Thanks for BUTCHERING Spiderman!!!

Rating: 1/10 (7 May 2007)

Wow...just...wow. If I had to talk about all the things wrong with this movie in-depth, I could probably go on for hours. Hours that would be better spent than the hours I wasted sitting at this cornball cry-fest. First thing's first: Where exactly has Spiderman's "Spider-sense" gone?
How does someone who can sense even the least amount of danger to himself (ie. getting hit by a car, etc.) not sense or see the spiraling meteor of fiery, gooey-black death falling 10 feet away from him? Oh yeah...he's too wrapped up in making googly weepy-eyes at Mary-Jane. That's another thing. This is in NO way a superhero movie. If you go into this expecting to be as blown away as you were during Spiderman I and II, allow me to pop that bubble. At most, amidst the random singing, dancing, weeping, angsting, and general "WAH" from Peter Parker, this comes off as a musical romance. A dramatic, musical romance. And here I thought I was sitting down to watch...oh, I don't know...Spiderman? All the awesome CG and special effects and acting of the last two movies seemed to have vanished into the night, as it seems the makers behind this little suck-fest hit bottom of the barrel and vomited out the worst possible script in superhero history. This was even more painful to sit through than The Hulk.
The villains are non-existent. Want to know why? Because there are NO villains in this movie. Only...*sniffle*...misunderstood victims :'( Aw...waaaaaah. Sandman and Hobgoblin both are but beaten-down shadows of themselves, and the only semi-saving grace in that particular department has to be Brock in his Carnage-suit, and even that was a far stretch.
As for Mary-Jane and Peter...never have I hated both characters more. Peter Parker is reduced to a whiny, emo-spouting gothchilde (seriously, he wears eye-liner at one point...EYELINER!) and Mary-Jane is sufficiently slutified, becoming a jealous, entitlement-obsessed ninth-grader, just enough to send Parker over the edge.
All in all, avoid at all costs unless you want this particular franchise ruined for you.