What?

Rating: 3/10 (19 June 2012)

OK, now as I have said in my other Star Wars Prequel Reviews, I will do my utmost to give this film a fair review and point out anything that is good if I find it. OK, let's start with the plot; This film is set 10 years after the events of "Episode I" and Queen turned Senator Amidala of Naboo is returning to Coruscant to vote on the creation of a "Grand Army of the Republic" to counter the uprising Sepratist Movement, when an attempt is made on her life. Fearing that she may be in mortal danger, Chancellor Palpatine asks the Jedi Council to place the senator under their protection. Enter the now adult Anakin Skywalker, and his master Obi-Wan Kenobi. After another attempt is made on the Senator's life, the Jedi Council decide to send Anakin away with her to her home planet of Naboo where they hope she'll be safe, while Obi-Wan goes off to pursue a lead on the planet of Kamino, where he discovers a secretly manufacture Army of Clones. At the same time, Anakin and Padme slowly begin to fall in love. At the same time, Anakin is racked by horrid dreams of his mother being tortured on his home planet of Tatooine, and leaves Naboo with Amidala to find her. Upon arriving, he quickly meets his step father and takes flight after his mother, only to find her as she is dying. As she dies in his arms, he looses all control of himself and slaughters the entire village of the Sand People who kidnapped his mother. While this is happening, Obi-Wan confronts the man responsible for the two failed attempts on Padme's life and, and after a brief confrontation, he pursues the man (Jango Fett) to the Septatist Base World of Geonosis, where he discovers Count Dooku, a former Jedi, now leader of the Sepratist Movement, and Obi-Wan is captured. Answering his distress signal, Anakin comes to his aide, and he and Padme too are captured. As a demonstration of his power, Dooku orders the trio's execution in a giant arena, but as the final blow is about to be struck, Jedi Master Mace Windu and Jedi Master Yoda arrive with a force of Jedi Knights and Clone Troopers to hopefully save Anakin and Obi-Wan and capture Dooku and stop a full scale War. In the ferocity of the battle, Anakin and Ob-Wan face off with Dooku, who easily defeats the two and is about to kill them until Yoda shows up and saves them, but Dooku escapes and the war begins, thus we have a sequel yet again.
So like the last film, we have an incredibly complex plot to follow where we as the audience are expected to accept too many things that we are and are not told, and once again, it's convoluted as hell. Here's what I'm saying; We're expected to buy into the relationship between Anakin and Padme when it's flat and one-dimensional. The way most good movie romances work is the visual representation and the interaction between the two characters and the history between the two, whether it's from a previous film or told in flashbacks; not necessarily the dialog that's exchanged between them. The reason this is one-dimensional is because we see two attractive young people in very romantic settings along scenic vistas. We're supposed to connect the dots in this film and see that their in love when you just don't buy it. And here's the thing, that would actually work if the previous film had established a real connection between the two, but the previous film did not do that, so all we have now is this stale, fake and unbelievable movie puppy-dog romance. At the same time, we're expected to accept something we're not told by the existence of the whole subplot of the Clone Manufacturing Planet. It's only hinted at why this planet has been selected to manufacture Clone Soldiers. Something about a dead Jedi Master placing the order in secret? What? It would be different if this was explained later in the sequel, but it wasn't. The concept is just there, in this movie alone. But yet, we're just expected to go along with it and not ask the big questions. That really shows the limited range of the writing of this film and the prequels in general.
As far as the Acting goes in this film, Ewan McGregor and Natalie Portman are both still fine, but the new addition of Hayden Christensen is...well, a kiss of death. He's just so pitiful and whiny in every scene that it's just disgusting. He's one of the worst parts of this movie, aside from the special effects. Speaking of which, they're terrible. This really was one of the first films made almost completely using CGI. And as a result, it all looks plastic, manufactured, and fake, and it completely ruins the concept of "a lived in space" that the Original Trilogy were all about. But speaking from the heart though, I still love the imagery of Star Wars (Lightsabers, Spaceships, and CGI), no matter how bad. Sue me.
I can keep going on and on about why I hate this movie, and why it's bad, but I won't, for two reasons. One, I have a word limit, and two, because I've already covered the broad strokes of why it's bad and I don't like it. Overall, this film is a lazily assembled, shallowly constructed excuse of a Star Wars film, and is without a doubt the worst one of the series.
3/10. Bad.