Bruce Campbell stole the show.

Rating: 2/10 (5 May 2007)

We all know what computers can do, courtesy Spider-Man, Spider-Man 2, and every other Marvel themed movie. Yes, it's impressive, but not enough to make up for this multi-million dollar ($258 million to be exact), 220-minute disaster.
Costumes weren't up to par at all. Spider-Man looked fine, even with his "organic" web-shooters, Sandman looked fine too. But what about Harry Osborn? Why was he flying a "sky-skateboard" and not the Goblin Glider? Why didn't he come back as the Green Goblin? Why wasn't the venom symbiote able to react to Spider-Man's thoughts, mimicking street clothes and transforming into the black suit at will? Why did Venom look more like a duplicate Spider-Man than the terrifying character he usually portrayed as? And of course, who could forget EMO-Parker with his eyeliner and black hair. Why? The music is the same as in the first two films; it worked.
Now, the fun begins.
Sam Raimi, I hate you. I hated you as director for the first two Spider-Man movies. And you know what else? Evil Dead and Army of Darkness were smile-funny, certainly not "ha-ha" funny, and chuckle-funny would be pushing it. As director of Spider-Man 3, you had the power to turn things around, and you didn't.
Second, Sam Raimi, and this goes for you too Ivan, never write a screenplay, ever again. Your style is absurd; you destroyed any sense of realism remaining in the film adaptation of the Spider-Man series, an element desperately needed if the films were to succeed. I mean, a dance sequence? This isn't West Side Story. You didn't work on the screenplays of the first two films, and while they weren't good, they were OK. Speaking of which, a shout out to the return of Alvin Sargent, thanks for not letting the Raimi brothers do more damage than they did. So, Raimi and Raimi, stop writing, put down your pens, quit Microsoft Word, enough.
As for the actors. Tobey Maguire, get fit and stop being such a wimp. Kirsten Dunst, good job. James Franco, good job. Thomas Haden Church, good job. Bruce Campbell, you are hilarious. Topher Grace, put on a pair of bell-bottoms and go whine a little more to Donna.
The plot inconsistencies are enormous. Venom isn't supposed to die. Sandman never killed Uncle Ben and isn't supposed to have a heart felt moment with Spider-Man, apologizing.
Stan Lee, Steve Ditko, how could you allow this? I let so much fly, web-nuggets, Spider-Man killing Uncle Ben's "supposed" murderer (despite the third films blatant attempt to cover up that enormous error), star gazing on a giant spider-web(the worst date ever?), and more. Yet you allow Raimi 1 and Raimi 2 to have their way, and as a result we get Patriotic Spider-Parades! You'll probably see the movie regardless of my words. Just remember to wipe with your ten dollars before you hand it over to Sony Pictures. Maybe a week of E. coli will set them straight.