Not the worst movie I've ever seen

Rating: 4/10 (25 September 2014)

Spider-Man 3 is the third and final installment of the Sam Raimi directed Spider-Man films. Like the first two films, it features poor acting, utterly laughable and unrealistic dialogue, stunts, and writing. Unlike the first two films, there's not enough plot and action to rely on to get past those things.
First off, there's three villains. Admittedly, all three of them can be argued as victims of circumstance and not actual villains, but they all prevent Spider-Man from keeping the city safe and that's enough justification for me. Three is just too much for one movie, especially when two of them don't seem to have much reason to be there. The Sandman is just trying to save his little girl. As for Eddie Brock, he was just the stereotypical antagonist in Peter Parker's life - so why not be one for Spider-Man, too?
Harry Osborn's story line is at least fleshed out in this movie, though it's done poorly - using partial amnesia and blackmail that's supposed to make you hate him, but isn't quite convincing enough and James Franco delivers the best acting in the entire movie. After head trauma, Harry forgets all about his desire to kill Spider-Man, a seemingly shoddy attempt at tying up that particular plot that's been running since the end of the first movie. Not to worry though, Harry regains his memory and tries to kill Peter several times before they become BFFs again. Then they kill Harry off, because Peter needs another dead loved one to add to his tragic back story.
The love story in the third Spider-Man leaves a lot to be desired as well, both in the script and the acting. Mary Jane is left behind when Peter bonds with the symbiote and she turns to Harry. A cringe worthy performance featuring Tobey Maguire dancing later, and Peter hits Mary Jane. Frankly, the redemption arc isn't good enough. Just because Peter tries to atone for what he by becoming a true hero doesn't mean he should be excused from those actions.
And Peter's excuse? The symbiote attached to his suit. It's supposed to make him faster, stronger, better but all it really does is turn him into something that looks to be poking more fun at 2007 emo icon Pete Wentz than actually turning Peter into anything other than a misogynistic jerk.
The movie relies predictably on Uncle Ben's death, the driving force behind the plot in all three Spider-Man movies. Tobey Maguire's acting is about as convincing as Kirsten Dunst's red hair. There's no comic relief in this movie- unless you count the fact that the whole thing is so poorly executed it's actually funny. The movie would be redeemable with the action scenes - Spider-Man's web shooting skills and swinging from tall buildings while saving the citizens in the nick of time are always good, but the movie is simply too long and poorly acted to rely entirely on them.
Overall, the movie is a disappointment. There's no point spending money on it, unless you happen to watch movies because they're bad, like I do, or because you got all three films for your birthday, which I did. On the positive side, emo Peter Parker will be a legendary example of second hand embarrassment in a movie for decades to come.