Melrose Place with Spiderman as special guest

Rating: 1/10 (8 May 2007)

I even can't see the point of making effort to introduce the characters' "birth" and the first awkward steps in the first movies of this kind of sagas (fine example of sparing us from it was Blade) but if Stan Lee or whoever it is insists, then they should at least STOP THERE! This sequel was even worse than the first movie, which is more of a shame if you have heard about some 250 Million spent on it. Spent on WHAT?! Is the bridge in Central Park, or the shabby room of Parker that dear? Because most of the time the characters are set in such locations, doing nothing really but saying clichés. Venom barely scratches the ballet-dancing outfit on Spidey, and mind you, by that time you have a good chance of missing that, as you might be looking around to see other folks' embarrassment. The Sand Giant is laughable too, after King Kong anyway. Well, back to the ballet-outfit for a sec: it actually fits Parker as interpreted by Tobey Maguire, who looks like someone with no hundred percent certainty about his sexual preferences. Just take that walking on the street, Disco Stu-style, than the lashing hair as means of express aggression or whatever...With all respect; that's nothing like the character we know from the books. (Never mind the double chin!) And where are the witty one-liners during the fights? Oh, for chrissakes , where are the fights, after all?!
I see there was a grand opening, which I hope is just the result of the pre-sales of tickets. I would like to see a big fall by next weekend, and a big question mark put after the names of Raimi and Maguire, which could save the fourth episode.
Please bring Venom back, and offer the director's chair someone like Robert Rodriguez or Zack Snyder!