Someone please stop him making Episode III like this.

Rating: 3/10 (17 May 2002)

Where do I begin. I'm dazed, and slightly confused. Let me, like many others, set my stall out right here. I am a massive Star Wars fan. The brilliance is there for all to see. I loved mainly the human aspect of the original trilogy, the emotion, the wit and the passion for what they believed in. When The Phantom Menace was released, I was overjoyed with spectacle of the thing. It created the scene for what was going to happen, in a distant kind of way. Even the universally hated Jar Jar Binks couldn't stop me from really appreciating what this film was trying to achieve. Still, as the months passed I lost interest in that film and started to see it's bad points too.
When I heard that 'Attack Of The Clones' was receiving amazing reviews from all who had seen previews, I was very optimistic that Mr Lucas had ironed out all those little problems that plagued EP 1.
How wrong I was...
'Attack Of The Clones' for me, is WORSE than Phantom. When I saw Phantom for the first time I left the cinema content. When I left the cinema last night I was totally deflated, gutted. The film just didn't flow. It labored along. It didn't excite, move or intrigue me.

This is why AOTC fails for me...

*********SPOILERS***********

C3PO - I loved him in the original trilogy. But why, oh why, oh why. What the hell was he doing in the film at all? It seems he was just there to make up the numbers. He was there because he HAD to be there. He had three AWFUL one liners, that made me wince. Worse than any lame Saturday night club act. He was CGI for most of the movie, that just doesn't work for him. The scene where he falls off the ridge only to grab onto a moving platform was ridiculous. It reminded me of a bad episode of the cartoon 'Droids'. He cannot be that athletic, he's struggles to walk half the time. Another scene that made me cringe was 'the swapping of heads' with the Battle droids. This just reduced the whole end battle scene to a joke. I felt myself looking around so I didn't have to watch it. C3PO should have never been in this new trilogy, he's a joke now.
YODA FIGHT SCENE - Yoda cannot move that quick, period. He should have remained as a puppet, kept his ludicrously small sabre hidden and used other methods of fighting. The whole battle with Dooku reminded me of something out of an Austin Powers film or even Spaceballs (I see your Shwartz is as big as mine...) It just didn't fit his character. He was just totally unconvincing as a martial arts expert. And those faces he now pulls, oh dear oh dear.
CGI BATTLE SCENE AT THE END OF THE MOVIE - To me, it was lifeless. It felt like I was watching a brand new computer game trailer. The use of Computer Generated Imagery was just so over the top, I felt nothing for the characters or the outcome. The camera work was atrocious. It zoomed in and out like a episode of 'Captain Scarlet', never letting us focus on something before moving to another shot. The Clone Troopers looked awful, hollow, never believable. A real letdown this was. I was expecting more.
THE SPACE-CHASE BETWEEN OBI-WAN AND SLAVE 1 - Is this the worst space sequence in Star Wars history? The ships were slow, horribly computer generated, hardly breaking into a sweat 99% of the time. There was no tension. The little kid playing Boba Fett also grated on me in this scene. Again, no conviction. How did it end? Can't remember...
DOOKU v OBI WAN AND ANAKIN - If the lightsabre dual at the end of Star Wars A New Hope was the worst prior to this, then this runs it close. Christopher Lee's head had been quite clearly 'stuck' onto a more able bodied actor for most of the battle, and when Lee was actually fighting, they kept the camera up close so we didn't see the speed at which they were moving. Lame, very lame.

So whats good about EPII?
Let me say this. Hayden Christensen is very believable as a messed up, Sith in waiting. I particularly enjoyed his darker scenes. The slaughter of the Tuskan Raiders could have been made much more powerful by showing what was evil about it, the killing of women and children. Though I understand why it wasn't shown. His refusal to accept orders from his master also created a bit of tension at times. Even the love story between himself and Padme was welcome relief, if a little cheesy.
Ewan McGregor was good as Obi Wan. Especially in lighter moments. I can particularly remember his face when slaying the best towards the end as an highlight.
But these moments were few and far between. At a running time of over 2 hours, they could have chopped 30 minutes of this and made it a much better film. First to go would have been the sequence when Anakin, Padme and the two droids are trying to get through the droid factory. This whole thing was totally unnecessary, and added nothing to the story. Also for the chop would be the stupid chase through the skys of corussant. It's all been done before, and was just in there as a quick thrill and a chance for ILM to show off.
To summarize then. EPII is a below average film. Low on highs, high on lows. The CGI input as gotten out of control. So much so that we no longer care for the characters. After all, we know that their enemies are not there, either in body or model, so why bother to get into it? But I thank god that CGI was not around in 1980, or think of the mess they could have made of The Empire Strikes Back. They have taken characters like Yoda, C3PO and R2D2 and made them the total opposite of everything we've believed for 20 years. Given them super powers Lucas as. It's stupid to change them now. We knew their attributes, and we knew their failings....that's why we love (loved) them.
Still, I will look forward to Episode III. But I will not get caught in the pre-release fever like I have with EP I & II. I hope, just hope, that Lucas doesn't do anything stupid with it. I have heard strong rumors that Luke and Leia are to be clones of Anakin. Please, please, if it's true George, don't follow this though. We also want to see some conclusion in EP III. Perhaps the Death Star in construction, near completion. The formation of the Empire, familiar ships, death to all but a few Jedi, Yoda's escape to Dagobah, Stormtroopers coming to be...even, but I think it's too much to ask...REAL PEOPLE IN REAL ARMOR!!! Now wouldn't that be a novelty. But most importantly of all, above all these things, we want to see, at some point in the film, Vaders helmet being put into place. The complete fall of Anakin Skywalker. Then I think a lump may appear in my throat. Then, I can forgive all that as gone before.