How To Kill a Franchise - Star Wars can rest easy

Rating: 3/10 (6 May 2007)

I'm sure by the time you've read this, most of you would've seen Spider-man 3. Of the good points I will mention, I thought most of the special effects were great and definitely the biggest highlight for me, was the segment of Peter Parker becoming badass (to the point where the audience were cheering their heads off at Tobey Maguire's sex-machine routine. Does anyone know who that funky Spider-man sample was done by?).The other point worth mentioning is James Franco, who definitely ate his lines for breakfast & spat them out during the main course.
And now the bad points (trust me, there's loads). Why is it that during the swinging-crane-of-control scene -(a nice nod to the 60s Spidey cartoon) - was Gwen Stacy just staring at the beam, before realising it was coming straight at her?? Quite possibly the worst bit of direction & editing I have ever witnessed. Gwen is a major part of Spidey folklore, as she is considered to be the true love of Peter Parker. Why was Sam Raimi allowed to write this story & make her a less significant character than she actually is? I had goosebumps when I learned she'd be appearing in this film & Bryce Dallas Howard was great choice to play Gwen. Alas, we have 10 minutes of screen time from her and that's it. To say this is insulting is an understatement.
Another thing: Why is the hellbent-on-revenge Harry Osborn suddenly reduced to being a good guy at the end? It doesn't make sense that he suddenly transforms into a goody-goody & helps Peter. For this injustice, his character suffers at the hands of Venom in order to save a pasty-faced Kirsten Dunst?? Personally I'd have preferred Scarlett Johansson or Mary Elizabeth Winstead to have played MJ.
If you wanted to add dramatic irony to this third & dark sequel, I would've written it so that bad Parker as black Spidey kills Harry as the Goblin; only to find out later the consequences of his actions. Speaking of the black suit and if memory serves me correct, but in the comics & 90s animated series, doesn't Parker find out that noise affects the symbiote, which prompts him to seek the church tower bell? That being the case, why is it that Spider-man enters the church tower without any explanation for his actions? And why was the origin of the symbiote not referred to? (Wasn't it brought back by John Jameson after a space mission? Instead, Raimi chooses to rip-off the meteor crash scene from SLITHER).
The last points I want to touch on are that bloody English reporter! Someone shoot her! Quite possibly the worst piece of commentary recorded on celluloid...EVER. Honestly, it was so bad the audience I sat with just laughed or were as embarrassed as I clearly was. And as for the shameless flag-waving, forget it. America isn't the Super nation it thinks it is & quite sure that this patriotism wasn't prevalent in the early Stan Lee issues. By the way, is it me, or does anyone else find the Sandman monolith just as unnecessary as it is pointless? Didn't The Mummy do this to better effect? And why doesn't Sandy form his hands into hammers when facing Spidey? In the comic books, he's a proper bad guy; but here, they try to make him sympathetic being like Alfred Molina's Doc Ock. Unfortunately, this didn't quite work for me & suggesting his killing of Ben Parker was accidental, is utter crap.
This film was so bad (in that it destroyed the Spider-man ethos) I needed to see Blades of Glory again to take the taste away (note to Raimi: That film cost a fraction of Spidey 3's $250 budget and has already made over $100 million worldwide).
In short, make mine not Marvel, but Live Free or Die Hard (unless Fox kill that with making it a crappy PG-13), Ocean's 13, Transformers (kick ass trailer of the year) POTC: World's End & Shrek the Third. Oh, and The Bourne Ultimatum (if we don't suffer the shoddy editing which killed the sequel).