Long-winded, convoluted, overly self-indulgent, yet still entertaining.

Rating: 4/10 (8 May 2007)

I'm going to start by saying that the main gripe I have with all three films is how EVERY SINGLE female in the films is extremely attractive, and how the camera loves showing close ups of them screaming in the most random and pointless ways. What, so if we don't live in New York, we don't have any prayer of knowing what hot women really are? Wow, guess our lives suck! Why are the female scientists conducting the experiment Sandman-to-be "stumbles" upon so hot? Give us a break already, you are trying way too hard Sam and it just makes you looks idiotic! Anyway, the film is way too long at 2 hours and 20 minutes for the ADD-laden and exhausted from being overworked and having too many children American audiences of nowadays, so they should have trimmed it by, oh, 45 minutes and saved themselves $100 million in budget anyway. The action sequences are way, way over the top and blindingly fast at times, thank the maker they just don't have the annoying "oontz-oontz-oontz" techno music of The Matrix films. Three villains in one films? Three words, Sam; BATMAN & ROBIN.
Sam just loves showing how "diverse" New York really is, I think these films have more Asians in them than any film made in an Asian country! Oh Sam, you're so cute for a Democrat! Please go sing in a Southern Baptist church with a faux accent like Hillary! Why did you make Peter emo, Sam, when he turned "dark"? Would you have done the same two years from now when emo inevitably crashes and burns like all other great American trends and nobody admits to adhering to it anymore? I doubt it! Boy, Harry Osborne sure can take a lot of beatings over and over again and not end up dead for a guy with no powers, just fancy equipment! Villains should be evil, Sam. Not guilt-ridden (you are a Democrat, aren't you!), not having any hidden agendas, not just "needing a chance". Make them detestable and ruthless instead of neo-hippies with muscles.
Speaking of, Topher Grace was a horrible choice. Sure, he's recognizable and I suppose attractive to females, but he's skinny. And too boyish. You needed someone with a bodybuilder physique and a bit more dynamic. You might have to look beyond Hollywood for this, but it's not impossible. They got more than enough massive Caucasian dudes to star in 300, for crying out loud! It's entertaining. It's long, has some absolutely deplorable dialogue (gee, here's Aunt May in another scene, what liberal parables will she dish out this time?), and is WAAAAAAAY too MTV-poppy like its predecessors, but hey, it's another film with a classic superhero. It's not Superman Reuturns bad, and it's not Batman Begins great. I'll put it smack-dab in the middle. 7 out of 10. I'm feeling charitable today.