"The Ring" meets "Hellraiser"

Rating: Null/10 (27 April 2006)

There will be no plot-rehashing here; if you want that, go read someone else's comments (besides, I believe my summary says all that needs to be said, anyway, plot-wise). Here, just, are some thoughts:
What's with the evil little girls in horror-movies these days? And do they all have to have long, dark hair?
And please, please, please...proofread your dialogue, writers! There is no excuse for dialogue like that...It's so bad at times that my brain is incapable of remembering even any of it, which is especially amazing considering I just got back from the theater about an hour ago. Really. "You have despoiled an Innocent!" Or something like that. Bleeeargh! I could write better dialogue than that with an axe in my face. And I'm not saying that out of spite; I'm genuinely concerned that such dialogue didn't ring false to anyone involved in the making of the film. Moreover, there's only so much actors can do to rise above such abysmal lines, so too often, unfortunately, actors get blamed for what is more directly the fault of the writer (as witnessed by the small-scale argument I had with my friend in the car on the way home).
OK, enough of that. Still and all, the ideas were imaginative (I know nothing of the game on which it is purportedly based, so I speak with no special knowledge or preconceived notions about it from that point of view); the sets were believable and appropriately decrepit; and the general visuals did what they were supposed to do, I suppose. Plus, Alice Krige plays a great crazy person, in her quietly intense way. Her eyes say more than the dialogue dares utter. But I don't want to get started on that again...
All this is to say, if you like metaphysical horror which includes demons and weird religious cults  and possess a tin ear  you'll probably not mind this movie so much, unless you actually start thinking about the plot for more than two minutes.
(Seriously, the husband? Totally pointless. It does, indeed, seem as if they simply added his character just for the sake of adding a male character, which I read somewhere here on the IMDb. The one I wanted to know more about - and the only character who came even close to being iconic in any way - was the demon with the really big knife, who didn't even really need it, anyway, since apparently he could just rip your whole skin right off with his bare hands. He made me think of a really cranky Pterodactyl.)
These film-makers have definitely seen/read a lot of Clive Barker, and he should be half-peeved. End of rant. And if a cop ever tries to come between you and your daughter just because she (the cop) spent some time trapped in a mineshaft, slap the crap out of her and tell her to get some therapy.