As satisfying as a urethral swab.

Rating: 1/10 (25 February 2013)

The trailer for "Sinister" promised a lot... and, like many films of the genre in recent years, subsequently delivered nothing more than a poorly realised "stab in the dark". Speaking of darkness- could a filmmaker be any more literal? Perhaps if the characters had managed to survive beyond a severe lack of cohesion and groundedness- apparent early in the film- by ever having a brilliantly constructed life-raft of ideas and execution to cling to, then I may not have been alerted to the gaping technical failings that ultimately dragged the whole thing under. The resulting power savings could very well earn "Sinister" the very first "carbon neutral" rating in film production- but unfortunately the intolerable lack of lighting does not a dark thriller make. Nor does it hide the fact that the makeup effects team obviously thought that black eyeshadow and a tub of clown white would suit the HD format perfectly! It does, however, provide a peaceful sleeping environment for the film's family for a majority of the film- regardless of various crashes, desperate yells, thuds from and around the "tortured" Ethan Hawke that would otherwise wake a coma patient. I like some of the "events" that unravel before the Writer's (Hawke's) eyes as he tries to piece together the truth of his predicament- but again special effects marr any hope for shock value from the get-go. I would like to offer Director Scott Derrickson, along with co-writer C. Robert Cargill, these tips upon embarking on another similarly charged journey;
1. Hire one or more lighting technicians
2. Hire special effects/ makeup people that understand horror beyond a halloween party
3. If they don't get it at first, tell the actors who they are and how they are related to each other and the situation (i.e- direct them)
4. Actually put Vincent D'Onofrio in your film (I've heard of "faxing in" a performance...but Skypeing??)
5. Understand that without direction, or given enough rope, actors will resort to unrestrained externalism to get through
6. Understand that grainy, super 8 filmstock and filters are not a remedy for the unforgiving microscope of HD
7. Hire one or more lighting technicians
8. Perhaps watch "Poltergeist" again to remember how masterful films are made.