Not the Bond movie you were led to believe by the critics

Rating: 1/10 (10 November 2012)

Mad spoilers ahead. If you don't want to know the story line, don't read on..
Only went to see this movie in the theatre because of the reviews. Here's what I though the plot was going to be based on the trailer:
Bond dies due to M's error except he isn't dead, just self-retired living on an island banging a local hottie.
Back in England, M gets in trouble for the cock-up and is fired. However she gets wind of a plot that MI6 has been infiltrated by a badman. Nobody believes her, so she turns up on Bond's door step one morning saying she knew he wasn't really dead because 'you're so cool and all' and they have a funny scene together and then get to business chasing down the badman, discovering what his grand scheme is and all the while being targeted by MI6 who think she and Bond have gone rogue. The badman is ultimately killed and M redeems herself in the process. Bond gets laid. The end.
That's what I was looking forward to.
That's not the film you get. You all see the trailer — people think Bond is dead, except he is not. But is it integral to the story? Nope. He just comes home in the next scene when he sees an explosion on news at MI6 headquarters and everything is back to normal again except he can't shoot straight.
So then it's off to china to find the badman behind the attack. This should be good right? NOPE. The badman turns out to be a flamboyant clichéd gayman in a bad wig who used to work for MI6 and wants to kill M because she got him arrested and tortured by the Chinese. Why is he Spanish? Because Mendes wanted Bardem for the role because he reckoned the badman in this plot was going to be iconic and wanted a top actor. He was wrong. Bardem is a pretty good actor but this badman is extremely unoriginal. One reviewer already mentioned the similarity between him and the joker and I think that's where they were influenced a little. Why is he gay? I guess the writers though that would give him depth.
Someone on team bond seems to have watched the second batman reboots and just decided to copy the themes. As next-up...the badman is caught....except (drum roll PLOT TWIST!!!!) he really wanted to be discovered and caught by Bond so he would be brought to England and then escape using his leet haxor skills and kill M.
Here's an idea...if he wanted to kill M so badly, then get on a plane to England, enter M's house and when she comes home, kill her. It's pretty easy to break into her house. Bond did it. You're supposed to be his equal right? You don't need to make it so convoluted.
So anyway, he escapes, goes after M and Bond then takes her to his old Wayne mansion, cough I mean Skyfall, which is being looked after by Alfred, cough..I mean kincade. Along the way, they attempt to give Bond some depth to his character by mentioning something about the death of his parents - the waynes...cough I mean the Bonds. But this fails because Bond just tells M to shut up about it so we don't hear what happened.
Anyway, they Mcguiver up some weapons and booby traps and wait for the badman to arrive who somehow now has henchmen and helicopters in Britain to help him. M does not call for backup because that would be too obvious. They just have a big old A-Team shoot out, wayne manor burns down and it's all pointless because she dies anyway because she was grazed at some point in the battle. The end.
What a waste of time. Next time you want a plot team Bond, call me.
I'm giving this movie a one just to cancel out some of top scores. In reality it deserves about 2 for sets, camera work, special effects etc.
If the film doesn't have a good storyline, it's all pointless though.