You people have just outgrown it.

Rating: 10/10 (17 May 2002)

I can't do this in less than 1000 words. I gotta say that Clones left me speechless, much so that I don't wanna do a review about it more than I wanna do a review about these punks who assert so much about how bad the last two Star Wars episodes are. Peep the math! I didn't like Jar-Jar and I'm not excited about the corny remarks continually made throughout each episode. Nevertheless, I'm intelligent enough to know that when I was a little kid I really liked the Jawas, the Ewoks, the droids, the remarks, and every other little annoying thing about the first three flicks. That's the genius of Star Wars. People of ALL ages can enjoy it, unlike your favorite Tarantino flick or that new Fatal Attraction-copycat Unfaithful or whatever the name of it is. Clones not only is true to the all-ages format, it exceeds all saga criteria to be justifiably in an argument for the best episode ever. Now, for all you punks. When most of you liked Star Wars you were probably little innocent kids, like I was. Now you're grown. Things have happened in your life, you've seen other movies, and innocence has been lost. The same things don't please you anymore. I defy any of you b**ches to name one motion picture, novel, or story that is so compelling to so many people more than Star Wars. Lord Of The Rings? Give me a break! I haven't seen it yet and I'm sure it's a great flick, but the line to see the next episode of the saga won't be laden with kids AND adults dressed as characters in the movie.
Star Trek only comes close, but very few episodes of that saga make an attempt to make strong ties with others. For instance, if a character has a problem it's usually resolved before the end of the episode. Even Spock came back from the dead to make the saga whole again. Here's the truth about you who hate episodes one and two. Unless you genuinely don't like Star Wars you weren't displeased with Menace or Clones. What's wrong is the person in you who liked Star Wars is no more. You like blood and guts and pornography now. Star Wars is not for you anymore. Face it. Don't believe me?? I betcha all of you who didn't like Menace saw it more than once and WILL watch it again no matter what you say about it. The same goes with Clones. You'll see it again and try to pass as intelligent by rebuking it, but then you'll keep watching it. Just like a li'l b***ch, you'll know it's wrong for you but you'll keep going back to it.
You're in denial, you sissy! Those of you who genuinely don't like Star Wars never had any interest in it in the first place. I can understand that. You are excused, but if you are one of these self-proclaimed fans who make a big deal out of Jar-Jar implying racism and other petty complaints, you're taking your own convictions too seriously. That's like hating The Godfather because one of the dons in a commissione meeting asserted ` animals anyway, so let them lose their souls.' I'm Black, but I never expected Vito Corleone to relinquish his donship to go on a campaign against racism within the mob!
Expecting such personal anathemas to be resolved in a story before you can like it or at least appreciate it is downright childish. If you people were really intelligent, you'd appreciate a story that has annoying things and situations in it because life itself can be just as annoying. Those of you who try to find plot holes, on the other hand, are just trying too hard to be intelligent. You can take just as much effort to fill plot holes in Star Wars as you can to make them.
Those of you who loved episodes four through six and hate one and two are just in denial. Ask yourself, `Is it really that bad or did I just outgrow it?' If you can overcome the fact that you have changed so much since Jedi, you'll realize that Menace and Clones are great films and Star Wars will continue to be the greatest saga in motion picture history period.