Wha' happened?!?

Rating: 3/10 (6 May 2007)

I went into the movie theater on a double date, anxious to see the third Spiderman movie. The previews had my eyes sparkling and my jaw dropped. It looked as if this was to be the best of the three Spiderman movies.
After 2 and a half hours, I left the theater holding my boyfriend's hand, thinking, "Wha' happened?!??!?" The movie was very sloppily done. Even the CGI was lackluster. Fight scenes were scarce and I felt like I was watching some horrible chick-flick instead of a Spiderman movie. I love Tobey Maguire as Spiderman, but at several times during the movie, I wanted to haul back and slug him in the face. Between him acting like an ignorant, oblivious, self-centered jerk and weeping (rather unconvincingly) at the drop of a hat, his acting was less like a tortured superhero and more like an emo teenager.
Kirsten Dunst as an actress can be summed up simply: she not only has the acting skills of a 2x4, but she also has the figure of one. Not a single one of her outfits were flattering to her figure. I don't care if she's skinny, just put her in something that makes her look good. Her acting in this movie was enough to make me gag. None of her emotions were believable and I felt no sympathy for her at all. I think the best scene she was in was when Peter accidentally hit her. I don't condone violence towards women, but acting that bad deserves a smack to the face.
It would have been nice if they stuck with one villain, two villains tops. They didn't do justice to Venom at all. He not only got way too little screen time, but in my opinion, Topher Grace was the wrong guy to be cast as Venom. Sandman was pretty sappy, but his story was the most realistic. My heart goes out to James Franco. The poor guy got his butt kicked left and right all through the movie. An explosion that was able to eliminate both Venom AND Eddie Brock with no remains left from the blast somehow only managed to make him a Phantom of the Opera lookalike. And in the end, after surviving all that abuse, he's killed off, shishkabobbed by his own glider. Like father, like son.
And oh my God! The patriotism! Did Spiderman REALLY have to leap in front of a gigantic American flag?!?!? Why didn't we just have a scene at the end where Spiderman says "Spiderman supports the troops. Do YOU?!?!??" while we were at it?!?
A movie that had so much potential has sadly fallen into the same trap many other movies have nowadays and ended up a sad disappointment. Several good actors were put to shame by poor film making. I laughed at the funny parts, but it was obvious the humor was forced. After all, what's NOT funny about a complete and utter dork with a bad haircut strutting around John Travolta style while women give him the "Are you KIDDING ME?!?" look, or playing piano and dancing at a jazz club? If another Spiderman movie comes out, I will NOT watch it in the movie theater. If it's another disappointment like this one, I'd rather only be out of a couple of hours instead of a couple of hours AND nine bucks.
At least Sam Raimi couldn't screw up J. Jonah Jameson or Bruce Campbell. Oh, and I gotta give Tobey some credit for this line: "What's the matter Goblin Jr.? Gonna cry?!?"
Beautiful.