Oh Curious George what have you done!

Rating: 4/10 (29 March 2000)

Alright, before you stone my blasphemous mouth shut, let me just say that Episode one is bad not for the actually movie but what it does to the other three movies.
What was so great about Star Wars was that it started in the middle of a story. It was left up to your imagination what happened before.
Now he is showing you. Ruining the mystique to everything.
Obi Wan was a crusty old knight. You knew very little about him but that didn't bother you cause Alec Guiness brought history into the role. Now you learn he was some little punk with a pony tail. Suddenly Obi Wan isn't so cool.
Darth Vader was the ultimate Baddie. Guy in black with a mask and penchant for killing heroes. You knew he used to be good but now he is the pinnacle of bad. Cool. Now you know he was a goofy little punk. Ruined.
The force. Cool way of the samurai-magic thingy that no one used except the hippest cats. Now you know it is a concentration of microscopic lifeforms. Ruined.
I guess George thinks everyone is a moron and we can't imagine the rest of the story ourselves.
What I think the problem was. He got older and richer and richer and richer and lazier.
He forgot his maverick sensibilities that he had on Star Wars.
He defied the conventional sci-fi genre with Star Wars and created a new ideal for all others to be measured by. Now he is just following his own mold and reinstating conventions he once set out to brake.
Not only was this movie boring because of its "do nothing new, just do it better" attitude, but it takes away from the first movies. Now you can't watch Alec Guiness without thinking Ewan Macgregor doesn't look like him. You can't watch Darth Vader now without thinking of him as a snot nosed kid. Now you can't think of the force without thinking of some parasitic thing called midichlorians.
I only hope they never do another Indiana Jones movie cause Spielberg, Lucas, and Ford have all lost their touch.
Anyways, I could go on and on about the things wrong with Episode I, such as hidden gimmicks like the E.T. creatures, but I won't because I know the Star Wars freaks want to commence their flogging of this rambling infidel.
But before I go I would just like to say.
RETURN OF THE JEDI SUCKED TOO!

Whoooohahahahaha