Answers the question: "What if Ed Wood had CGI?"

Rating: 5/10 (16 June 2002)

*** SPOILER ALERT! ***
I've been a huge fan of the Star Wars saga since the original Star Wars hit the movie industry like a nuclear bomb. I hold George Lucas in high regard, and am eternally thankful for what he's done for the sci-fi/fantasy genre. That being said, I find myself extremely disappointed with Lucus' latest creation, finding it almost painful to watch. Easily the worst of all the Star Wars films, and certainly the worst love story ever to put to film
GOOD POINTS:
VERY GOOD CASTING: This has been the strong suit of all the Star Wars films. The casting has never reached the level of "perfect," but Lucas has always done a fairly good job. The only mistake made in this film was Hayden Christensen. For some odd reason, Lucas is failing miserably to find someone capable of portraying the young Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker
IMPRESSIVE PERFORMANCES BY CGI CHARATERS: Jar Jar Binks has (thankfully) a much smaller role in AOTC, and is almost likable. One almost feels sorry for him, as Palpatine easily makes use of Jar Jar's naiveté to advance his own sinister plot. One of the most impressive pieces of acting came from the CGI character Watto the junk dealer, as he meets Anakin for the first time in ten years. You could actually feel that Watto was both happy and nervous seeing the young Jedi again. You also got the feeling that Watto probably knew a great deal more about Shmi's fate then he was letting on to. The new and improved CGI Yoda was better than I thought possible, Frank Oz doing his usual outstanding voice over work.
IMPRESSIVE PERFORMANCES BY HUMANS: Despite have the worst script since "Plan 9 from Outer Space," there were several decent performances given by various actors throughout this movie. My favorite is Christopher Lee as Count Dooku; a small part but very well done by Mr. Lee, whom seems to only get better with age.
VERY GOOD TECHNICAL ASPECTS: For the most part, the camera work, costumes, editing, sound and other such stuff were very good. Not many, if any mistakes made in that regard.
BAD POINTS:
REALLY BAD SCRIPT: Absolutely horrible, even by Star Wars standards. The best writing was in the small parts, the major characters had absolute trash for lines. You would think that a script that has been 25 YEARS IN THE MAKING could have at least been "acceptable." However, it seems as if Lucas was going out of his way to find stupid gag lines and horrid clichés to fill out the dialogue. It was so awful I found myself actually getting angry, and rewriting the movie in my head as I was watching it!
TOO MANY REFERENCES TO 20TH CENTURY AMERICA: Not only was the script awful, it seemed as if it were written by the Democratic National Committee. Far too many references to issues and artifacts from 20th century earth, especially late 20th century America. The goofy reference to "death sticks" in the sports-bar scene was completely uncalled for. But even worst, the campaign finance reform talk coming out of Obi Wan's mouth made him sound like John McCain. And where did I ever here about a leader only being allowed to serve two terms because of the "constitution?" I could go on and on, but you get the drift...
THE WORST LOVE STORY PUT TO FILM: I'm not exaggerating: the "romance" between Padme and Anakin is the absolute worst love story I've ever seen in any movie. I literally cannot think of any film that portrayed romance in a more pitiful fashion. It was painful to watch ANY scene between the two "lovers," no matter the setting. I feel Anakin's pain, but for all the wrong reasons...
CHRISTIAN HAYDEN IS A DISASTER: Even the "foaming at the mouth" fans of Stars Wars, and fans of this film in particular, had some reservations concerning Mr. Hayden's performance. Had he been given some good lines and decent direction, I'm certain the boy would have at least been marginal. But lacking something resembling a script, and some of the worst direction in the history of cinema, the poor boy seems more like a three year-old little brat rather than a 20 year old Jedi who has been given TEN YEARS of personal attention by Obi Wan.
WAY TOO MUCH FORSHADOWING: It seemed like every ten minutes there was some sort of reference to the original Star Wars movie (Episode IV). A few references would have been adequate, but Lucus over does it. Some examples: the scene were Obi Wan cuts off the dude's arm in the bar; the "Darth Vader" robes worn by Count Dooku; Meeting Owen Lars and his "girlfriend" on Tatooine, not too mention the whole moisture farm, (though I liked that part), Tuscan raiders, R2D2 stopping the death of Padme by interfacing with the main computer; and on it goes... Some reviewers complain about unfairly comparing this episode with the original Star Wars trilogy, but why shouldn't we since Lucas is constantly rubbing our faces in it throughout this whole film????
HORRIBLE CONTINUITY PROBLEMS: Here's just one example: Anakin meeting that looks to be an Owen Lars on Tatooine that is at least his own age, or even older. However, it's only been ten or eleven years since Anakin left Shmi, so how could he have a half-brother who's his own age? Shouldn't Owen only be about nine years old, let alone have a girlfriend?
I do hope Episode III is an improvement...overall, I rate this 5/10.
My other Star Wars ratings:
Star Wars (Episode IV) = 10/10
The Empire Strikes Back = 10/10
The Return of the Jedi = 7/10
The Phantom Menace = 8/10