Goodbye Mr Bond

Rating: 1/10 (1 December 2012)

This film effectively kills off the character we all know and love. The plot is shot full of holes, the villain a camp idiot, no Bond girls to speak of, unless sex slaves are your thing (truly vile of Craig not to have objected to that storyline), pointless and seriously unfunny dialogue, unriveting action scenes most of which we've seen done better elsewhere, and telegraphing of practically every prop placement. Oh, wait, there's more: an awful and forgettable Bond film song sung by that large, breathy lady who fudges the top notes and has merely rehashed Goldfinger. And a limp ending.
To be fair I liked the opening credits (minus the song) and I thought Bérénice Marlohe acted well, and Ralph Fiennes enunciates well. The shots of London were OK and the skyscraper neon dazzled - even if the plot at that point fell apart faster than the shot glass.
I wanted to like this film. I wanted to give the mumbling Craig one last chance, but he just isn't Bond, so what do they do? They write a blancmange Bond so Craig will fit right in. Meanwhile we are left holding ticket stubs asking what was THAT all about? It was about a lot of things that had nothing to do with our James. Almost everything that kept the franchise going for 50 years has been interfered or radically dispensed with on purpose! No gadgets, no credible Bond car (they destroy the iconic one - unsubtle flagging of what they are doing to our Bond?). Moneypenny is now black and totes a gun (I kid you not - how do they explain away her colour? But worse, she is (it's all so wrong!) attractive and (sob) beds Bond - words fail.) Dench's M is, as usual, flat and unconvincing but at least she's out of the next films - a good career move, one that Craig should take. Q is a horrible little boy you can't possibly believe a hacker even if you accept the stupidity of casting Q as one...and with big black glasses? Come on...
Maybe Bond should always stay in the 60s, 70s. I mean you don't update Hercule Poirot and have him ponce about in the 21st century. I think they should just stop the Bond farce right now. It can and will only get worse.