Decent first half... then mostly laughable

Rating: 4/10 (23 November 2015)

Do you want to direct the next James Bond movie? Here are 10 simple tips.
1. Over-inflate the conspiracy theory. Here the head of British Intelligence is part of Spectre (the organisation). Utterly incredible whichever angle you look from. For the next movie, think about the Queen of England or the Pope as Spectre #2 (since conveniently for a sequel #1 is still alive).
2. Add family bonds. Here Spectre #1 is James' adoptive brother. Totally useless but fun. Next movie: cast Darth Vader saying "James, I am your father".
3. Plan a few incredible escapes. Here Blofeld tortures Bond without removing his bomb-watch (everybody knows Bond's watch is just to give the time, right?) and leaves his accomplice free so she can recuperate the device. Next movie: Blofeld should tickle Bond unattached leaving him a gun in one hand and a grenade in another.
4. Teach all these villains how to shoot and give them real ammunition. Here they seem to shoot randomly with blank bullets, missing Bond and/or Swann on various occasions notably outside their own premises.
5. Transplant a brain to the same villains. Here they are expecting Bond at the Spectre meeting and try to capture him... but they don't immobilise his car, do not close the gates and don't have 10 killers surrounding him at once, just one Mickey Mouse. Also they have rings containing all the data from the whole Spectre organisation. It's very fair of villains to give out as much information as they are hacking.
6. Actually transplant a brain to Bond himself since he prefers to have a dangerous car chase in a city and crash a useful car instead of just stopping and shooting the single villain behind him. That's what he's paid for, isn't he?
7. Plan a few spectacular explosions, as in the movie when Bond takes ONE shot at ONE gas pipe... and all of the gigantic Spectre complex vanishes into thin air.
8. Recycle good old Bond stuff: parade (Thunderball), death masks (Live And Let Die), helicopter in the opening sequence (For Your Eyes Only), tracker in Bond's arm (Casino Royale), building on top of a mountain (On Her Majesty's Secret Service), fight in a train (From Russia with Love), boat chase on Thames (The World Is Not Enough), car chase (various), snow chase (various), etc. etc.
9. Throw in as much money as you want, payback will be enormous even in 2D. Crash a lot of cars, get some stolen in a parking lot, plan many shooting locations, have action, explosions, action and more action. Forget about cheap ideas like a solid plot and character depth as there were for instance in "Casino Royale".
10. To be fair to the movie: as in "Spectre", have good actors, some funny dialogue, thrilling scenes (Mexico), superb settings (Rome), slow scenes to enhance rhythm (Spectre meeting, hotel l'Americain, train station in the desert), criticism of the dangers of total surveillance. Unfortunately most of these good elements happen in the first part of the movie only (roughly up to the Spectre complex in the desert).