Not quite as soul-crushing as I remember

Rating: 4/10 (7 May 2017)

There is no day more suitable to re-visit George Lucas' beloved Star Wars franchise than Star Wars Day itself: May 4th. One of the most difficult (and entirely trivial) questions asked by the fans about to settle down for a marathon is where to start? Do you marvel at the glory of the original trilogy -despite the Ewok-inspired hiccup of Episode VI - before moving onto the prequels, or is it best to get the much-criticised second trilogy out of the way first? I chose the second option, and not only because Episodes 1-3 are certainly bad, but because I had yet to bring myself to watch any of them for a second time since sitting uncomfortably in the cinema back in 1999, 2002 and 2005. I remember leaving the theatre after seeing The Phantom Menace massively disappointed but convincing myself it had enough merit to qualify as a 'good' movie. Over the years I have grown to hate it as a soulless special effects extravaganza, so is it quite the spirit-crushing experience I remember it to be? Not quite.
It's quite hard to ascertain just who George Lucas was aiming The Phantom Menace at. It's certainly a childish film stuffed to the gills with physical comedy and silly voices, and dialogue so expository and simplistic that it would fail to convince anyone with a mental age north of 12. But then the action plays out over a confusing and plain boring plot revolving around a trade dispute. The opening crawl attempts to explain matters before introducing a wide-range of planets, characters and species, and throwing its two heroes, Jedi Knights Qui-Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor), into the thick of the action. I was quickly lost and left scratching my head, but everything was certainly pretty to look at. It was at this point I realised that Lucas had designed a film to be admired solely from a visual standpoint, and dialogue, characterisation and storytelling had been thrown out of the window. The planet and character designs are beautiful, and I had forgotten just how splendid they are to gaze upon when backed by John Williams' iconic score.
Away from the lightsaber duels and vast landscapes, The Phantom Menace is excruciatingly dull, failing to make conversations about blockades and the Senate remotely interesting, while shoe-horning in references to the originals with little regard for coherency. Neeson and McGregor are both perfectly charming in their roles, even when faced with some truly cringe-inducing dialogue and being forced to converse with a special effect that the actor's eyes fail to meet. The same cannot be said, however, for Natalie Portman and Jake Lloyd. As Queen Amidala, the ruler of Naboo the Jedis are sent to rescue, Portman delivers her lines with a dead-eyed indifference akin to Hayden Christensen's performance in the next two films, something she was criticised for in the Thor movies. Lloyd is incredibly wooden as the young Anakin Skywalker, an annoying pug- faced all-American boy with a fondness for yelling "Yipee!" (what were you thinking George?).
And of course, worst of all, there is the character now cemented as the most loathed in cinema history, Jar Jar Binks (played by Ahmed Best). He has far more screen-time than I remembered, and is always on hand to suck any credibility out of a potentially cool moment. The only scene he doesn't completely ruin is the pod race, during which Anakin races to win a bet that will see him freed from slavery and placed into the safe hands of the Jedis. Even Jar Jar's fart joke doesn't get in the way of what is an exciting and visually spectacular set-piece, which still holds up 18 years later. Lucas also delivers during the one lightsaber duel of the prequel trilogy that doesn't descend into CGI overkill, which pits the two heroes against Darth Maul (Ray Park), arguably one of Lucas' coolest creations. It's beautifully choreographed and backed by an operatic score, and serves as a frustrating reminder of how good this could have been had Lucas not been so pre-occupied with daft humour and a convoluted plot.