Predictable, Silly, Popcorn Flick. And cheap too ..

Rating: 1/10 (10 May 2009)

First, a disclaimer: I'm not a Trekkie. By a long shot. I couldn't give a hoot about how the movie fits in with the Star Trek "canon". Honestly, I couldn't care less. I watched it with an open mind, looking for entertainment. What I got instead was a bunch of frat boys and bimbos playing movie night, together with squirm inducing dialog, forced attempts at humor, and pandering to the Comic Book Guy fans (who got all the inside references about star fleet regulations, I'm sure). And yes, the plot was a mess.
Just a quick list:

Kid Kirk driving the old car into the canyon, jumping out just in time to grab onto the edge of the abyss. What the ...?

Lots of scenes were clearly shot inside some chemical plant. (Several stories high building with winding pipes running all over the place, etc.) I didn't know that space ships looked so much like your local sewage processing plant.

6 billion people (OK, Vulcans) die, yet everybody acts as if it were "no biggie" (or maybe they were just that bad as actors? Who knows?) The unimaginable just happened and you were half expecting the crew to high- five each other by the end. Honestly, the guards at Auschwitz must have shown more understanding for a tragedy of such epic proportions.

Contriving to have each original character utter his/her "catchphrase" was so obviously forced that it was literally embarrassing to watch. I felt sorry for the actors. (Some people actually half-clapped when the old chestnuts were let slip. What the ...?)

I know it's a stupid Star Trek tradition, but I found it "illogical" (thank you, Mr. Spock), if not outright idiotic that it was always the highest echelons of the command structure that went on suicidal commando style missions. (It happened at least three times. At least.) There is a reason why armies no longer have their generals leading the charge: they are harder to replace than infantry (ensigns, red shirts, etc.) Mild complaint, but it got pretty annoying given how everybody was supposed to be so "intelligent".

I found quite amusing the movie's sophomoric implication that Kirk's getting in a fight every minute or two is the surest implication that he'll make a good captain. It follows that Mike Tyson would make the best captain of the Enterprise. Ever. (You have a problem with that!?) Also, it was nice touch to have Spock and Kirk go mano o mano for the captainship (and becoming friends). Maybe the authors watched Fight Club one time too many?

Funny thing is, with all the fawning, this is just another Star Trek movie (translation: campy melodrama with predictable plot).