This thing is no improvement over Menace.

Rating: Null/10 (20 August 2002)

Last time the promotional campaign for Menace was virtually free, I need not say why. Despite some wow-full returns many lost faith and were aghast that they could have been such sheep.
But the money-men had another card to play, and play it they did. A masterful teaser trailer that inspired a huge degree of intrigue. "It's all Obi Wan's fault - He's holding me BACK!" The teen audience they were targeting I have no doubt bought the Darth Vader as a brash and furious young Jedi Knight discovering great abilities in himself and romping with a gorgeous career and warrior-chick, but that is not the card I'm talking about. Word was "leaked", like hell, that the new movie was a return to form, and for the most part McGregor was on side making Menace the fall-guy so that Clones could be the must-see rave of both critics and audiences alike. A script reviewer and a critic or two and some focus groups all gave it the thumbs up, but when my idol Steven Spielberg also enthused about the action phase of the new trilogy I took it for granted that Clones would deliver, the promise of Yoda going a round also was a pivot point.
AND WHAT!!!! The love story in Clones is devoid of romance, the love dialogue is appalingly amateurish, and the score, which made Titanic's hug-n-kissing soar is pretty flat for this movie. You don't really care if they care and most of the time your cringing about Hayden's ill-moments. The pivotal scene of the movie is ruined because Lucas obviously had no idea how to handle it and Hayden was not up to the task. He's tried to get a bit too poetic about the Vader transformation, it's lead him into strange territory. The climactic duel does not compare to Menace's score-driven ride. No intriguing teen ground is covered, the story may hold through and does feel a bit Saturday-serialish but is mostly just extremely busy. Jango Fett may have a larger role but he does not hold a candle to the late Mr. Maul. There was not much dueling in any of the originals compared to Menace, doing the same here was a mistake. The jab-swish romp feels like it is over before it starts, you'll cheer Yoda but afterwards you'll remember the rest of the movie.
Lee is good (is he ever not) but his scenes are not well written and the story so imperfectly transferred to screenplay. Co-Screenwriter Jonathan Hales (who did likewise for The Scorpion King) only added in some humour, the rest feels extremely Lucas. And any grand conceptions you had about seeing Jedi Knights at last in action and great number, can be ditched now. Sam LJ's combat is a little embarassing and the finale is such a choppily-edited everything-but-the-kitchen-sink job...
Ill tidings are that Lucas is re-filming for and completely updating the classic trilogy, presumably for the DVD edition. Well he can print one less copy and I suspect more than one, leave those movies the hell alone! The story is told in six parts and you don't go back round chopping and changing each part to clean up any mess you make! They have been released in final form, TWICE! I let the SE trilogy slide because changes were minimal, enough is enough.
The best man won. Spider-man delivers the thrills I hoped it would, Clones comes way short. Its not my biggest disappointment for the year though, I hand that trophy to 'Ali', which also had a kick-ass trailer. I have no faith that this trilogy will be considered as anything more than a taster for die-hards of the classics. Lucas can not possibly deliver in the next installment, even a master like Tolkien would be hard pressed and Lucas is not even a Dunce student to that guy. I'd like to thank him for his efforts, its been a bit of fun but SW recents can join my kinda-maybe-care list. I'm waiting on The Two Towers, and the Fellowship Extended Edition DVD, DAMN that is cinema!