Baffling (Ahoy bridge! Spoilers right ahead!)

Rating: 3/10 (14 May 2009)

Terrible, cartoonish character development. Terrible direction. And the worst of the worst; incomprehenibly bad screen writing.
Seen the movie? Disagree? Think this movie "rules"? Then tell me why. Please. And while you do this, I shall quickly sum up my reasoning.
Black Hat: "Destroy all Starfleet ships!" Slightly less imposing minion: "Done!" Wait, are those lifeboats? Meh.... Where exactly is this Grand Canyon of Iowa? Hey babe...I hope you get over that soybean rust infection....
The entire Earth based command structure of StarFleet leaves Earth, without the flagship Enterprise(?), thus leaving it completely to CADETS???? On a ship so recently completed, and unique, that they couldn't possibly be the least bit familiar with it's operation. Whatever.
A Romulan ship goes rogue after the destruction of Romulus by it's star cunningly going supernova without any warning. Which also sends a Romulan MINING ship back 25 years into the past, so the crew can go and warn Romulus that their star...no wait! So they can appropriately avenge themselves on Spock, who tried and failed to turn the Romulan star into a black hole. Thus preventing the star going supernova. A revenge that began by the aforementioned Romulan MINING ship utterly and effortlessly destroying an armada of Starfleet starships. Or something like that. It's like the screenwriters spent 10 minutes writing some inane framework, leaving the rest to be completed by a room of plot monkeys. I was half expecting carpet covered dogs, or maybe Tor Johnson.
It's got time travel into the past! Woot! Well, no. In fact, time travel in movies is like parallel 5ths in music. Yes, you can...but DON'T! I don't care about Back to the Future! Just DON'T go there. And don't go back and go there! The moment you even think of using any plot element involving spacetime, hit yourself with a planck.
Hey, is that a Vorlon battle cruiser? Energy beam based drills, hanging from a starship on a giant CHAIN like some kind of Jungian drain plug. Red mercury...no..."red matter", that can create quantum singlarities, but is manipulated by a hypodermic needle? "5CC of Red Matter! Stat!" Hmmmm...some deep thinking there... Starship engineering spaces that look like a blinged out oil refinery. HAHAH! He's stuck in a fluid filled pipe! sigh...
Did they just promote a Starfleet CADET to the rank of Captain????
Believe me, this is 1/10 the crap this movie presents.
Characters now. Zachary Quinto as Spock. Good. That's it. Done. The rest? Surely Kirk...Well, let's just say that Chris Pine's skills as a thespian mirror his surname. My theory is that the rest were abandoned World of Warcraft avatars. Orge mage herbalists I think. Or rabid thistle bears.
Direction. I swear to God, the next director that uses the "shaky camera" technique should be donated to North Korean film industry as a sign of the enduring friendship of the West. Oh, and lens flares... what's that about? Hello! Dude! Think back to Cinema 101. They only asked you to remember three things; don't get the boom mike in shot, watch out for mirrors, and avoid flares! Avoid! Prevent! Eschew!
And then there was....ahhh nuts...
Star Trek (2009) 3/10, mainly for bright flashy bits and funny ears.