Egad, could a film truly be this terrible?

Rating: 1/10 (9 May 2007)

To put it in context- it's easily the worst film I've seen this year, and I'm usually happy to watch dross.
I struggle to pick out a single positive aspect of the movie. In almost every aspect it was overstated, leaving the audience no room/need/desire (delete as appropriate) to interpret/appreciate situations for themselves. When a director has to cut to a (bad) English accent yelling "I don't know how much more of this he can take" to tell you that the protagonist's taking a spanking you really have to question the quality of a production.
Sure, a lot of money has been spent on special effects, but they fail to serve as more than eye candy... I didn't feel drawn into the action scenes at any point. The only genuine reaction the film pushed out of me was a slight jump when the goblin grabbed MJ.
There was plenty of plot I suppose, but none of it convincing or engaging- the characters were entirely selfish and unlikeable (not necessarily a bad thing in a movie, but hardly appropriate for a light superhero film) and deviated so wildly from their templates that I simply didn't see the link to their comic book namesakes by the end. Venom's potential as a foe was utterly wasted, not because of a villain overload- 3 bad chaps is perfectly doable- but because it was barely addressed as a character or an idea. The only information we received as the Symbiote were a couple of statements Parker's teacher plucks from thin air.
Instead of exploring the themes of Spiderman and his opponents, or even just giving fun action, we were given two and a half hours of Peter Parker acting like a turd. Even that was over-baked. I cringed, I despaired, I regretted the fact that I've already signed down to see it on a staff social tomorrow as well.
Truly lamentable.