Boring, bubbles in the think tank, flash in the pan

Rating: Null/10 (28 August 2010)

It took three guys to write this mess? I've quoted him before, I'll quote him again, director Vincent Sherman: "More writers doesn't necessarily mean a better script. It usually means just the opposite." And so, Sherlock Holmes doesn't know what kind of screenplay it should be. An action flick? A buddy movie? A rip off of a TV forensic drama? One thing for sure, as a result of not answering the crucial question when writing a screenplay, "What is it about?" Guy Ritchie gives us a boring, bubbles in the think tank, flash in the pan.
I can just imagine the yackety-yack over drinks: "If we can get Law and Downey, then it'll be commercial! Oh, oh, and make sure Law and Downey whine and bicker like two women during their menses, because audiences love when men complain in unmanly ways. And don't forget to tell the camera guys to work it like CSI. And, and, make sure Bobby looks buff because astute men can't just be shrewd, they have to look manly, otherwise the bare-chested fight scene, which really has nothing to do with anything, won't work."
Be forewarned, Mr. Ritchie's plot revolving around a villain, who may or may not be dead, has been done already. So, the storyline is not fresh. In addition, Mr. Ritchie shows and tells us things not once, but twice. Does he think audiences are dead from the neck up? Then why waste precious plot time? Mr. Downey mumbles when his English accent gets lower. The CGI is painfully evident. Holmes and Watson as super heroes are just plain out of character and dumb.
If you can't tell a well-written screenplay from bestselling ones, then this is the bird-cage liner for you.
If, on the other hand you haven't forgotten how to open a book and you're not acquainted with Doyle's novels and anthologies, then get reading. It's fun to create your own little mind-movie and interpret fiction yourself rather than enabling Mr. Ritchie to get richer and offend the masses in the name of "entertainment."