Star Drek...

Rating: 2/10 (10 May 2009)

It's mind-boggling to think that fans of the teleshow(s) would actually wax enthusiastic about this one: STAR TREK ZERO (the all-too appropriate working title) lacks every single essential ingredient to make a movie memorable. The performances are all of high school talent show-calibre and only make all the more glaring the faults of the disjointed storyline(s). (Bana must be singled out, here: I honestly don't recall the last time I saw so uncharismatic a villain in a major motion picture. Unless, of course, we count the two FANTASTIC FOUR films.) The camera swoops and spins and dives and goes in one ear and out the other, up the nostril and through the nasal passage to grandmother's house we go- all in the vain hope that viewers won't notice that there's nothing really going on (like in a video game). Not since ALIENS (the second one, by the guy that did GIGANTIC) have I laughed so hard at so many "dramatic moments." Watch this one on the internet and save yourself a couple of bucks. You can thank me later.