The future of movies: go read a book.

Rating: 4/10 (6 June 1999)

I have never commented on the IMDb before but after seeing the rating of 8 this... thing... got I really have to put in my two cents. First off, I'm stunned nobody has commented on the ridiculous notion that Anakin Skywalker -- later to become Darth Vader -- built C3P0. You'd think when R2D2 and C3P0 crash on Tatooine at the beginning of the first "Star Wars" they'd remember they had been there before, or at least when Luke Skywalker buys them, C3P0 would recall beeing created by someone with the same last name!!! Worse -- let's talk drama: how can you feel any suspense for your heroes when they outnumber the bad guy? The fight between Neeson, McGregor and Darth Maul is completely stacked in the Jedis favor. First, Maul is just an apprentice; second, we've never seen him fight before so we have no idea how good or powerful he is; third, it's two against one! Worse: Jar Jar. Does anyone understand a word this character says? Does anyone even care? And yes, he's a black stereotype, just as the bumbling Trade Federation duo are asian stereotypes and the fly-creature is an Arab. Ugh. Worse: our big hero, Anakin Skywalker, is nick-named "Annie." Annie! No wonder he turned evil. And he's played by the worse child actor on the planet. Not that the pros are any better. Portman and Neeson must have had a contest on who could be more wooden, McDarmid is a weasel with none of the menace the Emperor should have, McGregor looks really lost and the Darth Maul guy could have been great if he was in the movie for more than 30 seconds. Thinking back, I believe he only has three lines two of which are "Yes, master." What else? Oh, we're trapped in Tatooine for two-thirds of the movie and tortured with an endless space-chariot race ripped out of "Ben-Hur" that has minimal bearing on the rest of the plot. This movie could have been great, should have been great, and it woudn't have taken much. It would have been terrific if it was directed by George Lucas of "Star Wars" and "American Grafitti." Instead it was directed by the Lucas who created "Howard The Duck" and "Radioland Murders".