Spiderman3 : The letdown

Rating: 3/10 (5 May 2007)

I'd been planning on taking the kids to see Spiderman 3 for a while now, as usual I had to give the kids the "cinema rules" y'know the drill... No talking, please sit still.. And as an added extra.. "even if Spiderman 3 is amazing, you still have to walk out saying Superman returns was far better".. Take note, the last rule was a joke and the kids were under no obligation to follow it to the letter...
So we all sit in our seats... Me, Jo, Kai (9), Nick (7) and their friend Callum (8) The trailers played Harry Potter, Shrek 3, Transformers, Pirates 3 and the Simpsons.. And then Spiderman 3. I'll cut straight to the chase and maybe dissect the film later. Spiderman 3 is an awful film. Easily the least entertaining of the three spider movies.. yes even worse than the bore fest that was Spiderman 2.
Spiderman 3 (IMO) lacks action, sadly the action that is seen on screen is handled very badly.. We have CGI that rivals the most awful Superman returns CGI in the crap stakes, we have action scenes riddled with plot holes (yes, Spidey saves Gwen Stacy when she falls from the building.. But Spidey old mate.. you seem to have forgotten all about the out of control crane)
We have Harry (hey i'm evil.. hey i've lost my memory, hey my memory's back and i'm evil again.. Hey, Peter just blew me up with a bomb and all I got was this lousy facial scar..Hey I've had a chat with the butler and now i'm gonna be Peter Parkers best mate again) Osbourne.. OK there was a point to Harry, He's always wanted MJ and yes he blames Spidey for the death of his father.. But surely if Harry were to become the goblin he'd have at least created a costume/glider that resembles that of the Goblin? or did Harry also agree that perhaps the Spidey 3 toyline may need a little action figure related boost?
Eddie (bugger me, Peter Parker found out I photo shopped a spidey picture and he got me fired now he must DIE!!!!!) Brock... I think he has anger management issues.
Sandman.. I liked Sandman, I though most of his CGI was handled pretty well.. Well, it was a bit CGI from the Mummy, but it kinda worked.
Spiderman 3 had 3 villains.. Sadly there was no room for 3 villains in this film. Dropping Sandman in 3 and maybe using him in 4 would have been a better option..
Things that really got my goat about Spiderman 3
Spiderman and his joy of removing his mask in public places... Spidey, the mask is there for a reason surely?
Peter Parker and his Saturday night fever strut down the street. Cringe worthy to say the least.
Peter Parkers dance routine in the jazz bar. Cringe again.
Once again (I presume) A huge comic book character gets killed off in a Spiderman film. So far Raimi has managed to kill off Green Goblin, Doc Ock, Venom and Harry Osbourne... I really hate when film makers kill of characters like this, remember batman (89) when they killed off Joker? Bloody hell.
I also hated the shameless way Spiderman just had to go past the stars and stripes flag on his way to battle Venom and Sandman... Hated it.. Not sure why, I just did.
I didn't enjoy Spiderman 3. ( "NO! Really?" I hear you cry) And sadly neither Jo or the kids enjoyed it either, they all found it boring, something a Superhero film simply should not be.
One thing I did like tho was this... The scene during the Spidey/Goblin VS Sandman/Venom.. J.J.J. is trying to buy a camera off a small girl.. Take a good look at the blonde extra standing next to J.J.J.. Her overacting is hilarious.. In fact.. Blonde extra chick.. You were the star off the show.. Hurrah! You saved this film from being a total waste of my time and money.
Spiderman 3... 3 out of 10
It would have been 2 out of ten but blonde extra chick made me add that extra point.
PS In all honesty the kids actually did agree that Superman returns was much better.
PPS So did I.