this movie made me want to go criminally insane! OMG LOL!!! (spoilers)

Rating: 2/10 (27 April 2010)

Wow this movie was CRAZY!!! OMG LOL!!! It made me almost wish that I had found all my children dead in a lake and then murdered the crap out of my wife!! OMG LOL!!! It also made me wish that when they were drafting the script that someone said "hey Martin Scorcese finally turned to crap, someone should commit HIM to an island full of crazy people until HE can figure some *beep* out!! OMG LOL!!! And then I wish instead of using their gay Shamalamadam ending that they had given Teddy special abilities, kind of like Neo in the Matrix (OMG LOL) but not really, but you know maybe something super cool to let him defeat everyone like a laser gun or maybe he could shoot lasers out of his eyes (an ability he developed due to his very sad situation with Heath Ledger's wife, almost like angry Super Tears) or maybe even he would just be super strong and know martial arts and could feel no pain like how that lady from the rap song about having sex with moms was talking about in the cave (similar to how they learn in the future to block out pain as explained by Kyle Reese in Terminator - maybe a connection here? IDK) and then with all his powers no one could stop him from finding the truth!! OMG LOL x5!!! Only the REAL twist then is that he is about to escape and then his FBI boss comes up to him and says "Teddy this was all just a role-play because we knew it was the only way for you to develop your powers. You will be a very important weapon in our fight against the communist threat and now Shutter Island will be your secret headquarters where you train other people to have your powers too so we can beat the crap out of Russians and beatniks, and who knows maybe even china or those Chineses in Vietnam will step out of line some day. So what do you say say Teddy, are you ready for it?" And then Teddy will say "OMG LOL!!! You bet!! And here I was almost going crazy thinking I was stuck inside a movie with terrible twist for stupid jerks!!" And then his boss will say "you watch your mouth Teddy those people are Americans and we need their support in this war....but OMG LOL you are right, we FBIs and CIAses are smarter than them and I bet we will pull some CRAZY pranks on those dummies one day in the future as we wrest democratic power away from the populous and into the hands of the wealthy" and then Teddy gives him a look that sort of says 'omg lol' (cuz he's like "as if" because he's a good man) then no one says anything for 7 seconds and then teddy says "Hey is Chuck still my partner" and the boss says "Chuck, are you up for it?" and Chuck says "You're damn right I am" and then Teddy says, "OK how about I buy my partner a beer" (cuz his powers let him drink again, but only beer no scotch) and they are walking away and chuck says "hey man you think maybe you could teach me some of your powers like maybe the laser eye or like being able to fly?"(forgot to mention teddy can also fly) and Teddy goes "Sure pal, but not right now there are commu-terror-ists taking over the Boston Gardens and we have to go stop them because the Celtics might just win the championship soon and then again almost every year until when jimi Hendrix dies, cuz that will break their spirit and make them sad" and Chuck goes "I'm getting too old for this S-word...and who the crud is jimi Hendrix?" and they all laugh and then freeze frame right as they jump into action to go get those suckers.
OMG LOL!!!!!!!! BTW the 'who is jimi Hendrix' part is extra funny cuz chuck was from Seattle and so was jimi Hendrix so maybe they even lived in the same town at one time or were in class together and he STILL doesn't know him!! Also Chuck's probably a racist so he wouldn't even talk to jimi Hendrix in class but it's not entirely his fault cuz in those days up until around 1997 your dad would force you to be a racist (i know for a fact OMG LOL) but still jimi Hendrix was probably even cool to a racist cuz his special power was coolness.
Wigga Please