Skyfall Plummets...

Rating: 2/10 (5 November 2012)

Okay. Fiftieth anniversary of the world's biggest franchise of all time, just got a new director after some internal troubles. Let's think of something that will really annoy all the Bond fans; let's make a Bond movie for people who don't like Bond films. Let's make a trendy, poorly edited, shoddily written cyber thriller, occasionally allowing a cannibalistic regurgitation of something from a "real" Bond film, but do it as a joke, because people who get references from films which are over twenty five years old (Live and Let Die?), are quite frankly, weirdos. Let's overwhelm the story with techno-babble, people who can't exist away from computer screens, and plot twists which are so perverse that the casual viewer fails to take anything in, but just nods along with mindless music, jerky editing and a Bond so devoid of character that we don't really notice the fact that he can seemingly survive under ice cold water for minutes at a time, can fall hundreds of meters after having been shot, and survive, in spite of a complete lack of any medical care. And Bond playing drinking games with a scorpion? Well, sure. That's not out of character at all. Let's introduce a teenage Q, who apparently invented a complex computer coding system (how old was he then, six?), and can provide a point of reference for the audience, rather than this cold, thuggish Bond, who races around from implausible scenario to scenario, with all the presence of a squaddie (crew cut and all), who can't convey any emotion - all his "romantic" scenes are played as though he's on another planet; no wit, no double-entendres, which even Brosnan could pull off - Overall, a Bond who exists to flash his chest, and occasionally make a "tough" remark, whilst looking "cool", because in this film, characters are "suave" by wearing a tuxedo, or posing, not by actually being witty or sophisticated. In other words, simple, clichéd storytelling, full of archetypes which proliferate a plot which centers around visual effects and explosive, and to be honest, soulless action set pieces.
The pre-credits sequence sees some relatively interesting stunt work, again rather ruined by a complete lack of understanding, and some poor editing - Bond is shot by Eve, and yet he has a working earpiece through which he can hear M's orders. Why could Eve not just tell him to duck, allowing her a clear shot? How can Bond not be located? How far is he actually carried by the river? Oh, wait, I forgot. Action sequence = switch brain off, stick tongue out, enjoy...
A stream of completely uninteresting action sequences follow, all with poorly edited, speeded up choreography, not to mention no sense of threat or danger, because everything is so computer game like, where trains can crash through solid supports, and remain relatively intact, and Bond can run and jump like a superhuman, in spite the fact that this should be us seeing a Bond at his most vulnerable... Javier Bardem as Silva gives us another horribly miscast villain, with Mendes confusing vaguely creepy and ineffectual with tough and intimidating. I find it hard to believe that this theatrical, camp poser was ever an agent of the same level as Bond, as everything dramatic or physical he does is offscreen, and all we see him do is swan about, again trying to look "cool", whilst also trying to feel up Bond - one of the worst moments ever in a Bond film, which quite frankly does little to persuade us that this guy is strong, or threatening. His motivation, his desire to kill M, is uninteresting, and yet a simple enough way to get audiences hooked - threaten a main character, but not Bond, because we all know he's never going to die, and this cheap, sensationalistic attempt to provide depth to M's character, or MI6 as a whole is ultimately undermined by a script which revolves around the kind of dialogue which really exists simply to sound impressive, and as a result, characterisation is non existent, leaving us with some two dimensional characters whining or growling dialogue which sounds so clunky that it's no wonder Craig has buried himself under a wall of impassive nonchalance.
The finale treats us to another example of good intentions gone wrong. Let's have some detail of Bond's past life, let's give him some depth as a character, give him a birthday present of some believability. But instead, we see his childhood home, and really learn nothing about him, as Bond is instead wrapped up with posturing against an admittedly impressive landscape, and maintaining a "manly" silence. How about some character dialogue, or investing some time in giving us an exploration of what has driven Bond to become what he has been, instead of "My parents died when I was young, here's my house, this is my housekeeper." However, this is one of the strongest moments in the film, as we get the sense that we may be building up to a suspenseful climax, of hunter and hunted. Instead, we're treated to grinding, strident music, explosions, fast cutting which completely fails to take advantage of the environment which has been built up, and instead descends into a fiery, blaring crescendo in which we don't really care about anything other than seeing how proficient the film's pyrotechnics are. And also; let's blow up my entire house to finish off some villains. Hold on whilst I crawl into some shoddily constructed underground tunnels below it for safety...Right...Didn't know that 007 was his IQ... Overall, this is a disappointing movie, which somehow manages to be poorer than both the other Craig films, a mindless, shapeless blob onto which we can occasionally hear someone call this guy with a crew cut and stubble "Bond", and someone occasionally playing the James Bond theme tune...Oh, someone must be watching a real James Bond film nearby...