Introductions and the flimsiest of plots

Rating: 6/10 (11 May 2009)

JJ Abrams sets out to reinvent a franchise. Judging by the box office and lots of hooplah he has. Just like G.I. Joe, Superman, Spiderman and God help us Land of the Lost, everything old is new again. After a very nicely done opening pre-credit sequence we settle down to each familiar character's introductions, played by fresh young faces. There is something fun about seeing Quinto and Pine play Spock and Kirk, just setting out. We're exhausted for them already.
After some very fast explanations the plot kicks in. Not that a plot really matters, a fact that the writers and director obviously agreed with. Humor me for a minute and imagine if any of the original cast(s) were in this film. It would have been the biggest box office flop of the year. As a side note to directors and producers must we always have that comic bit of business at the beginning of a voyage when a spaceship behaves like a car? The driver doesn't know the controls, or it stalls. Then it's off to the really dangerous battle! This crew is wet behind the ears, so much so that they behave incompetently, then snap into genius mode. Only the recent graduates with no experience can save this world! Where is the rest of the Federation? Is everybody on vacation? Security on board the ship treat an officer like they're bullies on a playground. The voice recognition system can't identify a key member of the crew until he changes his accent. Characters wander around the bridge, more concerned with each other than the mission. And on, and on. This is all treated like a big wink to the audience, what a wacky crew. The intent being to make the audience like these characters again by making them stupidly human, like teenagers acting up inside a huge toy.
The Real World Trek.
Drastic plot devices are thrown at us with little regard for character behavior. At one point a Starfleet officer strands another officer (unconscious!!!) on a dangerous, frozen planet, for no other reason than he seemed to be getting on his nerves. That certainly is a new one. Is the ship so new that the brig isn't ready? Not to mention the fact that said stranded officer boarded the ship against orders by being infected with some sort of sickness, purposely administered by a doctor! Couldn't he just pretend to be sick?
It doesn't matter if I'm a Trek fan or not, in any military situation this would be absurd. This little bit of court martial material is necessary though, for other ridiculous plot lines to follow.
The film has an extreme deja vous aspect, with bald villains wearing Matrix like outfits speaking as though they're hanging out on the corner ("Hi"), commanding a big 'ol planet killing ship that looks like it's alive. I would invoke Star Trek Nemesis, but you already know that. Speaking of big 'ol ship, the Enterprise looks very nice, but we see very little of her. I don't recall seeing any shots of her speeding through Space, she just sort of "blips" from one point to another. There is no sense of space in...Space.
The ending rushes up before we know it, Eric Bana barely has a chance to act (and what a throw-away role, absolutely no development). I did experience several moments of fun, mainly in the slight impersonations the young actors do as a nod to the originals. The effects are fine but there were moments I would have liked to have seen what I was looking at better, or steadier. As one other astute reviewer put it, it IS the ultimate reset button film. So much so that I was lectured by a stranger in the restroom of the theater regarding the total reinvention of the franchise: "They're starting over man, like it's a whole new Trek."
I get that, but must it be such a mediocre new Trek?