Let's pretend that didn't just happen...

Rating: 2/10 (5 May 2007)

Let me start off by saying that I'm a huge Spidey fan. Been reading the comics for years.
This movie does him no justice.
To start with, the black suit that Spider-Man wears has always been a sign of his more dark and troubled times. He becomes more like a vigilante and less like your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man. They totally F'd this one up. Instead of becoming dark and brooding, angry, cynical as he should have, he becomes a cocky, flippant Emo. What the heck is this? He's dancing in the street, creeping people out, being a total jack-*** to MJ and being an idiot in general.
And then there's Venom. Venom is, and has been, one of Spidey's more interesting villains. They could have (and probably should have) spent most the movie just going through the back-story of how Venom came to be. Instead the movie gives no real explanation as to how Spider-Man even figures out the costume is alive, why he takes it to Dr. Conners (which really he was supposed to take it to Mr. Fantastic but no biggie there) in the first place, or really how much more powerful the suit makes him. The closest it really even comes in that regard is showing a couple of pictures of Spidey lifting cars (which he should have been able to do before the suit if you follow the comics at all; Spidey once lifted a train over his head and threatened to throw it at someone). So really, you kind of have to wonder just how powerful Venom really is supposed to be. And those of you that don't follow the comics at all and all you know is the movies were probably wondering just who the hell he was anyways.
Venom was always one of Spidey's most powerful, dangerous villains. There's nothing like a guy that's half-crazy lifting you up by the throat and declaring that "we're" going to eat your brains. Especially when he's got the power to do it. The only saving grace as far as Venom is concerned is that he's not dead. Sure, he supposedly gets blown up at the end, but he's not really dead. At least he better not be.
Next up: Sandman. Why was he even in this movie? Oh yea... So Sam could waste his 250 mil on special effects. Great thinking Sam... Base a movie solely around special effects... That'll work. Seriously, Sandman was never one of the Bad bad guys. Just a guys that made some poor choices and wound up on the wrong side of a nuclear test. What's this about a sick daughter? Great... instant justification for robbing banks and killing cops right there... I've got a sick daughter. That justifies me killing your uncle, robbing you, taking your car and then trying to kill you later. Sure... And then Spidey forgives him. Because it was an "accident." One of the few decent lines in the movie: "You want forgiveness, find religion." 'Nuff said.
Back to Mary Jane Watson. Since when was she a singer? I can deal with making her a struggling Broadway actress, but a singer? What purpose does that serve? To set up the blues club scene later in the movie? And Raimi totally messed up her character. She was supposed to be a party girl, flippant, rambunctious, dragging the nerd that is Peter Parker out of his shell long enough to show him a good time enough times that he falls in love with her. Not some whiny little actress type that goes to tears over a bad review, then can't even manage to tell Peter she got fired for not being able to sing. Oh and by the way, whoever she was lip syncing to isn't very good either. And Dunst can't even stay in sync with her. I will give Raimi credit for one thing though, he make MJ act like a real actress... A completely self obsessed whiny attention-whore. Congrats on messing up Mary Jane too. There goes my childhood.
Harry Osborn. Honestly, I don't think they did too bad with him... until the end. So the jet board is a huge departure from the standard goblin gear that was made classic by the comics (only super villains get to wear green and purple together. It's a rule.). Not that big a deal in comparison to so many of the other flaws. He's still got the motivation there to kill Spidey which isn't too far from the mark and the Osborn legacy of madness; though underplayed; is still there. Harry was always just a bumbler as goblin anyways. But the instant forgiveness that both Harry and Peter give each other at the end of the movie... what a load of crap! "You blew up half my face but I'll forgive you and help you save the day anyways." "Thanks Harry, and I forgive you for trying to kill me all those times." "Oh, it's alright Pete, now lets go save Mary Jane!" Need I say more? Peter Parker. Why is he crying every other scene? Why is he never wearing a mask? Is he even trying to protect his secret identity? Why is he suddenly loved by everyone? Did he just cure cancer sometime between the last movie and this one? Suddenly he's loved out of no-where? And he's arrogant about it? And he rants about it to MJ all over the place? 'Cause that's not gonna cause problems with the relationship. Oh wait... It did. And he's crying again. Now he's dancing... and he's crying again. And why dose he look like he's smiling and crying? Ya know what? I'm running close to the 1000 word limit here. Just go see it for yourself. You'll see exactly what I mean.
Redeeming qualities: Bruce Campbell is hilarious, and the goblin/Spidey fight at the beginning is exceptionally well done. But that's it.
Cypher.