Horrible

Rating: Null/10 (20 May 1999)

I usually give reviews as if the reader has already seen the movie. Obviously I can't here since Star Wars:Episode I just came out last night so I'll be as vague as possible. It stunk.
I walked into the theater with low expectations and I still walked out very disappointed. If that doesn't give a hint as to how bad a movie it was, here's another. As I was waiting in line for the premiere, there were TONS of Star Wars fanatics playing Star Wars Monopoly or having lightsaber battles in line. The excitement was HIGH! Then as everyone was seated in the theater, everyone cheered when the Lucasfilm logo appeared on the screen and then everyone cheered even more enthusiastically when the "Star Wars" letters came up. By the end of the movie, not one single clap. I'm not even exaggerating. There was dead silence once the credits started rolling. The audience was left murmuring to themselves as they left the theater. Everyone felt ripped off.
I guess it's not easy trying to follow up the legacy that is Star Wars. Almost anything that comes out with that title will have impossibly high standards to follow. But come on, this movie would have been a major disappointment if it was a prequel to "The Last Starfighter". I'll go briefly over what I didn't like about it, trying to avoid any spoilers along the way.
Jar Jar Binks. This character was perhaps the single worst creation in movie history. I don't know WHAT George Lucas was thinking about here. Everyone I talked to after the movie couldn't STAND this guy. I've heard complaints about him even before the movie and well, once he appeared on the screen, the movie became nothing more than a cheese-ball festival. His manner of speech bordered on Jamaican and Chinese, and the accent was so indiscernible you couldn't even understand about 75% of the words coming out of his ugly mouth. He didn't single-handedly ruin the movie, but he certainly contributed to its failure.
The plot. As opposed to what the critics say, this is NOT a children's film, based on the plot. It was muddled, confusing, and if I were a child I'd be sitting there without a clue of what was going on. Trade embargoes, taxation disputes, political fodder...it was all a mess. I don't know who Lucas was targeting with this movie. Little kids? No, they wouldn't understand the story. Adults? No, the action and humor were too immature and childish. It was like watching a cartoon, but mixed in with political wish-wash.
The action. This movie tried way too hard to capture the magic of "Return of the Jedi". It shifted to several parallel battles, just as ROTJ often shifted from Lando's raid on the Death Star to the Ewok's battle to Luke's confrontation with Darth Vader. Unfortunately for Phantom Menace, none of the battles were very captivating or interesting. OK, maybe the lightsaber duel with Darth Maul was ultra-cool, but all the other stuff was just there to fill screen time. In all, the film moved VERY slowly. They tried associating everything too much with the latter films and I felt as if they were trying to desperately CONVINCE me that this mess was somehow connected to the whole Star Wars universe.
About the only redeeming quality the movie had were its actors. Liam Neeson was a great Jedi Knight and Ewan McGregor nailed his performace of Obi-Wan Kenobi. But extra special kudos to Natalie Portman who absolutely stole the show! Man, is she a little hottie or what??!! Little Annakin Skywalker also did a formidable job and Samuel Jackson was fun to watch as Jedi Councilmember, Mace Windu. But despite the good casting, the acting in this movie did not do a single thing to save the mess of a movie this was.
The bad guys. Darth Maul was a menacing figure, alright. But we don't really hate him at all. His character is so incomplete we have no real opinion of him. He has one or two lines the entire movie! The rest of his scenes are comprised of him wielding his lightsaber lance (which was pretty damned cool, but that's not the point). The Viceroys were VERY VERY annoying. They couldn't speak a word of coherent English and we're left to try and decipher their mutterings as the muddled plot speeds on by. In all, the character designs in this movie were horrible. Besides Darth Maul, there were no interesting new creations whatsoever.
So without getting into the plot or spoiling the film for anyone, this is the most complete review I can do with this movie. Perhaps I'll get into it more when people have actually seen the movie, but for now, just know that this movie was perhaps the single greatest disappointment in my movie-going career. I was itching to leave the theater after the first hour, but the thing ran for over 2 hours. It was bad, folks. My review should NOT stop you from seeing it, however. You'll need to decide for yourself obviously, but if I could, I'd tell Lucas to recall every copy of this film and start over from scratch because EVERYTHING needs to be re-worked. It's sad to see the Star Wars franchise soiled by an entry like this.
Oops...one last note. The special effects in the movie were AWESOME! Probably one of the most technically outstanding films I've ever seen. Unfortunately, the special effects also happened to be the main character in the film.