Yoda's list.

Rating: Null/10 (12 July 2009)

"On WEBSTER'S ALL-TIME MEDICLORIANS LIST in 2nd place am I – not that boast do I want. Here the complete list is:
1. Anakin: by mere 3 mediclorians beat me did he, tell me my informants do, so argued did I that I with him places must switch when lost his left hand he did; after all, that hand at least 5% of all his mediclorians must have had, hence lost 5% of his body and mediclorians did he, argued I - therefore no.1 I should be. Never happened, unfortunately – outvoted in the Jedi council 1 to 9 the motion was...
2. The Reverend Grand Master Wizard Yoda The Ruler Of All Galaxies He Is (thought of adding "fantastic" between "master" and "wizard" I had, but too pretentious would it have sounded); drank mediclorian juice my whole life I did, but never did it increase my mediclorian index (MI) in order to overtake Vader.
3. Leia: the damn woman never her potential did use (regret do I very much saying "no there is another (hope)" in 1980) She hopeless is.
4. Luke: had sex with Leia he almost did, but luckily Han the solo guy snatched her away; incest rare in space is because so many planets to choose from there are, so why own family have sex with? Some in the Jedi Council to mate them wanted, which result in children with extraordinary MI would – but opposed I was to this idea from the start (I couldn't let that happen: their offspring reduce me into 3rd or 4th place on this list would have).
5. Count Dooku: kick his tall derrière I did in "Star Wars: Of The Clones The Attack Is", but include the scene where I boot him in the groin Lucas did not, after which whimper like a school-girl Dooku did.
6. Sam Jackson: thank God a black one ("American-African" in our galaxy does not exist) in the 10 Top there is, or accusations of racism never shaken off Lucas would have; ever wonder why "Master Windu" we call him? F**ts to distract opponents during light-sabre duels uses he. A very clever cookie was he...
7. Darth Vader's sister, Cretina: born semi-mentally-challenged, never quite the hang of the Force did she get; a pompous black costume never did she wear but asthma like her brother had she, too. After accidentally drooling on Emperor Palantine, had her removed from the Death Star Vader did (last was she seen in a brawl with Steven Spielberg when a part he offered her in "The Purple Colour"); embarrassed by her Lucas is and ignore her completely he has, the damn nerd...
8. Sofia Coppola: on the Jedi council was she even, but doubt do I about her having that many mediclorians: methinks her father buy the results did; nepotism a problem in the Jedi world is, too, not just in distant Hollywood.
9. Chewbacca: surprised all of you are, know I, but a simple explanation there is: an abundance of mediclorians does the hairy bastard have, but in his genitals concentrated they all are: only his pe*is controls the Force, hence his numerous affairs with thousands of orangutans, chimps, and lemurs even; no girl monkey to him "no" can say.
10. George Lucas: I know, confused you all must be, but $3,000,000,000 worth he is, and translated into mediclorians roughly 23,000 mediclorians that is; money as mighty as the Force can often be.
11. Obi-Wan Kenobi: an overachiever, if ever there one was; by a whisker into this list did he make it. Remember you might how much trouble had he in barely beating that silly little mercenary, Bubba Fatt (Bob a Jedi primary-school dropout was, scarcely tie his own shoe-laces could he, let alone the Force wield). And forget you probably can't that together fight with Quai-Gon against Darth Maul he had to – 2 against 1, both of them cowards were. A wig wear he did always, hence "Moby" Wan Kenobi we used to call him for his baldness and stupidity; thelessnever, many Jedi always wonder did what trick of magic Kenobi utilized to transform from a Scottish man to an English one."

The Honourable Master Yoda