Its big, loud and colourful, which is fun if you don't think too much

Rating: 6/10 (22 July 2015)

Attack of the Clones is very much the sequel to The Phantom Menace - its loud, colourful and fun but with most of the same drawbacks and even a few more. That it aims at children rather than adults is plainly evident in changes to choreography, dumbed down dialogue and a Pacific Rim level of noise/colour/epic ratio. I passionately loved this film as a child, and that says a lot.
At least they got rid of Jar Jar.
John Williams continues to be an exceptional feature of Star Wars, with beautiful swells of music at key moments. For example, see the seamless tease of the Imperial March as Yoda senses Anakin's slaughter of the Sand People. The much hated first kiss between Anakin and Padme is served well by music, even if not by writing, as the music soars only to be cut off by Padme's breaking away.
The choreography in this film is a huge disappointment, probably the biggest step down after Phantom Menace. It could not be more obvious that the actors are flailing around and waiting for droids and lasers to be inserted via CGI later. Worse, many of the actors, from extras to Samuel L. Jackson, have no idea what they're doing and wave their sabers around without rhyme or rhythm. The duels between Dooku and his successive opponents each have their moments but there's a bit too much maneuvering for my tastes. When the sabers only clash once every five seconds and spend the rest of the time flailing around the air, it just looks stupid. See also that shot of Dooku's and Anakin's faces bathed in red and blue light, which looks utterly stupid and serves no purpose in creating tension or action.
The plot of Attack of the Clones is needlessly convoluted and features an assassination attempt on Senator Amidala. The assassination unfolds with a hired gun hiring another assassin, who uses a droid. When that fails, the first assassin disposes of the second with a long distance dart, which begs the question why he didn't just do that himself. The assassination plot is dropped about half an hour in anyway, giving way to a forced love story between Anakin and Padme (more on that later). It also cedes to a growing separatist threat, which is explained to the audience via a very fortunate Obi-Wan who manages to overhear Dooku and allies talking loudly and obviously in summary of their entire plans. Dumbed down for the audience all right.
The dialogue in Attack is awful, even with Jar Jar relegated to the sidelines. Whether its Anakin's monologue on sand, his painful lines with Padme or inconsistent requests like "I haven't give up...she's dead, you should accept it." Plot holes also get distracting, like the ultimate reveal that Dooku hired Jango to be the clone specimen, but seems bemused by the arrival of the clones on Geonosis.
Onto the actors - Hayden Christiansen might just be the worst casting choice ever. He plays Anakin with the mannerisms of a petulant child and a serial killer. Petulance might be intended to be part of Anakin's character, but Hayden Christiansen's psycho-creep demeanour certainly wasn't. "I hate them" Hayden screams about his mother's murderers, with all the conviction of a child throwing a tantrum at the supermarket. They should have cast Ryan Phillipe. Natalie Portman is as wooden as a board, and she shares barely a shred of chemistry with Christiansen. This undercuts the whole movie, as their relationship becomes arbitrary and non-believable. Padme suddenly has feelings because the plot demands it. Padme truly loves you. Now they're married. Its not believable.
I've been waxing eloquent about its negatives that I must be conveying my hate for the film, but I really don't hate it. The action sequences in this film are irresistible - from Jango and Obi-Wan's space battle to the Battle of Geonosis, everything is so much fun to watch. The visuals are also spot on - an incredible series of worlds that rank among my favourite in Star Wars lore are created convincingly and with breathtaking beauty. Some quiet moments like a dying Shmi's final words are also quite special.
Ewan McGregor grows into the role of Obi-Wan with more conviction than Phanton Menace, despite his poor dialogue he does quite well. He even has a bit of comedic timing underlying his stern, Jedi wisdom. Christopher Lee is also a fine Count Dooku, a distinguished and polite gentlemen providing a stark contrast to Maul and Vader. The visual creation of Yoda is finally perfected after the hideous attempts in Phantom, and is expressive enough to be a real person. His duel with Dooku, whilst flawed, remains one of my childhood best moments.
Attack of the Clones is in a word "epic" - it has terrific action, beautifully created worlds and has plenty of geek out moments. As a film it suffers in the acting and writing departments, but there's enough to enjoy here that you might be able to talk about that instead of wondering why Mace Windu stormed a planet with 200 troops and no exit strategy, taking 75% casualties in order to rescue one guy.