Better than Episode one, but still not Star Wars

Rating: 5/10 (20 May 2002)

I'm not sure why Star Wars fans give praise to either episode I or II. I've watched IV, V, and VI a hundred times and episodes I and II do not even scratch the surface of the level of action, acting, suspense, storyline, and drama evoked by the originals. I understand people perceive things differently, but I just wonder, what was it about the originals that Star Wars fans liked, that made them huge fans? Is it just the fact that people carry light sabers, or that when blasters are fired they make a certain sound that is unique to Star Wars movies? Or maybe because they were movies that used the word "Force." If that's the reason, then Episode II delivers. But if you're looking for anything that resembles the level of artistry that went into the Original Trilogy than Episode II ain't it. It's hokey, badly plotted, it seems to poke fun at its own campy premise, and the last 20 minutes of action are not enough to redeem the film. Some of the problems I specifically have:
****SPOILERS******
1) I didn't originally like the fact that Boba and Jango Fett were going to be a father and son team when I heard it. Watching it on film seemed really hokey. They're supposed to be merciless bounty hunters yet Jango carries his son around with him everywhere he goes. OK, I'll buy this, but what's with the sinister cliche laugh coming from a 10 year-old boy. It seemed goofy. And the writers seemed to be setting up a premise that Boba Fett wants to avenge his father's death at the hands of the Jedi. But the original triology painted him to be a paid mercernary, not a man on a vendetta, and he barely had any contact with Jedi. Seems like a sensely reason to weave him into the storyline.
2) Perfect example of bad directing and acting. Padwe's thrown from a ship, lay hurting in the sand. A clone soldier comes up to her and says are you all right. Suddenly, her grimace is gone and she's like I'm fine. Is this make-believe acting or is this a homage to those old A-team episodes where the car would flip over fifty times and the guys would come stumbling out merely coughing. Sheesh.
3) I heard from previous movie goers that the movie was worth seeing Yoda fight. So I patiently waited. But no, at first they have to set up the showdown between Yoda and Count Dooku as a bad western. Count Dooku says. "Well it seems we have to settle this with, light sabers." Did a fanboy write this line, sheesh. Then Yoda throws open his robe, like he's about to throw down. Come on now. Just take this a little seriously please. Would it seem so hard to have Yoda act a little more in character and kick ass? What's up with the Kung Fu stance he gets into. Then he goes jumping around the screen like Mighty Mouse, you could barely see him. It looked hilarious actually not like look how magnificently Yoda's fighting. Yoda was a reverant character and they reduced him to a Dragon Ball Z warrior in two minutes, the CGI was so bad.
Those are some of my big concerns, that's not to mention the horrid love scenes or the overall horrible dialogue, the fact that Padwe's skin tight outfit was ripped perectly around her abs although the CGI creature only scratched her back, or the fact that she was supposed to be in disguise but her clothes were very regal. I actually thought the movie started out decent, and I liked the detective story, but the movie got swallowed up by its own campiness. The fight scene between Obi Wan and Jango Fett was good. The fight scene between Obi Wan and Count Dooku started out descent until they were fighting so close you couldn't see anything. And I even liked the initial battle of the Force between Count Dooku and Yoda. But overall, the Star Wars prequels are nothing but bad impersonations of the Originals.