sorry, no bananas

Rating: 3/10 (20 July 2004)

Well, being a fan of the comic and liking, if not enthusing over the first spiderman-movie, I really wanted to like this - and after the second trailer I made certain to see it. Looked like one of this summer's highlights...
What a let-down it turned out to be - while Spidey 2 does have some pretty nice fight scenes, nifty ideas for setting and some great moments of the dry wit that makes the comic so special ( Gotta love the newspaper staff - or the elevator scene, for the record..), this also suffers from intense emotional overload. Nothing against some intelligent, relevant minor plots, BUT...... there is just too many cluttering sub-plots leading no-where special or any place at all, far too many of the non-spiderman scenes we could easily have done without simply because they are _redundant_ (yes, I am no dimwit, after the very first letter from the bank we all realize theat Aunt Marge is in financial troubles. There is no second or third scene necessary - unless the scriptwriter gets paid per word, I guess. His "quality" writing is certainly up to those lofty standards ), many more could have been edited to _some_ degree of crispness and several of the smaller running gags turn stale when seen for the second time...and then again, ad-infinitum ad-nauseam...
As for Spidey's temporal inability to "perform" properly - did someone forcefeed the scriptwriter some mildewed books on clicheed Freudian theory recently ?
The movie's one big problem is, that it rips off the better scenes from the first movie, and rehashes them. I mean, is MJ ever in danger from anything else than dropping to her death (which, on the other hand happens all the time - even to Aunt Marge..) ? Why is it always the same house on fire with Spidey running inside to save the lost kid ? As for the 'Grand Finale'..... besides Doc Oc's sudden turn-around of ethics and ability to listen to constructive advice the utter inanity of disposing the movie's "McGuffin-device" by dropping it into the Hudson river (yeah, a fusion-reaction is some kind of fire...water will quench it, not like it is burning up metal and won't need oxygen anyway....... ROFL, even for a on-screem comic _that_ is hilariously silly ) - especially in dramatic slow-motion.... Still, if the movie had stopped there, I might have been miffed, but the whole thing would have remained a fine, if faulty movie.
But the script then goes on and pours another 5 minutes of pure, kitchy, clicheed sugar-coated soapiness onto the audience, which had (around here, that is YMMV ) the entire theatre angrily roaring and disgusted, while the movie was getting wrecked, thoroughly ! Dear "Scriptwriter", dear Director - if we want "Melrose Place - the Sugarcoating" we switch on the TV, drugged to the gills if possible, for *****sakes !!! I don't go to see Spiderman 2 to see Kirsten Dunst breathlessly hustling through new York in high heels and a bridal dress, especially not if done in Soft Focus !!! And if there ever has been a more stupid and cheesy final line in a comic-adaptation script than the "Go get them, tiger !", I stand stupefied.
As for the acting - just up to standards, as usual, the villain is (surprise !) the much more interesting character, Kirsten Dunst is in her usual "slightly-retarded" track and Tobey Maguire doesn't appear to have any fun at all (unless he turns into an FX, but then its not really Maguire anymore, hehe). William Dafoe's short cameo painfully reminds us that there are actually decent actors around, just not all that many in this contraption.
Waste your money at your own leisure - the DVD release will certainly do, especially if someone else paid for it. Oh, and as a warning - even the girls who tucked along hated it
PS _ I will never find out why the Doc's tentacles were hissing and making spitting noises... Probably meant to underscore the vile wickedness of AI-sentience and self-preservation... but does that give them the ability to do so ? 'nuff said
3/10 spiderwebs