Daaaa this movie bites and stuff

Rating: 3/10 (25 August 2006)

I don't understand all of the good reviews for this movie. I've played the game a little, but I'm not an expert on it by any means. So I have an outsiders perspective and a little bit of an insiders perspective. Either way you slice it, this movie bites.
For one thing the CGI was horrible, as it usually is in most movies. Why not just stick a freaking actor in a rubber monster suit and have him shuffle around? It's cheaper and better on the eyes. The first two monster scenes with the little screaming green guys and the armless monster on the road, were so fake that I felt like I was sitting around an apartment watching some sad-ass loser play this game. And everyone knows that watching someone else play a video game is the most horrible and boring experience in the world.
Besides the horrible CGI another problem was the way the story was told. I appreciate them getting to the meat of the story quickly, but when the first scene immediately shows a girl running around the woods and then collapsing after muttering about Silent Hill, and the next thing you know the mom is suddenly going there, it seems rushed.
Plus the whole deal about how the town has been "abandoned" for years is way too hard to go with. So an entire town is just sitting there with houses, stores, restaurants, schools, etc, and nobody is doing anything about it? At the very least, looters would come by and steal crap. At the most there would be an expose on CNN and the mayor of Silent Hill would be interviewed and asked the tough questions like why wasn't he taking steps to get the town back to an inhabitable state. Sure I know that it's based on a video game, but if you're going to base the story in the real world then it needs to make some sense.
Another issue I had was the focus on the little girl. Sure, I assume it's from the game (I can't remember because even though I said I played the game a little the truth is that I played it for about 5 seconds and then I made a Michelena dinner and went to sleep on the couch) but I'm sick of scary movies relying on little kids to give people the creeps. The Ring already played out that angle and ran it so far into the ground that it's totally useless anymore. Kids aren't scary. That's all there is too it. If a little kid is giving you mess just kick him down some stairs and call it a day.
***Spoilers here*** Also the whole story revolving around witchcraft is about as un-scary and as uninteresting as possible. Witches aren't scary. Witches, kids, and the Frankenstein Monster (that's right, Frankenstein is the scientist, not the monster you tard) are the last things you should use for cheap scares. Luckily Frankenstein's Monster didn't make an appearance here, but there is a possibility of Silent Hill 2 so hold your breath.
So why is it that after being killed by the witch hunters the little girl was able to make a deal with the devil and get revenge? Does that mean if a guy is hit by a car he can work out a smaller contract with the devil so he can get revenge on the person who hit him? Is there some level of horrificness that your death must reach in order for you to make a deal that allows you to get revenge in the afterlife? And why was the mom able to arrange a deal where she let the demon enter her so she could bring it to the Sanctuary? Isn't the nature of demons that they don't usually have your best interest in mind? I guess she found one of the good ones. It seems like once she helped the demon/devil or whoever it was, he would then say "well thanks for helping, I really liked how we came together as a team there...man, the looks on the faces of the townsfolk were priceless when they realized you had brought me in with you... uhhh anyway I guess this is where we say good bye.... and of course by good bye I mean I'm going to have to kill you now. so I guess you should close your eyes or something... unless you want to see it coming. I don't know, you tell me what you want." Obviously I've raised a lot of questions in this review that need to be answered. Also I've formed the pilot of my new sitcom about a demon who has to share an apartment with a guy because of a zany twist where the demon sold his soul to the guy by mistake.