Still Sucks

Rating: 1/10 (8 January 2016)

Yep, even after seeing how bad The Force Awakens turned out to be. Two wrongs don't make this movie right, folks.
In fact, I spent years analyzing exactly how much this movie sucked, beginning with standing in line 17 years ago, and very much continuing on through the subsequent excuses.
"Sure, it wasn't a great movie, but it's just a setup for the next one, and that one will be great." Which is what they said about the next movie... and the next movie...
I've concluded that TPM was the 9/11 of American cinema: a monumental disaster that we all saw coming (Independence Day, Twister, etc setting the table for hollow CG "blockbusters"), and yet seemed powerless to prevent. Because 1999 turned out to be something of a watershed for the endless slough of BOOM BOOM crap ever since.
Transformers. Jupiter Ascending. The Hobbit (and LOTR itself, depending on who you ask). The Matrix sequels. Jurassic World. Avatar. You know what I mean.
The Floodgates of the Subpar had broken; Pandora's Box of flashy kitsch could never be closed again. Jar Jar - frighteningly - became the new normal. What, you consider a franchise where a car urinates on a guy's head to hold *any* artistic integrity? Maybe not, but you know you paid to see it.
Good job, George.