Hey man, I like your CGI

Rating: 4/10 (30 May 1999)

In an age when acting in big budget films means being able to speak convincingly at a blue screen, it is refreshing to note that said actors were able to deliver their line to their computer generated costars without once wincing (too obviously) at the dialog.
This is a movie about two professional killers attempting to subvert their lawfully elected government and undermine the free-market system. In the opening scenes, they reaffirm the universal truth that when three thousand guys decide to gang up on one or two, they'll politely wait their turn as the outnumbered persons dispatch them one at a time.
After committing grand theft starship, our mercenaries are joined by a happy meal alien, who aids them in generating tremendous marketing potential for movie-related consumer goods. The trio come to the aid of a dictator who refuses to submit to the democratic process, and when faced with being restrained, escalates the conflict into an upward spiral of assaultively belligerent coiffure.
In their retreat, they are joined by a young tough who is otherwise so egregiously tow-headed that he is alleged to exist by virgin birth. His function in the movie, beyond garnering the ratings points due to any cute kid plunked into the middle of an action movie, is to solve the problems of the bumbling, hapless adults, as well to serve as an innocent, loaded with questions that allow the writer or director to spew forth on soporific diatribes on some half-baked philosophy on life or spirituality. In this respect, the kid serves admirably.
Of course, there is a dark side to this child, visible only to an on-screen muppet, and to the audience, all of whom know full well what happens to a young boy who has to suffer the nickname of "Annie."
The movie has tons of splendid battle scenes, many of which do not involve repugnant hairdos, and George Lucas has demonstrated once and for all that he now has an unlimited ray-tracing budget for the computer guys. The movie features both a bad guy (who really did seem a lot nastier when he was the bad guy on Inspector Morse), and a bad guy side-kick (who by staggering coincidence was wearing exactly the same outfit as three fourths of the teenagers in the audience).
The utter lack of plot is compensated for by the underlying subtexts that clearly demonstrate our modern beliefs and fears: our fear that we will ultimately be subjugated by people with Japanese accents aided by their robotic minions, our belief that politicians can never be trusted (especially when they've never been caught taking illegal campaign contributions), and that anyone who does not speak perfect American English (with a Midwestern accent) is either stupid or dangerous.