Passion of the Aliens

Rating: 1/10 (19 June 2006)

Mel Gibson plays a rural Pennsilvaniya farmer. A rural Pennsilvaniya farmer who doesn't do a single second of farming during the entire movie.
It gets worse.
Mel's mundane celibate existence is rudely interrupted when 7 foot furry green aliens, who fart at the wrists, decide to invade the planet...but more specifically, have set their nefarious EXTRA TERRESTRIAL sights on seeking "THAT" global strategic position that every nation on Earth is vying for...yup, that's right...RURAL "P-e-n-n-s-i-l-v-a-n-i-y-a". (sarcasm laden heavy sigh~~~~~~)
However these are no ordinary aliens. No sir! They've managed to travel billions of light-years through space, only to be stymied by the uber-complex technology of boards and nails that Mel has erected around his home.
Yes, a race of beings for whom water is as caustic as INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH ACID select as the target of their invasion a planet whose surface is no less than 70% covered by water, inhabited by beings whose bodies contain more than 90% water.
(Just how did they traverse through Mel's dew laden cornfields at night without being burned to a f**king crisp?!?!?)
The humans are no Einsteins either, the radio communications used by the aliens, easily picked up by a common baby monitor, somehow escape the higher tech scrutiny that you'd expect from the scientific community or the military. And where is the military? At no time are there big explosions from the usual response to a threat, oh, say invisible hostile alien spaceships hovering over major cities all around the world.
Nope, it's a "wait and see" approach here (maybe they were praying for rain). And what were the aliens going to do with the planet or us after we'd been conquered? A planet covered mostly by water,which is hardly an ideal vacation paradise for them is it? Perhaps they were going to tow it away and Ebay it. I dunno....and neither does M. Night Shymalan I bet.
Furthermore, keep in mind that human beings are made of mostly water, so these invaders can't exactly devour us, nor can they enjoy the pleasures of sex with us. So maybe they'll burn us as fuel. Or Ebay us. Given these aliens observed level of technical sophistication, you could suppose their spaceships might have been of the steam powered variety.
Of course, the Shymalan-fans-deep-in-denial are going to come back with howls of outrage that I "DON'T GET IT!". I can hear them now... "Dumbass! It's not about sci-fi or horror, it's about family, faith and spirituality!".
Nah....
It's a pathetically crap drawn-out hack written / directed drama pretending to be Sci-Fi. Both this movies alien attack plot and themes of faith and religion fall apart under the slightest bit of scrutiny (and I ain't even trying). SIGNS is another overly self important film by the most overrated HACKS of his time. Shyamalan fanatics and apologists will eat it up like excrement, while normal folks will retch violently and then upchuck.
Oh, did I happen to mention that the aliens fart at the wrists?