An Open Letter to Sam Raimi

Rating: 7/10 (4 May 2002)

Dear Mr. Raimi,
You hack. You won me over with the Evil Dead films, showed true promise with "For Love of the Game," and showed a true director's gift with "A Simple Plan." What the hell happened?
Mostly, I suppose we can blame the script. David Koepp has never had a fond place in my heart, and yes, while he did write the very good "Panic Room," the script itself was just okay, it was the director that made that movie. Ditto for "Jurassic Park," and anyone who says differently needs to go back and watch that flick again. For the second Jurassic Park alone, Mr. Koepp should be run out of town on a rail.
Was it the studio pressure? I can sure see how it got to Mr. Burton on that ridiculous "Planet of the Apes" remake. Notice, now that the film is all done, and surely making the studio lots of money (all they really care about anyway, so anything said after Opening Day is incidental, right? WRONG!)... notice how you wimped out, and screwed up a wonderful opportunity:
Peter Parker gets cool spider powers. Neat-o. His skin allows him to cling to walls, tiny little hairs that let him stick to metal, paper, brick, what have you. Ahhhh, yes, but then, now he's wearing a suit. With gloves. How can he still do this?
Ohhh, wait a minute, is the argument. You're nitpicking, Mr. Internet Guy, OBVIOUSLY it's very thin material.
Well, yes, I get that. I'm not stupid. Why, then, did you feel the need to not explain that, but then show the flashback of the mugger running past Peter Parker? Did we forget? That scene happened TWO MINUTES BEFORE. Wow, Mr. Raimi, seriously. Either respect your audience's intelligence, or don't, but riding the fence in such an wimp-out way is only going to get you in trouble. See also, again, "Planet of the Apes" remake.
Lots of nice moments. Cinematographer Don Burgess still lacks the visual "wow" that will ever make him great, so people must hire him because he's cheap; whatever. Everyone ELSE knew what they were doing here, except Willem Dafoe, who should really go back to drama. But I can't blame you for casting him; after all, look at what he did for "Speed 2."
A valiant effort, Mr. Raimi, and I hope these notes will help you when it comes time to put the sequel together. Special effects are there to HELP the story, not BE the story. I'm all happy that Peter Parker is enjoying jumping from buildings, but don't you ever EVER replace a character with a CGI effect. It didn't work in Harry Potter, it didn't work in Blade 2, it sure didn't work for JarJar, and so it doesn't work here. If I were a movie executive, I would so fire you.
However, being literate, I am too intelligent to be a movie executive. You, Mr. Raimi, used to be smart, I suggest you call up your old buddies the Coens and have a long talk before you make any more rash decisions, like script choices, opening credits (I may care about the names of the cast, but 95% of America does not), or that horrible, awful, direct-to-bargain-bin soundtrack (not the score, mind you; but promise me to never hire Aerosmith or flavor-of-the-month Nickelback again, I don't care how many records they sell).
I liked it, but seriously. Superman II outshone the original, heres hoping you can learn from your mistakes.
Warmest Personal Regards,
7/10.
p.s. Extra cool points for the Lucy Lawless cameo. See, you CAN be creative when you want to be!!