FAILURE ON A GRAND SCALE

Rating: 5/10 (30 September 2002)

This film is a disaster of cinema on a scale that could probably rank up there with 'Cleopatra' or similar botched attempts at "epic" cinema. George Lucas has, indeed, "lost his touch", as some people have said but it could be more easily explained this way: George Lucas has simply decided that the scripts of his STAR WARS prequels don't really matter that much and can be developed "along the way". In my opinion, and most REALLY GOOD FILMMAKERS would probably agree, this is ASS BACKWARDS. In LucasLand, apparently, you can start with an "idea", pay a huge staff of VERY creative graphic artists and painters to design vehicles, make models, choreograph scenes on the computer without ever having seen THE SCRIPT. Don't agree? Check out THE ART OF STAR WARS: ATTACK OF THE CLONES and you will see pages upon pages of beautiful renderings and designs that were completely wasted on a film with no script. Don't agree? Read the sorry ass excuse for a script at the back of said book. This script is so bad, it is unbelievable. It truly shows how much contempt Lucas has for the written word and this man should never be allowed near a typewriter. If I were one of the designers on this film, or The Phantom Menace for that matter, I would quit. I wouldn't want my BABIES, ships and locales that I slaved over to be used in service of some of the most haphazard and shoddy storytelling this side of Corusant. Don't agree? Watch Anatomy of a Murder. Psycho. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington. Kramer VS. Kramer. Star Wars. Alien. These films all had one thing in common. Before there was a CHECK cut to anyone, there was a script. Before a date was scheduled, there was a SCRIPT. It's too bad that we give Lucas so much power- somebody really needs to say no to this guy. "Sorry George," I would say if I were THAT GUY, "but you may not start this new series of films until I see AT THE VERY LEAST a script for the FIRST ONE. Oh, and most people do five or so drafts and have other people LOOK AT IT so they can tell you when you are being a dunderhead (Jar Jar, or all of the dialogue in AOTC, for example). THEN AND ONLY THEN MAY YOU COMISSION THE ARTISTS NEEDED TO PULL THIS THING TOGETHER! Not before, no, not before." Lucas has put the cart before the horse, my friends and so that is why these films are classically bad. We are witnessing failure on a colossal scale. I'm not talking box office. If these films were good, they would be pulling down twice as much- AT LEAST- no, I'm talking about QUALITY. I'm talking about LOVE. WE LOVE STAR WARS because the first ones (or at least the first two) were made with LOVE. Like Grandma's chocolate chip cookies. The new ones? Apparently Grandma's gone crazy and decided to ALTER THE RECIPE. She is now adding the sugar AFTER BAKING THEM. See how crazy it is?