Star Wars Episode I: Disappointment Incarnate

Rating: 3/10 (9 June 2016)

"Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" is a worthless pile of garbage. It the letdown of a lifetime, with nearly no redeeming qualities. I'm almost baffled that none of the actors in this movie have committed suicide yet. I know I probably would if I knew I were responsible for a disaster such as this.
Let's list the good things first. The casting of Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi. The score by John Williams. Darth Maul. Gui-Gon's line about the ability to speak not making one intelligent. And that's about it.
First of all, the characters. Never in this film is there an attempt at developing any of the characters, or make them compelling. They show little to no emotion at all and they only do what they're told, or supposed to do. And don't even get me started on Jar Jar Jinx. Or is it Binks? Who cares.
The look of this movie isn't all that great either. Right now it's 2016 and the CGI of this movie is horribly dated. How unfortunate that a movie that came out 39 years ago looks so much better than one that came out 17 years ago. Why did it have to look so colorless and dry? The direction, the camera-work, the editing is impossibly stale and dull. Then there's the acting, which is not very impressive either. And the dialogue? The dialogue of this movie is at the same time unmemorable and cringeworthy. Did Lucas not know how people interact in real life or what?
And the pacing, my god the pacing! The movie starts and it spends 30 minutes randomly moving characters from one location to the next. Then the movie completely stops, and for literally 45 minutes we see characters talking and talking. Somewhere in those three quarters we see the pod racing sequence which does look kind of cool, until it drags on for too long. Then 15 minutes of discussions of politics, taxation and trade routes. You know, what we all wanted to see in a Star Wars movie! Finally we have the most complicated ending ever. It spontaneously cuts between four things happening at four different places. The only one of them that's remotely interesting is the lightsaber battle and that's mostly because of the Duel of the Fates song (which is awesome). Then the credits roll and I'm left with a feeling that's a mix of relief, anger and horror.
Overall, "The Phantom Menace" is one of the worst films in cinematic history, not just because of it's extremely poor quality in terms of filmmaking, but because of it's impact on us as an audience. In the end, a few good things is drowned in the incoherent stream of utter bulls**t. 3/10.