FilmCreature Reviews 'Spider-Man 3'

Rating: 4/10 (6 January 2008)

While I start out with a rather unprofessional title here, I assure you, it's exactly what I thought of this sickly, pathetic new addition to the 'Spider-Man' series. It is obviously crucial that I start out the review by mentioning that I liked the first two films (both 8/10's). I think Maguire was terrifically cast, the special effects are terrific, and I liked the sweet, loving relationship between Peter and MJ. But the third film in the series is like gasoline poured into your favorite glass of milk. It fails utterly and miserably.
I am awarding it a 4 out of 10 for one reason only: the stupendous special effects. Although the effects will no doubt be beaten by the likes of 'The Golden Compass' and 'Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End', the Sony team does a stellar job of bringing Venom, the Sandman, and Evil Harry to life.
Now. Let's talk crap.
The dialog and relationship between Peter Parker and MJ is grossly miscalculated. When Peter missed poor dear MJ's play in the second film, I actually felt distressed about it. Now, when MJ is ordered by Evil Harry to break up with Peter, it's a barely painful scene to watch. By now, Peter has become so whiny and predictable, I wish he would just hook up with Ursula and be done with it. Just kidding.
But still, it gets annoying after a while. I feel like I would rather have someone like Jake Gyllenhaal playing Spidey now. Maguire is tired out.
And there's also one awful, inexplicably and shockingly stupid scene involving Spidey and his nearly erotic connection to his new black suit. It seems as though the suit not only makes his greedy and extremely powerful, but it also serves as a tool for lusting after beautiful women. This leads to the formerly mentioned awful, inexplicably stupid and shocking scene where Peter/Spidey decides to go onto the sidewalk and dance the day away. Literally, dance. And make suggestive gestures as attractive women.
I chuckle as I imagine the stupefied expressions on the audiences faces as they watch this unbelievably idiotic scene.
But hey, cheer up. There's one scene in the movie that works perfectly. It's after The Sandman (Thomas Haden Church overacting) escapes from prison, and meets up with his angered wife and still-loving daughter. That scene is sweet and realistic, and it works very, very well.
But the rest...just doesn't. Resist the temptation of that shiny cover, and instead pick up the DVD copy of 'Waitress', a much more funny, touching, and real movie than this one.
1.5/4