Floppy eared Charlie Chaplin wannabe...

Rating: Null/10 (13 May 2002)

Yes, I know that I'm going to sound like just another irate fan in the long list of negative critiques, but hey, I hide my disgust for no one. Yes, it IS as bad as you have doubtlessly heard. In fact, the only possible reason you might like this is if you have never seen the original trilogy.
However, let me go on with my rant. I haven't bothered reviewing the original trilogy as I feel I have nothing to add. Some may the say the same about this, but I write it anyway, on the week before the Irish release of 'Clones' in the hope that Lucas will surprise me with the next offering. Here follows my bones of contention with 'Phantom Menace'.

The effects were very good, however I remain a fan of the more 'organic' school of film making, in the sense that Chewbecca was better because he had that 3D look- Jar Jar Binks remains strictly 2D (I hear that from now on, Yoda will be completely CG- Aaaaargh, Jim Henson must be turning in his grave!!). Also, on the subject of Binks..Yes, I hated his guts, and this, coming from someone who even liked the Ewoks for Christ's Sake!! I know that Lucas put him in because he wanted to appeal to younger viewers, as I'm sure was the reason for that woeful sequence in which Anakin flies around in space, shooting the bad guys (for some reason this sequence reminded me of a frenetic toy ad- I half expected a voiceover to announce "now you too can fight the Empire with this tie-in computer game, only £29.99"- Ugh..). However, George, what about those who were around when the original came out in '77? They're not kids anymore, do you really want to alienate them? (I however must admit that I myself wasn't around in '77- though I was around for 'Jedi') I mean George, did you ever wonder why the darkest episode ('Empire') was also the most popular? Take the hint and get rid of that bloody floppy eared mutant Charlie Chaplin wannabe!!
The acting was, for the most part, terribly wooden. I mean I've seen better acting on 'Fair City' (Irish readers will know what I'm talking about). People say 'Take it easy on Jake Lloyd, he's only a child,'- well I have three words for them: Haley Joel Osment. Lucas is notorious for casting people based on whether they look the part or not, let's hope he hasn't made the same mistake with Hayden Christensen. Portman was incredibly boring as the Queen, making us yearn for Fisher's feisty princess. In fact, most of the characters spent so much time pompously trying to look important and recite their lines with a straight face, that they didn't seem to be able to get much acting in. Also sorely missing is a cynical Han Solo-type character that the audience, particularly the uninitiated, can relate to.
The first half hour was terrible- it seemed as if Lucas was shoving in as many locations as possible and didn't allow the story to leisurely unfold like it did in the earlier three. I mean George, you've got a great imagination, but bring back Irvin Kershner as director.PLEASE!
Back to the effects. The podrace WAS breathtaking I'll admit, and Greg Proops was a nice touch. But the battle between the Gungans and the droids just looked like a scene from a computer game. Bring back people dressed up in rubber/plastic/furry suits, even if it means that the scenery has to be sacrificed!- Organic, please!!
All in all, there were a couple of redeeming features in the film: The score (spot-on Williams); the banter between and initial meeting of R2D2 and C-3P0; Ian McDiarmaid as the Senator/ Emperor (nice bit o continuity there); Boss Nass (Kudos to Brian Blessed); the lightsaber duels which were excellent; Darth Maul, who unfortunately leaves us too soon; Liam Neeson and Pernilla August who tried to infuse the film with some humanity (sorry, Ewan mate, you were just too boring!); and last but not least, the expansion of our view of Tatooine.
Naturally, no matter what they read, no Star Wars fan is going to boycott this film. Let's just hope that 'Clones' a better film will be..
PS Great to see Bronagh Gallagher snagging a role, Go on the Irish!