The Friggin' dumb mega-mess!

Rating: 1/10 (30 December 2012)

Words cannot describe how much I detest this movie, words cannot describe how much I detest George Lucas for making this God awful trilogy! Now I don't hate George Lucas as a person, I don't even know him. I hate him as a screenwriter and as a director. It's apparent that George's creativity well, went dry in 1983. (After writing Return of The Jedi) I know you can't please everybody, I know this probably wasn't what sprang to mind when fans Imagined how Anakin Skywalker fell to the dark side and became Darth Vader, but after watching the prequel films, you have to wonder what George's intentions were for this trilogy. To take the fans on a fantastic journey, To tell us how how the story began? or to fatten his wallet and increase his bank account? After watching these movies, I can clearly tell that it wasn't the former.
We meet Anakin as a nine year old child. That's right, a child. He lives with his mother as a slave on Tattooine. Did George even bother to watch the original trilogy before he shot this?! Because I remember Obi-wan saying: "When I first knew him, he was an excellent pilot and a cunning warrior." How is this kid an excellent pilot?! How is this kid a cunning warrior?! (I'll elaborate on this later.) What could have possessed Lucas to write Anakin Skywalker as a nine year old kid?! I'm not even gonna go into the plot of this movie because it's beyond asinine! Anyway, Qui-Gon Jinn, Ewan Mcgregor's Master (I'm not not gonna call that cheap knock off, Obi-wan!) says that Anakin may be "The chosen one." that was referred to in a Jedi prophecy. Even though in the original films there was never ANY mention of a prophecy!! He asks Anakin's mother who his father was, and she says there was no father, she just woke up one day and she was pregnant with him. Do I really have to say how offensive this is?! This kid is supposed to be the Jedi Jesus? This movie makes me want to vomit!! So anyway, Anakin is tested by Qui-Gon, and it's revealed that he has has a high Midi-chlorian count. What's a Midi-chlorian? Well in a nutshell, it's bacteria, and without this bacteria a Jedi wouldn't have the power of The Force. George, What in God's name have you been smoking?! You can't change the rules because you want to, and you can't throw whatever you want into the plot. We already know what the force is, but for some asinine, ridiculous, and retarded reason. you decided to throw out The Force we know, and replace it with a contrived one. For those who don't know, Here's what Obi-wan said about The force in the original film. "The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, and penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together." To wrap it all up, Qui-Gon gets killed by a Sith we don't know or care about, the good guys win...for now, and Ewan Mcgregor takes Anakin on as his apprentice. (Gee, I wonder how that's going to turn out?) This movie Sucks!! But don't worry, the worst is yet to come.
Coming Soon: My Review of Episode II: Attack of The plot conveniences!