Registered Just for This Movie

Rating: 1/10 (11 November 2004)

**SPOILERS HEREIN**
Worst. . . movie. . . EVER.
I don't have a problem with bad movies. In fact, I usually love them. That is, so long as the movie wasn't written, directed, edited and acted by mentally deficient chimpanzees.
Not only was every aspect of the movie done incorrectly, the movie as a whole was so incredibly uninteresting and totally not scary that I considered several times leaving the theater, walking up to the manager, kneeing him in the groin, and demanding my money back. From the very start, when they decided to open with a cheesy flash-back that quickly got lost in the myriad of other bad movie techniques, I had the distinct feeling of being ripped off to the tune of one movie ticket.
The very biggest fear I have in life (as in, the thing I actually think about and fear on an active basis) is being tortured. Not tortured in that POW kinda way, where someone is trying to get some information out of you, but tortured in that 'hee hee hee! I'm going to pull your arms off with a come-a-long' kinda way.
That being said, this movie did absolutely nothing to scare me. For something to be scary, you actually have to believe on some level that whatever is happening on screen could possibly happen in real life. And it's not that what happened to those poorly acted characters was totally absurd, but the once you string the whole craptacular mess together, it was just so totally. . . bad.
BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD
The only reason I'm going on and on about this is because I really wanted to see this movie. I was actually excited. It was billed as the scariest movie since Seven, and I was so ready to see it that I ignored the fact that it was a direct rip-off of Seven.
Oh? A mean shadowy figure forces 'innocent' bystanders into situations that replicate their own base and shallow existence? How original! They even got a well-known black actor (Danny Glover, though not classified as a 'good' actor, is still well-known) to play the part of the detective.
Unfortunately, neither Danny, nor what's-his-face (you know, the guy who played Wesley in A Princess Bride, (which was an excellent movie)) displayed any sort of the acting ability that got them compared to Brad and Morgan in the first place. This was like a fun-house mirror reflection of those. Except instead of making them fat or skinny, it made them stupid and empty. I'm not quite sure how a mirror would do that, but maybe the director could shed some light on that.
The only possible tourniquet that could have kept this movie from hemorrhaging out suck would have been a real good twist at the end. And, in the fall-short fashion that this gem carried throughout, they tried. It's just too bad that the twist seemed to come from an entirely different movie. Not only was it non-sequitor with the rest of the film, it was completely and unabashedly IMPOSSIBLE. Even if by some act-of-god had the twist fit into the story-line, it still sucked.
There is so much more to this movie that merits degradation, I just don't have enough time or energy or memory retention to pick out every piece. Maybe when it comes out on DVD, I'll buy a copy just to throw it in the microwave. I'd be doing the world a service by getting rid of one copy of this awful piece of celluloid.
Two very enthusiastic thumbs-down.