what a tangled web we weave...

Rating: Null/10 (28 January 2003)

What a relief the "Superman" movies didn't start off like this. They manage a decent first half hour here with some good jokes and a fair set-up, but then things run drastically off course. First off, the film is totally plotless. For some twenty minutes McGuire just zips all over the city shouting with glee as he finds out what his new body can do. The tone is much too goofy for what happens next, the carjack-death of his uncle. The killer is quickly dispatched, paving the way for one of the more truly dumb villians in movie history. It's a rich guy, who while testing a product, has things go wrong with it unleashing an evil alter ego of himself. Big screw-up, creating an UNWILLING villian. This guy has no passion for destruction or dominance like Lex Luthor or Jack Napier. He's a man posessed by a being FORCING him to be bad. Watching a villian not really want to pull of the stunts he's doing makes it hard to hate him. To top it off, his side of the visual effects are extremely cheesy. I absolutely DETEST CGI as it just looks totally false, which much of the film does. The Spidey stuff is fairly convincing, but the Goblin on his air thingy look completely phoney. His zips around much too quickly like he's on fast forward, with bad backgrounds for his victims as they're dangled off balconies or buildings. Throw in horribly outdated lines like "We'll meet again, Spider-Man!" and you've got a pretty lousy flick. McGuire at least carries it nicely, though I feel he's way too young (more like Spider-BOY as his character is barely 18). Dunst really breaks out in a very sexy role as I could look at her forever. Everyone else is kind of bland and doesn't really stand out. My biggest beef comes early on after McGuire discovers the powers. Now imagine this: that in the original "Superman", when Clark discovers his powers, he enters a wrestling contest to make money to buy a car so he can impress a girl. It would've totally ruined the film. Well, that's what they did here! They even dug up Randy "Macho Man" Savage and put him a steel cage with McGuire, killing any chance at an emotional dynamic in the film, and playing a lot of scenes for dumb jokes. THANKFULLY "Superman 1 and 2" did not take this route and gave us lots of drama to chew on. This? Lots of bubblegum nonsense to chew on.