a review

Rating: Null/10 (11 August 2002)

I usually see movies in two places: the Signature Theaters down the road, or the UA/Century Theaters down the freeway. I say UA/Century because they're pretty much right next to each other and it doesn't matter which of them you go too. They are both good theaters, big screens, great sound, and the obligatory overpriced concessions stand food. Signature Theaters is only three months old now, and so it still has the new theater smell. The last movie I saw there was AUSTIN POWERS: GOLDMEMBER, and I'm still very impressed with the whole theater. It's close enough to walk to, if it weren't a billion degrees outside, and it's big enough to fit ten movies at a time. When I can drive I will be there every weekend. It's got large screens (bigger ones for the newest releases) and great sound systems (except when I saw STAR WARS: ATTACK OF THE CLONES with my friend Parker. It was not so good that time).
The point is, that's where I see movies. Everyone's got their theaters that they know and love. But every now and then you'll visit someone or go somewhere and realize that your favorite theater is no where to be seen. And so instead of your favorite place, you have to visit some foreign theater to see a movie. In this case, I was in Denver when I saw the movie SIGNS. I've been the Denver once before, for about five hours, and this time I got to stay there for six days. During that time I got to know the 16th Street Mall near our hotel, and that was where they had a large UA Theater. When I first saw this theater, I knew that it would be a great place to see a movie, which just happened to be SIGNS. It reminded me a lot of the theater at Planet Mall in Costa Rica, where I saw HANNIBAL and THE MUMMY RETURNS. For those of you who have no clue what I mean, then you'll just have to be clueless.
We arrived about sixty seconds late to SIGNS, so it was already dark and the movie was already playing- leaving me no time to see how big the room actually was. But it was packed, so we were forced to take the three seats a few rows away from the middle of the room. Pretty good seats, just a little the left of the middle, and so everything is kind of stretched out across the screen from my point of view.
Anyway, now that you know where I am in this world last Saturday, I can tell you about the movie. Remember that we were a minute late, so whatever opening credits this movie showed are already over. Right now we see Mel Gibson walking around a house and then he's brushing his teeth. At the same moment I sit my butt into a seat, I hear a little girl screaming. Mel Gibson hears this, too, so he's looking out of the bathroom with a "what was that?" expression on his face. He knows that it was his daughter that just screamed, so he and his brother run out of their large country home to investigate the sound. The kids (a son and daughter) are not to be seen in the immediate area, which means they're somewhere in the cornfields that surround Gibson's house. Now Gibson and his brother run into the field to find the kids. They finally get to the girl, who leads them to the boy, who points out the GIANT CREEPY CROP CIRCLES sliced into Gibson's lovely cornfield. Zoom out to reveal strange formation of circles in cornfield. Some kind of strange sign, perhaps?
Before I go on, I want to admit that cornfields have always scared me. Not because I'm allergic to corn or anything, but because corn stalks can be over ten feet tall. So imagine wandering into a cornfield, spinning around three times, and totally losing your sense of direction? How the hell are you supposed to get out? Even if you try to walk in one direction it's hard to tell if you're even moving in a straight line. You could just be walking toward the center of the field, and you have no freakin' clue. I don't like the idea of being trapped in a cornfield. I think this fear started after that one scene in the X-FILES movie a few years ago, you know, after or before the giant bee hive thing. Luckily they don't spend too much time in cornfields, except for the part when Gibson catches a glimpse of the creature's leg vanishing into the corn stalks. Even if you've seen the commercial, that will send chills down your spine.
But back to the story. Mel Gibson plays Graham (like the cracker) Hess. He's an ex-priest who has lost faith in everything that has to do with religion or life. Why, you ask? It's a sad story, really. And you don't learn the whole thing immediately. You'll be shown why Graham lost his faith as the movie goes on. But before you finally learn, you wonder why he's such an inconsiderate jackass when it comes to being hopeful. He's a good family man, but he's not the best guy to go to when you want to be cheered up. I like his character, a lot, sort of like how some of us like Denzel Washington in TRAINING DAY. But Graham isn't a crooked cop, he's just a man who lost faith. You'll understand what I mean. If you want to know why he's lost faith, highlight the hidden paragraph below.
