Rubbish and Clichéd

Rating: 2/10 (21 January 2009)

Danny Boyle does it again. Wows the critics with stylised nonsense then goes home to gel his hair like Morrissey's.
Went to see Slumdog Billionaire after reading rave reviews. Big mistake, what I got was "cool camera angles", hip bhangra soundtrack to tiresome montages, characters that live in dire poverty but somehow manage to "dig deep" so as to act playfully out of character when the next collection of critic-duping-cool-shots requires it (see 28 Days Later/Trainspotting for further examples of this, who's the director of those again?).
I give this film 2 stars, one star because I bought into the overly manipulated positive end, basically the kid wins big and the nation is uplifted, and the other star for the authentic location, Bombay. I also liked the cheesy game show host but he's not worth a star.
The contrivances in this film belong in an Eastenders Christmas Special, they were so bad. Do they not pre-record Millionaire in India? The fact that he used his "phone a friend" lifeline to call his "gansta" brother, only for his brother to have donated his phone to his long lost childhood sweetheart (who happens to be a drop-dead gorgeous super-babe brought up in the slums) who just so happens to be caught in gridlock traffic on her way to the studio to see Jamal. So when the game-show calls the brother to ask a question about the 3 Musketeers, her phone rings, she answers, he recognises her voice, there is a silence, like two yearning soul-mates reconnecting after years of painful separation. (even though you only have 30 seconds to ask the question and give the four possible answers).
And the very end, sprint for the sick bag please, and what was with that stupid end credits dance sequence? I know you're meant to give dramatic licence to a film and suspend some semblance of reality but come on! Danny Boyle should stand trial for this disgrace.
Jamal is the chief protagonist by the way.