Teen Trek: the next de-generation

Rating: 1/10 (25 December 2014)

This latest Star Trek re-boot has the aesthetic of Star Wars crossed with a teenage soap opera. Like so many modern films, tiresome old-fashioned things like plot and character development are jettisoned in order to accommodate more empty spectacle.
In TOS all the characters had a depth and dignity, even when clowning around. You can believe they would all command respect and loyalty. Here they are replaced with emoting prima donnas, people who, not only would you not follow, but would go out of your way to avoid.
It would be impossible to point out all the badness of this travesty, but here's a few which stuck in my mind.
1. A pointless "heroic" death scene at the start merely to give Kirk some "skin in the game".
2. A pointless scene of young Kirk stealing and destroying a car merely to show he's a maverick. Ditto the following bar room brawl.(By the way isn't it odd that everyone in the 23rd century is heavily into 20th century rock music?)
3. A time traveller who spends 25 years in the past grieving over a planet that will die 125 years in the future and does not lift a finger to see his family or warn the inhabitants. Instead he spends the whole time thinking up a ludicrous and bombastic revenge scheme.
4, Despite, in TOS the enterprise having a chain of command based on age and experience and all the crew obviously joining at different times, (Spock explicitly states that he had served Capt Pike for 11 years for example) here they all become crew members on exactly the same day.
5. Starfleet's flagship being handed over to raw recruits with no supervision. The only moment that inexperience might be a problem is when Sulu bungles the takeoff. But this rare intrusion of realism does not last.
6. Apparently people carry around swords (or sword handles that magically just grow into swords) in the 23rd century so they can have sword fights atop drills. Well it worked in Star Wars didn't it?
7. Chekhov being able to run the length of the ship and still save the falling crew.
8. Kirk is given the captaincy, even though there are more highly ranked officers on board (Which is to say, EVERYBODY ELSE on board since he was officially suspended from Starfleet). Oh and by the way, why didn't Spock resume the captaincy when he recovered?
9. Scotty being immediately given control of the engine room despite having just beamed on board. And why was this genius engineer stuck on a deserted ice planet anyway?
10. Spock deserves a whole list to himself.
a) His romance with Uhura. I burst out laughing at this. Adolescent smooching in the elevator and the teleport pad is unbecoming in anyone let alone MR Spock.
b) His jettisoning of Kirk on a frozen and dangerous planet. No Starfleet officer would conceivably do this to another officer. The only reason is, of course, the plot demands it.
c) The ludicrous and uncharacteristic way that he explodes when challenged by Kirk.
Needless to say, given the badness of the script, the actors fail to rise to it with the exception of Karl Urban who does an outstanding job as bones, and Anton Yelsin who makes a reasonable fist of the teenage Chekhov. Of Simon Pegg's performance, the least said the better.