Silent But Diddly!

Rating: 6/10 (2 July 2009)

Silent Hill is based on the computer game of the same name- Quiet Hill. I've never played it but I hear that actually this film is based on bits from all of the games, most notable the scene where you enter the sewers and are attacked by hordes of giant spiders. That was very scary in the game, but not scary et al here because it doesn't actually happen.
A woman loses her daughter in a scary town and decides to go looking for her. The town in covered by a spooky fog, and everything is very quiet. She enters the town, while her husband tries to catch up with her a few miles behind. In the town she is attacked by zombies, people with shovels for heads, nurses with bandages for eyes, and wasps with guns for their mouths. She realises that it is all a cult where the children are burned in giant statues made of hay- hence all the smoke and fog in the town. Her daughter is going to be burned and it is a race against time to save her. The interesting part is that only certain times of the day can the monsters come out- a copy of Dracula. When the clocks strikes she knows she'd better hide as that is when the monsters (known in the game as cenobots) come out to play and eat! It gets even more interesting as the husband comes to the town but finds it completely deserted, so we don't know if it is all a dream, or if she is dead, or if he is dead, or if anything is what it seems. The acting is mostly good, and Mr Bean does a good job of playing a serious role for once rather than the slap stick comedy he is used to. The mum (played by Peggy Mitchell)is the latest in a long line of strong female heroines, starting with Buffy. If it had been Buffy, she would have no doubt contacted Giles, worked out what was going down, and fought her way through the bad guys, quipping as she went. There are a few scary moments (like when the woman wonders if she should look into the dirty bath water or not) but I think it would have been better if it had been a Zelda game instead. Imagine watching Link riding Epona out of the forest of his home and out onto a massive Hyrule field, with a score of enemies coming towards him. It would be great to see all the sword fights, but also the boomerang and hookshot too. Silent Hill is one of my favourite games, and this film does the game justice as it doesn't make any sense but has good graphics.
Best Scene- When the wife is walking between all the scary nurses, trying not to breathe or touch them or they'll stab her. One of them farts and she tries not to laugh and be sick. This was completely inappropriate and horrifying.