Where No Retard Has Gone Before....

Rating: 1/10 (1 February 2013)

I went into this movie wanting to like it, but by the time we cleared the opening action sequence, I already knew I was in for a rough ride.
I have been watching Star Trek since I was a little kid (born 1977), and from the original series, through Voyager, Star Trek has always been a step above the common sci-fi tripe out there.
Star Trek was NEVER about flashy special effects or laser beams blowing up planets. It has always been about HOPE and a vision of a more idyllic future. It has always embodied a sense of scientific accuracy (in varying degrees) that silly, magical universes like Star Wars or X-men do not.
This movie however, was a random hodgepodge of flashy effects, broken story lines (that lead nowhere), and poorly thought-out logic. Gene Roddenberry is probably turning over in his grave like he is hooked to a BBQ spit knowing this travesty was made in his honor.
JJ Abrams could not have done Gene over worse than if he pulled his slacks down and took a huge deuce on Gene's gravestone.
How in the hell does a cadet, fresh out of the academy, get put in charge of the Federation's flagship? Were there no other senior officers with at least a year of experience on board? Why was the entire ship crewed by academy graduates? What are the chances their entire graduating class gets assigned to the same ship over a swollen hand?
Why would they send two cadets to stop an enemy terrorist from blowing up a planet? How did we end up with a sword-fight? Is Sulu going to be wielding a light-saber in the next movie? Doesn't the Federation have a SEAL TEAM 6 or space marines or something? Two cadets in space-suits is the best the Federation can manage to save a core Federation planet?
They jettison crew-members onto hostile worlds for verbally disagreeing with the acting captain? Not only that, but jettison raw cadets onto hostile worlds with no training or survival tools?
What are the chances of being gulagged to an abandoned Hoth, and just happening to land your capsule right next to the only other persons on that planet? Why didn't Spock just walk to Scotty's base instead of hiding from Hoth Wampas in cave?
How come Scotty did not get court-martialled for abandoning his post on Hoth? Instead, they make him Chief Engineer of the flagship after just arriving on board...
Checkhov is able to operate the transporters (which used an arcade-like targeting system to further cater to the masses of jellyfish that liked this movie), but they do not have a transporter chief on board who would be more qualified to work on such a complex system than a raw cadet? "Red matter"? Are you freaking serious? I have to agree with the other posters-- the time travel and "red matter" were nothing more than life-support for lazy storytelling. Omega-13? Galaxy Quest anybody?
Instead of having to use some artistic talent to link this storyline with the 40 years of existing ones-- JJ Abrams lobotomized approach was just "lets scrap everything and start over", and use time travel or "it's just a movie" to get it past the masses of ADHD viewers out there that just want to see hot girls and explosions, regardless of whether it actually makes sense for them to be there or not.
And then, the biggest problem with this movie--- the villain. He was not believable. At all. Nor did he seem very threatening either.
So...let me get this straight. After Spock nearly kills himself trying to save Romulus from destruction, the Romulan Darth Maul (he was so unremarkable, I can't even recall his name) decides to go on a vendetta against him? Since the black hole took the Romulan ship 25 years into the past-- wouldn't it have been smarter if the Romulans spent that time trying to warn their people and avoid the disaster?
For him to be mad at Spock enough to want to destroy his home world-- wouldn't that be akin to swearing revenge on a fireman who got killed trying to save your family from a burning house? Seriously, this movie was just plain AWFUL.
The non-existent plot was nothing more than a 2 hour excuse to introduce more explosions, laser beams, karate fighting, and cute girls onto the screen-- with no regard to plot whatsoever.
I am definitely not against rebooting old franchises, but at least do it gracefully, and in a way that pays respectful homage to the original, rather than desecrating it like a bunch of toddlers in a candy store.
Batman was a silly comic book cartoon when it first started. The recent Dark Knight made it darker, more somber, more serious, and BETTER. This stupid wreck of a movie did the exact opposite-- it took a great finished product and made a complete mockery out of it.
The Motion Picture and Wrath of Khan were the only two good sci-fi's out of the entire Star Trek movies collection, but this one sets the bar at an all-time low.