George Lucas, WHAT HAPPENED? Why is this movie so bad?

Rating: Null/10 (18 June 1999)

I just saw TPM today (June 18, 1999). Let me preface this by saying that I have been a die-hard Star Wars fan for the past 20 years. I can recite the dialogue of the original movie (Epsiode IV) in my sleep. I can instantly tell you what scene was occuring by listening to just a couple of seconds of the soundtrack. I've probably seen that movie over 50 times and loved every minute.
Which is why I am so disappointed by TPM, which almost seemed like a bad rip-off film created by some third-rate copycat wannabees. They spent $120 million on the special effects, and about twenty bucks on the dialogue, which forced the poor actors and actresses into looking like wooden Al Gore puppets blandly reciting their lines.
The characters in TPM lack any of the believability, chemistry, or ensemble acting which made Episode IV so compelling. Who CARES if Anakin Skywalker (who sounds like he's reciting his lines, poor kid) wins the pod race?
Who CARES about the people of Naboo? Does anybody really believe that Anakin's mother -- well, is his mother? And the droid army looked like a bunch of storks. Is there a "I hate Jar-Jar" club? Sign me up. And why was the lip-synching so embarrasingly bad on some of those alien ambassadors? The Muppets have better lip-synching, and MUPPETS AIN'T GOT NO LIPS!
The movie is not without merit. I loved the special effects (bad lip-synching aside). I thought the choreography and showmanship of the light saber duel were astounding and had me sitting up in my seat -- it was by far the most interesting part of the film. The under water monsters were very cool, and I wish we could have seen more of them. And Natalie Portman is incredibly beautiful -- I wish we could have seen more of HER!
But for the rest of the movie, I was cringing in my seat, wondering what on earth happened to George Lucas. Perhaps he's been replaced by an evil twin on the Dark Side of the Force. I can't wait to see how "Mad Magazine" is going to spoof this film.
Finally, I still have no idea why the movie is called "The Phantom Menace."
This movie gets 3 stars out of ten.