Star Trek Into DUMBNESS

Rating: 2/10 (22 May 2013)

*** SPOILERS ***
Star Trek Into DUMBNESS is action packed. Stop reading now if you loved the film because that's the nicest thing I will say. Chris Pine has pretty blue eyes. (Last chance to stop.)
Roger Ebert is looking down from heaven wishing he were still alive so that he could rip Star Trek Into Dumbness to shreds. (God bless you, Roger. And while you're up there, send my sympathies to Gene Roddenberry. It's all gone to Sh--, Gene.)
Star Trek Into Dumbness will gross a mountain of money because of its solid special effects and frenetic and constant action that has apparently put many viewers' brains on stun. But make no mistake, this high octane Red Bull film is flat out bad.
Star Trek The Reboot "jumps the shark" in the very first sequence here. Spock goes into a volcano, the Enterprise is now a submarine... The only way it could have been more abominable is if Jar Jar Binks had shown up.
Actually the Enterprise in the water is a symbol – this movie is a turd. A giant stinking floating turd. Very sad.
(Um, note to technical folks: "Cold Fusion" has nothing to do with actual coldness and cannot freeze super-hot molten lava. But, of course, bad science does not a bad film make – a bad script does that.)
The deftly made first film in the franchise rebirth perfectly handled the origins of multiple characters yet managed to be a rip roaring good time - a feat all in itself. It should have been downhill, smooth sailing all the way after that for gents with such talent. But me thinks now our director and screenwriters are spreading themselves a little too thin with too many gigs.
The film brings back an old and beloved original series villain and in doing so serves to remind fans how good Wrath of Khan really was.
Into Dumbness is a convoluted mess.
The characters have completely devolved into caricatures.
There are too many jokes by too many characters – a misstep which also strips the drama away with misplaced humor. (Pity our future if everyone's making jokes when big bad things start to happen.)
The whole Kirk-Spock "I am your friend" stuff just doesn't work because the filmmakers have not built the friendship in a meaningful way between these two in the 120 minutes that precede it.
There is in fact no relationship building for any of these characters (unless you consider the insufferable Spock and Uhura teen romance squabbles an example of relationship building).
Plot and character have been sacrificed for action, with expository speeches in the final act used in an attempt to patch all the holes (and beg viewers for forgiveness if they were still paying attention).
I still can't figure out the narrative. Something about explosions I think. Oh, the Klingons were in the film too pretty early on but they were forgotten along the way. We're at war with them now – or so we are TOLD I think. Can't really remember; I may have have gotten an early jump on my 2013 tax returns by that point in the screening.
Nice to see RoboCop getting work though – even if it was a one-note role far beneath his talents.
Thank the Great God of Cinema that J.J. is just directing the next Star Wars movie and that the reins of that franchise are in other hands. There still may be hope.