Silent Queef Hill

Rating: 2/10 (29 August 2006)

OK, first things first. I don't understand how nearly everyone is actually praising this crap. It should be said that i am a big fan of the first game, but not of this movie.
The good: The camera angles are spot on, and the look and atmosphere is great, so i will give the movie that much. It's impressive in that aspect. Very well done. But that's where Silent Hill ends as a good movie and goes down the hill and becomes Silent Queef Hill.
The bad: Everything else about this movie is horrible. I actually excited to see it. Then when i watched it, it was so boring that it was like a vampire stealing my vitality. This movie only got more boring as it went along. Most of the special effects are horrible, especially the creatures. The CGI effects of the paint chipping of the walls etc. are laughable, as are the CGI bugs. Way too cartoony. I would not have been surprised at all if Sponge Bob Squarepants himself made a cameo in the movie. I had to fight my hand from grabbing the DVD player remote and clicking this movie off several times. I always give a movie a fair chance and watch it through. But sometimes, like this movie's case, it can be very, very tempting to shut it off.
(Spoilers)
At one point, a monster picks a girl up buy her throat and then tears her clothes off. What's so cheesy about it is that the girl is very obviously CGI when she's supposed to be real. That's really overdoing it. This movie is a CGI crap-fest, but that's not where it ends. It has characters i never once cared about, and they could have all died for all i care. The movie has no pacing, making it very boring. The story is a mess, and the ending is slapped on and "explained" in the last 20 minutes or so. And the fact that the annoying little girl is narrating it makes it all the worse. Nearly all the acting is horrible and laughable.
(End of spoilers)
There's too many things going on in the movie, and they are never really resolved. There's also several scenes that are unimportant, making the movie feel under-edited. But even cutting wouldn't help. This movie is simply a mess all around. I refuse to watch this movie ever again. And if anyone ever tries to make me watch it again, i would politely say "no." However if they persisted, a fist-fight could probably ensue, i'm serious. The movie is that bad. It simply stinks, well, like a queer..right from the backsides of all the females that are in the movie, all mixed into one gaseous, green, stinky cloud. This is the worst movie to come out since 'The Hulk'.
2 out of 10 stars for Silent Queef Hill. And that's being generous.