My dear lord how can this be!!!!

Rating: 1/10 (17 May 2006)

I love Star Wars! The original three that is. I was so excited when I heard this film was coming out. My mind swam with the possibilities of what was to come, but I had to calm myself so that I didn't get my hopes to high. I didn't want to go in think this was to be the greatest thing ever and ruin it for myself. Luckily I didn't have to ruin it cause Lucas did a real good job of it himself.
We start off finding out that there are trade issues or some political blah blah blah and some group we have never heard of have created a road blo... I mean, space block preventing something from happening on this planet called Naboo. The child queen is upset cause no one listens to the problem (that happens when you are only 13, talk about teenage anxiety) and Jedi are sent in to sort the whole thing out.
Here we meet the stale and unresponsive Jedis. HOW CAN THIS BE? These guys are played by two fantastic actors (Liam Neeson and Ewen McGregor). How does Lucas get such bland and flat acting from these two great guys? Well anyways these Jedi are real dumb and get pinned in a room and have to fight off moronic battle droids (not really scary just real annoying and dumb) and end up on Naboo with a Jamacian alien (I don't understand either).
Here is the First major issue, Jar-Jar Binks. Every time he opens his mouth I wish to shot myself. he is a useless character who provides no comedy, no insight into what is happening and creates no feel of caring for his people from us. A useless tool used by Lucas to let us know he has made so much cash selling action figures he can create an all CGI character, WWWOOOOOOOWWW! The rest goes down hill from there. We get racial and prejudice slurs from the Jedi, moronic plot devices and stupid dialog from the writing, FX that are so easy to see through it makes me embarrassed for the FX guys. Lucas force feeds us useless things that we have no need of (why does Qui-Gon really have to explain the midiclorian thing?) and then gives us even more ridiculous stuff to remind us this is a prequel to the others, did you forget, PROBABLY NOT!! We meet R2-D2, what a coincidence that he happens to meet Luke and Leias mom and dad, C3PO, yet another strange coincidence but get this Anikin made him *barf*. Oh, and get this, Anikin apparently has the hots for the queen, I wonder if they will get married especially after all the cheap moments of the 10 year old hitting on Natalie Portman.
Lucas writing style has really gone down hill or he just doesn't care anymore. Watch A New Hope and then immediately watch this film and you will be surprised at how childish this one seems. I challenge ya to do it.