A monumental disappointment

Rating: 2/10 (1 June 1999)

Yes, George - plot really *does* matter. For the most wildly anticipated movie of all time, "The Phantom Menace" is surprisingly inept, unengaging, sloppy and noxiously annoying. Ignoring such matters as a coherent story line or vivid personality in favor of overdone, omnipresent and fake-looking special effects, George Lucas has essentially eradicated everything that made the first three films such classics. There is no chemistry, no emotional pull, no sense of adventure or urgency; a bunch of things happen for no particular reason, and then the credits roll. It's dull and flat, desperately in need of the Buck Rogers-style gee-whiz spirit of "A New Hope" or the darkness and rich texture of "The Empire Strikes Back." The movie looks tacky, the visuals don't mesh properly, and every scene lurches around until it fizzles out - there are a lot of awkward pauses to distract us from the God-awful dialogue. And, despite a good cast, there is nary a character of interest - even Yoda has been rendered a simplistic cartoon, and the Jedi, oddly, have been de-mystified so much that Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi seem like Batman & Robin. But, of course, everyone loves it - yet another automatic response engineered by Lucas' powerhouse marketing campaign. A toxic embarrassment. Score: 2 out of 10.