The most forgettable Stars Wars Episode yet

Rating: 2/10 (18 July 2002)

Many have said that this Episode is much better than its predecessor, The Phantom Menace. I would have to disagree. It's just as bad, if not worse. The reaction of the audience at the showing I saw as they came out was subdued and most had glum faces. Not a good sign. While it looks like Lucas has tried to respond to his critics e.g. cutting out the kiddie humour and upping the action element, this time he's excelled himself by giving us by one of the worst on screen romance in the history of cinema, some awful dialogue, flat acting and a pretty dull plot. Some people have also compared this episode with 'The Empire Strikes Back', but to be quite honest 'Clones' is not worthy of licking its boots.
Now all the Star Wars movies had a few cringe making moments in them, 'Jedi' and 'Menace' in particular, but 'Attack of the Clones' is chock-a-block with them (*spoiler alert*): -
Practically every scene where Christiansen and Portman are together was just plain embarrassing to watch, in particular the picnic and fireplace scenes are noteworthy head in the hands moments. The romantic element just doesn't work. It just seems forced and unbelievable. The actors can't be blamed (both are capable of better). It's down to Lucas who seems out of his element handling romantic scenes and dialogue. Their relationship is central to this Episode, and it's a shame it was handled so badly.
Obi-Wan goes to visit a friend, a fat four armed lizard thing, who is kind of like Corscants resident `Huggy Bear', but this thing informs Jedi rather than cops and owns a diner with a 50's theme complete with robotic waitresses. Hello George? Isn't this universe supposed to be in a galaxy far, far away? I was expecting to hear trucks and cars hurtling by as the odd couple sat by the window. It was almost as bad as the two-headed sports commentator in 'Menace.'
Anakin has a nightmare. It was a nightmare watching him have it! And did we really have to see his nipples?
Anakin trying to save his mother was poorly done and unnecessary. How convenient for Anakin to arrive seconds too late to save her. If Lucas intended me to feel the same way when I watched, say, Obi-wan-Kenobi, Yoda or even Qui-Gon-Jin die, he pretty much failed. I felt nothing, which makes me feel nothing for Anakin and his emotional state. If she had to be murdered, it should have happened years before, when Anakin could have done nothing about it, and then see him in this Episode hell bent on seeking revenge on her killers, against the Jedi council's wishes. I find it hard to believe that he could tolerate her being a slave and not do anything about for so long.
Mace Wadu's `this party's over' just didn't seem right in a Star Wars film. While Lucas conjured up that line, why didn't he add a few expletives for Samuel L. Jackson to say for good measure? And Jackson is still wasted in these movies. Give him more to do, or not have him in at all.
C3PO was terrible in this film. I know he is supposed to be an annoying whinging robot, but where he would provide ammunition for his friends to bounce of some witty comments in the other films, here he provides some weak slapstick in crucial action scenes which is just plain irritating.

'Clones.'provides more action scenes than Episode one, but none of them are as thrilling as the light-sabre duel featuring Darth Maul in the previous film, and that includes Yoda much-hyped bouncy ball antics. Okay, it was fun actually getting to see how Yoda would handle a light-sabre, but it seemed totally out of character. For me, the Master sold out. All the action set pieces were far too derivative as mentioned in many other comments. The action in the factory got me annoyed in particular; it reminded me of levels in LucasArts `Super Star Wars' game for the Super Nintendo! The car chase thru the sky's provided a few thrills and looked great. Jango Fett vs. Obi wan on the clone planet (nice rain effect!) was cool as well, but too brief. Their space battle was enjoyable, like the Star Wars of old, and featured a great 'sonic boom' sound effect created by one of Fetts bombs. But the arena battle was a let down; the computer-generated environment looked horrible and we only saw glimpses of other Jedi in action.
Other positive points: Ewan McGregor once again gives a great performance. Christopher Lee proves he can make any rubbish given to him sound like Shakespeare and Portman looks as gorgeous as ever. Lucas once set new standards in filmmaking, now it seems he is following those set by others and tripping up along the way. One can only hope he is saving the best for last, (I'm still waiting for an epic space battle George!) but judging by this effort, things do not bode well for Episode III.