The let-down of the century!!

Rating: 1/10 (10 June 2002)

WARNING. MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS. IN FACT, THE MOVIE ITSELF WAS SPOILED!
A New Hope. The Empire Strikes Back Return of the Jedi The Phantom Menace.... These are all pretty cool names, which is fitting, seeing as how Star Wars is the coolest movie series ever created by man. Then, we get Attack of the Clones. The name alone is disapointing. I think that the brilliant writer who created the characters of luke Skywalker, Han Solo and the like could come up with a better name than that, but unfortunately, the lame name is not the only problem with this movie. Problem number one is with the characters. The battle droids were bad enough in episode one, but then Lucas had to revive the walking scrap heaps for this one too, in which they were much dumber, and more boring, even the new, re-vamped "super battle droids". I mean, if the frickin gungans could wipe these guys out in ep. 1, why did the Jedi have such a hard time. Which brings me to another lame character. actually, multiople lame characters. The jedi in this movie were crap. Except for Yoda, Mace Windu, and Obi Wan, all we saw were a bunch of tentacle-headed, retarded looking alien farts with lightsabers. AND WHY THE CRAP WAS JAR JAR IN THIS PICTURE!?!?!?!?!?! Lucas must know that anyone above the age of two and a half hated Binks' guts. If he had to put him in the movie, he should at least killed him off. But no! Now we'll probably be stuck with binks in ep. 3, and even in the NEW SUPER ULTRA SPECIAL EDITION STAR WARS, in which he will be digitally imposed into the original trilogy as a special cameo. Great. Wonderful. Just what we need. Problem number 2. Okay, don't get me wrong, I love computer effects as much as the next guy, but there is such a thing as TOO MUCH!!! For cryin out loud, now even Yoda has to be cgi. I can understand a computer animated yoda for the fight scene, but throughout the rest of the movie, the only vestige of the real Yoda is Frank Oz's brilliant voicing. I mean, if they could make it look great with puppets in the 70's, why can't they now? Problem numero 3. Hayden Crapstensen. That is how i will now refer to this stinkbomb of an actor. No, not even an actor. A glamourized pretty boy who happens to look a little like what jake Lloyd may look like ten years from now. This guy was whinier, wimpier, and all around annoying-er than even Jar Jar. I absoluytely hated every scene he was in, which is sad, because most of his scenes were alongside Ewan McGregor, whose brilliant (as always) performance was the only thing that kept me alive during the movie. Now, dont get me wrong, there were still some good things about this flick. number one, Jango Fett. This guy was so cool, it made me forget what a retard young boba was in this movie. number 2, Mace Windu. Now, im not a big fan of sam JAckson, but he was just plain awesome as the coolest jedi ever to walk the streets of Coruscant. Number 3, Obi Wan Kenobi. The sole voice of reason, logic, and sanity in this movie. Too bad the action figure looks like it came out of a happy meal. And of Course, number 4, YODA! I only wish we could have seen him fighting more, because the short duel with the geriatrics poster boy Christopher Lee (who is a fine actor, but was duped into playing a lame character) was just not enough to satisfy my craving for midgit swordplay.

Overall, out of a possible 10, I give Attack of the Clones a 3