C.o.b.b.l.e.r.s.

Rating: 1/10 (30 March 2017)

James Bond is K.N.A.C.K.E.R.E.D. All the writers and producers can do now is lean back on the older Bond movies, taking scenes out of previous films and stitching them back together into a new product. Some Bond movies are good, some mediocre and some bad. This one is the latter. In fact this one is up there with Moonraker and A View To A Kill as a Bond Stinkbomb. T.e.r.r.i.b.l.e. - in fact.
If Daniel Craig had turned in the sort of brain-numbed walk-through of a performance in Casino Royal that he does here all those internet keyboard warriors would have been right. Craig is clearly bored to death by the role; and so was I with this film. T.e.d.i.o.u.s.
The story is about MI5/MI6 being merged and SPECTRE controlling it all. Haven't a clue why - the writers don't seem to know. And enter a villain so obviously working for SPECTRE that you will spot him five minutes after the credits. The Bond song. A.w.f.u.l. T.A.T. Not exactly Goldfinger is it?
Bond kills about 200 baddies in this one; most be close to Roger Moore's record by now. The guy is so invincible you might as well stick a superhero costume on him and have done. Bond at the end of his tether.
Good cast totally W.A.S.T.E.D. And I want to get totally wasted after watching this.
Even when a Bond movie is bad it usually has the saving grace of some well done action scenes, startling stunts, etc. Nothing to see here. This is arguably the worst Bond movie ever for such stuff. It's boring and predictable.
Lots of inaudible dialogue in this movie, presumably to hide how bad the lines actually are. Some of them are pretty funny. Not in a good way.
SPECTRE and Blofeld. Worst group of villains ever. They are like the Stormtroopers of Star Wars in Armani suits. Blofeld is so weak in this movie it's laughable. Best Bond villain ever, great actor playing him. Result is total C.R.A.P. At least Pleasence, Savalas and Charles Gray had some juicy lines.
Henchman. I can't even remember his name. At least Jaws was a laugh in his day. They couldn't think of anything to do with him so they just did a From Russia With Love Red Grant thingy.
Bond meets the usual Ice Maiden. Who predictably melts. Hitchcock would sue if he was still with us.
Bond's obligatory torture scene is hilarious. "No, Mr. Bond I expect you to, er,,,lose your memory as I drill into your brain."
No wonder Craig doesn't want to do any more Bond movies - he can see it sliding into the swamp. The relatively serious first three of his Bond movies are way way better then this; even the pretty average Quantum of Solace. I liked his portrayal in those movies - he was the best Bond since Connery. Here he makes Roger M look animated. Just walk away, Daniel.
SPECTRE is T.O.T.A.L. G.A.R.B.A.G.E.