AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!

Rating: 1/10 (12 June 2002)

This is the worst film I've ever seen. There, I said it. I don't know why exactly I hate it so much. I like to think it's because after being hyped up for so long from across the pond, in the newspapers, on TV, crisp packets, toilet rolls etc, it turned out to be the unfunniest thing since impotence. IT IS DIRE. I never laughed once, and my skin hurt from the amount of cringing I was doing. John Lasseter and his Pixar team must have watched this film open-mouthed in horror as Shrek was uttered in the same sentence as Toy Story. I know I did. Shrek is lame in every respect, be it the obvious gags that I could see coming from across the horizon, Mike Myers' half-Scottish/half-something accent or the flat, lifeless, rendered-in-a-hurry graphics that Pixar wouldn't use on their mobile phones. It's difficult to understand how anyone could enjoy this tripe, and don't get me started on the recent Oscar victory... Excuses may be made, but I don't think that there's a valid one for sloppy scriptwriting and half-baked animation being bulked up with a few celebrities and a LOT of money. Kids like it: do they? Kids like lots of things, including bullying, picking their noses and soiling their underwear, so that doesn't make this a good film. And it did well at the box-office, which means it must be good: a third of the world is Communist - that doesn't make them right though, does it?...