Hyperactive, Nonsensical

Rating: 6/10 (2 July 2012)

Just a few short remarks:
-They attempt to transpose our beloved 1960s Star Trek characters into 2009 for a new audience. They do so by by creating a "bad-ass" intro for Kirk pretty much indistinguishable from the initial scenes with the young John Connor in Terminator 2. This kid that looks like Macaulay Culkin steals his step-father's convertible and gets into a police chase, etc. I appreciate what they're trying to do, but it's just so dumb I couldn't stand to watch...
-With about 45 seconds, he is all grown up, and in a bar, trying to chat up a young Uhura. He gets into a fight, and then like 2 minutes later, he's on a star ship, having been recruited (and presumably trained?) in that time. In an addition 30 seconds, he and Leonard McCoy are BFFs. This leads to the natural conclusion that the movie was scripted in between lines of cocaine or some other strong stimulant.
-It appears that the director is afraid that if something visually interesting is not occurring in EVERY SINGLE SECOND of the movie, we will lose interest.
-The movie is chocked full of corny college humor and slapstick. Also, Kirk is clearly meant to be some sort of space gigolo (He gets with a green alien babe). Scotty is not funny, and always has something stupid to say when the action stops for more than 3/4 of a second.
-The story doesn't make any sense (at least to me). "A star went supernova" and threatened to destroy the galaxy. Spock promises to save the planet Romulus, but doesn't get there in time. The bad guy, Nero, blames Spock for the destruction of his home planet, etc. black hole, time travel, etc. So Nero wants to destroy earth and Spock's home planet, and every other planet. What? IT's even more silly and improbable than I make it sound.
-However, the visuals are pretty damn cool. Other than that...