Not Star Wars

Rating: 4/10 (8 June 2016)

When I first heard the critics talking about the Star Wars prequels, giving me reasons to not watch them (Jar Jar being the major reason). The only other thing that kept me from seeing this movie was that I had once seen about half of it as a kid and was utterly bored by it. But when I finally saw all the prequels (starting with this one) I found that many of the critics were right in both the good and the bad.
This one is about discovering young Anakin, and dealing with politics in a galaxy far far away that make no sense and I care nothing about, because it's Star Wars. I don't want to watch a Star Wars movie where politics makes up about 65% of the movie, which is what happens in Phantom Menace. It bored me as a kid and confuses me as an adult.
But alright, if politics is so boring to the kids, how about putting in lots of comedy. That's the movie's problem, it's either too boring or too obnoxious. Boring includes the politics and the uninteresting acting from pretty much all the cast members, except for Jar Jar. Oh man where do I start on what's wrong with this character? 1) He exists only to get a giggle from the kids with all the poop jokes and getting into trouble 2) His voice was interesting for a while, but then it started to get grating 3) He gets into trouble and everybody else into trouble, why does anybody bother to keep him? 4) Lucas described him as the Chewbacca of the prequels, isn't that a laugh? 5) I know everybody says he's a racist stereotype, but I find him too annoying to notice anything racially insensitive, he's that bad.
Also, while I like the idea of Anakin being a powerful kid, I seriously wish it was it explored a little more. It was not given enough time, thanks to Jar Jar and politics. If it explored his character a little more I might have become more invested other than just "Oh he can fix machines" "Oh, he bears the Force in his blood". It might have even made the child actor's performance less bland and monotoned. The kid, while may have done better in other movies, does not work out well here at all. Partly because the writing is so hokey and bad, but also because Lucas didn't try hard enough with him in tone. I believe Liam Neeson's character is alive more than I believe Jake Llyod's because this movie did not give Anakin enough room to breathe.
There were other times I questioned what movie I really was watching: Some of the worlds looked a little too modern, like the Jedi planet (forgot the name). It looked much more like a technologically advanced version of New York City. Also, the pod racing has TV announcers. Speaking of which, while the pod racing is cool, I probably would have liked it better if I had not seen Ben Hur with the amazing chariot racing. What also bothers me about it is when you think "Star Wars" is pod racing really what comes to mind or is it lightsaber duels? Well thankfully, we do get about twenty minutes worth of a lightsaber fight total in the entire movie. There should have been more honestly, but the best fight scene is Darth Maul vs Obi Wan and Qui Gon. The music accompaniment and the cool choreographed fight still puts me at the edge of my seat, even though I know who's coming out alive. I would have liked to have seen more of Darth Maul, his motivation, where he came from, and see him do more evil under his master's training. We got that from Darth Vader in the original trilogy, why couldn't we see more of Darth Maul? It would be a lot better than sticking around with Jar Jar.
For me, the Darth Maul fight sequence was the only thing that felt like a genuine Star Wars moment. The rest was too boring for me to care about, or just too annoying. The acting was dull, there was too much politics, too much Jar Jar, and I still wonder how nobody figures out that Palpatine's the Sith Lord. I'm glad some people like it, but personally, this movie is anything but a legit Star Wars Movie.