Eye Candy doesn't make a movie

Rating: 6/10 (18 May 2002)

I've got really mixed feelings here. On the one hand it's Star Wars, so it must be great, but the evidence speaks otherwise. I should say that we went to see it twice, and my opinions changed a little on the second viewing. First time through, I thought it was terrible. The dialogue was atrocious-that line about sand being coarse etc. plumbed new depths. I've played video games with better dialogue. And the guy that plays Anakin is one of the worst actors I have ever seen. I guess the material doesn't help, but Harrison Ford pulled it off in Empire. The pacing is clumsy to say the least. From the first time Anakin opens his mouth you are sledgehammered with his rebellious nature, and those brooding glares he pulls at the camera every few scenes made him look constipated. He couldn't even deliver the most famous line in Star Wars history: "I've got a bad feeling about this". What's with ninja Yoda? I appreciate that he is supposed to the best with a light sabre but I thought it would be cooler if, despite his skills he never has to fight. The battle with Dooku at the end looked like leftover scenes from Willow until the light sabre battle which sort of looked good in a Hong Kong action movie sort of way, but just didn't fit right in the movie.
The scene in the droid making factory looked like a level from Sonic the Hedgehog. The arena at the end was from Gladiator, the huge battle looked like it was ripped from the Final Fantasy movie, the chase in Coruscant was from the Fifth Element and when the clones arrive, it looks like Yoda meets "Black Hawk Down". The movie looked like a re-hash from George Lucas' most recent visit to his local video store. Yoda spouts wisdom about the force, not no-brainer action movie guff. Returning for a moment to the chase in Coruscant-it was far too long, and in the end the audience is cheated out of there being any real point to it. Sure they get the dart which ultimately leads to Jango Fett, but it seemed like a poor trade for all that screen time.
And Jango Fett. . . . He acts like a reject from a grim soap opera, and little Boba running around was laughable. They took one of the most enigmatic bad guys in action movies and turned him into a brain dead lug in a cool suit.
Whenever I meet a woman I always try and be polite and charming, but this is obviously wrong. If I want to marry someone like Natalie Portman, I should really be creepy and obsessive. Chicks must dig this.
And so we come to our second viewing, which only took place after some serious thought about asking for refunds on the tickets. I guess the problem with Star Wars is that expectations are always going to be so high. By the second viewing I had no expectations, and I actually enjoyed it. Sure the dialogue still sucks and the acting is still pretty poor, but this time I just got swept up in the action and the whole feel of it. There are still some things I don't like about it. The pacing seems wrong, the love scenes are too long and the dialogue is pretty poor.
What's to like about it. . . . ? It looks amazing. The scenes at the end when Dooku meets Sidious and Anakin and Amidala get married are great-very reminiscent of Empire. The action is breath-taking and there is no other movie which so convincingly creates a complete mythology except maybe Lord of the Rings, but since that is based on a classic book it doesn't really count.
A final comment about expectations. . . . I had huge expectations about Lord of the Rings-I've played Dungeons and Dragons for almost 20 years and this was going to be the movie of my hobby-it lived up to all my expectations. ..