Boldly Goes Where Everyone's Been Before.

Rating: 4/10 (21 May 2009)

I love Star Trek. And I hated this remake.
I fault the script by Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci. These guys do TV. They do action, not character development. Not original ideas.
It's certainly not the cast's fault. Casting was superb. It's the only reason I can find as to why this film is rated 95% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes. Not only was Zachary Quinto's Spock a standout, but every time Karl Urban did Bones, I was engaged at warp speed.
Though Chris Pine's Kirk was disappointing. Why make him speak like a big city bad-boy? He's supposedly a farm kid longing for a dad. And where were the Shatnerisms? I only caught one moment where Pine was allowed to unleash his brilliant reinvention of original Kirk, and it left me swooning — just as Kirk is bloody well supposed to.
But I don't blame Pine, I blame the lousy dialogue. And worse, the fact Kirk's character undergoes no transformation. He never faces any consequences for his behavior, other than a few punches. This gets dull fast, and by the time he's being promoted to highest command of the ship (thanks to his one good idea amidst all the mistakes), this lack of evolution has become tedious.
Spock's journey is slightly more interesting, as he turns moody and unprincipled. Though I don't believe this overblown everybody's-gotta-die version of their history laid the foundation for the adult he would later become.
What if this tragedy had actually caused him to make a choice? To veer towards human, and to use his extensive knowledge (wonderfully set up by the learning pods on Vulcan) to become a great Captain? Now that would have shaken things up. Kirk could have become his First Officer, and the writers of all the sequels could have leveraged that role reversal to no end, truly bringing us something new.
But, back to what existed in this (alternate) reality.
Though not very well executed, the idea of starting Kirk and Spock as enemies was brilliant. But how disappointing that the story doesn't make them work for their friendship. Instead, we have a Spock of Christmas Future who can just mind-meld Kirk into brotherly love.
And what if Kirk had chosen not to follow his potential future? What if he refused to take on that inevitable destiny? That would have brought such tension to the rest of the film, because our desire to have him become Captain, and to have them become beloved companions again, would be in real jeopardy.
It also would play truer to Kirk's character at that age. He's the rebel who does the opposite of what he's told. He'd never follow a prescribed future.
That's where the alternate reality plot line could have done more than save the day, as it did here, but make this film shine.
This script is a sorry mash up of other people's good ideas. Right down to Khan II: the wrath of Nero (a waste of Eric Bana's talents), and the red matter/molecular death star, and the mind control slug/bug, now available in easy-to-insert esophagus size.
Well, at least the overacting third crew member sent with Kirk and Sulu to deactivate the interstellar drill (drill? for Christ's sake boys, don't space cruisers have powerful lasers for that sort of thing?) is wearing a red space suit.
And what about all those silly slapstick moments busting up the dramatic tension? Like Scotty getting beamed into the water system? The annoyingly Ewok-like lizard creature in the ice planet's space lab? Spock's homicidal shipwrecking of Kirk, instead of putting him in the brig? And in what universe does Starfleet allow bridge crew a little pre-mission make out time out on the transporter pad? I don't even want to talk about the Spock-Uhura affair.
Though in my alternate reality, where Spock chooses his human side, I'd buy it. But it would have to be far more elegant than this.
What we have here nonsense like that deus ex machina moment where Spock Sr. happens to be on the ice planet (Hoth?) at the exact time and place to rescue Kirk Jr. from certain demise by snow-gecko.
And a sequence that beams Kirk and Scotty onto a warp-speed Enterprise. (Isn't science fiction supposed to include science-based innovations, instead of plot-driven drivel?) How about the climax of Kirk insulting Spock's beloved — and recently killed — mother to win command? It's ripped straight from an old episode, but in a way that makes Kirk a repulsive person.
Whatever happened to making characters work to get what they want? To watching them struggle and grow by finding innovative solutions to problems? To using action sequences to discover their humanity and nobility? Oh wait, for a second I think I slipped into a parallel universe where J. Michael Straczynski or Neil Gaiman had written this.
Now that's a Trekiverse I want to go to.