Hollywood Iconoclasts Strike Again!

Rating: 3/10 (11 May 2009)

I believe two days is sufficient time to calmly organize my thoughts concerning "Star Trek 2009." When I reluctantly went to view it over the weekend, I expected the worst because I knew producer J.J. Abrams did not really love classic Star Trek. But I actually felt physically sick during some of the worst moments of the film. If I had written this review immediately after viewing, I would have been much harsher.
I knew I would dislike this film intensely by the time Nero destroyed the U.S.S. Kelvin and I realized the final communications between Lt. George Kirk and his wife were supposed to be some pale kind of homage to "Flight 93." What a cheap gesture toward a real historical event within living memory! I almost expected to hear "let's roll."
Having said that, I did find some enjoyable aspects in the production values, as well as some of the casting decisions. Karl Urban, whom I enjoyed as Eomer in Lord of the Rings, was immediately enjoyable as Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy -- though he would hardly have been contemporary with Kirk or Spock. Simon Pegg, contrary to other fans' impressions, did a creditable job as Scotty, although his introduction was rather contrived, and I do not think too much of Scotty's alien sidekick.
However, some of the other major characters remain somewhat uncertain, owing to the film's adolescent screenplay and weak premise. I will leave other reviewers to demolish these attributes, because for me, Star Trek was all about the main characters aboard the Enterprise.
Firstly, I felt Chris Pine was far too young to play James T. Kirk very convincingly, and the writers greatly exaggerated his "rebellious" MTV image to pander toward younger viewers. I'm surprised this Kirk does not sport some tattoos across half his body. But honestly, there are better ways to rebel than stealing a car for a joyride -- a scenario best left to the Canadian rock band, Rush, whose paean to fast cars, 1981's "Red Barchetta," is also set in the near future, complete with robotic pursuers.
Kirk also gains promotions more rapidly than any real military officer I have ever known. It would be as though Harry Potter graduated from Hogwarts by the third novel, only to become head of his own wizarding school. This Kirk is undisciplined, sullen, and anti-intellectual, everything that William Shatner's portrayal was not. Kirk bent rules, but he seldom violated them. Kirk almost always projected optimism, one of Trek creator Gene Roddenberry's best traits. And Kirk valued intelligence and reason, even though he followed instinct as often. This Kirk is pure Generation whine, with little real character development. Promotions do not equate experience.
Chekov is silly and geeky, with his idiosyncratic pronunciations played up for laughter. Sulu is bland and impassive, ultimately forgettable. On the supporting cast side, I thought the Vulcans were unbelievable. Spock's youthful tormentors acted like Draco Malfoy's band of truants, instead of the coolly aloof logicians that Vulcans are supposed to be. Ben Cross did a passable Mark Lenard impersonation, whereas I could not buy that infamous "scene-stealer" Winona Ryder as Amanda Grayson - an important character once played by Jane Wyman (Ronald Reagan's first wife and a fine actress in her day).
But my real annoyance lies in the ill-advised, exotic relationship between Uhura and Spock. While both actors, Zoe Saldana and Zachary Quinto, seem capable enough in their own right, their chemistry feels forced in several awkward love scenes. The original Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) flirted mildly with Mr. Spock on occasion, to elicit emotion. This does not give license to turn Uhura into an upwardly mobile cadet who sleeps with her instructor in order to get a good assignment.
Gene Roddenberry would turn in his grave to see his efforts to support civil rights become an excuse for exotica. In 1967, Nichelle Nichols was encouraged to remain on "Star Trek" by none other than Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who saw Uhura as a positive African-American role model, particularly for girls. "Star Trek" also marked the first historic record for interracial kissing on television. But Captain Kirk and Lt. Uhura's kiss scene in "Plato's Stepchildren" happened against their wills -- a breakdown in military order. And what ever happened to Nurse Christine Chapel, Mr. Spock's real unrequited love, as portrayed by Majel Barrett -- Roddenberry's late wife?
Abrams and his stable of writers wanted to outdo the original source by almost cynically eradicating every trace of Gene Roddenberry's ideals. If writers Orci and Kurtzman have ever watched the original series, I believe they did so selectively. Gone are those familiar faces, that I used to see in my 1980s teenage dreams after late-night syndication. Like the traditional "Doctor Who" series, another part of my past is made irrelevant by iconoclastic writers and producers.
But wait! I have the whole original series on DVD! Popcorn anyone?