Entertaining, but let's not fool ourselves

Rating: Null/10 (16 August 2002)

I saw Spiderman, and I thought I witnessed the devolution of the great American movie, but I shook it off. I talked to my friends who all insisted it was "one of the best movies they've ever seen", and I shook my head, and I thought once again about my prophecy, but I shook it off. And then I saw that this movie has reached #139 or whatever it is on the list of the top 250 movies of all time, and I armored my house in preparation of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I felt it was a good movie; certainly a good way to spend a Friday Night, a good movie to see with your friends or a date. I don't feel as if I wasted my money, and so my feelings aren't of disappointment or regret. But here's the bottom line:
Spider-man is to movies what N Sync is to music.
You take material written by someone else that's not meant to be taken seriously, put cute and recognizable faces behind it, jazz it up with special effects and choreography, put it in front of a multi-media promotional bull-dozer, and unleash it on the unsuspecting millions of impressionable consumers in today's world.
You want more proof? Spider-man 2, The Hulk, Daredevil, The Incredible Hulk, X-men 2, and more Superman and Batman movies are on their way. They're due out around the same time as the next albums from Brittney Spears, N Sync, Backstreet Boys, O-Town, 98 Degrees, Five, BBMak, Jessica Simpson, A-teens, Nick Carter, and Spice Girls: The Reunion.
To call Spider-man a "great" movie with "superb" acting is to dive head-first into the shallow end. I enjoyed Toby McGuire's performance, but I would never utter his name in the same sentence as Jimmy Stewart or Marlon Brando (or Robert DeNiro or Tom Hanks, for that matter). I was delighted as anyone to see Kirsten Dunst in the rain, but none of the characters gave an outstanding performance, which is to be expected from a movie that is not made to be outstanding, so please, for the sake of those of us who want to believe that art still exists in movies, don't call it outstanding!
To put this on a list of top movies is a disgrace to top movies.
Please save your praise for movies that deserve it, and put Spider-man to rest on your shelf next to Brittney Spears' latest album.