Star Trek for Dummies meets Jonas Brothers: My review from grog.ca

Rating: 4/10 (10 May 2009)

Spoiler alert: There's big red goo that you really shouldn't know about, and lots more below. So there, you've been warned.
After seeing this flick in IMAX last night, I knew I felt uneasy (and it wasn't just the random chunk of dirt being projected onto the huge screen) but I had to sleep on this one.
Many of the original Star Trek episodes were written by the leading science fiction authors of the time, and they dealt with issues like geopolitics, arms race, cultural divide, and, yes, even some science.
This film was brought to you by the guy who brought us that hopelessly lost TV show Lost.
During the movie, all I could see in my mind's eye was the writers' meetings.
"We need something that can blow-up a planet. Trekkies know that Spock planet, right ? Pon Far, I saw it last night on the old Trek DVDs they forced me to watch. Let's blow it up !"
"How about a black hole, boss..."
"Perfect. Now we need something to make a black hole."
"Well, scientists have speculated on something called Dark Matter..."
"Dark ? We're making a movie here. Make it red ! A huge red ball of goo."
Sure, it could be said that the Genesis Device in Wrath of Khan was a similar dramatic device, but at least they properly set that one up for those of us who aren't so willing to suspend disbelief when watching sci-fi.
Later, my mind reeled back to the conference room when it seemed that Abrams was shoehorning Nimoy and the Scotty character into the kludgey red sludge of a movie:
"OK how about Spock shoots Kirk onto an ice planet with big ice monsters, and old Spock happens to be in a cave waiting there to help him out."
"Umm, OK boss..."
"And then they walk down the hill and there's a Federation station, and they meet Scotty there. Why is Scotty there..."
"How about he transported an Admiral's dog into space doing an experiment ?"
"Perfect ! PETA won't even notice. Oh and throw an Ewok onto the station."
"But boss that's the wrong..."
"Do it ! OK now onto Earth. Great job guys, we're almost done and we've left a pile of plot holes for the next movies to deal with, muhahaha !"
Was it worth watching ? Maybe, I need to see it again in the comfort of my living room to figure that one out (my screen might not be 4 stories high but my projector doesn't have any dead pixels or flecks of dirt to constantly distract). But so far I think I've just witnessed Star Trek for Dummies meets those 80s albums where kids sang rock songs, and I'm pretty sure neither of those are up my alley.