Disappointing

Rating: 2/10 (6 May 2009)

I'm afraid that's a big thumbs-down. Before I begin, I should fess up to being a dedicated Star Trek fan and Trekkie for nearly 15 years. And as to my viewership of the current output of the JJ Abrams/Bad Robot stable, I thought LOST Seasons 1 was amazing, and have stuck with the show despite a huge drop in quality. Fringe, co-created by Abrams, Alex Kurtzmann and Roberto Orci, has the dubious distinction of being pretty much the only TV show on which I gave up, mainly because I couldn't stomach such appalling writing. As the credits rolled on this Trek film, and listed Orci and Kurtzmann as writers, it all made a disappointing kind of sense, as these three guys have never met a contrived and incoherent plot they didn't love.
Unfortunately, 'contrived' and 'incoherent' describes the plot of this movie all too accurately. I will freely admit that there's a lot of stuff that I found annoying specifically because I am a Trekkie, but there are also fundamental flaws in the movie as a piece of cinema, with the plot being a prime example. It's badly-conceived and poorly written in the worst possible way, with people acting out of character, and to be honest, stupidly, in order to set up a chain of unbelievable events to keep the plot limping along. A good plot should not depend on shoehorned and forced events, and characters should be consistent, instead of acting merely to service the plot.
The science is woeful. I know we have to cut movies some slack, Star Trek was noted for being pretty accurate with the real-world science they used, but that's certainly not the case here.
Now to what annoyed me, as a Trekkie. Abrams has stated that he was never a fan of the original Trek, and man, does it show. He and the writers have only a passing familiarity with basic stuff like the command structure of a starship. It seems that, if the captain wishes it, lowly cadets who haven't even graduated from the academy yet, can be promoted to command positions, leap-frogging an entire crew of officers. At one point, I found myself wondering, 'Who the hell is the second officer, and where are they?' And as characters we know will be the main crew arrive on board and automatically take charge of their departments, it raises the question, who exactly was the senior staff when they shipped out? There's a romantic relationship between two main characters, that I thought was highly implausible and unbelievable, for two major reasons. I can't say any more without revealing the identity of the characters, but you'll know it when you hit it.
A major event occurs that will have a profound effect on both the Federation and the Alpha Quadrant, which I was not down with at all. It felt like Abrams attempting to demonstrate that nothing and no one is safe in his new shiny version of Trek.
The portrayal of the Vulcans was pretty inconsistent. While Zachary Quinto is good as Spock, the elder Vulcans are much too emotional. In one scene, a Vulcan chats away as if he's human. Ironically, the dialogue concerns the repression of emotion. And I'm pretty sure another Vulcan elder smiled at one point.
Simon Pegg does the best he can as Scotty, but writing that role as comic relief was a terrible mistake. The humour in general is very hit and miss. Trek was never about ridiculous comedy in the midst of a crisis. The funniest parts are what they lifted directly from classic Trek, for example McCoy bitching about Spock and his 'goddamn Vulcan mind'.
And as the last negative point, they also changed the iconic 'Space...the final frontier' speech. Two small changes - 'continuing mission' to 'on-going mission', and 'strange new life' to 'strange new lifeforms' - but they add nothing to the speech, and merely serve to again show that nothing is sacred when JJ Abrams is at the helm. Only hardcore fans will even notice those changes, so it's like a secret little 'Up yours' to the fans. The fans that he claims he doesn't need. The same fans that kept Star Trek going for the last 40 years.
I'm going to finish with the good points, because yes, there are some. Karl Urban as Bones is bang-on, right from the get-go. McCoy's dialogue is in character too, mainly because they lifted it straight from the source, as mentioned previously. All the main cast are alright. Chris Pine as Kirk grew on me throughout the film. The biggest change of role is probably Uhura, who takes a much more active part than she used to, but that's not unwelcome. And the attention to details on the dates is OK. And that's about all the good stuff.
I would be hesitant about recommending this film to casual cinema fans, because at its core, it's basically a stupid movie. I would most certainly advise Trekkies to stay away from it. If given the choice between watching this, and watching the 3 worst Voyager episodes in a row, there is only one way to go. I'd plump for Janeway, Chakotay, Neelix and even Kes over this, and that's really saying something.