School of Rock: 2/10

Rating: 2/10 (30 July 2004)

I think there's nothing that upsets me more than watching a classic movie that I don't like. Although I do feel just as bad after seeing a recent movie that almost everyone liked. That's how I feel about The School of Rock. One would say that this is director Richard Linklater's selling-out film (of course, this was before Before Sunset), which I guess is a good film in which to sell out, because everyone seems charmed by it. Now Linklater can get away with either art films or Hollywood films, and we can probably expect both more great films (like Sunset) and more crap (like School).
Dewey (Jack Black) is kicked out of a mediocre, going nowhere rock band and hasn't paid the rent for a while. His roommate, who is a substitute teacher, receives a call to come in, but Dewey pretends to be him to get some money. He doesn't know what to do until he realizes that if he enters the fourth grade class at a prep elementary school he's teaching into a battle of the bands, he could get some money. And if you find a way to believe that plot, then I'm the king of Australia.
Everything in this movie makes no sense. These rich, snotty, supposed-to-be-precocious kids (in addition to being annoying as hell) who only care about being taught don't go tell the principal that they're not being taught. They can play as well as a philharmonic (they're in fourth grade), and switching instruments is easy as pie. They want to learn in class but don't mind when their homework is to listen to a CD. And every single student-nay, every single character-is either a stereotype, underdeveloped, or obnoxious. There's the prissy, stuck up leader girl in the class, the smart yet geeky Asian, there's a homosexual student (with some of the stupidest dialogue ever written-clichéd and stereotypical), there's the by-the-books principal (Joan Cusack). Every kid to whom they give names is underdeveloped, with no meaning. And Jack Black's character is just a fat obnoxious person. There's no reason to feel for this character. He's lazy, he's untalented, he's selfish, and an annoying person overall. Why should we care about his stupid misadventures in an elementary school? And wouldn't the teachers get at least a little suspicious when not only the teacher doesn't have ID, but the curriculum that Dewey pretends to teach varies from the theory of relativity to the basics of Christopher Columbus? And since when are there hard rock battle of the bands concerts at about noon? You're probably thinking that that's just artistic license. I'd agree with you, and I'd ignore as much of it as possible if the movie was funny. But it wasn't.
Most of the jokes are lame and obvious. When asked what music they like, the kids say various teen pop artists, as would be expected by elementary schoolers. But it's stretched into this whole gag that never works. And School of Rock's supposed to make us laugh by not only seeing Black's Jim Carrey-esque facial expressions, but by the "wackiness" of him playing an electric guitar in class. Raising hell in a classroom. That's a new topic there. Later, as the whole class goes on a field trip to register for the battle of the bands (during school, without a chaperone, and no one wonders where they went), everyone fits into Dewey's van, along with all of the equipment (that completely filled his car before). Another obvious joke is when it's said that Cusack's character gets drunk while listening to a certain song, what do you think Dewey will do? Seriously, this character is supposed to be likable and all, but he just comes off as manipulative and completely phony. School's only saving grace is me smiling a few times, but that's it. It's pretty awful what movies will be made for a quick buck. I'd rather Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 do better than The School of Rock did, just to knock this movie down a peg.
My rating: 2/10
Rated PG-13 for some rude humor and drug references.