Enjoyable, but the worst in the series

Rating: 5/10 (5 June 2006)

Just like the title, this whole movie seems botched and full of contrivances. I may be one of the few that thought The Phantom Menace was actually a better film than this. Needless to say, it does not live up to the name, Star Wars.
Anakin Skywalker, played by Hayden Christensen, plays a pubescent, irritating little sh*t with lines reminiscent of "teens-gone-bad" movies from the 1950s. In fact, he's pretty much interchangeable with the protagonist from "I Was a Teenage Werewolf." His only good scene occurs in the village of the Tusken Raiders--after that, I found myself begging him to don the Darth Vader suit and have James Earl Jones take over his lines. And this is not Christensen's fault. He is actually a great actor (see "Life as a House"). This is proof that the writing and directing were at most of the fault for botching this potentially classic film.
Attack of the Clones is mostly known for its love scenes. The film moves incredibly slowly, and action is quite sparse. The love scenes are so ridiculously cheesy, I found Corey and Depanga (sp?) from "Boy Meets World" more convincing.
As for the battle scenes, I really had troubles. While Jango Fett was a great character to introduce Boba, the fight between him and Obi-Wan was probably the most contrived scene in Hollywood blockbuster history to date. While Obi-Wan is falling to his death, he tosses a string, and, using the force, ties a knot (while he's FALLING, people!!!), and is saved at the last second in an event that should have ripped his arms out of his sockets. You really have to see this to believe it.
The Jedi battle in the coliseum is engaging, as is the final battle on Geonosis. Yoda duking it out with Count Dooku was a blast, though Dooku is nothing compared to Darth Maul as a villain.
My biggest problem is that the heroes seem so invincible in this film that it's hard to believe many of them are supposed to die in Revenge of the Sith (a far better film, by the way). There is no tension. Only eye candy. It's too bad we have to muck through this awful film to see the whole series. I recommend the cartoon, "Clone Wars" over this any day.