Insultingly bad

Rating: 2/10 (24 December 2009)

I love the original Star Wars Trilogy (the ORIGINAL - not the abominable special editions). I know nearly every line by heart. That being said, let's move on.
In my reviews, I usually like to point out the flaws of movies, but in this case, it would take too long, so I'm going to list the good bits instead:

Darth Maul.

The soundtrack.

That's it. The script is depth-less, amateurish and boring, the characters uninteresting, their qualities inconsistent and their combined amount of personality less than that of my hairbrush. It is quite clear that the combination of George Lucas and an unlimited supply of special effects will turn any idea to utter crap. Every scene in this movie is crammed with details, and yet manages to convey absolutely nothing. Appearantly the movie was made for kids, yet it's mostly about a political debate concerning taxes - a subject close to heart to children world-wide...?
The only interesting action sequence is the fight between Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Darth Maul - during which I was actually hoping for Darth Maul to win, because the two Jedi... Boring! The only other tension came from the vein in my forehead constantly about to pop from irritation with Jar Jar Binks - the most irritating creature since... possibly ever - and the only thing that kept me awake during the last half of the movie, was trying to figure out why shield generators are seemingly never covered by the generated shield...
If you're wondering what the movie is about, it's mostly about Jack and his good friend sh*t. I honestly can't find a story in this mess. A nothing-special-about-him-at-all Obi-Wan, the 9-year-old dumb kid Anakin and the 14-year-old queen (child labor, anyone?) Padmé meet each other, and that's more or less all there is. The rest of the very long 2,5 hours can be divided up into various degrees of redundant.
I gave it a 2/10, simply because I have seen worse. Not much worse, but still...