A random accumulation of action sequences without any storyline to connect them

Rating: 2/10 (6 November 2012)

There is one good sequence in Skyfall, namely, the fight between sniper guy and Craig in Shanghai, which is shot in a hyper modern skyscraper at night, with alternating illumination from the neon display from the opposite building. Kudos to the director for this artistic image.
We start with a high-speed chase of some villain who's stolen a revealing list of MI6 agents through Turkey, ending up on the top of a train. It's been seen before in QOS, but OK, it's a good intro. Why Bond doesn't assist reincarnated Moneypenny in taking a better shot, given that she apparently only has one bullet in her magazine, is beyond me, as is his resurrection from a hundreds-of-feet drop first from a railroad bridge, then down a waterfall. Now we know he's Bond and all, but even Batman had to be nourished back to health now and then. Having respawned, we witness fraternity pledge Bond making Ian Fleming turn over in his grave by chugging scorpion urine. Meanwhile in London, it's Hauptsturmführer Amon Göth who's switched careers to become M's boss, offering the full defined benefit retirement package to her, while we're treated to multiple shots of the English Bulldog figure on M's desk, stubborn as obstinate as she is, and hell no, there's still work to be done in the "Shadows", a term that couldn't possibly stem from Batman, right? So then we have MI6 blown up, Bond breaks into M's home, drinks some more whiskey, fails boot camp, and as the logical consequence is sent to Shanghai. Batman's Scarecrow has apparently taken Q's position and outfits Bond with 1. radio and 2. gun since we're all old school now, the subtleties of irony indeed. So it's off to Shanghai and Macau for an episode of "Fail your mission ", so let's let the sniper take his shot, do not stop him from killing watchmen, do not find out who he works for but let him fall to death anyway, let's go to the casino, drink with a prostitute transvestite, re-enact Gladiator with overweight Chinese bouncers and unusually voracious Komodo dragons, lose 4m Euros and let the Villain take you hostage in the bargain. The gay super-hacker behind it all turns out to be a former MI6 agent who's been tortured by months of sex with women, then seeks relief from the not-so-inexperienced Bond (poor Ian Fleming!), then goes Wilhelm Tell on the Bond girl, then Bond saves the day, surprise, and Blondie is locked in a panopticon complete with convenient escape tunnel to confront Mommy M about his wretched childhood, oh and he also has bad teeth. M doesn't want to talk to him, so his whole being captured only serves the story by offering him a free flight to London, where his mission, Joker-like, is to kill Mom in the courtroom where she's being grilled with icy Britishness. A tube train derails, with scenes reminiscent of Call of Duty. The old Thomas Crown trick still works, dress as a bobby amidst them and you can escape Bond. Anton Chigurh then shoots the two(!) guards that stand watch as the Prime Minister presides over M's court-martial, but Bond is quick to the scene and uses magical fire extinguishers that spew a lot of smoke to get M away to safety, for MI6's computer systems have been hacked by a guy who uses encryption that only six people in the world know of, and which the Scarecrow had invented. Interesting. I think I know who I'd arrest as my prime suspect. But no! young Q has more up his sleeve, throwing breadcrumbs at Blondie and the gang, to no avail however as they're right on the trace of Bond and M...
Notice how I've almost forgotten about the stolen MI6 agent list? Don't worry, though, it's all on YouTube.
Now for a completely different movie, "Home Improvement", starring James "B" (B for Batman), Scottish butler/nanny Alfred who lives in Scottish Wayne Manor, complete with way-too-short escape tunnel. And lo and behold, all the King's Men (MI6, the British Army, SAS etc.) could not be mobilized to the defense of Bond's mother, who this bad gay guy for whatever reason that we're never shown really wants to kill. So we board up the house with crates, stick firecrackers in doorwells and saw off shotgun barrels until the classic Apocalypse now! scene is made a pirate copy of, with a chopper and 70s music and with bad guys galore. To cut a short story short, Wayne Manor (aka Skyfall, a typically Scottish name), the boyhood home of Tuxedo B, is set ablaze by Blondie and what appears to be a chemical plant's worth of pyrotechnics hidden behind those Gaelic walls. Oh and the chopper crashes, huzzah! But all is not over in the siege of Skighe Faughlle, for Mommy and Alfred are hiding in the church (where else?) and Bond has escaped through said tunnel, which leads him straight into combat with Blondie's henchman, they both go under the frozen lake, Bond's gills enable him to survive for minutes beneath the ice and not freeze afterwards, Blondie finds Mom in the church, then offers her a double-suicide, but Bond is back again from the shivering Scottish waters and knifes Chigurh. Mommy dies too, because she's realized by now that the James Bond franchise has departed way too far from Fleming's novels. Oh and Bond is bequeathed her ceramic bulldog instead of something meaningful, inspiring, or even funny.
Then we're treated to a cheesy, but not so bad homage to the Connery and Moore Bond movies as a homage to 50 years of Dr. No and as a reminder to please go and buy some 50-years-of-007-merchandise, since Voldemort now runs MI6.
No contingent plot, no gadgets, too few Bond girls, ridiculous villain, countless unanswered questions, too much departure from realism make this the worst Bond movie alongside with The Living Daylights.