We're Sorry, World

Rating: 1/10 (12 April 2014)

Not sure why they included the word 'World' in their Spice World title when the girls occupy just two countries in this movie. Wait, backing up, why the hell would anyone think this was a good idea?
It's hard to pinpoint the most ridiculous and awful part of this over-complicated, and yet, plot less film. Was it the aliens that the girls could understand because of the subtitles? Was it the doctor on holiday when a baby just appears after birth? Was it the toilet photographer? Was it the Dr Who bus? Was it the Rocky theme for a half a dozen steps? Was it the neglecting-the-pregnant-friend morning scene so they could train sing at fruity boot camp? Was it Bond's sad turn as Blofeld? Was it the dozens of called in favors from the guest appearances? Was it the girls breaking the fourth wall in the end credits and, incredibly, believing there were more than one person in the audience? Was it the two teen fans that looked even less interested in spending time with the Spice Girls than anyone watching this even when they're playfully thrown from a random boat?
My excuse for watching this terrible plea to buy their CDs was that I listen to the How Did This Get Made podcast and it's all-but pointless listening to that hilarious podcast if you haven't seen the movie they make fun of on their show. I cannot wait to hear what they have to say about this. (I actually have a good idea as I watched this film.)
Basically we have five girlfriend singers who are stalked by an amateur documentary maker, sabotaged by a tabloid editor, yelled at by their manager, fantasized by the movie-within-the-movie director/writer and made to feel guilty by a random, yet never explained, pregnant friend. Mercifully – not really, but I do try to be positive at times – the girls keep on rocking and remain BFFs for-eve-r!
How on Earth did this make From Justin to Kelly look comprehensible?
My guess, this movie began the downfall of the group and even if you're a die-hard fan to the end, spare yourself from this dreadful pile of donkey's discharge.
* * * Final thoughts: Admittedly, I actually attended a Spice Girls concert once, back in the 1990s. Personally, I only liked 2-3 of their songs (still do,) but not enough to see them in concert. But, for a friend who absolutely loved them, I bought two tickets for us to go since he was feeling down. For whatever reason, he couldn't go and he sent me with his boyfriend who also liked them. It was literally one of the most painful experiences I've hadthat is, up until I saw this movie. After showing up a ton late, the girls played a dozen or so songs I'd never heard of, nor liked, and took – no kidding, 4-5 15-minute intermissions in between every 2-3 songs. It wasn't bad enough I didn't really want to be there in the first place, I was barely friends with the boyfriend replacement and I didn't care for their music as a whole, but they stretched it out as long as possible with far too many breaks.
And still, I would rather go back to that concert than watch this again.