Episode II - Disappontment Strikes Back1!!! Part 1

Rating: Null/10 (25 August 2002)

Oh dear... Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.... Mr Lucas... What Have you done?
It all sounded like a good idea - make three prequels so that we could all settle 20 year old arguments about how the story line started and developed.
I love the original trilogy, i liked The Phantom Menace (it wasn't that bad) but i was looking forward to Episode 2 (i refuse to call it by it's ridiculous title)... especially when i got the 'breathing' trailer of the internet... i was as happy as a school girl.
Then i saw the other trailers... oh how hope slipped from my grasp. I saw LucasFilms leading young-man (Hayden Christienson aka Anakin Skywalker) behaving like a spoilt brat.
I knew then that Episode 2 was not going to be a good movie. Here are my thoughts (long thoughts) after i reluctantly whent to see it
There may be a few plot lines revealed... but don't worry... the film isn'that good anyway:
***Acting***
This was a hit and miss affair in my opinion. Ewan McGregor is working out rather well as Alec Guinnes and has some great charasmatic scenes. Natalie Portman looks tired and fed up with the whole thing, especially when fighting (either that or she just can't imagine what the blue screen is meant to be) Hayden Christienson was god awfull... I have seen better acting from dead bodies (on screen of course ;) he turns a proud and pivatol role into a childrens tv movie kind of thing : "Not again... Masters gonna kill me" - Ha Bloody Ha! Christopher Lee a great actor makes the best of the dreary dialog - he steals the show (with the guy below :)! Samuel L. Jackson is excelent stealing the show as well... and would have made the film a lot better if the script didn't shun him for the first hour. Frank Oz's Yoda has suffered a heart attack... or at least thet's what it sounds like to me (alright he was pretty confusing to begin with but now the dialog sounds forced and unwise) Ian McDiarmid is a malevolent as ever and it's only through his acting and dialog we see into the future (because everything he says comes true) Tamuera Morrison and Daniel Logan (Jango & little Boba Fett) do a pretty good job at injecting a new character and a charater we knew little about. Jimmy Smitts.... well... he's on screen for so little time you could hold your breath and still have time to take a wizz - we expect great things in the next film The rest of the cast do an alright job i suppose but the damage has already been done by the worst of the cast and the plot line.
***Story***
10 years later eh? yup time to see little Ani all grown up... ok so the story isn't that bad... fairly straight forward... but it seems to revolve around a jedi who died 10 years earlier (was there a Republic before the Phantom Menace?) and ordered an army of clones for the republic. Not to bad... but just on a whim several new races have been invented (none of which we have heard anything about in any of other films)
But i'm pretty sure i've seen a jedi confront a large beast in an arena, oh and i've seen R2D2 push C3PO off a platform... hmm now which film were they from.
And why is it that Lukes future Aunt and Uncle are about 18??? Do they age 40 years in the space of 20 or something - or is that what sand realy does to your complexion (if that's the case then they must be barely 10 during filming of Episode 2)
Why has Darth Tyranus got a bent lightsaber? the whole point of the dark side that it's easy to win in a fight - but a bent lightsaber makes it harder (George... your loosing your touch).
A jedi shall not know anger, nor hatred, nor love? no wonder the jedi were loosing their power with this bi line in their code.... what drove Luke Skywalker to fight unprepared against Darth Vader on bespin? Love. Love for his friends and for Leia. What drove Darth Vader to become Anakin Skywalker once again? Love for his son. Love is what a jedi is all about!!! they are hippies with better clothes and no need for drugs to acomplish mind altering feats!! just wanted to get that off my chest.
My final point about the story has to be the sheer lack of understading the story has over the jedi... especally in the end fight.... e.g. they're obviously just as good as each other in the force... so they should have a lightsaber fight instead... CRAP! I though he was gonna suggest a drinking game or mabe a game of yatzee to test themselves the way the story was turning out.
To Be Continued!!!