Meesa not alika thees!

Rating: 3/10 (12 September 2010)

The Phantom Menace: just the title alone is enough to send shivers up the spine of anyone raised on the original Star Wars trilogy; just what was George Lucas thinking as he penned and directed this long awaited prequel? (being a cynic, I imagine it was the umpteen gazillions of dollars he would make from the sale of toys and commercial tie-ins).
Perhaps the most notable thing about the film is it's distinct lack of fun: trade embargo negotiations, taxation, and treaties are enough to bore the restraining bolts off an Artoo unit, and the majority of the cast perform their roles with the dry seriousness expected of a Shakespeare play at the Old Vic, rather than a pulp space opera.
But even when his actor's aren't sending us to sleep delivering their monotonous political discourse, good old George fails to entertain, with action scenes ruined by an over reliance on cartoonish CGI and embarrassingly bad slapstick humour (delivered by one of the most irritating creations ever to grace the silver screen, Jar Jar Binks, played by Ahmed Best).
Also serving to irritate is Jake Lloyd's pivotal performance as Anakin 'Ooops' Skywalker, which is absolutely dire, the supposedly cute moppet eliciting feelings of murderous rage within this particular viewer rather than the presumably intended sense of pathos at his character's ultimate fate (it's no coincidence that this film marks the end of both Best and Lloyd's movie careers).
And don't even get me started on the 'midichlorian' nonsense that robs the whole franchise of its sense of mystery and wonder, Anakin's accidentally saving the day, the woeful waste of the film's best character, Darth Maul, or the film's supposed highlight, the pod race, lacking genuine excitement thanks to its predictable outcome...
Oh well, at least John Williams' score was good.