Weighed down by the spectre of Bond (get it?)

Rating: 5/10 (13 September 2017)

WARNING CONTAINS SPOILERS (sort of) This movie helped me work out why the only Bond films I tend to like are the first in a new series by a new actor playing the titular role. The series is locked in a never ending series of nudges, winks and nods to the past. Each new Bond attempts to reset this and does so to a degree, e.g. the 'tough' Bond we get played by Daniel Craig (There's no way Pierce Brosnan is sitting naked on a chair getting his balls smashed in), but then it slopes steadily back towards the tropes that define Bond as a whole. This guy is a hardened killer, he could stab himself in the leg and his heartbeat wouldn't raise. Daniel Craig is a good actor so we believe this too, we buy into the fact that Bond as we now know him is athletic, hard as nails and will stop at nothing to get the job done - yet we are asked to believe that he can fall in love once every two years? That this husk of a human being can fall victim to his emotions on such a regular basis? It's these staple Bond-isms that kill the pace of the film and take you out of the moment. We open with Bond taking some woman up to a room, only to then hop out of a window to kill someone. Why?! Who the f**k is she? Is she now a witness that needs to be murdered? I assume this bit is there just to remind us that Bond loves to f**k, but he was never going up there to have sex, he was out of that window straight away. Then later we get Bond showing up at a funeral to seduce the widow, like Will Ferrell in Wedding Crashers. There is no cause for it and it doesn't suit the tone of the film, the information he gets from this could have been acquired a million other ways. Then we finally get Madeleine, who tells Bond no and you think 'wow, finally'. Oh but wouldn't you know it, we get a boring romantic scene on the train where Bond reminds us that in his world no means yes. This only serves to end the film like most other Bond films where the who-gives-a-s**t love interest is in peril and Bond can do his dead-eyed, sad clown without makeup face.
Overall this isn't a terrible movie, it looks great and there are some cool set pieces, but it struggles to get to the point because it has so many historic boxes to tick. Do we have to go to Q's office in every film to see some inventions? Can Bond just do one cool thing without adjusting his cuff? Can 'M' stop being surprised that after 50 years of doing whatever the f**k he wants, that Bond has just done it again?
There is a lot of detail to this film that requires you to give it your full attention, but you will find yourself going blurry eyed and missing it because it repeats so much that you don't realise when you need to check back in. You really expect me to recall the identikit post-2000 billionaire villains from the other movies in this franchise whilst also trying to force out a s**t to give about MI5 and MI6 merging??
Some people are saying Daniel Craig doesn't look like he enjoys the role anymore, but I think its the opposite. I think he's in too deep, he looks as laboured and drained as this Bond should be. He kills people for a living and has no life, even Moneypenny gives him s**t about this. I suppose that's something new at least.