Spider-Man 3 (2007) **

Rating: 5/10 (13 May 2007)

I enjoyed the first film, and even the second, though maybe to a lesser degree. But this third one is easily the least of the group and leaves my brain rattled. Where to begin? Well, for starters there were too many villains crammed into it, and no clear cut story but rather a series of back and forth jumping to all sorts of unrelated business which left me bored: let's throw in a disgruntled Harry Osbourne as the new Green Goblin (with yet another tiresome love triangle between him and Peter and MJ), then toss in the new Sandman adversary too, then cough up a token appearance by Venom later on for good measure, and also have Peter Parker contending with a strange and unidentified black substance from a fallen meteor which comes to take him over.... There's so much reliance on trying to squeeze in many various plot devices that there winds up being not much of a plot at all in the end. And the video game-like and cartoony CGI ---- what a mess! A classic case of over-abundance with fake looking Road Runner-ish chases and phoniness. Moviegoers today are supposedly less wowed by yesterday's more "primitive" special effects, so how do they eat this crap up when it looks so artificial? I will concede, however, that the CGI was best put to use in the character of the Sandman, and it was probably the best way to render him (ditto for the "spidey alien suit"). Incidentally, the Sandman's back story had the most potential and he could have been quite the sympathetic villain, had the script opted to concentrate solely on his story rather than trying to wedge so many different elements together.
I really have never liked Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane and it didn't change with this film either. Even worse, this time we get stuck having to hear her character sing badly.. and oh, yes, she still has that annoying habit of running off to flirt and "Twist" with whatever other guy floats her boat any time her relationship with Peter Parker hits a bump for a second. I'm so sick and tired of her and her petty jealousies. I wanted her snaggle-toothed ass dead when she was caught dangling high above from that web and Spidey had to save her yet again! Do ya hear me? Dead!! I really wish Peter would get his act together and hook up with blonde Gwen Stacy instead.
So now let's address Peter Parker. I don't recall the comic book Parker being quite SUCH an extreme geek as in Sam Raimi's three film incarnations ... a real nerd, always crying his redundant tears, always whimpering. In the new film we get to see a welcome "bad" side to Peter with his black alien suit morphing onto him, but while it's refreshing, there is no rhyme or reason to what that strange black gooey substance from space is in the first place, or why it's even around. It's just another of many endless plot contrivances. And count me in with the viewers who shook their head in embarrassment and disbelief when Peter starts acting like John Travolta while doing his absurd disco moves and idiotic "cool guy" dancing schtick. This was completely ridiculous.
Did I mention that the film is needlessly overlong and feels like it? I couldn't wait to get the hell out of the theater and for this aimless montage to end. When the film ended, a dad in his forties in front of me yelled: "I want my money back!!", and I couldn't agree more. Another MAJOR disappointment for me was that this new film takes the liberty of changing the events of the first SPIDER-MAN, where it's suddenly revealed via repetitious black and white flashbacks that the guy who killed Peter's uncle Ben was not the right guy after all ... now it's supposed to have been the Sandman! How lovely. So now this completely ruins the effect of the original movie, and all those bits of business with Peter going after that first killer in Part One. Patooey!! ** out of ****