A loud mess

Rating: 5/10 (10 June 2013)

Let me begin this review with a proper statement, this is not a personal thing, but I'll be completely honest. First and foremost I have no interest in Star Trek. I never have and never will. I personally don't have time to sit down and watch entire seasons of the original series like some shut-in, I'm fat enough as it is. But I know a broad scope of Star Trek, I know what's the difference between William Shatner and Chris Pine when it comes to James T. Kirk, but I honestly do not give a crap, my only concern is, what justifies films as a good movie, and JJ Abram's recent outing is just a straight up loud mess.
My first complaint is also one of it's strong suits. In terms of cinematography, it was really good looking, the effects are spot on and they don't "clip" with the actual film. However, each time I got somewhat interested in a certain aspect of the photography, I was shoved into another even louder scene with even crazier "shaky cam". For the first few minutes (by which you're already thrown into chaotic action) you're bewildered by a bright red alien forest, Peter Jackson's tribal people from King Kong and a faux-Indiana Jones (I'm guessing this is foreshadowing Abrams's monopoly over the Indiana Jones series as well, I mean why not?) scene, all of which is accompanied by loud explosions and constant back and forth yelling of pre-established personalities. I recall developing my headache early on, and I'm relived I didn't see the 3D, IMAX rendition of it, because I'm sure I would've been put into a coma.
Pre-established personalities is also one of this movies biggest faults, the reason why I actually liked the first Star Trek movie was because everybody grew up in the first film. The various character arcs (as basic as they were), were effective because it was a clean slate for the series. I mean how many people in the audience actually have watched the original series? But. And this is a big but, how can you as a screenwriter actually rewrite the entire first film? I mean this is virtually the same film as the last, just with a bigger budget and twenty minutes longer.
Virtually nobody is developed beyond a one dimensional cardboard cutout. They basically focused solely on a false sense of nostalgia and never built up from it. Kirk is the charming rogue, Spock plays by the rules, Bones is grumpy, Scotty is wacky, the list goes on, yet it never breaks from it's basic caste. So not is only everything straightforward and boring, but the plot and action brings nothing to the drama. Do I care if Spock's relationship is falling apart? What will happen when they catch John Harrison? We never really feel any risks, because there are none. It's essentially a foam paved playground. Everything sharp is there, it's just unable to take any effect because we're too afraid of making drastic moves. For a better analogy, all bark, no bite.
Another one of the biggest issues I have is the standard villain archetype. Benedict Cumberbatch, as talented as he is, falls flat as a standard post-9/11 dual villain. He is calculating, he has a bigger picture, yet he is every other movie villain in recent Hollywood productions. The only thing that makes him stand out is his Alan Rickman-esque tone. But other than that, he doesn't really stand out. Additionally, the twist is so forced and insecure in it's own delivery, it's not only one of the weakest writing jobs I've ever muddled through, but it's one of the biggest slap in the face of a loyal fan base. I mean there's nothing scary about a super strong anglo-saxon with a nazi haircut and a turtleneck.
By the end of the film, the story becomes so candy-coated, simplistic and juvenile for a lack of a better word. Nothing feels at stake, everything is exploding. Spaceships are crashing into cities, yet in the background you see people still trying to get to work. The believability of everything that's happening on the screen is exaggerated to such an exorbitant degree, it's not only visually exasperating, but jejune. The ultimate finale is lame brained and sets up for a sequel, but unlike The Wrath of Khan, Into Darkness is just an ugly stepson to the original 2009 film.
I know there will be many of naysayers out there, but the fact remains the same, nothing in this movie stands out. For something with such a high, ridiculous budget I'd expect far better quality then what was delivered, but than again, just look at World War Z. JJ Abrams might have both the classic Sci-fi franchises in his hands now, but I'm very nervous about the direction he's taking them (not to say Star Wars was not already brutally beaten and put on life support). And call me incredibly pretentious for saying this, but there are far better Science Fiction pieces (Moon, Sunshine, Cloud Atlas, Prometheus, Looper etc.) in recent memory, because this isn't Sci-fi, this is just a lame brained action film. Mr. Abrams, you are no Stanley Kubrick.