Bond. Blah Bond

Rating: 4/10 (10 November 2012)

This isn't a classic Bond film or even a good film. Bond films are exciting and sexy. Villains plot world domination. Settings are exotic. Even the weaker movies have memorable set pieces and scenes so well executed that they transcend their genre. I defy anyone to list 2 scenes in Skyfall they'd watch again and again. This Bond aims for gritty and emotionally grown up but fails to create a consistent world. It makes no sense. It starts to fall apart at the end of a well shot opening scene. M chooses to place the success of the mission on an inexperienced agent, Eve, shooting from miles away at a moving train rather than trust her favorite agent WHO HAS NEVER FAILED, ordering her to "Take the shot." WtF? In that case, why not 2 shots? Or 10? Kill them both and guarantee success? M loses credibility before the film begins. Also, Bond can hear the order (we think) through his earpiece but makes no effort to give Eve a clean shot. Why? The way Mendes shoots it, everything is unclear and frustrating. Oh, and in this new gritty Bond, he gets shot, falls several hundred feet, gets swept over a waterfall but survives. With a sore shoulder. Next, lots of people drive around London in cars. They frown. It rains. Sometimes they get into the cars or out of them. They walk into buildings and along corridors. They hand each other folders and talk in raised voices on the telephone. The pace is hotting up. Meanwhile, in a homage to Bourne 2 (almost every scene reminds you of a recent action flick) Bond has a new personality and instead of being Bond, he's 'vulnerable' a beach bum who drinks beer and doesn't shave. But, wait! Bond IS back. Sort of. 40 minutes in London while people talk and get in and out of cars and look at computers. He wears trainers and sweatpants and jogs on a treadmill and they have meetings and use computers. The big plot device is that someone is a bit cross with M and wants to punish her. Bond, still scruffy and unshaven, goes to China, in a beautifully shot scene. Bond let's the bad guy assassinate some other guy. Why? Who? Dunno. No one seems to. Now Bond has a shave. Does this symbolize something? Maybe. It might just mean the casino has a no facial hair policy. Bond meets a beautiful woman whose life has tragically been lost to the sex slave trade. If she helps him Bond promises to save her. She dies 5 minutes later. It's his fault. He makes a quip about it. Eh? This is the new emotionally grown up Bond the movie has just spent an hour setting up?? In a new first, Bond comes across as a borderline sex pervert. He surprises this terrified, sex-slave woman in the shower? In any other Bond movie I'd accept it. In this Bond world I thought it presumptuous and wondered if she'd call a date rape helpline. Underused Baddie island. Interesting one-take baddie entrance but the style overpowers the words. Bond hints at previous homosexual experience. I couldn't care less one way or another, but the moment took me out of the film and I found myself thinking "Craig does look a bit camp sometimes, like a man who spends too much time getting facials and working out at the gym.' The homo-erotic 'tension' doesn't go anywhere. It isn't referenced again. We catch the baddie and go back to London. The inquiry scenes continue to set up this new Bond world, but they forget to make them interesting. Dench quotes Tennyson. Really? I'd like to see that being reported in the papers next day. The greatest spy leak in history and she's quoting poetry? Sack her. She's out of touch. A 2nd 'action' scene as Bond chases the villain in the underground. Bond catches the villain but in a stunning 'twist' an explosion causes a train to come off the tracks and explode through a wall. Is this gritty, grown up and emotionally mature, or a pantomime? The villain knew months in advance the exact spot Bond would catch him and the exact moment a train would be passing and blow it up... and that the train would be empty? Right. Aston Martin, nostalgia time. We established 2 films ago that this rebooted Bond has no history. Now he has a car from 50 years ago?? Do the writers at least integrate the car into the plot or drive it forward? Nope. We're meant to just enjoy and go 'Look! The car!' Last scene. No volcanoes, Fort Knox or world domination here. A shoot out. In a cottage. M dies. Good. The world will be safer without her. Lazenby's Bond may be derided, but when he holds his dead wife and cries at the end of OHMSS, the scene still works today. I don't buy the Skyfall scene at all. When sex slave girl dies, Bond couldn't care less. He makes a distasteful quip. When M dies, Bond gets all teary. Why? Maybe because it's the end of the film? The last few minutes are OK. Fiennes, Wishaw and Harris are all good additions to the series and there is hope for the next film. But why are we rebooting a series rebooted 2 movies ago? Did they decide Casino Royale didn't work? It feels like directorial ego. And it makes no sense: weren't Q and Moneypenny and M around when Bond drove his Aston Martin? In this new Bond world it seems not. I'd forgotten how much I care about the Bond franchise until I saw Skyfall. Keeping it alive is a big responsibility. They need to do better, fast, and understand what makes Bond... James Bond.