My plot summary of Spider-Man 3 *WARNING- SPOILERS*

Rating: 3/10 (20 May 2007)

Where do I begin on this one? So the very handsome and manly *gay* Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) is smooching on his love, MJ (Kirsten Dunst) *icky icky eww*, when an evil parasitic substance crashes into Earth from a meteor *huh?*. Meanwhile, the dumb guy from WINGS *really?* escapes from prison to care for his ailing *someone big in the studio had to have lost a hand of poker and had to cast his buddy's kid- she looks like she got in a hatchet fight and lost her hatchet* daughter, but it turns out that he did or did not kill Peter Parker's uncle, and then he gets chased down by the cops and hides in a pit where they are trying to change the molecular structure of, apparently, sand, *Oh my God, they hate this sand!* and the dude from WINGS is all like, "I am the sand guy, watch out Spidey, cause I am all gonna like totally rob some guys while you are getting handed a key to the city and kissing a girl that isn't MJ and then I'm gonna like turn into sand again cause my kid is ugly and needs surgery" or something like that.
Meanwhile, Peter Parker's best friend, the cute guy, Harry or something, hates him and tries to kill him, but then he hits his head and Peter Parker gives him CPR and he gets revived and doesn't remember anything, and he's all like "Oh, I love you Peter Parker. And I am gonna cook up some bad-ass omelettes and try to bang your girlfriend," but then his dead dad speaks to him and tells him to get back at Peter Parker. It's OK though, because at the end Peter Parker is all like, "Dude, come fight the sand guy and photog with me and I love you and we will pretend that we are doing it for MJ and not because I want to play hide the tip with you, you pretty pretty boy you" and Harry is kinda like "OK" and then he dies.
Before that, though, the creepy black stuff gets Peter Parker all mean and stuff, and he likes the power trip, and he starts trying to act butch and he oils up his hair and puts on guyliner, but then he is mean to MJ *Snaggletooth Dunst* and so he has to take the stuff off, but there is some photographer guy (Topher Grace) who had coffee with some chick who Spidey saved when a crane was crashing through the building where she was modeling for a copier ad (and the police chief tried to turn the power off to the whole block, because you plug cranes up to the nearest outlet) and Peter Parker called him out on a simple Photoshopped picture, and the black stuff gets on the photog guy, and he decides to kill Spidey (even though his two-timing hussy has a thing for both Spidey and Peter, but hey, let's not focus on that plot hole) and he turns into some black thing with crazy teeth that is actually kinda scary, but the dark side overtakes him, and he gets blown up by a green orb (same make and model as the green orb that only slightly scarred the pretty boy).
So then the sand guy from WINGS is all like, "Oooh, I'm gonna get you Spidey" and the black suit guy is all like "yeah, I'm gonna get you good" and the pretty guy is all like "Yeah, and I'm really gonna hurt your feelings, Spidey" and there is some French guy in a restaurant that is actually pretty funny and then PP takes his guyliner off and the pretty guy gets stabbed and dies in the sunrise and I'm not sure what happened to WINGS but I know that PP forgave him and then the credits come on.