Lucas has gone over to the dark side...

Rating: 2/10 (4 September 2003)

Now before I start I want to make it clear that I am a huge Star Wars fan. I love the original trilogy and have seen it many times. It is one of the classics of film history. Not so with the first installment of the prequel trilogy...
Why for the love of all that's good and pure did Lucas decide to direct the actors himself? The man may have many talents, but getting the best out of his actors aint one of them. "The Empire Strikes Back", arguably the best movie of the trilogy, was not directed or even written entirely by Lucas. This also goes for "Jedi". The only one of the original 3 that he wrote and directed by himself was the "Star Wars" and the acting is a little stiffer then the other 2 (I know to some this is sacrilege, but watch it again and watch Mark Hamil closely and you'll know what I mean).

I don't know why Lucas would decide to direct and write these movies himself when the best ones were done with help from others. Lucas's talent was always the special effects. And with that lead in we get to the 5 big reasons why I absolutely HATED this movie:
1. The ACTING (or lack there-of): Holy crap! This movie reminded me of a High School play. Wait, that's not fair! I've seen some really good high school plays. If you're gonna hire a kid to play a young Darth Vader MAKE SURE THEY CAN ACT!!!! I don't care how cute they are (By the way...Yippee!? What the hell is that?! No self respecting kid says Yippee!). Ewen McGreggor and Sammie L. were pretty much the only 2 who can claim the title of actor in this movie, and even they gave disappointing performances. Now I do feel sorry for the man who has to fill in Alec Guinness's shoes, but the best way to deal with it is to give your own performance and not an Obi Wan impersonation. I also feel sorry for Sammie L. cause he is a good actor, I just don't think he had a lot to work with...which brings me to my second point:
2. The PLOT (or-again-lack there-of): This really bugged me about the story so I'll include it here: Why did they feel it necessary to explain where the force comes from? They didn't in the previous three and that was just fine. You set up rules for the Universe your story takes place in and the audience understands those rules. The Force exists. It doesn't need a reason. Anyone who can't deal with it without an explanation probably wouldn't really enjoy the movie anyway. Anywho, end that rant for another one: Can we say NON EXISTENT plot?!? Can we say VIDEO GAME marketing?!? Can we say excuses for copious amounts of CGI?!? Oh look! A lead in to my third point...
3. The SPECIAL EFFECTS: Yes they were cool, blah blah blah...does anyone else miss the days when people had to WORK to get cool special effects, not just type code into a computer? CGI looks really fake when not done properly. It looks all shiny. That was the problem with this movie. The thing I find sad is that in the 70's, when the original "Star Wars" came out they managed to put together cooler (and more convincing) special effects. Plus the aliens, while muppets, still held my attention longer. Yay! It moves so neatly to my fourth point:
4.The ALIENS: what the hell is the deal with the aliens with accents?!? In the original movies the aliens either spoke English or another language. They did not have TERRIBLE accents. The trade guild/union (whatever) aliens I dubbed "the French-Canadian Chinese Fish". Man could my french teacher do a good impression of them. Why not just have subtitles? Does Lucas think we are unable to READ? I'll take subtitles over bad Jamaican accents any day. Which brings me to my fifth and final point...
5. JAR-JAR: I hate him. I despise him. I wanted to take a light saber and lop his head off. I wish Obi Wan had. How could anyone think that Jar-Jar would be funny? You know what would have been funny?...His painful and agonizing death. He was too moronic to be a good character and destroyed a lot of the point of Star Wars. In the original movies our heroes worked hard to achieve victory. In Phantom Menace Jar-Jar falls on his ass to single-handedly win a battle. It's mind boggling. It hurts me. I hate you Jar-Jar. (I am reminded of "the Simpsons" where the comic book guy is sleeping with a Jar-Jar doll and says, "Oh Jar-Jar, everyone hates you but me." So true, so true.)
Despite this, the movie did really well. I guess we were all so starved for move Star Wars that we attempted to ignore that overall crappyness of "Phantom Menace", or perhaps its because this proved that obscene amounts of CGI can triumph over a thin, poorly written plot and bad acting any day.