This movie's story is like diarrhea....it's messy, unpleasant to go through, and all over the place

Rating: 2/10 (21 April 2006)

Let me tell you a little story about today: I usually go for a workout in the morning everyday. Not today. Why? Because I wanted to see Silent Hill before I had to actually go to work, because I wouldn't be able to work out and see Silent Hill and have enough time to get to work. I saw Silent Hill today, I saw it because I wanted to be the first of all the people I know to see it. I went in expecting nothing so that most likely I'd be wowed by anything given such low expectations. Well, let me tell you, bruh, I never went to see a movie at the theater, expect crap, and get exactly that: Crap. That's what Silent Hill is.
Before I went to the theater, I read Ebert's review about how it made no sense. I was like, "Nah, his mind power isn't as bad-ass as mine, I'll understand it." I was wrong. Even mind power as bad-ass as mine couldn't understand what the hell was going on in this pile. Let me explain:
The story is based off of the game, the first one, and it does that well. The movie looks bad-ass, the monsters are cool, and it had the perfect atmosphere. What did Roger Avery and Critophe Gans do with all that? Well, Avery wrote one crappy-ass script that made the absolute littlest amount of sense possible. Let me explain:
Spoilers!
In the end, we are told that Sharon is a manifestation of a little girl that was killed in Silent Hill thirty years earlier. Sharon is a manifestation of the girl's good side, and the evil girl in Silent Hill (the one that looks exactly like her) is the evil manifestation. Okay, but here's where I'm confused: How can a manifestation of someone live in a fully functional reality, and how could this manifestation be brought into this reality by an evil manifestation? Now, I'd forgive these things if all this took place in an alternate world, but it doesn't, some of these things happen on EARTH. How? Guess ol' Roger Avery forgot to mention that.
The movie also runs at two damn hours. After first, I was like, "Damn, two hours, that's great!" Then I noticed that the movie sucked, which meant two hours of CRAP. The movie is so damn incoherent and all over the place that you don't know what the hell's going on at all. Why are the daughter and mom in Silent Hill? What purpose do they serve there other than to show off the cool monsters? WHAT?!
The movie is also repetitive as holy hell. Let me explain: It's daylight. Emergency horn thing goes off. Cool monsters come. Gets dark. Horn goes off. Daylight comes back. Repeat. That's basically it. While the movie looks cool as hell, it never stops and explains what could be a complex and cool plot. Instead, it just has a plot, and scenes that are more confusing than the one that came before it. What's worse is that none of these scenes explain ANYTHING AT ALL.
People can give their interpretations and THEIR explanations, but the movie itself did not explain jack. If this were a truly good movie, it'd explain what happened within it's run time, while still letting viewers give their own interpretation. That's what Jacob's Ladder did.
Cristophe Gans also said that this is a part of a saga, which is why it made no sense. Come on, bruh, that's no excuse to skimp on a movie's story structure and story development. It's just cheap and it says how clever-less you and the writer are.
The movie also wasn't scary AT ALL. The games were scary as hell.
I should bring this up for fun, too: Roger Avery says that former friend Quentin Tarantino stole all his ideas and took credit for them. After seeing Tarantino's work and Avery's, I highly, highly doubt that Tarantino would steal from a guy who wrote this incoherent, messy, diarrhea-like turd. I hope Avery's reading this part. Now, the movie looks good and follows the game, something most adaptations don't do, but it still sucked. Silent Hill 2 would have made a better movie, just so long as it was handled by a more skilled writer.
This movie...is like diarrhea. It's unpleasant to look at, it's messy, and like diarrhea, it's all over the place. That pretty much sums up the movie and it's incoherent story.
Score: 2 out of 10.
Sorry, bruh, but this movie sucked. Go watch Doom. I'm expecting the following above this review: "0 out of 10,000 people found this review helpful." Why? Because those that like this movie don't want to admit it makes no sense whatsoever. My God, how hard is it to make a decent video game-to-movie adaptation? It works for books and comics.