please, no more Darth Whiner

Rating: 4/10 (3 March 2000)

I know I'm gonna get it in the neck, but this one bites. Not only was it edited to death but it features two of the most wooden top-billed performances I've seen in a while: Jake Lloyd and Natalie Portman. My fingers are tightly crossed hoping that in Ep 2, Anakin will be too old for Jake to play him. Otherwise, HELP...I don't think I'll be able to sit thru 2 more with him leading the pack. At least Rick(y) Schroder was cute and natural in "The Champ." With Jake sporting a perpetual scowl like someone keyed his favorite landspeeder, no wonder Anakin turned into the biggest baddie around. And Natalie looks great but any stiffer and you could use her for siding. I hold out hope for her in future SW chapters because I know she can do better.
Was it just me or were Liam and Ewan on the verge of breaking into a Marx Brothers routine throughout the movie? They're both wonderful--elsewhere--but what do I remember about them in this flick? The friggin' wrist communicators...
So, you ask, what did I like about it? John Williams still RULES, and those roll-up destroyer droids are cool. My fave thang? The blum-blum-BLAAAAM of Sebulba's pod racer plowing through the awesome mutated landscape like a Harley-Davidson on mega-steroids. No one but Lucas can hybridize the Southwest and Africa and make it look farrrr out, man.