Mmmmm!! Salted Pork!!

Rating: 4/10 (25 July 2010)

Hot girl who kicks everyone's ass goes on secret mission against incredible odds. Sound familiar? This movie is basically a carbon copy of "Ultraviolet" only with a Cold War theme.
I found it eerily like watching the 1960's version of Batman: Pow! Crash! Bang! Get him! Ooof! Crash! Pow! Slam! Only this time, it's a tiny woman slamming big, muscular men into the walls - without using martial arts. Yep, this tiny gal cleans everyone's clock by brawling like some drunk after getting cut off at the bar. At first, it's silly, but after a few scenes it becomes so ridiculous that you don't even laugh any more and just watch in embarrassment.
I'm thinking about buying the plot and selling it to people who have poor ventilation in their homes; all those holes would let in plenty of fresh air.
The spider venom thing was some of the most obvious foreshadowing I've seen in quite a while. It practically handed the movie's conclusion to the viewer on a platter. The questionable back-story didn't hold any water either. And then, suddenly, it turns into this nonsense about saving the world. Four words: Give Me A Break! It's almost as if the writer said, "Let's cram every cliché'd device into this film!" I got the impression I was watching a very high-budget student film made by a 13-year-old boy. Pathetic.
The flashbacks were particularly annoying. Apparently they were meant to give the Salt character emotional depth, but in actuality they seemed terribly contrived and very GI Joe cartoonish. Add to that Jolie's zombie-like, deadpan expression both pre- and post- flashback and you've got extreme ridiculousness. All they lacked was Celine Dion singing in the background.
If you enjoy mindless comic-book style entertainment, Salt will make your 'little General' stand up and salute. Otherwise, save your money and avoid this drek.