Two words: Jar Jar

Rating: 5/10 (15 January 2009)

I'll admit, the first time I saw the ads for this movie, I was hooked. I thought it was going to be off the wall, particularly since I was, well, eleven years old and I liked anything in movies which was flashy. And at that age, I loved the film when I went to watch it. It was fun, fast, and fantastic. Explosions, lasers, spaceships, what else could a kid ask for? Then I grew up. I watched the movie again when I was seventeen, and all I could do was gape in horror. I could have sworn I saw a different movie as a child, but going back through it, I couldn't believe that I had liked it so much. It really reminds me as to how my tastes have changed and how what I look for in a movie has changed. As an addition to the Star Wars saga, I didn't begrudge it at the time simply because it was, well, another chapter in the Star Wars saga. I loved watching one of my favorite film franchises play out on the big screen. But frankly, in retrospect, I think (right now at 20 years old) it should have been avoided entirely.
Where to start? The writing of this story was abysmal. The writers were looking for some sort of "main bad guy", so they concocted the Trade Federation, a corporate conglomerate of evil. A good idea in principle, but terrible in execution. Instead of being composed of a variety of aliens, humans, etc. it's composed of a single type of alien who seem so stereotypically modeled after the "greedy Asian" model that it would make the person who designed the pathetic Klingon stereotype for Star Trek: The Original Series cringe. The fact that they all had thick Japanese accents didn't really help. So point one was that Lucas apparently didn't know how to write a good story without including some bad stereotypes.
The second point was the introduction of the Jedi. Liam Neeson's role as Qui-Gon Jinn was perhaps the high point of the film, since he's already known for his acting prowess; in fact, it's hard to find talent like his. The problem is that everything Liam Neeson brings to the screen is offset by the horrible dialogue scripted by Lucas. As Yoda would perhaps say, stilted one-liners and poorly written expository statements a Jedi does not make. Ewan MacGregor didn't bring much to the role either, although I will admit, his character is far more in keeping with his elderly Alec Guinness counterpart.
The third and worst clincher is, of course, Jar Jar Binks. This godawful Caribbean-stereotyped character whose sole purpose is to fall on his face and annoy the characters at every turn seems to try the patience of every person who is sitting in the theater. He not only is unfunny, but all of his scripted lines consist of making stupid noises and funny (not) faces. The reason people connected with Chewbacca even though his entirety of dialogue was in growling was due to his interaction with Han Solo. Jar Jar Binks' interaction with the other characters makes people want to slice his head off.
And last but not least, Anakin Skywalker. Seriously. What kind of whiny runt of a kid grows up to become a Dark Lord of the Sith? Granted, the actor was something like 13 years old, but his acting was atrocious. Lucas decided to conceive him as some sort of virgin birth in order to give him some sort of mystical quality and that quickly backfired when we find out that he complains ALL THE TIME. He also manages to end up being the hero because he randomly shot off a couple of torpedoes... what? The reason Luke was able to fire off torpedoes and destroy the Death Star was because of his attunement to the Force. Anakin just fired like a blind idiot. Out of character and out of whack.
I can't give this film a lower rating than it already has because, frankly, it's got better writing than the other two prequel trilogy films, which just shows you the abysmal depths to which Lucas has sunk the franchise.