Below Average

Rating: Null/10 (7 July 2017)

This is easily the worst Spider-man movie. Everyone's praising it, calling it "Spider-man done right." But no, it's not Spider-man done right. If anything, it goes out of it's way to do Spider-man wrong. From Tony making his suit, to Spider-man never throwing a punch, to Spider-man needing to check in with Happy to make sure he's doing what Stark wants him to, to Liz to Flash, to Betty Brant, to Ned. To him not having a Spider-Sense. I don't want to hear "Spider-man 3 was worse!!" Because let's be real, after 10 years of people trashing it, I've never gotten more out of anyone than "dancing Peter Parker" and "not enough Venom." And Amazing Spider-man 2 might have had issues, but it still got more right about Spider-man than this movie. The acting was better too.
Tom Holland was good as Spider-man. Don't get me wrong. I liked him. I liked Andrew Garfield too. But Holland, like Garfield, just left me really missing the days when Tobey Maguire was in the suit. Speaking of the suit, it looked like bad cosplay. The black parts looked like electric tape, and the spider on the back looked like it was made of felt and was hot-glued to the back.
The fight against Vulture was just bad. Vulture pretty much beat himself by destroying his own wings. Which raises another point. The entire movie made Spider-man look completely incompetent. From destroying private property over and over again while chasing Vulture's goons, to causing that deli to get destroyed. The best shot from the trailers, where he's holding the ship together was all to give Tony some more screen time and have him save the day after incompetent Peter screwed everything up. Which is the second time Peter had to be saved by Tony, after he incompetently got easily bested by Vulture in the sky and nearly drowned himself with a parachute built into his suit. That's another thing, why was there a parachute in his suit? In the comics, Peter Parker made mistakes. He wasn't perfect. That's one of the reasons he was such a great character, because he made mistakes and worked to make it right. You didn't get that in this movie. It was incompetent Peter screws up, someone else fixes it, or their wings blow themselves up.
Speaking of the Vulture. He is easily the best villain the MCU has given us so far. He had more going for him as a character than the rest of the 1-dimensional trash of the MCU (even Loki with his Daddy issues being his sole motivation). Vulture was an average joe working man who employed a lot of guys. The government screwed them over and pretty much took their way of earning a living away. So with tech they managed to hold onto, they build stuff to steal more and more, selling high-tech weapons to criminals for a hefty profit. And Vulture did it all to provide for his family.
The ending was stupid. Of course Zandaya was MJ. I told people who were pushing that the junior novelization revealed her as Toomes' daughter that junior novelizations have a history of altering things to prevent big moments from being spoiled. But Zandaya's character was so unlikeable the entire movie, that I was just angry when she called herself MJ. So it's not even Mary Jane Watson, it's Michelle whatever her last name is. Then Tony praising Peter and reminding him how incompetent he was just irked me. Like the guy who built Ultron has any room to talk about screwing up. The Iron Spider suit made me mad, because it's just another way to ram Tony Stark down our throats in some way. And Pepper's back? In Civil War they implied they had broken up, now they're back together? Well, that's the MCU for you, just do things in between movies. No one will bother to care, right? It's Marvel Studios and Kevin Feige, and they know no one will ask questions. Especially the critics.
Everyone busted out laughing when Aunt May caught Peter in the Spider-suit. Her getting cut off before saying the f-word was so stupid, but everyone around me thought it was so funny. Listening to a grown man giggling in front of me about "Oh my God!! They almost said the f-word in a Marvel Cinematic Universe Movie!! This studio just continues to break new ground" just really made me realize just how bad this franchise actually is.
The post-credit scenes were pointless. Just teasing other villains, and then spitting in the face of people stupid enough to sit through all of the credits.
They kept pushing that this was a "John Hughes style movie". But it wasn't. If this was anything like a John Hughes movie, I'd say it was closer to National Lampoon's Class Reunion than Breakfast Club or Pretty in Pink.
And let's talk about the stupid title of the movie. Spider-man: Homecoming. Stupid name for a movie. Everyone praised it because "It represents Spider-man coming home to where he belongs at Marvel!!" But let's be real. The final act of the movie is Peter going to his HOMECOMING DANCE.That's what the title represents.
Of course the movie has a high ranking on Rotten Tomatoes. But if you listen to the critics or read what they wrote, they all regurgitate the same talking points. "it's fun, it's funny, it's like a John Hughes movie!" Which is why more and more people accuse critics of being paid off. They sound like they're reading from a prepared statement or something, all saying the same things in the same way. It's ridiculous.