Oh Spidey, what intricate webs you weave!

Rating: 3/10 (5 May 2007)

It had to happen. A classic Spidey one, then came the even more enthralling sequel. A disaster just had to happen with the franchise. I mean if the 'Out of this planet' Superman and 'Dark and Sinister' Batman had to go through bad sequels, then Spidey is, after all, the friendly neighborhood kid - I guess he had to take one.
To all the fanboys out there - don't even bother! I'm one of you dudes! One of those who thinks that Spider-man is up there, with the best of the best, one of the best comic book characters ever created. So with Venom as a villain, one would've expected the whole 'taking the Peter Parker character to the next level of maturity' thing to happen. My oh my, for Pete's sake (pun intended) - Mr. Raimi, you made him a prancing egoistic sissy! He's crying, dancing and saying 'Yeah, babe' like the pothead who lives down the street. Really? This chap's the icon New York is worshiping? This movie managed to convince me that a cross dressing Rudy Giuliani is a far better mascot for New York than my favorite comic book hero!
You know a movie will go wrong when the production team loses sight of what the movie is. For the record - it's a super hero movie, aka Action/Adventure genre. Why the heck are they trying so hard to induce melodrama and comedy into this? Don't get me wrong, I know the whole Mary Jane love angle is intricate to the story. Spidey one starts by saying this story is about a girl. But, jeez! So much of it? Remembering Unc Ben, the ill conceived love triangle, Sandman's dying daughter, Dual versions of uncle Ben's shooting, marriage advice counseling, Forgiveness - stop that train to La-La land already!
I enjoy the odd comedic outlook of the Spider-man movies, the cheeky one liners or the wide eyed Parker look. But, this movie just has too many of them forced comedic moments for the taking. And the comedic elements actually add nothing to the narrative. The ill timed Jazz club dance by the Venom infected Peter Parker is probably the best joke of the movie - without intending to be one! Character development and humanizing the characters was the strength of this franchise. Poof! Gone into thin air this time round.
It's not a question of what's not there in the movie, but a problem of 'too many'. There are too many plot holes despite me suspending belief for the superhero movie. Too many gimmicks. Too many characters. And yeah, too much time! The runtime of the movie tops two hours and then some, but when you have so much to pack into the movie - it feels like they've rushed through the 300 million dollar extravaganza.
And for the last time, there's a reason why Spider-man puts on that mask. It's part of superhero folklore. When he let the mask down to save a train full of people in Spidey 2, that was one of the most real moments in the movie. Seems like now he's just fighting without the mask! No! Too much of anything good is bad. Very bad.
I could go on. But, I feel bad lashing out further against my Friendly neighborhood pal. So lemme put in a good word - the first ten minutes. That's it. There's a little bit of lovey-dovey stuff (again, I can take it. Just don't turn Spider-man into an episode of the OC!), but the first fight sequence with Goblin 2 and Peter Parker is sudden, unexpected and in short, kicks some serious ass! You know that Spidey won't lose, but you definitely don't know how it'll end. So I guess that got my hopes up, but what followed the next two hours was equivalent of taking a cold shower after lounging with models from Victoria's Secret.
Bad start, Summer of '07. And Spidey, puh-leese get someone like Christopher Nolan to direct your next outing. Realism - that's what you need right now.