Hilariously bad

Rating: 2/10 (20 May 2007)

In the days leading up to the mega-huge day and date release of this movie around the world, some bad buzz leaked out. I heard things like "Spider-Man 3 sucks" or, among critics, "Third time's a yawn," and "Raimi thinks he can do it all by himself." I was trying to get my hopes down and not expect much. For reference, I thought the first installment was an okay film with 6/10, and SM2 was really a brilliant movie with 9.5/10. I did not see how it was possible to mess up. The ending of SM2 left such a great plot open. I wasn't expecting much though, after hearing many bad things about the movie.
One thing I'd like to clarify, to dispose this notion, is that I'm not a comic fan. I've never read a Spider-Man comic in my entire life. So, please, remember that not everyone who hated this film was a comic fanboy.
All right. I go into the theatre. I wait TWO DAMN HOURS since every show until then is flat sold out. I finally get in, and the opening logos come up. The opening credits were phenomenal, I thought we were in the clear. I thought that this movie was going to be an underrated sequel, ala Godfather 3 or Batman Returns. Then...the movie started. The first line in this movie is, "It's me! Peter Parker, your friendly neighborhood...you know." As soon as I heard that coupled with the cheesy music, I got a sinking feeling. That sinking feeling never left. I kept watching though, and I heard crap dialogue after crap dialogue spoken by Peter/Spider-Man. Such gems included "I'm so nervous," and "That's my girlfriend!" So then Kirsten Dunst playing Mary Jane arrives on-screen, who sings a musical number, yes that's right a song in Spider-Man, and then whines about her atrocious singing. Following is the worst scene transition I have ever seen, then we see a delightfully lame and cheesy fight scene. Amnesia and alien plasma being used as plot points only made me laugh more.
To my amazement however, the film kept getting worse. The first villain is introduced, played by Thomas Haden Church, and is developed with a personality and storyline for a whole of two minutes. He is only more unrealistic, and he is supposed to make the audience feel sad for him. It's quite hard to give a damn about the being made out of rocks when you know nothing about him.
After this, something(not going to say what for fear of spoilers) that was accepted as fact in the first two movies is just discarded and a new explanation is given and the viewers are supposed to blindly idiotically accept this as fact now. Peter is angry at this thing, and then he turns badass. However, badass in this case suddenly includes a dance scene where we can't see Peter's head who makes a complete moron out of himself. Sam Raimi then expects us to believe this repulsive scene which I honestly thought was a fantasy the whole time.
I'll stop describing the movie here, because that would be 'spoiling' this piece of garbage for you. However, you should be warned of the following. There is a super cool villain who is barely shown in the movie, a really boring climax fight, a moronic British female reporter, and BY FAR, the WORST CONCLUSION I have EVER seen on how to handle a villain's 'weakness'.
I left the theatre, trying to deny what I just saw. It didn't work, and I'm scarred for life. The entire cast was either baked or freaking tired of these movies when they were on the set because I've seen better acting from my little brother in the 3rd grade rendition of The Ugly Duckling. The dialogue was an abomination, and the crew of this movie pretty much deserves to be shot on sight just because of that. The story lines are cluttered, and character development has become a forgotten concept apparently. The film editing is the worst I have ever seen. I must say I'm ecstatic that it's disappointing in the box office.
The Good: A couple jokes that made me laugh, nice art direction, prettiful sets.
The BAD: Dialogue, acting, over the top tone, cluttered story lines, out-of-character script, lame effects, zero character development, nothing from the previous two movies, really sh-tty film editing.
Overall grade: 1 out of 4 stars D 3 out of 10
Recommended: NO