And the Franchise Continues Masturbating

Rating: 1/10 (10 April 2013)

This has to be the dumbest Bond movie yet. I saw this idiotic mess because I'd gone into the final Twilight movie in hopes of picking up some preteen action. Unfortunately I went in at the point where its theatrical run was coming to a close and all that could be found were the fattest dregs of its fan base; the kind of people who seem to have shotgun blasts of "backne". There were some hot girls there too, but they had their parents with them.. or their parents had mace... I can't remember... all I know is that I ended up beating off and crying in isolation to one of the worst movies I'd ever beaten off during (next to Skyfall later that night). I mean, I hadn't seen any of the other Twilight films, but I knew going into it that it was going to be terrible, but instead it was just horrendous. Watching Trash Humpers again for the eighth time would have seemed relaxing and pleasant compared to this arrant display of mental retardation splashed across the screen like a vomiting dog. Though there was one good part in "Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2." While fumbling for the zipper on my pants I found a pack of matches in my pocket that had some broad with boobs on it. Totally awesome. The movie ended so I decided to sneak into Skyfall and try to pick up some old ladies, hopefully widows. The night ended again with disappointment. You'd think that they'd make a good movie what with it being the 23rd in a franchise, or at least do something different... But no, it was just like the rest. Bond wins and undergoes no changes whatsoever as a character. The same old spunk tortured out of Fleming's dead dick, tarnishing the legacy with repeated mediocrity... I've never even seen any of the other Bond movies.