Worst. Episode. Ever.

Rating: 2/10 (16 June 2002)

The following may contain slight spoilers that are necessary examples for my tearing up of the film.
You know, all of the comments that praise this film so highly fascinate me thoroughly. I saw it this evening and I am astonished that the popcorn stayed down through the whole thing.
This is one of the worst movies I've seen in a long, long time. A long time. Episode I gave faint prophecies of Mr. Lucas heading down a long and tasteless road, but this is just ridiculous.
The acting was one of the most visible flaws. Hayden Christensen (sp, but I don't care) managed to be almost as irritating as the urchin that played Anakin in the first episode. He stumbled through the movie like an overgrown goose and pouted like a Backstreet Boy who's been served regular Coke instead of diet. But, then, what more can you expect from an actor (I use the term loosely) who is gushed about so freely by the writers in teen magazines? He's obviously coasting through the film on his pubescent-glamour-ape looks and his intensely honed sulking skills.
Natalie Portman, on the other hand, isn't such a bad actress, but many of her lines are horribly silly, and her enigmatic tough-and-prissy character is fantastically irritating at times.
Padme Amidala wears a different outfit in every scene. Every scene change, she's put on some new dress or tight-fitting-imperial-looking gear, and they grow more ridiculous each time. How does she do it? She only carried two small suitcases along with her when she traveled; they must be Tardises, or else she wouldn't be able to fit her entire wardrobe and elaborate headgear in those things.
The plot and script: Also terrible. Cliche after cliche after cliche. Cliched lines and cliched phrases were driven far into the ground by their inept deliverers. It was almost too much to handle, even for the connoisseur of tripe.
Does anyone else notice that old George seems to be inventing and adding in new aliens just to have more aliens? Also, did anyone else notice some inconsistencies here? No gore spills out from the lightsaber wounds and severings; they are instantly cauterized. Someone please explain all the blood to me when Obi Wan slices that guy's arm off in Episode IV. R2-D2 can fly, too. Since when can R2-D2 fly?!!
This sorry little film had the logic of a Max Fleischer cartoon and a lead actor fit for "Mystery Science Theater 3000" fodder. However, it has a few redeeming qualities. As always, the special effects are dazzling, beautiful, exciting eye candy. The aliens and beasts he creates are wonderfully bizarre.
I'm not sorry I saw it. I've never had such a good laugh for a long time. Go see it, trust me, you'll leave the theater in tears and in stitches.