Star Trek Goes Kajal and Cloverfield

Rating: 7/10 (15 May 2009)

I never saw in a movie from the period of color and sound that much Kajal on the actors eyes, except in Fellini's Satyricon. When I noticed first that Kirk's lid-margins are heavily painted with black Kajal, I took a closer look on the others - and I was astonished that there must have been used some kilograms, like in an old silent movie, because almost all lids are painted. So far, so strange.
That concludes the biggest impression the movie made on me, except disappointment. I always hope for good new SF movies, and although I am a Trek fan I am open for new and unusual approaches. I enjoyed ST:ENT more than TOS, and i compassionate its termination much more than any other's from the trek universe. The same with Farscape and Firefly for the non-Trek lines.
I hoped that this new movie will break the line of the soapy and faithfully TNG. And so it does, but in a very unpleasant manner. Awaiting a new and astonishing voyage with new ideas and visions, instead, I got old and stale time hopping stories with logical errors and plot holes as big as gas giants. After Nero's appearance the movie died for me. And Nero appears very early. After it is revealed that he's a miner, his invincible ship is obviously around a driller, and he waited 25 years (without doing anything than masterbating together with his comrades, I assume) for the unsure appearance of tottery old Spock (who could also come 250 or 250000 years later) through a singularity that was deployed without any need, because the supernova it should prevent already destroyed Nero's planet, I had to switch off my brain immediately to prevent suffering permanent damage (until there I let it run in a kind of power-saving state), after Kirk met Spock by accident on an icy world, which is within sight of Vulcan, but unaffected by it's cataclysmic Nero-initiated disappearance. Fortunately, because we learned then that there is something called trans-warp-beaming, which would eradicate any need for any further action except trans-warping a big grenade into Nero's vessel and make it boom (to hell with ol' Pike), and so on and on...
I personally hate the shaky cam, I feel no increasing realism. Shaky cam is for private holiday movies, in reality my view of the world is compensated by my brain and steady even when the bus driver goes bananas. Why did the Trek world blame Shatner for his use of hand cameras in ST5, and why do they praise Abrams for the same now ?
Furthermore, I had the impression that the production team had no love for their product. They made a brainless action trip around a bunch of youngsters, because youngsters on the big screen will draw youngsters
With cash-flow into the theaters, whatever rubbish is running there. Starting from there, they had no need to put some pieces of storytelling or sense for atmosphere into their bland soup. Yes, action here, action there, action everywhere, and some jokes for the IQ-60 audience. The Ninja Transformer Turtles are wearing Star Fleet uniforms, brouhaha.
The best in this movie is Spock's father. His figure is a real improvement as it is the first time he is allowed to show that he has a relation to his son. The actor is perfectly chosen for his part.
Kirk himself is also not bad in some scenes, but his quality as a 3d-chess player who can beat even Spock, I mean his gaming intelligence, is not shown in the least. He is simple a ruffian, and so is Spock. I highly fear a Sequel where they both continue spanking god-mighty Ferenghi from the future or inseminate dangerous Tribble females in this sappy alternate universe.
I would have given more stars if there would have been at least a scene where Spock's artificial teeth set is shown in a glass together with the mysterious red matter floating around, as Nero's ultimate revenge to teach Spock why he really failed.
Every other star above 4 I added regretfully through the years because of overlooking most absurdities mentioned above and thinking "c'mon, don't be so hard, be thankful instead, it's a Trek-Movie at least".