Skip Private Ryan and watch Band of Brothers!!

Rating: 1/10 (28 June 2009)

After reading some of the 'immaculate' appraisals of this film, I am compelled to explain WHY this film sucks. Sadly, these days there is a declining number of people who can properly and objectively evaluate movies just as there are less and less movies worth evaluation. First, this movie DID NOT win Best Picture. Why? For a WWII epic from Spielberg with this Hollywood cast, unlimited budget, and the notoriety, it speaks volumes about the movie itself that it did not win. The movie had many aspects which merited praise. But far more of it deserved our disdain and disappointment. It is a shame that so few movie viewers can observe the following egregious flaws in a film trumpeted by most here as 'the best war film ever'. First, let me say that the film had only ONE redeeming quality- that of the battle scenes. Very impressive in every way. That's it. That's all. It's all downhill from here. The main failure of this film lies in the fact that it does NOT draw in the audience. There is NO cohesion of characters, zero empathy. I did not care at all about any of the soldiers. Why? Mainly because they were all well-known actors stupidly picked by Spielberg, and there were LOTS of them- just read the cast of actors. This is a huge distraction. I cannot feel the soldiers' pain and grief when they are ALL actors I've seen in movies and TV shows. What a STUPID, boneheaded, amateur mistake by Spielberg. Every scene in the movie has a another actor I know pretty well and whose personalities distract me. Further, all the actors seemed like they did not 'fit' in the 1940s era. They seemed too modern. Too anachronistic. They used too many curse words (which were not used in those days, at least to that degree) and were really 'cheesy'. They all seemed like actors, NOT real soldiers- AND cheesy BAD actors at that. After watching Band of Brothers, one can really identify with the characters, all the characters not just the 'band'. But in Ryan, there is literally ZERO compatibility with the actors. They didn't 'flow' together like fellow soldiers- all seemed to be out of place- hamming up the screen; too much for viewers to take in. Again, the fact that they are ALL well-known actors (and the cameos by Ted Danson and others made it really Hollywoodish and corny). Essentially, I just didn't care remotely about any of the actors- simple. Another annoyance were Hollywood 'touches' like the cheesy prayer the sniper man made every time he aimed for a shot or the annoying Jewish remarks actor/comedian Goldberg made throughout or Diesel's tough-guy mantra, or Tom Hanks' continuous confused 'look'. Spielberg also displayed a disproportionate amount of anti-German efforts. He made typical German soldiers (not the SS) out to be vicious monsters, a lot of which might be true, but the bias was very distracting in the movie. Seeing a freed German soldier return to kill Tom Hanks (the one who freed him) as well as the German who mercilessly and VERY slowly with a knife pierced the only Jewish solider's heart as he begged for mercy and cried...was a very excessive and blatant anti-German effort by Jewish Spielberg- upsetting mostly because it changed the tone of the movie in a very obvious way. Anyway, the entire movie needed more development and the characters (each of them) were severely miscast. It is an obvious Hollywood production which lacks authenticity NOT in the action and special effects, BUT in something far more important in ANY film---plot, script, good acting, and empathy. Private Ryan misses the boat. Strongly recommended is Band of Brothers. Instead of cheesy Tom Hanks acting in it, he directs and does a brilliant job. The series is addictive and priceless...and it makes Private Ryan look like a high school production- thank God the Oscars had the courage to deny it Best Picture. But not enough courage to deny Spielberg Best Director- they wouldn't dare do that. LOL. 'nuff said.