Pissing on your childhood heroes, now in 3D!

Rating: 3/10 (25 August 2013)

Warning: below review is full of spoilers... if only there where anything to spoil...
Star Trek Into Darkness is a mess, a slap in the face of decades of legacy and a lullaby for the dormant masses.
The movie boots off triumphantly with a scene where Kirk runs away from the natives after stealing a random relic for no apparent reason (other than to justify the chase). Then he survives a 60+ m cliff-jump, then sends Spock with a shuttle to arm a device over an erupting volcano. A device that could have been well armed aboard the shuttle but this would have robbed us of the scene where the enterprise rises out of the sea (because they had to hide the ship at the bottom of the sea... because... sorry there isn't simply any reason why they had to hide her there other than to justify the expensive CGI scene where the enterprise is lifted out of the sea).
Then the natives form a new religion around the Enterprise and everyone lives happily ever after.
And this is just the beginning of the blundering mess that should have never existed...
The expensive CGI are about the only redeeming points of the movie, if only they didn't put a lens flare in every second shot...
Kirk spends half of the movie crying. The alternate universe plot of the first part of the reboot is silently slipped under the rug. The ship in which Kahn attacks the Federation officers has only basic mounted lasers (after blowing up a building with a ring). Disarming the torpedo spares us the timer that stops at "1" but instead has super-intelligent sensors that trap Bone's arm when he cuts the wrong wire but then suddenly disarms when the "hot blonde scientist" rips out the whole mechanism... because wtf... that's what she learned at the academy, when all super-complicated disarming methods fail, just rip out the detonator, that will surely work! The descent on Kronos is made in a brand new, non-starfleet issue shuttle, that appears out of nowhere, looks cool and is the perfect size to fit through the tunnels during the chase... Kahn is British, because British ppl are ofc. the symbols of evil. The acting is abysmal, you can literally not follow the character as you are forced to wonder why he words every sentence like a dyslexic. The Klingons are threatening the Amer... ahem... Federation way of life. Uhura and Spock are now a couple... and Spock is more and more illogical in his emotional escapades. This time around it's Kirk's turn to provide the near-death in the reactor at the end after Spock did it last time...
Halfway through the movie I just gave up any hope it would get any better or be more logical and just started enjoying the tragic-comedy I was presented with. Now if this where just a B Stephen Segal movie I wouldn't mind... problem is it's not and I shouldn't have to compare the two.
Simply sad... Star Trek is truly dead.