Remember Land of the Lost?

Rating: 2/10 (1 February 2003)

*a couple of spoilers ahead*
I knew that it had been nothing more than my willing suspension of disbelief that kept me from bailing on this craptacular, cinematic train wreck as soon as they showed one of the aliens on the news. I really wanted to be scared. Honestly. I almost had myself talked into it too. Then they showed the alien walking through the alley, videotaped at the children's party in Mexico. I couldn't fake it anymore. The poor actor lumbering around the alley in the alien costume was a dead ringer for a sleestack, from Land of the Lost. Remember that Saturday morning TV show? Remember the sleestack that could talk? He would walk around in his red dress, with his big pimp necklace on, apologizing for the other sleestacks behavior, because he was from the future, and he could see the flaws in their actions. This movie needed one of the aliens, from the future, in a red mini-dress, to say to us, 'Jeez guys, I'm really sorry about this blowing so hard. I realize this is all little more than a third-rate morality play that Rod Serling would have passed on forty years ago. And please don't ask me why they had to drag us aliens into it. Well, you can figure that out on your own, can't you? No one would pay to see this if it was just about some priest whose wife, then faith, was smooshed by a mumbling veterinarian, would they? No sir, they wouldn't. So they bring us in, with some cockamamie crop circles, a little static on a baby monitor, and PRESTO! It isn't boring anymore. At least that is what was supposed to happen. Oh well. Sorry.'

Plenty of holes, large enough to make one wonder if M. Night ever re-read ANYTHING having to do with this film, have been discussed elsewhere. Let's just say the films continuity is dicey at best. I know others have praised both of the child actor's performances, but I thought they were as one dimensional and wooden as that of the adult actors in the film. And whoever did the final alien computer animation should think about doing something else for a living. Perhaps open up a comic book store, or a frozen yogurt place. That has to be the worst thing I have ever seen. The nasty claymation scenes in the Sinbad movies looked better, and scarier, too.
So why did I sit through the whole thing? One word. Tak. He still rocks, and with the exception of the horrible computer animation at the end of the film, it looked beautiful. Wow, there was something good about Signs after all.