I paid a tenner for a 2 hour kip.

Rating: 2/10 (21 September 2002)

Possible spoilers within (although that implies that there is something worth spoiling, which there isn't).
There are a few films in the top 250 which I detest, but at least with those films even though I hate them I can at least appreciate their reasons behind being popular.
But I am absolutely baffled beyond belief that this films has a ranking to put it anywhere near the top poll. For the life of me I cannot think of one redeeming feature of the plot that would appeal to any like minded viewer. My problems with this film went far beyond that of the unconvincing aliens or equally unconvincing sci-fi aspects of the film.
Whether the film sold itself as a horror, chilling, eerie or any similar description I'm not sure, but other commenters have certainly praised it as scary, chilling, pulsating etc etc. Do me a favour! 'Signs' was about as scary or chilling as an episode of Phillip Schofields' National Lottery Jetset. If it was frightening, would it have a certificate of '12'?
That was the most annoying part of the film. Given the quality of the cinematography and the expertly chosen scenery, in the opening scenes of the cornfields there was me thinking I was looking at the perfect set of surroundings for the ideal chiller or thriller. It still probably could've been, but was just let down by any sort of remotely interesting set of events.
Other viewers & critics seem to be able to still praise a film highly if the acting, shots, directing etc are excellent even if the plot is pretty non existent, but I can't. Granted much of the film other than the story as I said was good, the acting was equally impressive, but there was not one thing to engross the viewer at all.
You more or less knew where the story (and I used the term story in the loosest possible sense) would end up from the outset. Although despite that, it still struck me as a film where much of it seemed made up as it went along and still needed to be redrafted. More like a collection of scenes than a 2 hour film.
The characters, despite being played well, were all devoid of any interest whatsoever. Consequently you never felt any liking for them & never really gave a toss what would happen to them. Mel's flashbacks served more as an irritation, with the boy I was never assured of his role as to whether he was your typical brainy geek or or someone a bit dim, and yet again the young girl seemed to play a role and speak in the manner of someone far older than herself. The rest of their behaviour & the other characters were academic & largely irrelevant. So much of the characters seemed cliched and flogged to death in previous films.
Some of the time I felt like I was watching a remake of ideas and a plot that I'd seen before, but then each time it seemed like a new idea may introduce itself it came over as ridiculous. Aliens that could leap over a roof and with technology to travel the world, but not able to get out of a kitchen or through a door with a plank of wood nailed to it. And the water? what was that all about, they come to earth with nothing to defend themselves from the earths inhabitants or from the rain or water that covers 4/5 of the planet.
A few commenters have claimed the film to be funny. Unless it is through laughing at ideas like those above and not with them, then I must have been watching a different film. The cinema was reasonable full but there was not a single hint of laughter from anyone from start to finish.
I feel a bit sorry for the director though. His two main works prior to this have both revolved around a 'twist' to shock the viewer, so people come to expect it in this. Even those who enjoyed Signs, surely cannot claim there was any sort of twist in this.
To me, it all passed without a moment of interest or shock and at no point had anything to keep the viewer guessing, asking questions to themselves or surprised, and consequently nothing really happened.
2/10 (1 for the location & 1 because it's better then any of the Robin Askwith films that occupy all my 1/10's)