The dumbest Bond movie since the nadir of the Roger Moore years

Rating: 2/10 (26 February 2013)

Up until now, I thought that Moonraker was the worst Bond movie ever made. Skyfall might be worse. It's bad. Really really bad. I realize that taste is purely a matter of opinion, but I am simply aghast at the great reviews that this stinking turd received. I can't fathom any reasonable explanation for this, other than that massive amounts of payola were involved. There is absolutely no way that somebody with a modicum of intelligence and movie-going experience could watch this movie and come away from it thinking that it is some kind of masterpiece. My forehead is still pink from all of the facepalming I had to do during this idiotic movie.
Where to begin, where to begin? Skyfall has a script so bad, that it might as well have been scribbled out on a napkin by a bunch of drunk college students. Plot holes abound, and major events go unexplained. I'm supposed to believe that a villain has an entire island to himself because he convinced some people that there was a chemical leak? Nobody above the age of six could possibly be stupid enough to swallow that. This is the kind of moronic garbage that makes the Star Wars prequels look ingenious, by comparison. Almost every significant event is ripped off from another movie from the past two decades, but put to disastrous effect here. Specifically, Skyfall completely rips off The Dark Knight repeatedly. Let's count the ways
1. The protagonist is a dark, brooding, psychologically disturbed hero. Bond has a drinking problem. Bond fails his psych evaluation because of unresolved childhood trauma. Yes, folks, he is Bruce Wayne now.
2. The villain is a homegrown terrorist with Godlike omniscience, who has the ability to predict exactly where somebody will be standing years in advance.
3. The villain plans his own capture as part of an ingenious scheme, which could not possibly be accomplished without the Godlike omniscience in point #1.
4. The villain and his henchmen kill a bunch of people by impersonating cops.
5. The villain has a soliloquy with the protagonist, where he tries to explain that the two of them are actually a lot alike.
6. Every single person in the movie besides the villain is a complete retard. The villain is the greatest terrorist in the history of the world, but he is guarded by only two guys before he escapes into a subway hatch. Then, he rushes to a government building with about as much security as a Burger King and kills about a dozen people before escaping cleanly.
7. The villain has unlimited resources and tons of henchmen. At the end of the movie, he tracks down Bond and M with his own private army, while Bond and M defend themselves with booby traps and old hunting rifles.
8. The villain also looks ridiculous. This worked in the Dark Knight, because he's The Joke. Javier Bardem, on the other hand, has the world's most ridiculous looking blond hair dye job, which provides lots of unintentional comedy.
There's also the undercover agent list being stolen (ripped off from Mission Impossible 1). Idiotic scene after idiotic scene. IMDb, unfortunately, does not allow me to write a review long enough to list everything that is wrong with this movie. Suffice it to say, it is easily one of the most overrated movies of all time. This, unfortunately, seems to be the dominant trend in movies nowadays. Make a "gritty", "dark", "realistic" movie with a brooding hero, and everyone praises it as a masterpiece, regardless of whether the script could have been written by a five year old. This movie gets two stars instead of 1 because it has one or two really good, well choreographed action scenes. Other than that, it is a complete catastrophe.