Showing this movie to prisoners of war would violate international law.

Rating: 1/10 (8 May 2006)

Silent Hill is the worst video game movie I've ever had the displeasure of seeing in my entire life. Remember Super Mario Brothers? Street Fighter? Anything by Uwe Boll? This is worse. No, not just video game movie, it's the worst movie I've ever seen in general. I'm a Troma fan, I have every episode of Mystery Science Theater, and this movie by far surpasses the worst they could do.
Where should I begin? The biggest problem with this movie is that it's incredibly, painfully, mind-numbingly boring. It is boring beyond boring. Boring beyond what the English language can effectively convey. Imagine the most boring thing you've ever seen or done, double it, then stab yourself in the eye with a pencil. You've now more or less seen Silent Hill.
But isn't there anything good? Yes, there are five good minutes. Of a 127 minute movie. Which means two hours and two minutes of screen time are essentially watching someone play one of the most boring video games in video game history. The scary parts aren't scary, the action parts have no action, the drama isn't dramatic. It's a not just a waste of time, it's a violent waste of time. By the end of the movie you'll be wishing you had the good judgment to merely waste your time in a more conventional, less coma-inducing way.
Silent Hill gave me narcolepsy. Silent Hill may have given me eye cancer. Silent Hill is far too bad to even be on Mystery Science Theater, it makes Manos: The Hands of Fate look like Godfather 2. Death is far too good for Christophe Gans, director of Silent Hill. Killing him would merely be allowing him to escape the horror which he unleashed upon mankind.
What I'm saying here is for the love of god don't see Silent Hill. Even if you're actively trying to cause yourself pain, just shoot yourself in the knee or something, it's more humane. If you hate life there are far less painful ways to end it all. I suggest you even avoid walking past a theater showing Silent Hill since being in the same general area as the movie might cause you to pass out right there on the sidewalk.
I want my two hours back.