The Writing is not in the Script

Rating: 7/10 (5 November 2015)

When Skyfall became such a runaway success in 2012, marking the Bond 50th Anniversary with one of the best entries in the series, it was only logical to bring back the same creative team for the 24th in this polarizing franchise. I'm happy to say that everything that was wrong with Skyfall has been drastically improved for Spectre, but everything that was so good has been stripped away.
Have you ever wanted to see Bond go rogue? No? Too bad, it's a requirement of E-V-E-R-Y spy genre movie these days. Plus he's went rogue before in a much better movie, as has Captain Kirk, Picard, Rambo, Axel Foley, Eddie Valiant, Frank Drebin, Elmo...it's not a particularly original or involving plot device, but it's the main driving force behind SPECTRE despite audiences already sitting through exactly the same thing this year already with Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation.
Soon after M buys the farm she reaches out to Bond in a video message instructing him to go assassinate some ne'er-do-well no questions asked. But there's a catch - he must also go to his funeral and remain until the very end, where he is to seduce the widow and lose himself in the murky underworld of SPECTRE.
Er...okay? Why didn't she just tell him all about it when she was alive? What's the point in all that convoluted subterfuge?
While a weaselly creep attempts to usurp British Intelligence with his new brand of modern surveillance Bond ends up witnessing a shadowy conglomerate plotting world domination. It just so happens to be an organization that he has encountered before, and has ties to his childhood.
Bond ends up tracking the long-forgotten Mr. White to a remote cabin in snowy Austria where he is given a new mission and new leads before White hands over responsibility of his daughter Madeleine and punches his own ticket.
What's the first thing you do when a man tells you to take care of his little girl? Kill all of the bad guys who lay a finger on her and put the moves on her, of course! Bond is nothing if not morally sound.
As Bond pulls back every curtain it becomes clear that SPECTRE has quietly spread its tendrils into every facet of society and is on the verge of ruling the world. A few well placed bullets into explosive metal things takes care of all that rather easily.
This is very, very poorly written stuff. This is Quantum of Solace bad when it comes to the script. The Fast and Furious movies are better written than this. The convenient coincidences, the weak women, the awkward damselling of Madeleine that is telegraphed as soon as she says "I can't go with you", the breath-taking gaps in logic and sense, the utterly stupid "torture chair" (honestly...what?), the robot-like SPECTRE staff silently tapping away at keyboards. Four people wrote this. Four! None of them able to smooth over some of the worst plot difficulties yet in a Bond movie.
However, I do appreciate them trying correct the wretched story of QoS by tying all four of the Daniel Craig films together into one large arc. But doesn't this retcon the personal revenge story of Skyfall by revealing that Silva was a SPECTRE spook? A Spooktre.
Thomas Newman improves on his tepid score to Skyfall by delivering noticeably atmospheric and exciting music but don't get me started on Sam Smith's atrocious caterwauling. He's desperately trying to push the same buttons as Adele and emulate her success and in the process churns out the absolute worst Bond song of the entire series. It's absolutely dire and doesn't fit the film or the tone remotely.
Daniel Craig seems bored and disinterested. He completely Seagals his way through this movie despite it being his first acting gig since Skyfall in 2012. SPECTRE does not sparkle with charisma. Monica Bellucci comes and goes while barely being noticed. She's a striking presence in any movie, and an actress who is not capable of being shy and soft. In SPECTRE she is just meat. Any porn actress could have pulled this off.
It does feel like the first complete Bond film since Craig took over. There's a gun barrel sequence, a Q labs scene, a proper villain (who is overshadowed by a mute henchman), and several coherently shot and edited action scenes.
Skyfall was a box of chocolates with a few sour candies. SPECTRE is a box of sour candies with a few sweet chocolates. It will no doubt be successful but there is absolutely ZERO on display here that is the slightest bit original or daring.
It's time for someone to take this series in a radical new direction, and to give Craig a scolding if he doesn't make more of an effort.
One last thing - the OHMSS theme featured so promisingly in the trailer is completely absent from the film.