Sherlock Holmes: dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle

Rating: 10/10 (30 December 2011)

I've never read the books and I only just saw the first Sherlock Holmes movie starring Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law about a week ago. Guess what you don't have to be a total nerd to like this movie! I'm not saying that I'm not a total nerd. I know like three words in Elvish and I enjoy reading books about sharks, but when it comes to knowing everything about Sherlock Holmes, it's not at all necessary for enjoying this Guy Ritchie joint. Not everyone who watches this movie has read all of the books six times each and knows all of the other movies and so on and so forth. Some of us just have giant, raging crushes on Robert Downey Jr... I mean cinema.
Robert Downey Jr. is really a perfect gent for a role like this one. He's funny, charming, and quit-witted to boot. He also has the right amount of crazy to pull off Sherlock Holmes. Because one would have to be at least a little crazy to do the things that Sherlock does.
Here's a synopsis for you: Sherlock intercepts his love Irene (Rachel McAdams) when he finds that she is being followed, only she isn't being followed. She is doing a job for Professor Moriarty (Jared Harris – the only man alive who is directly related to frogs). When she screws it up he releases her from his services. How unfortunate for her. Holmes gets Watson wasted the night before his wedding. That night he meets Sim (Noomi Rapace) the gypsy fortune-teller. Gypsy fortune-teller has something to do with the unfortunate misfortune of Irene. His observation skills do not fail him and he is on yet another mission. After a meeting with Moriarty, Holmes learns of his beloved's fate and finds that tomfoolery is afoot. Instead of letting Watson enjoy his new bride, he must protect Mr. & Mrs. Watson from Moriarty's cronies. This includes throwing Mrs. Watson from the train. Dressed to the nines in blue eyeshadow and red lipstick, Holmes thwarts Moriarty's plan.
The rest of the movie is much of the same. A back and forth between two masterminds and their attempts to stop each other. But the real glory of this movie is the hilarity. Knowing when to be funny and when to get down to business is a vital skill in making a movie like this one. Word to the wise: get all of your bathroom/food/drink needs out of the way before the movie and don't get up. You won't want to miss a minute of this movie. I – like a fool – got up to fetch a refill for a thirsty pest with whom I saw the movie. I came back and boy was I ever sorry that I left at all.
I suppose the bottom line is that RDJ is a phenomenal actor, Guy Ritchie has a winning style of making movies, and Jude Law is the perfect match for Holmes's crazy antics. Without ruining anything for you, be prepared for a shocker in the last five minutes. I was the idiot in the audience who gasped loudly in an otherwise silent theater. I'm a sucker. All I'm saying is that when I grow up I want to be like Sherlock Holmes.