Awful, with good fight sequence at end

Rating: 2/10 (25 May 2002)

I've been trying to write a review of that avoids the 'a' word, but I
can't. Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones is, quite simply,
awful. There are a few redeeming features, and fans will probably
want to see it, but overall the movie is pretty bad. I'd say it was
worse than Phantom Menace, though it's hard to compare directly.
Clones does get one thing right: Less Jar-Jar, more Yoda. But
Yoda wrong, they get. Weary 800 year old impatient comebacks,
he avoids. True, Yoda has what is likely the best scene in the
movie, a light saber duel with the main bad guy. Still, there are very
few characters you care about, and if you weren't already
emotionally invested in Yoda or anyone, this movie would give you
no reason to care.
Hayden Christianson is awful. There's no way around that. His
dialog is flat and his acting wooden. The supposed love scenes
between Anikan and Queen Amidala don't work. He's already a
bad Jedi, after a decade of training, and one of the few good
sequences in the movie is where you see him make the final turn
to the dark side when he goes after his mother. The movie doesn't
state it explicitly, but we know what happens later, and there it is.
Attack of the Clones is in three sections each of which is better
than the others, quality-wise: The Blade Runner first section,
which is dark and has awful dialog and terrible acting. The
Indiana Jones second section, where Obi-Wan and Anikan split
up, for some reason, as Obi-Wan goes off in search of a plot and
Anikan disobeys orders, and C3P0 comes on the scene to liven up
the dialog. The Gladiator third section, where the bad guys
desperately want the good guys dead so naturally they just shoot
them and move on... no wait, they give them a fighting chance!
And the bad guys didn't read the script! I won't tell you if the good
guys live to fight later, that would be telling. Then after the nick of
time, during the climactic battle sequence which is most of the last
quarter of the movie, a bunch of Jedi Knights are in a circle, willing
to face the charge of the enemy. While it was nice to see Jedi who
weren't white male humans, the battle made no sense. Throw a
grenade! Break out the gattling gun! Use tear gas! Have two
people shoot the same Jedi at the same time! We're now five
movies into battles with Jedi fighting, sometimes each other. I can
understand the warrior mentality where light saber is met by light
saber in equal combat, but come on guys this is war, has no one
invented a continuous fire weapon or an anti-personnel mine?
Since the last section is the best, some left satisfied. But I'd seen
it all before and a decent climax can't exonerate the rest of the
movie.
Open letter to George Lucas: I will, for free, help you write the
dialog for the next installment. Please, I'm begging you. Let me
help.