What the.....?

Rating: 4/10 (21 September 2013)

Time for me to review one of the worst sequels ever: Shrek The Turd. Shrek and Fiona's (Mike Myers and Cameron Diaz, respectively) fairy-tale wedding has gone off without a hitch, yet just as the beaming newlyweds prepare to enjoy their blissful "happily ever after," the sudden death of King Harold (John Cleese) finds everyone's favorite ornery ogre being reluctantly fitted for the royal crown. Troubled to learn that not only will he be compelled to rule Far Far Away, but that he and Fiona are also expecting a little ogre, Shrek determines to track down his new bride's rebellious cousin, Artie (Justin Timberlake) -- the one true heir to the throne -- in order to focus on fatherhood without the added distraction of having to preside over the kingdom. As Shrek sets out with faithful companions Donkey (Eddie Murphy) and Puss in Boots (Antonio Banderas) to locate the medieval high-school slacker and bring him back to become the reigning sovereign of Far Far Away, handsome snake Prince Charming (Rupert Everett) slithers back to the castle in the company of the dreaded Captain Hook (Ian McShane) to stage a diabolically timed coup and assume control of the throne. Now, as Shrek, Donkey, and Puss in Boots do their best to wrangle up the feisty Artie, Fiona must enlist the aid of fighting princesses Snow White (Amy Poehler), Sleeping Beauty (Cheri Oteri), Rapunzel (Maya Rudolph), and Cinderella (Amy Sedaris) to barricade the castle and fend off Prince Charming's invading army of fairy-tale villains until her beloved husband can return with the cavalry to save the day. ~ (Jason Buchanan, Rovi) The first Shrek came as a welcome surprise: it was funny, well animated, and well acted. The sequel was also those as well, and it naturally progressed the story. Shrek The Third is a cobbled mess. Filled with too many pop culture references for my taste. And the story here is complete and total crap, whoever wrote this script should hang their head in shame. Nothing here is funny, charming, or even entertaining. It feels so contrived and forced. Ugh! Just because it is a kids movie doesn't mean you have to make it so insulting to our intellect. You got your poop jokes, your pee jokes, and all that other crap you have grown to hate in kids movies. Oh, and let us not forget the "Switching bodies" storyline we've seen a thousand times before done better than this. But I will say this: The film is well animated and well acted. But those are the only positives I can think of. Add all this up and ta da! We got another third entry that manages to disappoint fans and critics alike! Sorry Shrek, but perhaps you should go back to your swamp.