More Like "Poop Trek"

Rating: 1/10 (8 May 2009)

I've had poops that took me closer to the final frontier than "Star Trek." Where to begin? Chris Pine is NOT Captain James T. Kirk, commander of the starship Enterprise. If Pine was playing the role for laughs, bumbling around like Robert Hegyes after a wild night at Red Lobster, then he succeeded. There was about as much life in his performance as a bad rerun of "The Crotch Chronicles." But, I digress.
Or do I? Can someone tell me what Oz Perkins is doing in this film? Heck, while we're at it, why don't we cast "Sloppy Ivan" French in the role of the hunky alien? Villain-wise, I was not buying this Wookie claptrap. They should have signed Bull the bailiff from "Night Court" instead: "I could'a been a contenda'".
On the positive side, no one can draw the most out of rabblerousers like Solomon Merasty quite like director J.J. Abrams. I'm convinced that guy could make a fecal stick exciting. But it's not enough to save this spoonful of chum liver oil of a movie.
Overall, I do not recommend "Star Trek."