I hate this movie. It's dull, it's boring, it's stupid and it still exists; Wouldn't Recommend

Rating: 3/10 (21 May 2017)

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is directed by George Lucas and stars Hayden Christensen, Ewan McGregor and Natalie Portman. This movie is set 10 years after 'The Phantom Menace' and ​ the Republic continues to be mired in strife and chaos. A separatist movement encompassing hundreds of planets and powerful corporate alliances poses new threats to the galaxy that even the Jedi cannot stem. These moves, long planned by an as yet unrevealed and powerful force, lead to the beginning of the Clone Wars -- and the beginning of the end of the Republic.
Look, I'll be the first person to admit that I actively dislike Star Wars. I respect the movies; they are well made but I just don't enjoy them. That said, I will be unbiased in this review. That also said, this movie sucks. Seriously, it is just plain awful. The acting, the writing, the effects, the action - nothing is good in this movie! Sure one or two minute aspects hold it above complete failure but finding those aspects are like finding a needle in a haystack in a multiverse.
We all know Lucas cannot direct to save his skin. I'll admit he's usually a solid writer and world builder but he couldn't direct with a blaster pistol to his head. When I say he's USUALLY a good writer, I do mean that but as with every successful writer, at some point in time, there is always a flop. This is one of Lucas' writing flops. The story could have been great and had subtle meaning/purpose. Needless to say, it was not. It's a boring, dull, messy storing with no real rhyme or reason to it. There is no real point to it. I can't criticise it enough.
Now for the 'fun' part: the acting. I say that because the acting in this movie, especially from the minion of the Antichrist himself(Hayden 'The Sandcastle' Christensen), is just diabolical. Sure Ewan McGregor's portrayal of Obi Wan Kenobi was passable and worked reasonably well but that doesn't excuse the antics of Christensen and co. Natalie Portman and Christopher Lee joined Christensen's band were also awful. The villain was inexcusably weak. I didn't care about any of the characters and they all bored me to death.
The movie has gone for a hat-rick and made it a technical atrocity. While some nice shots are sprinkled over this glistening pile of evil, the action was, for the most part, unbearable and the screen transitions gave me severe depression. Never has a movie made me rethink my life choices before this one! And then there are the effects. Lucas has shown his fetish for CGI creatures and that still remains here. Every second shot is glistening with Jar Jar Binks 2.0 and each and every single effect used, is utter trash. The set design was so generic. The costume design was just plain bad. Lucas you have really outdone yourself in the trashy movie department, haven't you!
I would have been fine with this movie if there was good, fun action. While some of it does exist, the overwhelming majority of action in this movie sucks and and just bad. That may not seem 'in depth' but I need not waste a more sophisticated series of words on this steaming pile of awfulness.
The dialogue in this movie was either genius or atrocious. 'I hate Sand. It's course, it's rough, it's irritating and it gets everywhere' being a personal favourite of mine due to the absolute stupidity of it and the Antichrist's 'flawless' delivery of said line.
In conclusion, don't waste your money on this film. Don't waste your time on this movie. Don't waste you precious thoughts thinking about awful this movie truly is. Please, I beg of you. DO NOT WATCH THIS ABOMINATION! I need a lie down because this movie has hurt my head.
3/10
I think the review speaks for whether I recommend it or not but if further clarification is needed, DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE! I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT!!!!!!!!