Hate to say it, but I hate it.

Rating: 2/10 (18 January 2005)

It's amazing to me that the same person who created the original Star Wars actually made Attack of the Clones. I still enjoy watching all of the original Trilogy. They are fun, and have amazingly held up over time, too, in my opinion. AOTC, on the other hand, I can barely sit through.
I've never encountered a worse screenplay: "Annie, my goodness you've grown." Even my grandmother wouldn't say that. Coming out of Natalie Portman's mouth, it's just impossibly funny. Poor Hayden Christensen. He never had a fighting chance of being branded a decent actor with such a train wreck of a script. Some of the scenes in this movie are absolutely unbelievable: Thrill while you watch Amidala pack her suitcase! You'll be amazed at Obi Wan's trip to the library! Brace yourself for Obi Wan and Annie's long ride up the elevator, while they describe the missing gandar nest scene! Hold on to your seats while Anniken fixes his cycle shifter! Prepare to be blown away by Jedi sitting around on cushions spouting dumb nonsense! Lucas seems to think these scenes, and many others, are not boring, since he uses them to TELL TELL TELL us what is supposed to be going on, rather than SHOWING us, which any decent writer would do.
And never have I been so disappointed as by the new Yoda. Not by his physical form, but by the stupid utterances he now has to make. Obi Wan's transmission gets interrupted by a robot shooting at him, which you can SEE in the hologram, and Yoda makes the brilliant observation along the lines of "more is going on than we're aware on Geonosis." Oh, you think, Yoda? Thank God you've been studying the force for 800 years so you can tell us these things.
The whole movie, all 8 hours of it or whatever it takes, just goes on like this. Every line is stupid, every special effect is totally pointless, and I hate every character. I found myself wanting to yell "shut up you moron," every time someone said something. Even the basic storyline of this movie is stupid. I have no clue what that war at the end was for, or why Obi Wan went to that water planet where inside everything looks like poor Saturday morning cartoon animation. Shoe-horning Boba Fett, C3PO, and R2D2 into this movie was just moronic, and in addition makes me mad because now I hate all of them, too! And I won't beat the dead horse of criticizing that vomit-inducing romance.
And for big laughs, in closing, I'll remind you to check out the deleted scenes on the DVD: "Dinner at my mother's," "The long, long, long walk through the palace square to talk about boring stuff," and "A look at my bedroom walls." And I'm totally serious; see for yourself!