At least the light saber fights were all very cool...oh and Darth Maul rules!

Rating: Null/10 (11 June 1999)

What can I say that hasn't yet been said? Probably nothing, but none the less here goes. I'll number all my complaints as to make everything clear as some of my complaints over lap.
1.) Okay my biggest complaint off the bat is the kid himself, (both as an actor and a character and yes even as a character actor) We're supposed to believe that this pukey lil' cherub will grow up to be voiced by James earl Jones. I understand the idea of the fall from grace and that Vader was supposed to be a good man once but this putting the kid from "Jingle All the Way" in this movie is an insult to one of the most deep and terrifying characters in cinema history.
2.) Too much computer generated images. People (mostly baby boomers who control the media, and the easily brain washed) are so caught up in the "new" fad of computer animation that they fail to see how fake it looks compared to models and animatronics. Frankly I knew there was something wrong in Hollywood when I saw computer animated dogs in "101 Dalmatians". They're dogs for Gods sake, it's not like they're an extinct of fictitious creature.
3.) An entire multi million dollar, marketing campaign has been based the character Darth Maul. He had the cool light saber, amazing fighting skills and horrific face yet he was given like one line and 10 minutes of screen time total.
4.) Anakin being Space Jesus. Hmm lets see, who does this offend, umm Me, Space, Jesus, Christians, Darth Vader... anyone else. All this really says to me is there was utter lack to even think up the character of Anakin's father. And they called him the Chosen One!!! What is this "Mortal Combat" (the movie that is). I mean "The Chosen One?" This is a title that was used ironically on a episode of "Inspector Gadget".
5.) Midi-Clorians... WHAT THE &%$@!!! The Force, an embodiment of all things mystic is reduced to a lame genetic fluke. The eugenic implications of this contains a disturbing message of socially Darwinism... plus it's just darn stupid!
6.) Obi Wan says to Luke in the first series "When I first met your father he was already a great piolet" not a "Pod Racer". I though the whole pod racing sequence was pointlessly long and annoying. I know he did fly a ship at one point in the film but the clear implication of the original film series is that Anakin was a hard boiled, action piolet when Obi Wan met him. People can tell me that that's just my interpretation of Obi Wan's statement but we we're all thinking it and anyone that says other wise is a Big, Fat liar! (I stand by my convictions no matter how stupid)
7.) Anakin invented 3-PO. How many things are wrong with this? When 3-PO and R2 first arrive on Tatoonie they act like they've never been there before even though 3-PO was built there. "Luke Skywalker you say? Well I was built by an Anakin Skywalker on this very world. Any relation?" I'd also ask why Owen Skywalker didn't recognize his brother's robot, but I think a better question is were was Owen in "Phantom Menace" anyway? And why would a small boy build something as adult and boring as a Protocol Droid? Plus judging by his similarity to several other Droids throughout the series wasn't 3-PO one of many factory Protocol Droids?
8.) Anakin's adventure with R2. It is also clearly implied in the original series that Darth Vader has never encounter either 3-PO or R2D2 before let alone had a life threatening adventure with one of them.
9.) Not that I didn't like Liam Neeson's performance but wasn't Yoda the Jedi master who trained Obi Wan?
10.) Would it be too much to ask that Darth Vader; Master of Evil be a mistreated slave instead of a happy well fed one, with a master that is comical instead of cruel?
11.) The disturbing romantic tension between the 8 year old and the 15 year old...Eeeww!
12.) The 2 headed announcer was 6000 more times damaging to the film than everyone claims Jar Jar is.
13.) I'm not sure if it's really good writing or really bad writing that the Jedi couldn't detect that Palpatine was Darth Sidius.
14.) You would think Obi Wan would remember R2D2... THE DROID WHO SAVED HIS LIFE!!!
Anyway Jar Jar wasn't as bad as people say, it was like having Scoobey Doo in the movie and that can't hurt. The appearance of E.T was funny too.