Star Kack

Rating: 3/10 (28 May 2009)

Oh dear. I really wanted to like this movie. I am not a "trekkie", I don't speak Klingon or go to conventions, I am not a virgin and I don't blink profusely in day light. However I love science fiction and I have always enjoyed a bit of Star Trek. What makes Trek different from Star Wars is it is about exploration, about brave new technologies, about encountering strange weird space phenomena and somehow overcoming. Most of the time Star Trek had its own inner logic and they used scientists to help keep it consistent. Not so JJ Abrams. The writers of this nano plot know about as much science as JK Rowling. In fact the plot has more in common with Harry Potter than Star Trek. I do believe in magic. Lets list the sorcery and general dumbness.
*opening scene Kirk's dad had to manually fly the whole enterprise by himself as auto pilot was off-line So while manoeuvring a 20000 ton ship he manages to man all off the phaser batteries to stave off Romulan torpedoes all while chatting away on the phone to his expectant wife. *The Romulan ship is a mining ship - why is it loaded to the hilt with military grade torpedoes? * The Romulan ship is from the future. It came back some 129 years from the future through a black hole. Most scientists don't believe a black hole works that way, it simply crushes matter out of existence at its infinitely dense core. However these are magic black holes which work as time travel plot devices some times and destructive forces at others - when say you need to implode Vulcan or destroy the Romulan ship at the end. *Red matter - plot device. One drop can create a singularity (black hole). Just to be on the safe side lets have Spock carry half a ton of it in his tiny ship - which by the way is a rubbish design. *When does a supernova threaten the whole galaxy. *Why wouldn't the Romulans just flee from the star before it goes supernova in case Spock doesn't get there in time. *Why is Nero so hacked off that Spock failed in his attempt to save his home planet (while risking his own neck at the same time) *Having gone back in time why doesn't Nero warn the Romulans about the supernova. *Why do you need to drill into a planets core in order to destroy it with a black hole? *Why does drilling block all transporter and sub space communication signals? *Why not just shoot the drill out like Spock did at the end of the movie? *If there are 800 or more people on a starship why send just 2 guys in the away team to take out the mining ship? * What was Vulcan doing while it was being drilled. Sitting around with their thumbs up their butt. - not logical. *How does Kirk get promoted to Captain jumping several ranks straight out of the academy. Harry Potter becomes headmaster in his final year at school. *If you can beam trans warp across such great distances of space why do you need space ships at all. * The Romulan ship is about to be destroyed this time by the black hole - why do you need to shoot it up as well that's a bit harsh. *How does Kirk out run the hairy ice monster and when the red ice monster jumps in and kills hairy why does it decide that the comparatively small Kirk would make a better meal? * Vulcans under threat but all our Star fleet is on the other side of the galaxy in some war we've only got cadets. What all of them? YES! What if there was a surprise attack on earth - oh then we're screwed.
other comments about the film Kirk - not bad; Uhuru or should I say a-whore-o; Spock unconvincing; Spock Prime looks old man; Bones very good liked him; Scotty slightly better Scottish accent that Doohan; Checkov - amusing; Sulu uninspiring and pointless; Nero not very Romulan -like; special effects pretty good; sets not great - engineering rubbish; sound effects - like the jump to warp (bit star wars though); music - can't even remember the score; emotion -the star fleets been wiped out all are academy friends are dead SO WHAT! or Vulcan just got destroyed 6 billion of them are dead WHATEVER - hey Spock fancy a some kissin' and lovin' even though you are an emotionless SOB.
A blond bimbo of a film - pretty but vacuous.