Indigestible & Very, Very Wet

Rating: Null/10 (26 March 2004)

Seabiscuit is a film about three men down on their luck in depression riven America whose lives are turned around by a magical midget horse. Ahhh!
What a tedious load of American pants! The first half hour hints at an inspirational story, the remainder of the 2 hours-plus offers up an insipid diatribe. I'm all for slow-burning in my cinematic experience but this stove frequently wasn't even lit!
Either have the testicles to do a 3 hour Epic Saga or the wherewithal to knock-out a 90 minute Greatest Hits: NOT a 2 hour 10 minute, inbetweenie, cover (patently too thinly) all posts!
An excellent cast mugged by Hollywood's bodysnatching of gritty with bland. The most predictably cliched beyond repair cinematography you will EVER see. (From someone who must be a regular at 'Mountain Backdrops Anonymous'[Why is a 'loud, trash-movie' cinematographer doing this in the first place?]) Possessed, nodding horses in close-up not quite as possessed (OR NODDING) in long-shot. And direction that becomes so pedestrian it should have a Mall erected around it. Dull, dull, dull, dull, dull, dull, dull!
If you liked this - check your pulse...