Same old same old

Rating: 4/10 (23 May 2002)

"Did you hear the one about the Priest who spends the weekend at the Vatican summer camp?"
This single line, in all its implied suggestions, contains more creativity, humor, and outright originality then the latest chapter in the Star Wars Saga. Attack of the Clones is a slap in the face of Star Wars fans, large and small, the world over. My mother once said, "I'll always love you, I'm just disappointed in you." No word has ever struck a stronger cord in the mind of a child. Disappointment. I love you George, but your latest work might be the biggest disappointment to blast across the big screen in the last ten years.
What made the first three films so special? Answer: Myth. A good friend made an excellent point regarding Attack of the Clones. George has always stated that mythical stories (specifically the pieces that define these stories as myth) were the inspiration for the Star Wars saga. Good vs. Evil; Right vs. Wrong; David, with the deck stacked against him, slaying Golith; stories that inspire emotion due, in a large part, to their simplicity and universal themes that people of all cultures can relate to.
The original movies were melodramas; over-the-top space opras played out within the grand scope of myth. Lines in the sand were clear and without compromise. The characters were full of life, the words that spilled from their lips exciting and packed with emotion.
The two latest installments (specifically Attack of the Clones) have clearly run far away from the simple and mythical ideas George established in the first three episodes. Attack of the Clones has a great deal of action, no question. but so did Pearl Harbor. The characters in Attack of the Clones are cardboard, uninteresting, and weighed down by poor dialogue and a plot best served on a bad episode of Law & Order. Trade federations? Boarder disputes? Taxation? These things have no place in a Star Wars movie. Hey, I love Indiana Jones. I also Love Shindlers List. However, I don't want to go to the latest installment of Indiana Jones and see the Nazi shoving Jews in ovens. Why, because it doesn't belong!
Lastly, Attack of the Clones (along with episode I) has become the biggest Star Wars spoiler, causing far greater damage than any magazine article could possibly hope for. The mystery of characters such as Darth Vador, Jabba the Hutt, Boba Fett, and Yoda have been ruined. And Yoda Jumping around doing flips while slinging a light saber? There isn't enough time in the day for that one.