Trepidatious Precipice.

Rating: 6/10 (4 November 2015)

James Bond is a Dinosaur.
That's metaphorically speaking, so please don't expect James to mutate into a prehistoric reptile during the proceedings of Spectre. It isn't a bad thing that James is a metaphorical dinosaur though. He's just found himself living in a modern world, still content to drive old-school automobiles, order old-school alcoholic beverages and live in a sparse apartment with a ceramic bulldog wearing the Union Jack.
This time, James has gone on a one-man mission to track down a shadowy global organization of terror and catastrophe. The name of this wicked menagerie is Spectre. Judi Dench's version of M has passed away, and the reins have been handed over to Ralph Fiennes incarnation of M. Several days after Judi-M's death, James receives a video of her Dying Message and a final request to James. Track down a Mexican Assassin. Take him out and attend his Funeral. See who shows up.
James attends the Day of the Dead in Mexico in order to take out this Assassin. This whole sequence is perfect. James already has a piece of tail on the go, he's clad up like some sort of top-hatted skeletal suit wearing Pimp of Death -- Subtle nudge and a wink to Baron Samedi of Live and Let Die fame -- All hell breaks loose. Literally.
James ditches the girl, pops some heads with his rifle, finds himself victim of a controlled building explosion, chases the target down an incredibly crowded street of festival attendees.
I'll let you catch your breath.
This is what makes this opening sequence perfect. It's just teeming with adrenaline, machismo and style. James ends up in a death-defying brawl in a helicopter with the Assassin and the Pilot, and I'll admit, I actually thought he was going to die for a split-second. That's totally irrational. James Bond will never die, but as he boots the Assassin out after pocketing his super-secret evil organization club ring, he's basically risking his neck to beat the living daylights out of the Pilot and maneuver the helicopter himself. This is classic James Bond.
Here's the kicker. James has almost died about fifty times by this point. He's flying in the helicopter, you see a helicopter landing pad below. Could it be? Is he going to bed the woman he left earlier and say: "Sorry darling. I had to catch some air"? No. He just examines the ring. It's emblazoned with an Octopus and it has some blood on it. Cue opening titles. Octopus tentacles wrapping around naked women in a phallic fandango.
The supporting cast are dreadful. Q is dreadful, Moneypenny is dreadful -- BBC Drama types. Ralph Fiennes barely avoids being dreadful given his track record, but he generally just comes across as unenergized and jaded throughout.
The Bond Girl this time is some sort of half-breed between damsel and feminist supremacist. One minute she's wavering, the next she's impressing James by threatening to kill him if he makes a pass at her -- She has sex with him a few miles down the road. Just a confused amalgam of a character.
Bond Villain? Christoph Waltz -- But he just plays Christoph Waltz. Is that bad? In my opinion, no. Typically brilliant, he steals every scene he's in with his ability to combine joy amidst terror.
Dave Bautista is a superb Bond Thug. He crushes the eyeballs and skull of another villain and snaps his neck like a twig just to prove a point. He survives a tight-knit race through the streets of Italy, survives a full-on car crash later into the picture -- But dies unceremoniously at the foot of a massive brawl through a moving train. I honestly wanted him to come back, because he's basically the best Bond Villain/Thug since Jaws.
There was a secondary villain added for this picture: Nicknamed "C" for some sort of comical sexual insult. He is in bed with Blofeld -- Not literally -- and has a plan to create an Orwellian style worldwide network of surveillance that would make the Patriot Act seem like little more than a snooping neighbor. C is a bad villain. His performance is weak, he's belittled by pretty much everybody, and he's just a side- mission for Q, Moneypenny & M to attend to.
The finale of this movie is dull. Blofeld sets up a trap for Bond inside a soon-to-be-demolished building. Bond Girl is hidden inside, strapped to a chair. Bond has three minutes to find her and escape.
This entire sequence seems cheap. It seems Blofeld, this globally dominant super-villain has had to resort to printing off black and white pictures of James' face to attach to shooting range cutouts and spray- paint arrows for him to follow in order to find him.
Dr. Evil would be blushing.
I think Daniel Craig is great as Bond, but he's in danger of becoming extinct. Why do I say this movie nervously stands at the edge of something? It's because it does, and it hurts it.
You have a James Bond that has shades of the one from the original novels. Hard-faced, volatile, yet smooth and professional. Then you combine this sycophantic pandering version of James who respects women, falls in love and holds hands while he walks off into the sunset. That might actually be considered romantic if he didn't bang the widow of a dead man he picked up after the funeral. That sounds like a blunt way of putting it, but it's true. James Bond should be blunt, unrelenting and suave.
That's what will keep James Bond - 007 alive for eons to come.