Awful, Simply Awful....

Rating: 1/10 (21 May 2003)

Let me preface my comments here by saying that I am a fan of Science Fiction (I even capitalized the term!), and admired the original three films...however what the hell happened? THE PHANTOM MENACE was simply forgotten, but ATTACK OF THE CLONES is simply an embarrassment of screencraft.
Short list of problems:
1.) Some of the worst performances in recent memory. Did that kid in the lead win a cereal box-top contest or something? It doesn't matter though, he'll have to live with himself for (almost on his own) sinking a film with the STAR WARS name, he should be bagging my groceries. Portman, who has more costume changes than screen time, is hardly there at all. And I am supposed to swallow that those two are in love, I wasn't convinced that they were in the same room. [A brief aside: I did enjoy the speech about how the queen was the opposite of "irritating sand" and was so "smooth and soft"...I've used that line and have been met with mouthfuls of pepper spray once the laughter had died down...]
2.) Are any of the effects anything other than CGI guys working on their portfolios? There are so many computers at work in this film that it loses any kind of organic reality. I still contend that light hitting real cloth cannot be duplicated by a computer. And what is with the blue/green screen work, it hurts my eyes...a little advice to Mr. Lucas: build a set! I demand to know who thought that the CGI Yoda was a good idea, the fight scene near the end made me cringe. I felt bad for everyone who was involved with that debacle.
3.) Lucas betrays and besmirches the original characters created in the first three episodes. I have lost respect for the following: Yoda, Boba Fett, Ben Kenobi (what's-his-name is no Alec Guiness), the Emperor, Darth Vader, the Sand People, The Force, George Lucas, John Williams, droids, American cinema, the Death Star, etc...
4.) Some of the worst dialogue around. You would think if Lucas could not handle the screenwriting, he would of handed it off to someone else, but no...What the audience is left with is insipid drivel (see the "Sand Speech").
In short if ATTACK OF THE CLONES had spent even a quarter of the running time on the actual development of the characters and narrative, instead of expensive bloated set pieces, it could have been at most watchable. I will not see the third film...how will 20th Century Fox ever recover having lost my nine dollars? That ought to show em'. 1/10.