Episode I: A New Low

Rating: Null/10 (19 May 1999)

No one can accuse George Lucas of making a film that is anything less than visually stunning. Unfortunately, as has become the standard for action/sci-fi movies in the last decade ("Godzilla", anyone?), someone forgot to divert any FX money into actually developing a script.
The problems start with the famous introductory titles. Somehow, a galactic taxation dispute doesn't quite carry the same 'oomph' as the threat of the Death Star. And aside from a sequence where we finally get to see what all the fuss was about the Jedi, the first half of the movie drags on unbearably.
The primary culprit is the much-maligned Jar Jar Binks. Fear not, he is maligned for good reason. Obviously included as a comic respite to the painfully contrived dialogue about (once again) destiny and the Force, Jar Jar will have you wanting to put your boot through the screen after about a minute. And he does nothing (intentionally) to redeem himself throughout the movie. Unlike the loathsome Ewoks, who at least had a modicum of Muppet integrity, Jar Jar remains an annoying, unfunny, and cowardly character for the duration of the film.
The pod race is, as expected, terrific. Unfortunately this sequence comes around the halfway point of the film, and by then the damage has been done.
There are two spectacular disappointments for Episode I, not counting Jar Jar (who belongs in an aggravation category all his own, like Mark Hamill). The first is a theory on the origin of Anakin and the Jedi that will have you squirming at the "Highlander II"-like retroactive continuity it attempts to establish. Suffice to say, Lucas tries to offer a biological background to the phenomenon known as the Force. That giant sucking sound you heard May 19? It was 300,000 people in the midnight showing inhaling abruptly as they thought 'What the hell is Lucas talking about?'
Second, where is Darth Maul? One is left with the impression that a lot of his scenes were left on the cutting room floor, which is a pity because his climactic duel with Qui-Gonn Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi is the best part of this film. He is not even shown until just before the pod race scene and doesn't get a chance to do much of anything until the end. One hopes Ray Park got some kind of sweet merchandising deal in return.
With the quality of actors on screen, one can't help but blame Lucas for not giving them *anything* to work with. Liam Neeson sleepwalks through his role, Natalie Portman is asked to do little more than look regal (why are the only two main female characters in the Star Wars series royals?) and p****d off. Ewan McGregor is obviously champing at the bit throughout the film, and he doesn't get to cut loose until the last fifteen minutes. Jake Lloyd does okay, but being forced to say "Yippee!" every five minutes probably diminished his enjoyment of the role as much as it did mine. The only character with any personality is, surprise, the loathsome Jar Jar. Make of that what you will.
We finally get hint of things to come at the finish when Yoda and Mace Windu (a severely restrained Samuel L. Jackson) ponder the future of Anakin and the so-called 'Phantom Menace'. The overall tone of this part is somber and reminiscent of the mood of "The Empire Strikes Back", the best of the original trilogy, but it is far too little and way too late. "Episode I" will be eaten up by kids 12 and under, and it will probably break the opening weekend gross record, but even for a movie that had no chance of living up to it's own hype it is a staggering disappointment. I rate it as number 3 in the series. Just barely ahead of "Return of the Jedi" and nowhere near the quality of the Episodes IV and V.
I write this with the full realization that Lucas was intending to make a kids' movie, so my expectations were not that great going in. What surprised me was how close "The Phantom Menace" came to failing to meet even those.