ugh (some dumb spoilers herein)

Rating: 4/10 (6 June 2002)

Do not listen to the hype. Save your hard-earned money, people. I am a Star Wars fan, but I'm also a rational human being who knows crap when he sees it. This movie made me WISH for another Episode One, a movie I, like most, didn't even like.
Where to begin? Critique #1. Lucas' ham-handed insertion of pop-culture references felt like a slap across the face from Flo, the robot diner waitress. Robots playing football? People selling cigarettes (or their after school special cousins, "deathsticks")? And for god's sake, an "I've fallen and I can't get up?" joke, even from C3PO? A cameo from the "Where's the beef?" lady might have segued nicely.
#2. No drama at all. None. Successful films draw out emotion from the viewer; the only thing I experienced was fits of laughter. The final Luke v. DV duel in Empire was a good example of setting a mood and evoking feeling from the audience. The final fight scene of AOTC was just limp. Even technically, it was an utterly graceless fight. Anakin v. Dookie was a complete blur of close ups and light saber sweeps. I couldn't make out a thing. Same with Yoda, the Tazmanian Devil. TPM's final fight was leagues better than this joke; it was smooth, fluid, and graceful (despite a villain reminiscent of a corny WWF character).
#3. There was 0 creativity here. The factory scene was so bland that I found myself wondering when it would mercifully end.
#4. The "perfect timing" phenomenon was ridiculous. Obi Wan is fortuitous enough to be able to eavesdrop on the entire robot army plan? The fact that Anakin's mom stayed alive in a Tuskan raider boot camp for over a month, just to die 10 seconds after being in her son's arms, was enough to make me want to finish my popcorn and leave. And the unusually (re: stupidly) strange and cruel execution was stopped not once but TWICE in the nick of time?
#5 Aaaaahhh, what's the point? You've already decided. But you've been warned. This whole movie was begun from an effects seed; the entire plot and dialogue was constructed around all the cool tricks that Lucas wanted to show you. I'll admit that he was hampered by the task of tying up certain characters, facts, etc. Unfortunately, his love for effects has turned this into an overblown CGI commercial; all eye candy, no drama whatsoever.
One more thing....to those rabid fans saying "you can't just see it once" Ummmm, I'm thinking hard about suing 20th Cent. Fox to get my eight bucks back...I don't think I'll be shelling out another eight anytime soon, sorry.