Great visuals and a promising cast marred by a nonsensical plot and even more nonsensical characters.

Rating: 5/10 (23 December 2015)

I'll always remember The Phantom Menace for the podracing. I played the Nintendo game for more hours than I can count, so for nostalgia alone I can't outright dislike this movie. It's great looking for sure. The lush environments and set designs are excellent, as is the appearance of Darth Maul - possibly the most underused character in the entire franchise. But the actual meat of the movie - the plot, the characters, the flow - is an absolute mess. It's like a McDonald's meal. It gives you temporary satisfaction and looks appealing at first, but there's no substance and ultimately leaves you feeling guilty and disappointed.
First of all, the movie has no right to be so damn long. Half the dialogue is platitudes and political jargon, the other half is Jar Jar. And I can't even blame Jar Jar for his idiocy, because it's Qui-Gon who thinks it's a good idea to bring this stupid creature along for the ride. Like, why on earth would a wise Jedi Knight like Qui-Gon trust in a random Gungan to do... what did he want from Jar Jar again? It was a total coincidence that there was a Gungan army, and Jar Jar was a total nuisance during their mission on Naboo, so why the hell did Qui-Gon keep him around? It makes no sense. And I can go on and on about what doesn't make sense about this movie. For the sake of time, I'll just name the second biggest offender and that's young Anakin. Aside from the fact that the last thing we needed was to see Darth Vader as a bratty child, Anakin is one of the most annoying characters in the franchise. Everything he does works out perfectly. How do the Jedi succeed? Because Anakin saves the planet from the droid army! How? He accidentally flew into space and destroyed the federation ship, also by accident! Yay, for one of the most ridiculous and frustrating deus ex machinas in movie history.
Every other character is a cardboard cutout. Qui-Gon has no personality, neither does Yoda, or Mace Windu, or PadmÃ©. The only likable character is Obi-Wan and even he gets whiny at times. The plot is just horrendous. I mean, who wants to learn about politics and intergalactic taxation laws in the Star Wars universe? I sure as hell don't.
What saves this movie is the lightsaber duel at the end. Seriously, if not for the battle with Darth Maul this movie would be borderline unwatchable. Duel of the Fates is one of the best John Williams pieces ever, and the fight itself is epic. Sure, they look like they're dancing, but who cares? The choreography is awesome and it just looks amazing. It's how you'd expect a fight with a Sith Lord to go down. It also has suspense, which was completely absent from the movie before then. The only issue with it is that it cuts from the saber fight to the Gungan battle with Jar Jar (who was promoted to general for some dumbass reason) acting like an idiot and only managing to stay alive by accident, and Anakin flying around in space also only staying alive by accident. But the saber fight is so great I'll let it slide. That still doesn't account for the first hour and a half of the movie.
The Phantom Menace is a bloated mess with a couple promising aspects and one incredible fight to keep you entertained. The thing is, it's a fun movie, but only if you shut off your brain and throw logic out the window.