Bloody awful, in more ways than one.

Rating: 1/10 (22 April 2006)

Let me first start by saying this movie's story is not, I repeat NOT as complicated as everybody makes it out to be. In fact most of the missing links and supposed plot holes are fused together in a lengthy, grainy flashback narrated by Alessa herself. The ending is a puzzlement, not in a Donnie Darko brain-boggling way, but more so because it wasn't relevant to the game and seems a strange route to take in terms of establishing a sequel. It is made blindingly obvious to us the events that have unfolded towards the end. It should not require a second viewing.
What the story fails to do is offer anything substantial in terms of the characters' backgrounds and their development. The fundamentalist cult is reduced to nothing more than a crowd of empty headed Quakers who seem to have substituted the normal terms used in everyday conversation like 'hello' and 'how are you?' with 'BURN THE WITCH!'.
The dialogue is as hammy as the hogs of hell. One prime example would be just after Rose and Cybil have a escaped a vicious attack by Pyramid Head's Great Knife, and a horde of flesh eating cockroaches. Supposedly frantic mother turns to terrified cop and proclaims calmly "Hey, it's OKwe're gonna be OK". In a speech to her faithful congregation, mad old Christabella manages to repeat exactly the same point five times over but with a different phrasing: "She is a witch, she must be burned" "She is a demon, she must be cleansed" "Cleanse the sinner in the fire" blah, blah, blah.
The acting is cringe worthy, and despite what most reviewers have said, the golden raspberry does not go to Sean Bean. Rhada Mitchell is as wooden as a clog and seems to have her tongue shoved firmly in her cheek the whole time. When she and Cybil stumble into the church after being splattered with blood and chunks of Anna's skin, she turns to the camera looking as though she's just been caught in a summer shower. She delivers most of her lines in a rambling, robotic way, as if she were rehearsing them to herself at her makeup table before shooting. In fairness the script is crap and most actors do make a significant effort, most noticeably Alice Krige, who oozes the same menacing regal which she displayed as the Borg Queen. Deborah Kara Unger, who I must say still manages to look astonishingly beautiful clothed in a potato sack, also gives a good performance. Sean Bean's character serves little purpose, other than to give brief respites from the insanity of the town. These breaks are badly timed, however, and kill the film's momentum. His involvement and relevance to the story are minimal and it really feels like he was just thrown in to avoid claims of sex discrimination in the cast.
The one thing the movie managed to get right was of course the art direction, and there was the occasional little thrill at seeing the familiar alleyways and corridor shots. The CGI effects are quite impressive, especially in the bathroom scene. They're not so effective, however, when applied to the monsters, like the Straight-Jacket Man or the Cinder Children. It was an instant tension killer to see a wrathful demon child look up at Rose with fake, shiny, Bambi eyes.
Another thing that bugged me about the monsters was their relevance, or lack of, to Rose's character. We know that in the games the monsters were mocking manifestations of each character's psyche, his darkest nightmare represented as a real, physical threat, which created a deeply personal horror. Yet it seems the monsters in the movie only exist to give gamers a boner and to pop out randomly at Rose, saying 'Boo! I have appeared and now you will die'. Pyramid Head looked awesome, but he was only in the film for two scenes as nothing more than a brutish minion. The nurses looked both sufficiently sexy and repulsive, but what they have to do with Rose or Alessa, I don't know.
The gore wasn't nearly as explosive as I thought it would be. I had too little emotional engagement with the characters to care whether or not they lived or died. And, unless you've been living in a plastic bubble for the last 20 years of your life, you will not find this movie remotely scary.
I went to see the film in a theater packed with obviously avid fans and curious non-gamers. As a fan I was slumped low, my stomach gurgling, not with fear or excitement, but embarrassment and disappointment. When Rose dramatically burst into the church to see Sharon dangling above a pit of flame, and once again says "It's OK baby, everything's going to be OK" the audience burst out laughing, and I had to laugh with them. I appreciate that the story was ridiculous from the start, but I'm sure a better script and more competent acting would have encouraged our suspension of disbelief a little more.
I respect what Gans has tried to do, but it hasn't worked. Silent Hill offers nothing special and flops clumsily under the bar.