2 Hours of My Life I Want Back

Rating: 1/10 (3 April 2005)

I give this movie 2 out of 5 stars. Walking out of the theater, I wished that I had given $10 to charity instead of wasting it at the ticket booth. The only reasons I gave this movie any stars at all was for: (1) The Jessica Alba boobie dance scenes  worth one star, and (2) The psycho Harry Potter scenes  worth the other star. Jessica Alba's boobie scenes are the movie's only saving graces.
What was bad about the movie? It was cheesy. The cinematography was cheesy. The dialog was cheesy  yes, yes, I know that it's supposed to be cheesy because it's an "homage" to pulp/comic books. To those who think that, I submit to you that there are two kinds of cheesy. One type is an entertaining type of cheesy (good), and a really cheesy type of cheesy (bad). This movie is the latter. Quentin Tarantino's whole cheeseball, pulp, violence-ridden, time-shifting "style" has moved from being innovative in Pulp Fiction, to being a novelty in Kill Bill, to being a cheap gimmick in Sin City. Enough is enough, I say. Think of something new, Q-boy.
Also, the movie is littered with cheap potshots at the Catholic Church. It's almost near the point where one could accuse it of being anti-Catholic. A lot of the anti-Catholic imagery and innuendos are really insensitive, inflammatory, and considering the Pope's passing yesterday, utterly tasteless. From pulling the trigger of a gun pointed at the head of a statue of a cardinal who surprisingly looks like the Pope, to the allusions of immorality and pedophilia in the next scene, this movie is full of these anti-Catholic images. The filmmakers would probably defend sprinkling the anti-Catholic imagery throughout the movie as a juxtaposition between the Church and the movie's namesake subject matter. But I see what's going on in the movie, and it's borderline Liberal Christian activism married to atheism. I consider myself a Liberal and enjoy movies which provoke thought, but this movie instead cheaply promotes negative feelings and reinforces negative stereotypes towards the Catholic Church. It's like the anti-Catholic version of blackface.
Don't bother watching this movie. I don't even think that it's worth renting on DVD because you could easily download screenshots of Jessica Alba's boobies on the Internet for free.