How brainless do you have to be to enjoy this?

Rating: 4/10 (24 September 2005)

In some ways this might be the best of the prequel sequence. Not to say it's in any way good, but it does sit happily with most of the nondescript Hollywood tripe that presumably all those reviewers giving it good reviews on this site thrive on.
The reason it's the best of the three prequels is that it doesn't p*** you off too much, either by insulting your intelligence and maturity, like Phantom Menace, or by dashing your every hope like Revenge of the Sith.
Despite a tenuous plot which seems like Lucas dreamt it up on the toilet, Clones delivers a simplistic and infantile satisfaction value simply by taking you for a brief spin through a few fairly interesting visual environments and returning to the same old staple diet of light sabres and blasters. I guess a bit of imagination would have been too much to ask though. But the film shares nothing what so ever with the smooth flowing picaresque style of the original trilogy and the whole story seems contrived and slightly humorous. If Lucas just stuck to shoot em'up battles etc. it might be passable, but he feels the need to linger on slushy love scenes devoid of any chemistry or personality. The originals seemed epic because they worked on every level, from massive battles right down to individual characters, it was all believable. Even the Imperial officers were convincing.
In addition to this the entire picture is utterly devoid of any drama and is forced to rely on stupid gimmicks, such as turning Yoda in to some kind of goblin on amphetamines, to retain the audiences attention. There clearly is a particular breed of moron that found this scene enjoyable, but everyone in the cinema I was at just cracked up!
Any serious fan of the originals who tapped in to a few of their subtleties, would have enjoyed the wisdom and HUMILITY of the original Yoda character. That's why seeing so many people praising this forgettable and bland film ultimately degrades not only the Star Wars fans, but also the original films themselves. To anyone sincerely claiming to like this film: "YOU OBVIOUSLY NEVER GOT THE ORIGINALS AND CAN'T CLAIM TO BE A FAN" And as for the sycophants: I don't know how much they're paying you but PLEASE, if you've got a braincell in your heads, stop doing it for all our sakes.
And what passes for a final battle scene is in fact just like something off your play station, except the graphics are worse and more tacky looking.
Let me emphasise: NO adult human being with an I.Q above that of some primordial slime, could, in all sincerity, give this film 10/10.