Very Bad Movie

Rating: 1/10 (3 August 2002)

I went to see Signs with something akin to hope. M. Night Shyamalan's previous directorial efforts were moderately entertaining, I had free tickets and free time, and my 15-year old daughter was eager to accompany me. So, with expectations of buttered popcorn and pleasant companionship, I headed to the movies.
Abigail Breslin (Bo Hess) was marvelous. I don't know that I've seen such an impressive performance from a young American actor since Christina Ricci wowed us as Wednesday in the The Addams Family. Rory Culkin (Morgan Hess) did a credible enough job that I could almost forget his famous brother. The rest of the performances were adequate, but I can't say more than that.
*SPOILER ALERT*
The dialogue was embarrassing, the storyline maudlin (who didn't know that Mel Gibson would return to the clergy?), and the suspense was minimal. Okay, if you find reruns of Lassie or Flipper suspenseful, then this might have made you jump once or twice. My 15-year old didn't stir even during the cheap-but-(usually)-effective dog-snarls-and-leaps-suddenly-at-owner tactic.
The movie attempted to be profound and address questions of faith, but all of the philosophizing was strictly at the sophomore level, and that is assuming that the sophomore is rather shallow. There will be some that say that I just didn't "get it," but I did, thank you, and what was to be had was meager fare.
The film was occasionally funny, and I do thank Mr. Shyamalan for at least breaking up my tedium with a little humor.
No, I don't need my monsters to be slavering, or my suspense to be served with buckets of blood, but I do need coherence and intelligibility. A movie about crop circles had seemed a weak starting point (15 minutes of research will demonstrate to anyone how boring and mundane the phenomenon really is), but I hoped that Mr. Shyamalan would surprise us. He is capable of it, but he was apparently was trying to make a "message" movie on this occasion, in which he failed miserably.
Oh, and what was it about the "I'm melting" Wicked Witch of the West ending that convinced Mr. Shyamalan that it was a good idea? Was it done as a homage? As other reviewers have pointed out, the movie was replete with other filmic references, and I do have to wonder whether they were deliberate.
Two thumbs down, and a single star.