Bored kids will be told that they are ungrateful

Rating: Null/10 (19 January 2003)

Spoilers warning. The one thing going for children's stories is that they can include the MOST grizzly and frightening characters and plots and the kids will lap it up. The more gruesome the better.
How then can an expensive fairytale film like Shrek be SO DULL? The only action scene is finished within the first 20 minutes and the remainder plods along with characters getting to know each other, falling apart and then coming together again in a film totally hamstrung by Hollywood's neurotic obsession with weddings and marriage. Sure Cinderella and Snow White END with Prince Charming sweeping the Princess off her feet but this film has the hero and heroine talking to each other about it over and over and over and over again. It never ever ends! No child could enjoy this over Disney's Snow White or Cinderella.
The writing is poor in SO many ways with plot holes and poor motivation throughout. It can't even fulfil it's own pathetic ideals. The Princess turns out to be an ogre, right? Well they don't even make her that ugly. In fact her waistline is exactly the same as that of a statistically average American woman. Get the message kids? The fact that a) this film was made and b) there is to be a Shrek 2 says it all. Hollywood is unable to do anything intelligent anymore and we should all stop watching this crud unless we want to be fed it over and over again for the rest of time. You have been warned.