What is this garbage?! It isn't Spider-Man!

Rating: 1/10 (12 March 2019)

Spider-Man has always been among my favorite comic book superheroes--until this movie. True, I read the comics and watched the cartoons long ago, so some things might have changed about the source material. But as far as I know, even in Peter's teen years, he never had a boss telling him which crime to fight and which to leave to the "adults" and he never needed one. Then Disney's Marvel went and gave him a boss and they made it Tony Snark (misspelling intended). My Spider-Man is an independent, basically self-sufficient, brilliant, caring underdog whose wisecracks made me laugh, even when I was reading them from dialogue bubbles. This Spider-Man, this whiny impostor, has a jerk for a mentor, another jerk for a "supervisor", an artificially intelligent suit that was made FOR him (complete with training wheels) and--for almost the entire movie--the sole purpose of impressing Snark enough to get a seat at the Avengers' grown-up table.
People praise this movie for providing a so-called more accurate depiction of an adolescent Peter and his troubles. But what troubles? A crush on a girl? Haven't other movies done teenage woes, discomfort and humiliation a thousand times better? I'm pretty sure even Raimi's first Spider-Man movie did a better job of that! I'm not going to waste any more of my time on this counterfeit Spider-Man.