Watch Americans destroy what it is to be English...

Rating: 1/10 (3 April 2006)

Football Shakespeare ..Vinny Jones
I can accept the clichés. I can accept the total lack of comedic appeal. I will even accept the fact that this was the most monotonous, unoriginal, forgettable, mindnumbingly po-faced, lacklustre bore from start to finish. (pause for breath) What I cannot, nay, refuse to accept is, the complete decimation of the beautiful game. I was watching through the gaps of my fingers whenever there was any hint of 'soccer' on the screen. It is a shame there are no good football films out there, if you are still waiting for the definitive football movie of our time, the Raging Bull of 'soccer', this is not it. If you liked this film, I don't know whether I would slap you or start crying, no, I would definitely slap you.
Vinny, Vinny, Vinny, what were you thinking? Since when are players taken off a match and then available to come on later? Since when does an entire training schedule consist of practising bicycle kicks? Since when does a penalty shot automatically signify the end of a game??? What, no injury time?? It is obvious, Vinny Jones had no input into the football of the movie, it really is a travesty that you have to watch to believe.
This film is so bad, its worse than Goal, yes its that bad!
And hell I know this isn't a film about football, but what if you had a film like Jerry Maguire, would you not be offended if all the plays in the games looked like they had been designed by a 10yr old kid from Kazakhstan?
Anyway this film is by the numbers, teen movie, generic garbage and I recommend it to anyone who has annoying mates. Yes go tell them to watch this film and expect them to be seething from their spleens and spit in your face. Yeah, thanks Dave!