Dopey Interactions And Insufficient Payoffs Do Not A Great `Spider-Man' Make

Rating: Null/10 (12 May 2002)

Look, the romance between the hero and heroine is good in "Spider-Man." The goofy evolution of the Spider-Suit is even better. But a couple of brilliant moments in a movie aren't enough to carry it to greatness. There have to be more elements in play for that.
Tobey Maguire is quirky and inspired casting - for Peter Parker. But as Spider-Man, I must admit a certain lack of gravitas in Maguire's superhero mode. It may not be entirely his fault; director Sam Raimi green-lit many of the film's questionable choices. I mean, am I the only one who cringed at Maguire's squeaky delivery of: "I'm just your friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man?" Did anyone else feel he was forcing himself to cry onscreen (and seriously, did Uncle Ben feel like that much of a loss)? And wasn't Spidey, as the world knows him, just a little more...sly?
I feel Raimi's web-slinger is a little too muzak; a little less rock n' roll. Where's the cleverness Spider-Man had? Where's the cunning (not nerd-intelligence, but crime-fighting smarts)? Or is your argument that Spidey the teenager is just testing his sea-legs, and we have to endure the puberty of his big-screen evolution.with sequels? Wasn't Spidey cooler than that? Didn't you want to see him kick ass now? I mean, ain't that why you read the comic books, or watched the TV shows?
And whose idea was it to mask Willem Dafoe's Green Goblin? Spidey's doomed to a mask - it's a given. But to de-personalize Dafoe's performance with a faceplate? Oh, if you look hard enough you can see his lips move. But does that do it for you? Even character-wise, I saw no reason to hate him. What, split personalities? `I need to experiment on myself because they need a bad guy by the first reel?' Gimme a break. Gimme something more. Make me a believer.
Let's play the game of `I Loved That Part When.' How about when Peter Parker gets J. Jonah Jameson those Spidey photos for the first time? How about when the cop lets Spidey back into the burning building instead of arresting him? And of course that kiss? But what of the flip-side of this coin? Did you buy corporate mega-millionaire Norman Osborn agreeing to Thanksgiving at a stupid apartment? (His son couldn't convince him to let him take the BUS.) Did you love the obviousness of Raimi's shielding Spider-Man from murder (look, a convenient pipe and three-story window)? Or was the best part when Spider-Man says, quite cheesily: `Goblin, what have you done?'
The Spider-Man I knew was without cheese. He was without goofiness. What made him great was not that he was awkward, but that he was misunderstood. Yet he did the right thing anyway. Isn't that why we all wish we could be him?