Spiderman 3: Self-deprecating comedy or cinematic tire-fire?

Rating: 1/10 (4 May 2007)

I can't speak to having any serious complaints about Spiderman 1 or 2. What I can do is warn some hopefuls of the largest disappointment in my 12:01 AM showing experiences.
The first two movies were, at the least, hope for comic book fans everywhere that some justice could be done to their heroes on the silver screen. When I personally found out about the plot line and cast of characters slated for S-3 I couldn't have been more excited. My confidence in the entire Spiderman team fueled the anticipation of seeing an almost-real Venom leaping across and giant screen.
Problem #1: Venom is not highlighted. Peter Parker's feud with Brock is barely given anytime to develop since the majority of the movie is left to overly-sentimental schlock featuring the ever-emotional Mary Jane frowning a whole lot and getting dwarfed in Spiderman's limelight. There's no shortage of Aunt Mae either, who seems to provide the most relevant of advice at the most random points in the movie. Not to mention the schoolboy wuss-puss dialog traded in scenes with Harry and Peter. Thus Venom is tossed aside with Sandman, which leads us on to the next problem.
Problem #2: Thomas Haden Church as Sandman. I can't discredit the man entirely, the script offered nothing for him to use as an actor and left the character about as chokingly-dry as the sand he's made out of.
Problem #3: The script. It's Star Wars Episode III awful. What both movies have in common is a series of a events that have such epic potential, loyal fans cannot stay away from opening night. There is more time devoted to superficial relationships than the action-packed fun the other movies commanded. Sure, they featured a predictable romance and corny family sentiments, but did I really have to see flashbacks of Ben Parker's death eight times in black and white? I'll be honest here. I'm really upset about the seven dollars I wasted. I write this because I just got back and couldn't be more angry, but there are some parts of the movie that give critical fans like me some hope.
A memorable cameo in Times Square, a brief flash of patriotism, and the comments of a reporter standing by during the final scene give fans some hope that the Spiderman team knew they were making a heaping pile of junk. After all the bad comments I can make, somewhere deep inside, I hope that this was a sick joke that I'll enjoy more on DVD.
Good luck Spidey fans.