I can't believe my boyfriend dragged me to this movie.

Rating: 1/10 (26 April 2006)

Radha Mitchell is COMPLETELY unbelievable. Sean Bean was pretty much pointless. Honestly, the kid was the best actor out of everybody in the entire movie. In the beginning scenes, they're supposed to act like a family, but I never really got that feeling, I felt like the mother was sterile and cold towards her daughter, it felt too staged. Apparently, the daughter likes to scream "silent hill" and the most obvious answer to her mother is to take her to the abandoned ghost town of Silent Hill. That'll cure her up real quick.
At the gas station, there's a policewoman (dressed in uniform that was obviously meant to have sex appeal (tight leather pants, and a blouse with the top button open)) who just happens to check out Rose's SUV for no apparent reason. Rose even walks right by the policewoman without wondering why the policewoman is heading to check out her car. Then in the gas station, her credit card is declined, and I never saw how she actually paid for the gas. Policewoman acts all nosy, Rose just brushes her off and leaves.
Basically, the policewoman, Cybil, is the cause of the whole movie. Nothing would have happened if it wasn't for the cop. The cop apparently decides to pull them over later on the highway, for no reason, and Rose, being of sound and able mind obviously, decides to take off on a high speed chase. She takes the turnoff towards Silent Hill, which is gated, but instead of stopping, she floors it and her daughter starts screaming and she busts through a fence to continue on the road towards Silent Hill. As they get closer to Silent Hill, for some reason, communication devices and radio devices just stop working and emit annoying static (is this in the game? I don't know.) Rose tries to turn off annoying radio, sees child in road, swerves, and crashes. I was thinking in my head "WOO! End of Movie! Let's go home!"
So after the accident (also the cop has an accident too, wow, coincidence?) we're finally in this strange land called Silent Hill. Looks like snow, nah it's ashes. If it's been ash-ing there for 30 years, I'd assume you would need ashboots to trudge through the ashdrifts. Mother wakes from concussion, finds daughter missing, thus begins the worst part of the movie. Apparently, the daughter runs off? Cuz obviously an abandoned ghost town is safer than a Toyota Sequoia.
Policewoman reappears, tries to regain authority, takes off helmet, and she's a blonde. I seriously thought she was going to be a brunette. I also thought Rose and Cybil were going to have some sort of lesbian escapade too the way they clung to each other.
There were like 5 different types of monsters!? People that were burning? A pyramid head guy, some nasty bugs, the nurses! SighÂ…the nurses. The nurses were all leggy and busty and quite attractive except for the fact that they were covered in nasty white vein-ridden flesh that prohibited movement. (Think of a giant latex covering you) I wasn't sure if the nurses were supposed to be sexy or scary. Pyramid head guy comes and goes and then disappears after he rips the flesh off a hillbilly. Burning people were only in first scene, disappear after ashes. Bugs apparently make up the walls, and never really get close enough to cause any fear (slow ass moving bugs.) Nurses only like light. Rose leaves a flashlight for them to toy with. The movie takes itself seriously. That's the worst part. It also tries to be "deep" and "thought-provoking" by inserting random bible quotes into the movie like they were product placement. There are the hillbillies who are religious and whatever and burn witches. (I laughed my ass off when the school teacher/spinster/evil bitch said "burn her! she's a witch!" I was thinking of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. ) Spinster says "go find the demon! there's your child!" So Rose and Cybil the Cop and spinster and a bunch of guys in deep sea diving equipment are in the hospital and open the elevator to hell. Spinster gives back necklace that belonged to rose, sees picture of the kid and suddenly decides she's a witch! Cybil the cop is an idiot and decides to stay back and fight everybody with an empty gun while Rose goes into the elevator. The demon, is a little girl that looks like Rose's adopted daughter. The little girl explains everything. (oh! it's all so clear now??) no. it's not.
Alessa, which was a story on the back burner, was a third degree burn victim (because she was a witch too) and somehow had a baby? Even now I am confused, trying to explain it to you! And her mother is the hag that wanders around the movie looking creepy? So... the baby left on the orphanage is Alessa's daughter who is Rose's daughter? *brain explodes* Whatever, it doesn't matter.
Cybil the cop gets burned (doy another witch) with gory flesh detail. Daughter of Rose about to get burned, but no! Mother bursts into church somewhat like she was stopping a wedding from happening, and says "STOP!" *rolls eyes* Pushing way through crowd, attempts to talk sense into the undead, etc.
What follows involves enough barb wire to contain all the cows in the world, and lots of blood. It was more disgusting than scary. It made absolutely no sense.
Last scene will destroy whatever you thought you understood about the stupid movie. Apparently they've been dead since about 5 minutes into the movie. tada. that's it. save your cash.