This is a bad, bad movie.

Rating: 1/10 (3 August 2002)

Went with a friend last night to see Signs.
It is one of the worst films I have ever endured in my life.
Not just "Oh my, that was a waste of $9" bad (like I found The Grinch and Death To Smoochy to be). More "I cannot believe that anyone in their worst, most deluded, crack-addled moments would think this had the merest potential of being a good movie." bad.
Fairly dull throughout, but the ending had me & me partner slack-jawed with incredularity, as master storyteller M. Night Shamalamadingdong cunningly weaves together a handful of dull badly-signposted non-sequiters from throughout the movie, deftly driving a mack truck through a handful of plotholes, to form an offensive-to-anyone-with-an-IQ-above-70 finale.
Sweet Lord, it was bad.
I'm a fairly easy going person. I can watch brain-dead and/or bad movies, and enjoy them. (After Signs, my chum & I decanted back to my place to enjoy Gremlins, which, while cheesy as all hell, at least wears its cheesiness with pride). But Signs was so contrived in its foulness -- so smug in it's "Ahhhh. You weren't expecting that, were you?" attitude -- it left me wanting to phone telephone numbers at random and tell complete strangers "Don't go!"
It was just that bad.
Consider yerselves warned.