Spidey's Back

Rating: 1/10 (26 March 2006)

for the love of god take me up to the top pasture and shoot me now. shoot me multiple times in the face. don't ever stop. i would rather you do this than watch this wretched piece of film again. please help. why did i waste 2 hours of my life on this. i am slowly dying. in my dying hour this is what i chose to watch? tell me why!? it. was. Satan. seriously. nothing. happened. and he was like "omg, omfg i got bitten by a spider it gave me aids now I'm cool!" did anyone notice that the fact that he was a man-spider was a metaphor for AIDS? note the innuendo. he wanted so badly for Mary Jane to have aids. just like him. run Mary Jane. run whilst you still have arms.
the homo-erotic relationship between spidey and the green goblin lacked the sensuality and sexually driven tension it needed for me to truly believe that the love between a man-spider and a mouldy goblin could ever exist in this fickle world of Paris Hilton's and Kimberly Stuarts.
they were in love! why didn't you just let them be? Mary Jane you tramp! you stole away the homo-erotic love. the beautiful homo-erotic love they shared. how does that make you feel, wench.
i did however enjoy the connotations of the web spraying. he sprayed the "web" all over town, not only on men and women but on children and the elderly. none survived. i often dream about spidey and his masculine web. mmhmmm. i like that.
however this movie was nothing. it is dead to me. and i would have preferred to see a blank screen. so, much unlike a dog returning to its own sick, i will not return to this film. or sick.