Spider-man struggles for relevance in his own movie

Rating: 3/10 (9 July 2017)

In this Spider-man—MCU hybrid, the MCU insists on itself to the point of annoyance. All you will hear is that it's like a John Hughes film and that that makes it a good film. The movie plays like a John Hudges film then comes to a screeching halt as soon as the writers remember they're writing a superhero movie. It goes back and forth like this throughout the movie. As a result, the movie struggles because it never commits to fully to either genre. Then we get Tony Stark whose impact on the story is so significant you wonder which movie you're actually watching.
From the very start, the movie plays up the significance of the battle in New York which Spider-man had nothing to do with. OK, no big deal. Maybe spider-man will find relevance as the story plods on. No not really. The argument here is that Peter gets the most screen time and Tony Stark gets far less but that distracts from the point. Tony Stark is a cloud hanging over this movie that never truly allows Spider-man to shine.
Gone are the days spider-man would think on his feet, develop devices or work out solutions on his own. Now, he gets Tony Starks hand-me-downs. His true character is lost in the suit behind all the gizmos and software. He's an iron-man clone. He now has Siri which is just a copy of jarvis in Iron-man. Spider-man has a face-off with an unmasked vulture for the first time and even then all the would-be villain talks about is his contempt for Tony Stark not Spider-man. The end of the movie involves Spider-man stopping Vulture stealing alien tech from Tony Stark. I've mention Tony Stark/Iron man so much, you start to see what I mean when I say this feels more like an iron man film.
All we are left with is the high school drama which falls short of John Hughes aspirations it emphasizes. What you end up with is a pale imitation of the real thing. The diversity here feels forced which in and of itself isn't the problem. It's the fact that the characters are bland and have no depth. The bully who's a version of Flash Thompson never feels imposing. His bullying amounts to calling Peter Parker, Penis Parker. I kid you not. And as though the writers thought it was the funniest joke in the movie the repeat it a second time. You will find a lot of awkward jokes throughout the movie. The other teenagers are even less defined. Other than Ned his close friend who spends enough time with him we have a better sense of his personality that's it. Michelle throws one-liners, has no personality to speak off and serves literally no purpose in the story. He has no Spider-Sense, it's never explained why. None of the other diversity hires arise beyond what can be best described as a cameo. Donald Glover, the principal, shocker come off as just plot-devices as opposed to real fleshed-out characters.
Michael Keaton's turn as the villain is of note. He gives the best performance in an otherwise lackluster ensemble cast. He really feels imposing despite the fact that movie has no real stakes. Yes, that's another issue. No one is really in danger. No one's life really feels threatened. The villain himself doesn't commit any heinous crime. Actually that's not true there's one thing he does but even that is done by mistake. Everything just feels watered down. As a direct consequence the action is watered down as well. Tom Holland is mostly annoying in his short breath performance. He works well enough in the high school since however. Also No mention of uncle Ben instead what we get a running gag about how hot Aunt May is now. I guess the idea was to have Tony Stark play the father figure but there's no bond between the two to justify it. He refuses to hug Peter in one scene. He lectures Peter through the whole movie. He mostly appears to be more like an asshole than a protective father.
I was excited when the Sony and Marvel reached an agreement to bring Spider-man into the MCU. But now after seeing the result I'm largely disappointed. The Raimi movies never required you to watch any extra material to care about the story. You can get lost in this new iteration if you haven't watch Avengers and Iron man. Marvel fans will celebrate the movie for all it's MCU shout outs, name drops, easter eggs, cameos and all that jazz. Who cares. I just wanted a Spider-man movie.