Mr. Lucas, can I have my money back, please?

Rating: 1/10 (19 May 1999)

I really wanted to like this movie, but I didn't go in with high expectations. But it was B-A-D. Bad dialogue, bad acting, no plot. Natalie Portman, Liam Neeson and Ewan McGregor were wasted in this film, nothing the least bit interesting to say or do. We've seen better light sabre fights in the other movies, and although Darth Maul's double-sabre was cool, it wasn't enough. Jake Lloyd's sweet Anakin gave me cavities. Jar Jar Binks was nothing but annoying. I am a big Star Wars fan, but I know a bad movie when I see one.
About the dialogue - there were so many lines that were out of context. Why on Earth did the two-headed sportscaster have to say something stupid like "No matter what universe you are from, that's gotta hurt." And If Anakin Skywalker said "Yipee" one more time I think I would have vomitted.
Sure the effects and scenery are beautiful, I'll give them that. But part of what made Star Wars great is you knew the sets were actually built, either life size or miniatures.
The original Star Wars is simply a story of good versus evil, literally black and white, Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker, Hero and Villain. In the Phantom Menace, sure we had good vs. evil, but Darth Sidiuos and Darth Maul were nowhere near the evil presence of Darth Vader. I didn't care about them.
Good thing we weren't introduced to Star Wars in episode order. The franchise may have died right here.
Thank you Mr. Lucas for giving us Star Wars (Episodes IV & V). If we are ever to see Episodes II & III, please oh please let somebody else write it!