Those Laughy Daffy Clones

Rating: 3/10 (6 June 2002)

First off, what kind of dreadful name is "Attack of the Clones"? They may as well have called it "Send in the Clones", complete with Streisand/John Williams opening theme.
The most upsetting thing about this installment was that if 20-25 minutes were rewritten it could've been great. (Nothing short of a total rewrite could've saved "Phantom Menace". George Lucas' mother kicked him for that one). He had the actors at his disposal and gave them bilge to work with. The man who will be Vader, one of Hollywood's most menacing, ice cold villains, is a brat who throws temper tantrums and nothing short of stalks his love interest. A shot of him sniffing stolen underthings was all that was missing.
The romance, when not eliciting snores was evoking laughter. Amidala out of nowhere decides she love a boy who was just past a toddler last time she saw him. And in love she falls after he a) starts from the very beginning with the creepy, I like to watch you sleep vibe. b)advocates a totalitarian dictatorship to a Senator in a republic c)admits to murdering women and children like animals without a shred of remorse. What hot-blooded girl could resist?
The Digital animation... it's nice to see the technology has evolved enough to rip off the 5th Element. And I can't be the only one who noticed the piece of fruit disappeared BEFORE it got to Amidala mouth! As for all the backdrops, some are surprisingly good, some look like they let a 10 yr old girl with Photoshop and posters of unicorns and pixies frolicking through misty mists of enchantment run wild. Or worse, the trial run for the video game (the conveyor belt? Please.)
Lucas has constructed a tightly woven storyline, if I'd just watched two hours of storyboards I might not want to kick him in the shins. He's left characters poorly developed, with little visible motivation so he can focus on his techy toys. What happened to Yoda? He was caustic, sassy and feisty in the original trilogy, now he's a fortune cookie. Two movies in and I still don't know what the heck Mace Windu is doing there. The hired Samuel L. Jackson (!) to be Yoda's yes man. He could be a great and heroic character given ANY motivation or backstory. Same with Jango Fett, fine he's behind the scenes somehow, aware of the droid army and the father of the clone army, great, why? What's he getting out of any of this, except nine inches shorter? Lucas could've shown some guts and made Boba a girl, it'd give him one decent female character in these prequels instead of the helpless window dressing they are.
But so much could be forgiven on the chance it will be explained later if it weren't for the clunky, wooden dialogue. George needs to hire a writer, did he let anyone read his script before they started filming? Enroll him in a night school creative writing class, maybe then he'd learn plausible character interaction and character development.
Way to trample an institution. 3/10 mostly because Yoda with a light saber was cool. 8 bucks for 30 seconds.