The 2nd Worst Bond Film Ever

Rating: 1/10 (28 October 2014)

First of all, like a million others on here I'm a massive fan of James Bond. There's been some brilliant Bond films, and there's been some truly awful Bond films. So where does Skyfall fit in the Bond canon? Well, it's not the worst Bond movie : that accolade still resides firmly with Die Another Day. However, Skyfall is sadly the 2nd worst Bond film ever made in this reviewer's opinion.
The Pros.
1. The name. Skyfall is a great name for a movie.
2. The theme tune. A great, theme sung by Adele, that harks back to the Shirley Bassey classics of yesteryear.
3. Errr, that's about it.
The Cons.
There are far too many to mention them all, but they all fall into the camps of either lazy film-making, poor script-writing, pathetic attempts to turn Bond into a Superman/Terminator/Jason Bourne-on-steroids type of character, or just ludicrous plot contrivances that serve no other purpose other than to set up another scene. Examples in no particular order -
1. The stolen list of undercover agents – it's the whole reason for the story, and yet how it was stolen is never mentioned. It also completely vanishes from the storyline half way through, never to be mentioned again.
2. Bond crashing his motorbike into the bridge wall to be thrown onto the top of a train. No chance in a million years that would've worked. Why do it? The other guy just climbed up and jumped (vaguely believable), but Bond has to do a Superman effort.
3. Bond getting shot through the shoulder with a depleted uranium round. Apart from a quick wince, does it affect him AT ALL? Of course not. He can still climb, fight, punch, hang on to things, and adjust his cufflinks without batting an eyelid. Hmmmm, yes very believable I'm sure.
4. The fall from the train. The fact he survives a fall like that is hands-down the most ridiculous thing in a Bond movie since the invisible car. A fall of half that height into water would kill you. Instantly. Oh and then Bond goes off a waterfall too! He must've been cursing his bad luck that day! It still would've been a thrilling shot if the distance to fall was 30 feet, but no, the film-makers have to ramp it up to Terminator-only-surviving proportions.
5. The totally unbelievable overall plan and hacking ability of Da Silva. Hacking to MI6's heating system to blow up M's office. Riiiiight. And he KNEW she'd be out at the time. Just like he KNEW they'd retreat to the underground bunker place. Just like he KNEW he'd be taken straight there when he was captured. Just like he KNEW he'd be put into to a ludicrous glass cell (with no bed, no toilet, no facilities at all) in a room with single trapdoor that was computer controlled and also the only door between the most secure place in England and the public London Underground railway system. Just like he KNEW the exact times EVERYTHING would happen, right from being captured near China, being taken to the new MI6 headquarters, seeing M, Q and Bond cracking the code, him being able to escape, and then being also stopped by Bond in EXACTLY the right spot and at the right time to blow a hole in the underground tunnel with just enough time to say a smart one-liner before a train comes crashing through. Imagine if M was caught short and was bit late seeing him - his whole timings would've been shot. I mean, how gutted would he have been! Pathetic storytelling that expects the audience to have an IQ in single figures.
6. The abandoned island that Da Silva apparently cleared of people by saying there was a chemical leak. When did he do that? 50 or 60 years before? It must've been at least that long as the place looked like it had been deserted for at least that amount of time.
7. Hydrogen cyanide doesn't melt your face. It's not corrosive so Da Silva's disfigurement is there for no reason other than to try make him look like "proper" Bond villain. (Personally I'd have just not stuck him that ridiculous wig, but hey that's just me).
8. Bond's idea of taking M to Scotland is fine if he plans to simply hide her away. But he doesn't - he plans to lure Da Silva to him, and at no point does he consider taking some guns, or some additional people with him. No, instead he trusts that there will still be a few old hunting rifles at his old family home, and that's it. No backup, no weapons, nothing. Good thinking Bond.
9. Why does Bond's Aston Martin have all the Goldfinger modifications on it? In this time-line he won the car in Casino Royale, so it wouldn't have any of the Goldfinger mods on it. Plus Bond himself says that the Aston is 'not a "Company" car', meaning it's not an MI6 vehicle, so it would just be a normal car.
11. The ludicrous way that Patrice who shoots Bond with the depleted uranium round is apparently "a ghost" with no known country of origin, and yet MI6 know exactly where he'll be in a couple of days and even what flight he'll be on! Handy huh? Lazy film-making.
12. The stupid plot device of M and the Gamekeeper using a TORCH in the middle of a pitch black moor! No other reason than to explain how Da Silva suddenly finds them.
Basically it's a very weak and lazy film, with more plot holes that a swiss cheese. My opinion – watch Casino Royale, or even Quantum of Solace (provided you have a sick-bag handy due to the hideous shaky-cam), to see Craig as Bond as he should be. Avoid Skyfall at all costs.