James Wan owes me six quid

Rating: 1/10 (15 August 2009)

I find it hard to be impartial to something so objectionable. It would be wrong of me to whinge about the film's shortcomings as there would be little room left on the IMDb server for other user comments. Suffice to say, this predilection Hollywood has with introducing us to 'inventiveness' regarding the horror genre and it's ability to dispatch victims in a ridiculous fashion has got to stop. I blame Se7en. Not a bad film: 'gritty' and ballsy enough to stick Gwyneth Paltrow's decapitated head in a box, which would be enough to recommend any film to me, but implausible nonetheless. It's biggest crime however, save that of being lathargically repellent (and I've sat through August Underground 1 & 2) was to open the door for tripe such as this. Being a fan of 70's and 80's horror (especially Italian schlock and American grindhouse) it broke my (and my brother's heart) to have to walk out of the cinema for no other reason than not being able to give a flying fook about any aspect of it's derivative and utterly implausible plot, cringe-worthy acting, and 'twist' ending (The usual suspects this is not). It seems a film is not a film without a 'twist' these days. This exception however proves that rule. The fact that I am commenting on it five or six years later (having just noticed the IMDb rating) should give you some indication as to how strongly I feel, if the rest of this 'review' hasn't already done so. This film manages to encapsulate everything that is wrong about the horror genre today. For those of you of the MTV generation who are apparently unable to process two coherent thoughts consecutively, here's my review in a nutshell: Trite.