James Bond better watch his back literally!

Rating: 4/10 (4 November 2012)

**********WARNING SPOILER ALERT***********
An extremely campy ex MI6 secret agent has M and Bond on the run. Bond and M are so terrified of his attentions that they run all the way to Scotland to escape his sexual advances. Here we see Santa Claus moonlighting as James Bond's family mansion caretaker. At this point, you have to seriously think about the security of our country, when the entire might & forces of MI6 fail & our only hopes rest on the shoulders of a 'Weirdy Beardy' with an antique shotgun in Scotland who looks suspiciously like Father Christmas, Judi Dench & an alcoholic out of shape Bond. What has truly terrified Bond, M the entire Secret Service of the UK is that the evil campy ex MI6 villain, has a facial deformity due to a bad habit of chewing cyanide capsules from an early age.
M is as useful as a fridge in an Igloo & dies a spectacular death in Bonds abandoned family mansion by getting shot in the buttocks! I'm sure she's had worse in the bedroom and lived to "Die Another Day". Upon her demise Santa and Bond share a rather awkward yet disturbing look, probably due to his recent return from an unknown location, which we can only fathom as a frantic attempt to find condoms. Who knew Father Christmas bore gifts of contraception?
The new quartermaster, Q looks like a reject from 'Inbetweeners' who has only recently discovered what his penis is for and should not be designing gadgets for MI6. The only gadgets he would be useful for is designing sex toys for guys who cant get laid & advertising acne creams. He informs us that they don't create 'exploding pens anymore', then exactly what are you doing in a Bond film then you useless %$£@!
We all know Bond is known for his promiscuous behaviour but in this movie he takes his role to another level! He is truly animal when he tries his hand at bestiality and attempts to have a foursome with two Komodo Dragons and a Chinese henchman. Failed rape attempt?