Lucas' showcase for CGI is a dismal wreck

Rating: 2/10 (4 August 2009)

I did not think it is possible, but George Lucas has somehow excreted a sequel that manages to make the lameness of The Phantom Menace look like high art. At this point, it seems very clear that Lucas, irate that fans have pigeon-holed him into a niche as the auteur responsible for adventures in a galaxy far, far away, are going to seriously pay for it. And what better way than for Lucas to simply take a dump all over the opening trilogy that he has promised to provide for years? Attack of the Clones becomes the latest casualty of Lucas' incompetent writing and direction resulting in a much-awaited sequel that viewers hoped would improve on the problems of its predecessor, but instead finds entirely new ways to exploit and exacerbate them. The plot – such as it is – picks up roughly 10 years after the last film. Anakin Skywalker is now a strapping young man and acolyte of Jedi Master Ben Kenobi, who gets assigned as a glorified bodyguard to former Queen Amidala (now Senator Amidala), while Kenobi goes off in search of the supposed clone army of the title. There are a number of plot holes and inconsistencies as well as developments that simply fail to effectively dovetail with what viewers already know from the original trilogy. For instance, there is nothing especially heroic or admirable about the Jedi Knights as depicted in this film. They seem to be a suspiciously virginal monastic order with particular disdain for both emotions and outsiders – and they are almost laughably incompetent. They are constantly taken by surprise by enemies in their midst and most action scenes will be marked by a stretch where the Jedi participating will somehow lose their lightsabre during the battle. Yet their dialog – especially that as delivered by Samuel L. Jackson and the increasingly tiresome Yoda – is delivered with a smug self-righteousness that crosses the border of hypocrisy into arrogance. Also interesting is that Lucas fails to give us any reason as to why Amidala would be a target of assassination attempts since she brings nothing conceivable to the table to be a threat to anyone. It all functions as little more than a plot contrivance to throw Anakin and Amidala together for Lucas' ham-fisted idea of a romance. As though suddenly realizing that he needs to maneuver the future parents of Luke and Leia together, Lucas conspires painful passages awkwardly inserted into the story where we are supposed to see their relationship developing to a point where both parties buck the rules to become married. The film also continues to suffer from the lack of a good villain. Christopher Lee shows up late in the game as a sinister character called Count Dooku, but it impossible to tell in the mishmash of a story whether his goals are ultimately good or bad. Would that the attention Lucas has lavished on his overabundance of phony-looking CGI effects had been aimed at the story. C-3PO and R2-D2 are back, but used badly – especially in a concluding conveyor belt action scene that results in C-3PO's head being placed on an attack droid's body with assorted crummy one-liners in accompaniment. The various alien cultures that Lucas presents are not remotely imaginative and saddled with notable stereotypical English dialects. Ewan McGregor holds himself with a bit of dignity as Ben Kenobi, so it is a shame that Lucas has yet to write him a good role. Samuel L. Jackson's macho tough guy shtick is past its shelf life. Natalie Portman seems to become increasingly more catatonic as Amidala (her scene after falling out of a copter is high unintentional comedy). Poor Hayden Christensen has it the worst. He is stuck with the impossibly daunting task of eliciting audience sympathy for an anti-hero whose character arc is already known to the audience, trying to convince us that he is hopelessly enchanted with his wooden leading lady, and that he actually has a degree of mentor/student chemistry with McGregor, all while being saddled with bargain basement dialog that makes the central character seem little more than a shallow, petulant brat. He manages a couple of nice moments where he hints of the darkness to come, but is largely crushed by the Lucas ball of ineptitude. In the director chair, Lucas seems to have no idea how to generate suspense or pace the film in an effective manner. In fact, it often seems that the film functions as barely more than a showcase for his CGI effects studio. A dismal wreck that truly has completely derailed what should have been a far more promising and durable series.