One Viewing in the Theater is Enough

Rating: Null/10 (26 May 2002)

I first saw Star Wars Episode IV at the age of 12. It one of the most memorable movie experiences of my life. Up until then I was a Disney movie kid, but this opened up a whole new cinematic world for me.
I have enjoyed all the movies in the first trilogy (The Return of the Jedi was a little weak, but I still liked it), and was looking forward to the prequels.
***Beware of Possible Spoilers***
In my humble opinion, the first two movies of the prequels have the following problems:
1. Actors with absolutely no charisma (exception: Ewan MacGregor).
The first movies had Harrison Ford. What can I say about him that other's haven't? The man oozes sex appeal, male strength, humor, and swashbuckling charm. These prequels need a Harrison Ford type very, very badly.
The first trilogy had Mark Hamill. The guy is very handsome, and I don't care what people say about his acting abilities, I think he managed to convey an innocence and daring and growth of character over the three films that Hayden Christensen probably will never be able to match. A Sean Penn or even Brad Pitt type (did ya see Fight Club?) is needed here.
The first movies had Carrie Fisher. Although she didn't have a lot to do, she conveyed a fresh faced intelligence, independence,and senator-like seriousness that Portman's Amidala never possessed. To top it off, she only had one simple white dress and did a lot more with it then Amidala in her many over the top ensembles. (Vera Wang, are you available for Episode III costuming?). Too be fair, Portman is passable, but her choice of Anakin as the love of her life and Jar Jar as her proxy in the Senate diminishes her appeal considerably.
All I can say is thank goodness for Ewan MacGregor. Imagine what the guy could do with a decent script?
2. The storyline is unbelievable.
First of all, Amidala in love with Anakin? He is so whiny, full of anger (for no apparent reason), so rude to his Master, and so immature, why would a supposedly mature Senator / ex-queen / older woman fall for that? In my heart of hearts I'm hoping for Obi-Wan to eventually seduce the dillusional girl / woman and show her what a real man is. Then we can all wonder if Obiwan is the father of the twins (he he he).
Second, Anakin doesn't see his mother for years, and then shows up just in time to see her die? If that Lars guy could buy Shmi's freedom, why couldn't Anakin's Friend the Queen? Yeesh.
Third, Amidala's top gets ripped strategically in that gladiator ring scene. Why her? Why couldn't Anakin's pants be ripped off strategically as well? If this movie's romantic element is supposed to appeal to the girls in the audience, then at least give the girls a thrill and let us see Anakin in his Jedi Jockey shorts. Also, when women shoot at things, why can they never hit a target? Check out Leia in Star Wars, does she ever hit anything? Amidala is a slight improvement, but she will never win any markswoman awards. Give me a break.
Fourth, Why in the world would a person want to be a Jedi in the first place? It always seems that if they experience a victory it is by pure dumb luck. Sure, they can jump and fly and swing that saber, but so can the dark side guys, and sometimes even better. If the Jedi are so attuned to things, why do they have to talk to a dishwasher in a diner to figure things out? Or rely on a little kid in a class to reason the location of a planet? (I know, I know, there is an explanation ::roll eyes:: but there are A LOT of explanations in this film).
Fifth, the story did not flow. All those cut-away scenes seem like a lazy editing tool, resulting in a glued together plot. Cut to Amidala and Anakin. Cut to Obi-Wan. Cut to Dooku. Cut to Yoda.....ad nauseum.
3. The script is very bad.
Many people have commented on this, and I heartily agree. George, you need to stick to the things you excel in, such as special effects. You also have an exceptional imagination, however, don't try to do everything yourself. I'm sure Hollywood is full of talented writers (and directors for that matter). Ask for some help. Take your time. Accept some constructive criticism. If you spread yourself too thin, you may end up with Episode III, Howard the Duck Returns.
Other than that, the things I liked in the movie were: the special effects, the many action scenes (especially Coruscant and the asteroid chase), the planet Kamino, Jango Fett, the Yoda fight, the new and improved look of the light sabers, and the return to space.
If I really like a movie, like Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings, I'll see it at least 3 times in the theaters. As for Episode II, however, once in the theater is enough.