If this wasn't a Star Wars film, I would have walked out...

Rating: 3/10 (9 December 2002)

First, let me note that I have been a steady defender of Episode I. I've defended Jar Jar Binks, Jake Lloyd, and the sometimes wooden acting and bad dialouge of the first prequel. After all, when I go to see a Star Wars film, I'm not looking for Oscar quality performances or some deep insight into the meaning of life; I'm looking to be entertained. I've been entertained for over 25 years by the original trilogy and by Episode I (to a lesser extent...but still entertained). With that out of the way let me say that Episode II is one of the biggest train wrecks of cinema history. True, this movie will make hundreds of millions of dollars - give yourself a hand Mr. Lucas, you've accomplished what is evidently your only goal. Episode I was flawed but I had high hopes Lucas would raise the bar with this film and bring to the screen the epic battles of the Clone Wars we've been waiting for...along with the first signs of Anakin's turn to the dark side. Anakin...oh, Anakin. First Jake Lloyd and now Hayden Christensen. Who in the hell ever thought this guy could act in commercials, let alone one of the biggest franchises in the history of movies. Bottom line...he's terrible. Not that he had a chance with the juvenile dialouge given to him (and nearly everyone else) by Mr. Lucas and Mr. Hale. At two points I started laughing out loud at the ponderous and cheesy "romantic" exchanges between Anakin and Amidala. Give me a break! The epic battle scenes we've imagined? Replaced by more CGI robots vs. uninteresting humans in front of blue screens. Because that's what you've reduced Star Wars to George. No one except you, your army of yes-men, and yes-fans are amazed by CGI anymore...it's old hat my friend. It's been around for over 10 years, get over it. Don't get me wrong, ILM does a magnificant job with what was put on their plate. But my question is...why? Why have such a ridiculous number of CGI shots? We didn't need them to suspend our belief 20 years ago and we don't need all of them now. I love good CGI if it's used only when there's no other way of making something happen on screen. Lucas uses it constantly. Even if they used a cardboard and plastic set it may look a little phony but it's actually there, and our minds know this. I'd like to know how many sets were built for this movie, maybe 3? Regardless of how good the effects are, our brains still register it as not really there...and it takes away from the experience. Consider a scene where Amidala and Anakin have lunch: did everything except the table have to be CGI? No...a set could have been built and the movie (and actors) would have benefitted from it. Lucas, however, is so in love with his computers he's lost the human element of his movies. This is what Star Wars used to be all about. There is one crowning achievement in CGI in this film though: Yoda. Not only does he show why he's THE master (in a lightsaber fight that desperately needed him to give it a spark) but he's the best "actor" in this movie. Which pretty much sums up the problems with this movie: when a CGI character outclasses all the humans, you've got a problem. Attack Of The Clones: big on special effects; small on emotion, dialogue, competent acting/directing, and carrying on a film legacy. Note to George Lucas: if you still care you have a GIGANTIC task ahead of you with Episode III. Please return this franchise to some respectability. I know your rich and think you can do no wrong but you have. Not all Star Wars fans are mindless sheep following the pack. Please restore our faith. Until then, I'm going to see installment 2 of the "real" trilogy of the 21st century: The Lord of the Rings! I suggest you do the same. You'll see movies made with a love and character I think you've ever known, and CGI used beautifully only where it's really needed.