Least impactful or memorable Spider-Man film yet

Rating: 4/10 (13 July 2017)

This film is very very standard. If you'd like to see an incredibly average entry in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, then this is for you. However, if you wish to see a proper homage to the stories and characters that made Spider-Man the flagship hero of Marvel's entire company, you are bound to be beyond disappointed.
One thing this film doesn't understand, is that it's not enough to simply call someone "Peter Parker" or "MJ" or "Aunt May". All of these major characters act nothing like how they have been characterized in other media, and the way they are characterized here is simply not good. Aunt May is reduced to nothing more than an excuse for MILF jokes (which the film includes a fair amount of.) MJ is a somewhat interesting character, but is NOTHING like the Mary Jane we know. She doesn't look like her; she doesn't act like her, so why call her "MJ"? Flash Thomson is supposed to be a popular bully in this film, there is no reason for him to be popular. The other incarnations of Flash were jocks, so it was easy to understand why they would be popular in a typical high school setting. In this film, he is not handsome, athletic, or smarter than Peter, so there is no reason for him to be considered popular. The only reason he is is because... that's how it's supposed to be. In trying to make this incarnation of Flash different, they made the character make no sense.
Then there's Peter. Now I'm going to preface this by saying Tom Holland is not a bad actor, and I think with the right writing and direction he could have pulled off a good Peter Parker. But this film simply does not understand the complexity and integrity of the character. He is not a social reject in this story. Yes he has some nerdy characteristics, but he never gets physically bullied by anyone, unless you count Flash slapping his ass very awkwardly in one scene. Even Peter's most defining characteristic from the comics, his big dorky glasses are absent. That alone would have added so much to help us identify him as Peter Parker, yet they are nowhere to be seen. Speaking of absence, Peter has absolutely no motivation to be a hero in this film. He wasn't bullied, and there is literally no mention Uncle Ben ANYWHERE in the entire film. I'm not saying he had to say his name anywhere, but there is nothing to suggest that Peter is grieving or suffering the intense psychological impact of losing a father figure. Based on the fact that Aunt May also shows no signs of grief in this film and also because she was hitting on Tony Stark in Civil War, I am left to conclude that Uncle Ben DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS UNIVERSE. How can the writers leave out such an essential part of the Spider-Man lore? It's like retelling Star Wars without Obi-Wan. You just couldn't do it. Uncle Ben's death is what makes Peter realize he needs to dedicate his life to making sure no more innocent lives are lost to crime. This film reduces Peter Parker to an annoying kid. Anyone who is familiar with the previous two film series or the comics knows that he is so much more complex and interesting than that.
The plot is okay, but I have to say the climax kind of puzzles me. Spider-Man wants to be a hero. We don't know why, but he really wants to prove himself, even after (SPOILER) his suit is taken away. So how does he show how heroic he is? He stops Vulture from stealing some boxes from Tony Stark. Tony Stark who 1) Probably would be guarding that stuff himself if it's that important, and 2) would most likely not feel that much financial burn from losing a couple of boxes considering he is the richest man in the world. "But wait, his iron man suit is in there!" So? He blew up 50 Iron Man suits in Iron Man 3, so they must not matter that much to him. After Spider-Man saves the boxes, Tony Stark is like, "Oh you saved my stuff, that totally makes up for endangering hundreds of people and destroying public property." Then Stark gives the suit back.
I guess the most offensive thing this film does is not care. It knows exactly what it is. It's just something to hold us over until the next Avengers movie. The first frame of this film is literally a picture of the Avengers. They are shoehorned into this film so much it's hard not to imagine that the entire point of this movie was just to promote the next Avengers. The film just doesn't care about respectfully portraying the characters in a way that is updated but not alien. It doesn't care about showing us a compelling or interesting story that would stand on its own without all the Avengers references.
I should also mention the effects in this film are not very great, in fact I would even argue the effects in Spider-Man 2 were much better, and that came out over a decade ago. I also didn't care much for the humor in this film, I can't remember laughing out loud at a single joke, which is a problem when there are so many of them.
In short, this is a very standard MCU film, but if you want to see a good Spider-Man film, you should probably just stick to the Raimi movies.