Embarrassing and sad.

Rating: 1/10 (3 January 2016)

From the outset I own up to a strongly held opinion that Daniel Craig is miscast as James Bond. I grew up to love the Bond franchise with the double punch icons of suavity and cool, Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan, following on the ground breaking Sean Connery, who was, however, before my time. Craig is anything but 007. He is wooden, brutal and unconvincing with women. His forte is his physique and pure action thrillers which this Spectre is not. The protracted and underwhelming opening scene is followed by a reasonable title sequence but with a deadbeat song. The main course is a mouse riddled Swiss cheese historical reenactment with appropriate ham-fisted acting to go with it. I was actually repelled by the inflatable Teflon coated mannequins regurgitating prerecorded answering machine messages. I was itching to push the button to finish off the Bond impostor with that generic recycled dental drill. The brutal boardroom scene by Mr Hinx was uncalled for and is well beyond the 12A rating this franchise usually aims for. The non-story dragged on, with no quick one liners to keep me from jabbing at my popcorn for entertainment. The phallic car did make me sit up, but instead of running out of ammo, actually had none. The sexually dysfunctional strap-on frustratingly fizzling out of sight in the river is a symbolic sad end to the Bond franchise.