Eminently forgettable

Rating: 4/10 (29 May 2009)

I don't know if I can do a better or more succinct job of bagging this film than many others have done. Let me just briefly recap the most prominent shortcomings:

a lame and clichéd script full of plot holes you could drive a truck through - dialogue cheesier than a dairy farm - plot contrivances galore - ridiculous action that was not required eg Kirk and ice friends on whatever M class planet they unrealistically jettisoned him on - attempts at humour that fell flatter than an IKEA box (to wit, the ridiculous 'Scotty in a tube' scene) - science fiction that jettisoned the science for fiction that was not even remotely believable (Kirk and Scotty somehow manage to beam from a crappy remote station onto a warp-travelling Enterprise at least several light years away - huh?)

... and the list goes on. The actors were certainly capable, and as always with this type of film the sfx and technical detail was superb - a lot of people put in a lot of effort on this project. Unfortunately the script and directing was woeful and basically squandered the efforts of cast and crew.
This film confirmed for me the reputations these two writers are forging, as talentless hacks with nary a grasp of the subtleties of characterisation and action. And I'm not anti-Abrams - I'm a big fan of Lost - but here he is just another middle-aged man obsessed with loud explosions.
Suspension of disbelief is like a house of cards - it collapses quickly and completely. As ridiculous plot contrivance piled onto the next (Kirk becoming captain in a jiffy; old Spock in an ice cave right where Kirk gets jettisoned etc etc) I just gave up.
I'm not a hard-core Trekker, but on the evidence of the message this film presents it might be prudent for all of us to top ourselves now and spare the universe our further evolution. We are not progressing as ST always posited. Rather, our future consists of brawling rebels and frat-boys-in-space.
The biggest concern for me is that this film, by far the 'dumbest' Trek film in terms of thoughtful presentation of the future, is also the most successful. Am I missing the point of the film, or do audiences prefer their swill served up in the loud and braindead fashion that we have here?