and goes to making that scene very electric. The screenplay's real lull is one of Anakin's "emotional" lines: "It's not fair. It's all Obi-Wan's fault. He just doesn't understand." This perhaps, doesn't give the impression that he's grown up that much at all, and is still prone to a good strop.The remainder is riddled with the inevitable cliché or two, but largely compliments the film well.
Now: everyone is aware that the music has always been the Star Wars saga's strongest facet. Why? Two words. John Williams. What score has this man done that isn't incredible? As with all of his work, the score for AOTC is simply perfect. And that's all I have to say on the subject.
But I'm not going anywhere without mentioning the SFX. My God. I will leave it for you to decide, but you need just look at two sequences: the massive battle between the Jedi and Dooku's army; and Yoda's lightsaber duel with Dooku. They really have pushed the boundaries of CGI possibility with this one. Judge for yourself. If you don't grin your way through the action sequences with awe, then ask for your money back (metaphorically, of course).
I really only have two gripes with the film: the sporadically clunky dialogue, and...the title (what was wrong with "The Shadow Falls"?). I personally think Lucas and the rest of his team have outdone themselves with Attack of the Clones. It quite literally kicks the butt off The Phantom Menace, and quite possibly Return of the Jedi as well. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.