Garish and cartoony

Rating: 1/10 (29 April 2004)

As a fan of Spiderman I was deeply let down by this stupid, gaudy, 'Hollywood' movie version. There are so many things wrong with it I could go on for ages.
First of all, it's HORRIBLY miscast. Tobey Maguire is NO Peter Parker, he is so completely wrong for the part. Jake Gyllenhaal could have been much better. Kirsten Dunst as Mary-Jane Watson seemed like a typical studio-exec choice. Instead of finding someone who could actually be a model/actress with a statuesque figure, real auburn hair with green eyes who could bring some integrity to the part we have ' the hottie from Bring It On who all the teenage guys like'. I personally do not find her attractive and her part in the movie is no more than 'the damsel in distress when necessary to the plot' kind. She's such a stronger character in the comic book and it's been totally ignored here. James Franco as Harry Osborne was useless. I've seen more charismatic performances from furniture. Willem Dafoe was okay as the Green Goblin but some of his dialogue was real bad, it felt like rejected Skeletor jibes from the original He-Man show. He did provoke some sympathy and coped well with the inner-turmoil story but I could not help but think that someone else could have done it better. JK Simmons and Bruce Campbell were the only bright spots among the whole cast.
27-year-old Tobey Maguire plays high school student Peter Parker. A 'boy' who is blessed with web-spinning capabilities after being bitten by a radioactive spider on a field trip. You guessed it, this is another 'origins of' story. I HATE it when comic-book superhero movies feel the need to do this. Honestly, who DOESN'T know who Spiderman is or how he got his powers? The fact that Spiderman is so popular (as a franchise) is the only reason this tawdry-looking movie was a hit. I would have had so much more respect for it if it went straight to the action and didn't waste time setting things up. No superhero movie is willing to do this and it only proves even further that Spiderman was cooked up and packaged in board room meetings.

As a way of disguising the fact that the whole thing is no more than processed cheese, eccentric director Sam Raimi was hired to direct. Known for his cheap but whacky movies Raimi had never really done anything big budget before this. The result is a meretricious, mess of a movie that is all over the place. I honestly thought I had walked into some Power Rangers movie.
The computer effects are, quite simply, hideous. Who are they honestly trying to fool with this stuff? It boggles the mind how they ended up with an Academy Award nomination. They are really, really bad. The Styrofoam shark in Jaws: The Revenge was more convincing.
Danny Elfman cranks out YET ANOTHER superhero movie score for this 'un. It's flat, boring and unimpressive. Aunt May is way too old. The Green Goblin looks like a Power Ranger. The direction is uncontrolled. It's got a poor cast. The story is nothing new or daring (check out the comic books for that). It's assembled by a boardroom committee, not crafted by people who care and it's just loud, dumb entertainment when Spiderman really should be much more.
The only part I appreciated was the way they made Spiderman's web biological instead of manufactured. It just makes so much more sense this way. Though there are loads out there who disagree with me.
The DVD is in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen (I seriously think this film would have benefited from and deserved scope-widescreen but no luck) and it looks better than average. There are some color problems and it doesn't look too crisp. The Dolby 5.1 soundtrack is typically loud and thumping but it's nothing particularly dynamic. There are quite a few extras if you're really that much of a fan. As I couldn't care any less for this film I can't comment.