Bad, in the mind numbing boring way

Rating: 2/10 (6 December 2019)

Attack of the Clones is the worst of the prequel trilogy. Actually, scrap that.
Attack of the Clones is the worst film.
Normally a film should strive to do at least one of three things. To entertain, inform or question. Lets look at some examples.
Space Odyssey raises questions about AI, humanity's place in the universe, and evolution while all being executed in a streamlined and,while slow, entertaining fashion.
Lupin III and the Castle of Cagliostro is a gloriously over the top and cheesy heist movie about rescuing a princess from a evil count. It raises no philosophical questions, and serves only to entertain the viewer with it's ridiculous action and cooky characters.
...so, I think Attack of the Clones was going for a shakespearean-esc romantic tragedy...? I say that with reluctance, because the end product is someone taking two rocks and putting them in front of a camera. The characters that kids give their dolls are more three-dimensional then those in this film. I struggle to even think of one kooky personality gimmick.
The plot is explained to us in gigantic dumps of exposition that bore the viewer and never shown, I don't even know what evil thing the Sith are doing, and the dialogue sounds like it was written by the seventy three year old toaster lying in the back of my pantry at 3 AM.
It's just... bad. Not fun bad, not interesting bad, not even bland bad. It's bad bad, in the worst way possible. It's not thoughtful like it seems to think it is, not even the fight scenes are interesting, they're just artificial and choreographed. Don't watch this film. Especially not if your a Star Wars fan.