Attack of the CGI

Rating: 6/10 (28 October 2005)

There are those who say that one must judge the prequels by their own merits, rather than measure them against the imposing shadow of the legendary original trilogy. Though viable arguments have been made that the prequels have few merits, the fact remains that this is allegedly the continuation of ONE story, thus it should seamlessly meld with its antecedent, not only in flavor and texture, but in quality and substance. Unfortunately, in any one of these facets, the prequels are jaggedly connected to the original by nothing more than a thin layer of cheap glue. This second installment of the prequels only further degrades any modicum of adhesive that remained when the credits rolled at the end of "The Phantom Menace".
"Episode II: Attack of the Clones" picks up 10 years after the events of "The Phantom Menace" and opens with the attempted assassination of the now Senator Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman). Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and his apprentice, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), are assigned to protect the Senator and investigate who is behind the wet work. Obviously, this sets the stage for the now adult Anakin - who looks, acts and sounds like the clichéd hot-head protagonist from any piece of random sappy anime - to slide, not so gracefully, into the obligatory romance with the girl he befriended as a little boy ("Just being around her again is intoxicating"). However, before Anakin can woo the future mother of Luke and Leia with Casanova-caliber lines such as "Your skin is smooth, not rough like sand", he must first assist Obi-Wan to chase down Padme's would-be assassin in a protracted non-interactive video game sequence through the "sky streets" of Coruscant. Soon after, Obi and Ani are forced to split up - Obi plays galactic detective to get to the bottom of the assassination plot, and Ani takes the Senator to Naboo for a roll in the hay under the guise of "protector". A little further into the film, we learn that bounty hunter Jango Fett (who, as I'll explain later, is like a diamond in a coal mine) has not only been hired to ice Padme, but has been used as the template for a secret clone army. After Anakin (growing ever closer to the "Dark Side") and Padme take a quick trip down memory lane on Tatooine, the rest of the pace-less film is comprised mostly of alternately satisfying/excessive action sequences and vague and incoherent - when not predictable - plot progression.
If George Lucas betrayed his sacred credo of "story first, special effect second" in "The Phantom Menace", he has sold out to the Dark Side wholesale this time around. In no previous film have I witnessed such a tacky and excessive use of digital technology. No less than 90% of the exterior settings - and much of the interior settings - are comprised of CGI-looking CGI, and that's not even counting all of the cartoonish computer-animated creatures and vehicles. In TPM, at least, the visual effects were used sparingly enough to maintain some vestige of believability. AOTC, on the hand, reminds me more of a sequel to "What Dreams May Come". However, the nadir of this veritable cyber rape has to be Yoda, who, for some bassackward reason, is a completely computer-animated character this time around, and looks and acts nothing like the venerable Jedi Master from Episodes V and VI. Then again, little in the prequels looks or feels like it did in the OT.
And that brings me to the acting. As in the first prequel, the performances are, for the most part, wooden and give little incentive to care for the characters. Whereas Ewan McGregor's crackerjack performance is a pleasant exception (though, I still can't make the Alec Guiness connection), Natalie Portman's sleepwalk through the film is the apotheosis of the rule. Not a moment of her on-camera time goes by without her appearing that she would rather be almost anywhere else, doing almost anything else. This may not be far from the truth, as she herself has admitted that Star Wars is "not her thing." Little wonder, then, why her lines are delivered with roughly the same sincerity as a fast-food chain employee's perfunctory "Have a nice day." I will not suggest that she is not a talented young actress, but I think it is apparent that Star Wars is most definitely "not her thing."
Of course, I would be remiss if I failed to mention John Williams' score, which, although not one of his best, is still one of the few palliative aspects of the film. Unfortunately, some of the score's best cues have been completely omitted from the film and tastelessly replaced with incongruous cues cut and pasted from the Episode I score.
In spite of the film's many flaws, there is at least one element that is perfect. Though it is an irony of ironies, the fact remains that my favorite character in the entire Star Wars saga comes from perhaps its weakest installment. That character is none other than Jango Fett. Not only does he wear armor that I can only describe as "ultra cool", he is masterfully portrayed by New Zealander Temuera Morrison in a performance that I honestly believe is Academy Award worthy. In his all too brief on-camera time (probably less than 10 minutes total), Morrison's Jango Fett exhibits more intensity and character complexity than the sum of every other character in the film combined. The relationship with his cloned son (future bounty hunter Boba Fett) is verisimilitudinous and one of the few devices that actually works in the film. Though laconic with little dialogue to begin with, Jango has one of the best lines in the entire SW saga - let alone the prequels - with his "Always a pleasure to meet a Jedi." I only wish I could still share that sentiment.