Bloody awful

Rating: 3/10 (24 May 2005)

I didn't have very high expectations for Signs. I didn't expect it to be this bad, either.
What did we have here, then? Terribly unconvincing acting by Mr. Mel Gibson, one of the worst performances he's ever turned out. But what can you expect from him with this kind of script? His character is a two-dimensional mess. A widower reverend, who saves the world from aliens. That's about it. There's no real connection. And if you tell me the movie isn't really about aliens but about faith and Christian love and whatnot, I'll tell you plainly to shut up. It's a sci-fi movie, and it's bad sci-fi. If you consider it as a family movie it's even worse. Joaquin Phoenix, remembered fondly from Gladiator and Buffalo Soldiers, is wasted. And the kids were even more irritatingly cute than Haley Joel Osment in Sixth Sense - if that's possible. We got mediocre directing (not up to M. Night Shyamalan's standards), bloody awful writing. Shyamalan's dialogue was always bad, but the stories were great. This time we have a story that is not much more than a remake of War of the Worlds. This movie was made dozens of times before. The fact that Phoenix mutters 'It's like War of the Worlds' (oh, how self conscious) doesn't make it a parody or a homage. It's still a rip-off. Mars Attacks was a parody; Signs is a rip-off. The film doesn't excuse itself by using higher standards of special effects than were available before - the aliens look so awfully digital it's just pathetic.
And the thing that bothered me worst is this. Watching a Shyamalan film, my expectations low though they were, I knew that as bad as the script will be, I'll still get a lovely, surprising twist ending. Well, there was a surprise. Here's the twist: there's no surprise. The ending is obvious and cheesy as hell. Maybe that's meant to be the surprise - if it is, it's a very tasteless joke. Sorry. The corny love-thy-neighbor-and-god-and-believe-in-yourself messages at the end don't impress me much either. Signs told me nothing I didn't already know. Look, I know all about crop circles, right? I kept hoping for a surprising explanation for the phenomena at the end of the film. Well, here's the explanation - they were created by thin, ugly, green aliens who want to take over the Earth, who look surprisingly like the guys from Close Encounters. WOAH! That was so never done before! Hey, hope you don't mind the spoiler. I consider it more a fair warning to prevent you from completely wasting two hours of your life. If you're a sucker for trick endings and consider watching the film because you liked Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, stay clear.