His wife was killed by a local resident (played by M. Night) that fell asleep at the wheel. Graham feels that God would never allow someone so innocent, peaceful, and beautiful to die so horribly. So from that moment on his completely gives up religion. He won't even say grace at the dinner table anymore, and he's lost hope in hope.
The other characters are Merrill Hess, Graham's younger brother, who is played by Joaquin Phoenix. You may remember this actor from GLADIATOR, in which he played a jealous evil king. Now he's the younger brother that has always been considered as a failure in this town of Bucks County, Pennsylvania. This is all because Merrill has the all-time strike out record for baseball as a kid. And so everyone thinks he's a loser. Poor guy. But lest we forget he's also got the homerun record, so he's quite good when it comes to swinging a baseball bat. Anyway, he's my favorite character in this movie. Then there's Graham's children, Morgan and Bo. Morgan is about ten, I think, and he's there for being Mr. Common Sense. He's the one that knows that hell is about to be unleashed, and still no one believes him. Because no one believes the kid (see EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS). Morgan is played by Rory Culkin, who does a good job. Bo is the little seven or eight year old girl played by newcomer Abigail Breslin, and she really does steal the scene sometimes. I'm not sure why, but she's just so damn good at being a little girl. Strange. The other characters would be Officer Paski and Ray Reddy. And a short cameo by Patricia Kalember, who plays Graham's wife in the flashbacks.
What is this movie about? It's basically about these crop circles, at first believed to be elaborate hoaxes, that turn out to be signs that aliens are coming. Whether or not the aliens are hostile isn't learned until later. Before the aliens actually land on earth, they are sending down one or two aliens to survey the scene before the rest of them arrive (as told, almost comically, by the army general that Merrill visits). The story doesn't talk about the whole world, and how they react to the aliens, but rather just the Hess Household. It's about the family and what the think/do/talk about as this alien encounter is happening. We have no knowledge of what the aliens are doing outside of this house, except for a few short updates from the news on their TV.
Now, the important question. Is SIGNS as scary as the commercials say? Is this the most fun you'll have being scared all year? Could this be the movie that brings Shyamalan out of the UNBREAKABLE ditch? One question at a time, please. First, it's not scary. Sure there are the freaks out there that think aliens will really land and destroy us all, and so this movie might scare them a little. But the rest of us are still not sure what the believe when it comes to alien life, and this movie doesn't scare us anymore than ALIENS did. It won't give you nightmares or make you second-guess those bumps in the night. I always blame the refrigerator for those noises, and after seeing SIGNS, I still do. Second, it is the most fun you'll have being scared. But the commercials lied, because I've already told you that it's not scary. Instead, it's the most fun you'll have jumping out of your seat
and spilling all your popcorn. This movie has a ton of spooky scenes that end in giant heart-stopping moments with loud sounds that will cause you to jump of fright. Namely the under-the-door scene, the dropping-of-the-flashlight scene, the hand-through-grate scene, and many others. So this movie makes you jump quite often, if nothing else. My uncle jumped during one of the scenes with the dog, and his popcorn went flying all over the place (so that really does happen, in case you were wondering). And third, this movie is a good movie that brings Shyamalan back into the swing of things. It's not a perfect movie, but it's better (in my opinion) than UNBREAKABLE, which was ruined by its abrupt and unpleasant ending. I mean, why Samuel L. Jackson? Why must you kill so many for just one?
The trailers also say "What one man believes might save his family." And, before I forget, this is kind of true. But it's the other way around. It's "what one man has to learn to believe that might save his family," because, as I've said, Graham has lost faith in everything. Okay, that's all. Just wanted to clarify that. And now you should know the whole basic plot.

And now I guess I should recommend this movie to you. But first:
Here's what the movie is: the most fun you'll have jumping out of your seat all year. great dialogue, sometimes rather hilarious. makes you increase the grip on your popcorn.
Here's what it's not: scary.
You should see this movie soon.

Chris