what the f--k?

Rating: 4/10 (5 May 2002)

Well, the time has come again for George Lucas to churn out another installment in his over-done Star Wars series, so I figured that it was time for me to voice my opinion over his previous attempt.
First off, I have never thought overly high of Star Wars, even the original trilogy, but Episode I was, by far, one the worst waste of eight bucks I have ever spent. Don't get me wrong, episodes IV, V, and VI weren't bad, but this was a load of crap. Living off of the name-sake of his original hits, Lucas wasn't even trying when he made Menace.
I have no idea of where to start: the poor special effects, the poor acting, the poor writing, or the poor directing. I guess I'll just start at the beginning with the effects: I can't see how anyone could think that these special effects were any besides sub-par. When watching, did anyone honestly believe that the Gun-Gun's (spelling?) were a real race? They LOOKED like computer animations, and Lucas had the gaul to devote an entire scene to them? I mean, the special effects in the 1993 movie Jurassic Park blew these away (those raptors looked unbelievably real, while Watto looked like something I could have made with paint-shop on my computer).
Then there was the acting; granted, the first three Star Wars films weren't known for the acting, but the characters in them were at least believable (in most cases). Episode I had acting like one would expect in a porno movie. You couldn't identify with any of the characters, they were all distant and removed from their surroundings, and lines were just SO damned repetitive (Jar-Jar Binks, any one? Or that damned announcer for that sorry pod-racing scene? Or maybe Mace Windu sounding like an echo for Yoda?).
Then enter the poor writing. My God, the writing in this movie was laughable in comparison to, well, anything. Absolutely no credit was given to our intelligence, with everything being spelled out in painstaking detail, because, God-forbid, George Lucas let anyone think for themselves. The force being explained away as the flu, what was up with this? Then there were the plot holes that plagues the entire movie (like Obi-Wan telling Luke that when he met Anakin, he was a great pilot (Episode IV), when he was really just a kid; or Obi-Wan telling Luke that Yoda had trained him (Episode VI) when clearly it was Qui-Gon who trained him; the list continues). I mean, this level of writing is unbearably poor, even for a movie series that was just a rip-off (The Hidden Fortress, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Lucas basically just took characters and events from these works, and put them into his own piece).
And now, the directing. What a load of crap. Lucas must be one of the worst directors I've ever seen. Just watch this movie, and you'll see what I mean.
And, though you'll never believe it, this is an unbiased opinion. I was just as thrilled to see another Star Wars movie coming out as the next person, but this movie was a POOR excuse for a film. I'm sorry, but it was obvious that Lucas was riding the Star Wars name for all it was worth, and didn't put one bit of effort into this piece. I will be skipping Episode II, as the previews for this one look worse than the previews for Episode I, and we all saw what happened with Episode I. Until Lucas pulls his thumbs out of his a**, and actually tries again, I will be skipping all further Star Wars endevors (and I just pray to God that he stops after III, and doesn't go on to finish VII, VIII, and IX).