The Phantom Minus

Rating: 6/10 (24 May 1999)

Have we not learned anything?
How long has George Lucas had to make this movie? And this is the best he could come up with?
I keep reading rave after rave about the special effects. Is this what people really think other worlds might look like? It was all a hodgepodge of plastic/metallic gimmickery whizzing by at untraceable speeds. We never stayed anywhere long enough to appreciate the world we just left. It was a video game world, pure and simple. I'm not even going to comment on that Jar-Jar whatchamacallit.
Contrast this smoke and computer show with the pondering, methodical effects of 2001. That movie came out in 1968 and still has the most realistic other-worldly feeling of any movie in existence. We *feel* that world slowly pushing us in directions as we sweep over terra luna or dock in space station. And call me crazy, but the dark mystery of the Monolith combined with the erie sounds of Zarathustra are far far more menacing than anything George Lucas and John Williams have come up with.
Speaking of menacing, what a menace this movie was! Shouldn't the Jedis be even *more* worried about enslaved cultures than trade border disputes? Lame plot. Lame character development. And worst of all, who the hell is with this Darth Maul freak? Darth Vader he is not! A word or two of dialogue might be nice. I half-expected the guy to break character and ask where he can find tickets to a Bronco's game. When Vader first appeared on the screen, you knew in your gut this presence was no one to mess with. While the saber-scenes were impressive, and while I'll grant Darth Maul would have turned Bruce Lee into shish-kebab, he didn't even frighten a 15yr old girl/queen! Mike Tyson is more menacing than Darth Maul!
Finally, I pray Mr. Lucas isn't going to turn young Skywalker into the tempted Christ who fell from Grace type of character. Conceived by the Force and betrayed by some member of the Jedi Council (were there 12 of them anybody?) and led down the path to the Dark Side.
"All too easy", as Vader might say.
"Say it ain't so", might be our reply.