Too Many + Too Much = Too Bad !

Rating: 6/10 (16 December 2010)

_Too many storylines: Spider-Man vs. the thief Flint Marko (after turning into Sandman), Spider-Man vs. the photographer Eddie Brock (after turning into Venom), Spider-Man vs. his friend Harry Osborn (after turning into avenging new Goblin). Spider-Man vs. Spider-man (after turning into evil). Spider-Man vs. his love Mary Jane (after turning her back on him), and Spider-Man vs. The killers of his uncle (after turning around the investigation). That caused a spider web which the movie, and us, fell into for too LONG time (139 minutes to be specific!).
_Too many unnecessary matters: Spider-man deforms his friend's face; while he could have injured him only! The evil photographer is dating the chief of police's daughter; so why is that?! That girl herself, a model, is the chief of police's daughter for what exactly? Spider-man's friend loses his memory?! Ahhh, I know the answer for this one; a cheap way to postpone his battle for later. Right? At least it has a possible answer!
_Too many coincidences: The evil photographer is in the same church that Spider-man goes to randomly, right in the middle of the last's conflict with himself. The chief of police's daughter, that Mary Jane hates, is in the same restaurant that Spider-man goes to, right in the middle of his proposing to Mary Jane. The thief Marko runs from the police into a governmental lap, right in the middle of doing a nuclear experiment. Sandman, in his first attack, hides in a lorry full of sand, which appears accidentally right in the middle of chasing him by the police. A catastrophe hits of all the buildings the one that has the chief of police's daughter, right in the middle of her photo session, and in the exact moment that has her father in the same street too! The old butler, of Spider-man's friend, suddenly gets his memory back, telling his boss the clue which exonerates Spider-man from murdering the father, yet not before being right in the middle of Spider-man's desperate battle with the evil guys. OK, this is not drama anymore, it's unbroken chain of jokes, knowing that I didn't write ALL the list of coincidences that I noticed as well!
_Too many laughs in the wrong places: of course the look upon the friend's face, deformed face, when the old butler remembers, VERY LATE, to say the truth; it's priceless, looking more like "Do you have any final words before I eat you?!". However, the bigger moment is when Spider-man goes to see his old buddy dies, saying: "Hello pal, how are you doing?!" OH MY GOD, I erupted in laughter! Now here's the one that you nearly killed his father, stole his love, caused him a memory lose, deformed his face, and he got stabbed instead of you, to die miserably, and you just come to him with a very VERY stupid smile upon your face, saying happily; "Hello pal, how are you doing"???!!! This has to be the greatest unintentional comic moment in history. Strangely, the true "intentional" comic moments in the movie (the editor in chief's secretary, the restaurant's receptionist,..) were totally unfunny!
_Too much repetition: didn't you notice that in all Spider-man's movies to date, the third act HAS to be about kidnapping Mary Jane??!! What about aunt May for god's sake?! Kidnap the hag for once you fools!
_Too much silliness: and naturally I mean every single second that has Tobey Maguire on screen, and the matter of killing the first thief that attacked Spider-man's uncle, how Spidey would get away with that? Ahh, blame it on the black evil material I guess!
_Too much disbelieving: a loose metal pillar can pull down *floors* in a skyscraper?? Many CG images were so fake and childish. And I, Ahmed Abd Alreheem; a simple human being from Egypt, declare it, as high as a scream: If the entire world believes, I DON'T BELIEVE, during 3 movies already, that the man behind the mask IS Tobey Maguire! Terrible matter in a superhero movie to know, all the time, that the hero isn't super at all!
Although I loved the special effects of the moving evil material; especially the scene with the car hanged over a building by endless black rubber-like ropes, and the sincerity towards the oldies on the soundtrack; with "I'm Through with Love", "Stormy Weather", "L-O-V-E",.. etc. But compared to all of the above, this is too little!
It's clear that the movie wanted to deliver an action scene for every 7 minutes, and it did. It's clear that it wanted to make a Spider-man epic, and it did an inflated, so ridiculous, and forced one. And it's clear why the makers of the (Superhero Movie) chose Spider-man to be the main laughingstock for their parody one year later!
They should have called it (Who's Evil Now), and not due to its story. When 5 write it, to make not Spider-man 3, but almost 3 Spider-man movies in one; then this is venom. Yet, paying 258 million dollars on that script itself; is like falling into shifting sands. See who's evil now.. and dumb!