Lucas can no longer direct

Rating: 2/10 (16 May 2002)

Seeing this movie on the midnight showing was possibly the biggest waste of sleeping time I could ever imagine. I loved the original trilogy, and have never met a person that didn't. It was fun, it was engaging, and more importantly...I could believe it. In 2003, however, George Lucas has a bottomless pit of a wallet, and can shell out all he needs...to make this horrible, repeat...HORRIBLE movie. I thought, as would every fan, that Lucas would listen to the mistakes he made from the first. No, actually, he ignored them. Altogether, ignored them...and made a film equally bad, even if Jar Jar only makes a slight appearance as opposed to a full fledge role (a casting mistake from the start). First of all, because I do have basis, is CG. Computer graphics. Why is this a bad thing? Fake. It all looks amazingly...FAKE. I believe that I saw maybe one scene with C-3PO in a real, original trilogy, man in a metal suit, C-3PO suit. From there on? CG. In fact, Lucas decided that C-3PO is so amazingly cute, that he allows the droid to catch a 75 MPH hovering repair car by his hands in midair. We're talking, the same droid that could barely hold onto a wrench in A New Hope. Everything in the movie looks so unbearably fake. Lucas seems to have totally misused his position and vision, to give us 2 full length, badly scripted cartoons (the scripting was THAT bad. No scene took itself seriously, and was hardly believeable). The same ships, troops, and machines we found so amazing 20-25 years ago are now pale, cartoonish, and convenient. By convenient, I mean that the realistic, battle worn fighters that maneuvered their hearts out in the original series now conveniently zip around the screen like it's no big deal. Luke was a Jedi, and a damn good pilot, and even he can't make his ship double it's speed whenever he deems it convenient. Battles were horrible, paced was too fast (especially if you compare them to the long drawl of a buildup), and never got to the heart of it where we found ourselves so comfortable. In Jedi, we found ourselves a part of the action. It was dramatic and wild and engaging. Now, we barely get a chance to catch a glimpse of the action. Impersonal invasions by millions of CG (once again, the CG curse looms on) troops are barely followed, and if they are, it's too fake looking to buy.
Basic thing I'm trying to get across here is that this movie is a CG joke. Starship Troopers looked the same, only it had blood and made you at care at least a LITTLE bit. Somebody got their hands on a computer and had fun with it. Too horrid of a script that didn't take itself seriously. And oh yes, if you want proof that this movie is a joke, my entire theatre laughed insultingly when Yoda decided to drop his cane, draw a lightsaber, and bounce off the walls like he was Spider-Man (which is by far, going to beat Star Wars, if people have enough sense to ignore the hype of Episode 2). Lucas cannot direct anymore. Don't give him the money to make us wait in line on a Thursday night when we have to get up and go to work the next morning. Besides, at least you don't dream in CG.