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Rating: Null/10 (11 November 2005)

I consider myself a patient person, I can sit through a lot. This movie, however, was too much. I was at a friend's house and I had not yet seen Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. I was somewhat afraid because I love the original Star Wars movies, and I even enjoyed the third one (though it was not nearly as good as the originals). However, I hated Star Wars: Episode I. As I sat on the couch waiting for the movie to begin, I wondered if I would like it. Little did I know, I would have much rather been in Uganda doing manual labor than having to sit through that awful movie. Here are my reasons:
1) The dialog was terrible (I know George Lucas has never been known for great dialog...but this was just unfathomable)
2) Mr. Lucas tried to make the movie into some sort of drama (I'm speaking for Episodes I and III also) rather than sticking to the fun originals.
3) He tried to make the audience feel Anakin's "deep inner struggles" but it turned into a flop because the dialog was such as: "I...I...I just can't breathe without you." and "Where I come from it is so rocky, but here it's so soft and smooth."
4) George Lucas had an interesting idea of dwelling on how Anikan became Darth Vader, but he didn't have enough to go on so he tried filling the rest in with bits and scraps that made the movie look poorly put together.
After I watched the movie (barely being able sit through it at all) I went and did something productive like renting the "The Grapes of Wrath" which is actually good. I understand that if you're some sort of Star Wars fanatic you'll think me an idiot and you'll say this is the best movie that' s been made in the past 10 years. That's why I didn't aim this review at people like you because you're just stubborn mules with no taste and you take offense much too easily. I aimed this review at those of you who aren't Star Wars fanatics, because if you haven't already seen it...just skip it.