Sherlock Hates Irritating Theatrics

Rating: 1/10 (19 May 2010)

Guy Ritchie's Recipe For One Terrible Movie: *Take perfect classic story, then knead it until mixed randomly *Add 3 heaping Tablespoons of good actors; peel off talent and discard *Mix in 3 tons of nasty dead pigs from ceiling *Sprinkle in a dash of bro-mance with zero chemistry every now and then *Put a lame ninja-like fight scene not related to the non-existent plot in with loud noises to wake audience up every 15 minutes *Throw in obvious set-ups for the upcoming sequel every three minutes to remind the audience that this won't be the last 2 hours and 8 minutes they will spend in a drooling plot less, senseless, endless coma
Gee, I can't wait for "Sherlock Holme2" (where the 's' in Holmes flips to a '2' shaped like a cheesy smoking CG pipe) to throw away another two hours of my life that I could spend on something more useful like painting my house with a Q-tip or reviewing a movie online (that I'd give a negative number rating were it possible!)
For the half of you think this movie was the best thing since string cheese and are marking these low reviews as unhelpful, seek help. Seriously. I'm not a Holmesabookaholic who's saying 'the movie was ruined because the bloody horse carriages were driving on the right hand side of the road when they should have been on the left in London, so this otherwise brilliant picture has been tainted for me!'; I'm illiterate, so that's impossible. This was just a baaaaad movie. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddd movie. Please take my word for it if you haven't seen it.
Really bad.