Please Pass (on) the Salt

Rating: 3/10 (25 July 2010)

Where Knight and Day actually did have intentional laughs, Salt produced more laughs that I didn't anticipate. Namely in the finale. Pretty much that was the only unpredictable factor in a movie with a climax that will go down in history as one of the most foreshadowed "twists" from minute one in the film.
Aside from the literal laugh-out-loud final 20 minutes, I don't think there was a scene in Salt that was crafted to invoke any laughter. This movie is as straight-laced without an ounce of humor, or humility, as one can make it.
Furthermore, aside from the unpredictable comedy and the predictable outcome, let's get one thing straight: if someone compares this to ANY of the Bourne movies, ask them this one simple question: What else have you lied to me about? This is as much Bourne as Ramona & Beezus is about lesbian lovers.
The title belongs on the popcorn you are eating as this is the main definition of a "popcorn movie" or Leave-Your-Brain-HOME film. Sure Angelina looked great and the action appeared to be CGI-lite – a favorite of mine, but it's hard to get past how incredibly mediocre both the script and action scenes were.
Perhaps they were trying to be realistic. They failed there with Salt's (Jolie) truck hopping, or lack of motion sickness after getting out of the 15th vehicle she caused to drop 1+ stories. Perhaps they were trying so hard on "making you think" with the is she/isn't she a single or double agent. Again, they let us down due to all the blatant clues they LITERALLY told us. I wouldn't be able to get through an entire season of the excellent 24 if they gave away 1/100 of the plot points in hour one as this did by minute five.
US-CIA Agent Salt was rescued by her husband Mike (Diehl) while tortured by the enemy and after that nearly, but not completely, pointless plot point, they fast forward two years to their happy home in D.C. This is all fun and games until a defective Russian confesses she's a Russian spy and her own kind turns on her.
Hold it there. I'll admit, I don't work for the CIA. I've not been known for my espionage tactics. But, it did sound a little fishy that one unknown would unravel an established agent in seconds and no one believes her. I couldn't buy that, but I'll just chalk that up as one of the many weak plot points to move the story to what it's really about: The Chase.
This is where people might compare this to Bourne as she's being chase by the same branch and she's out to solve her dilemma on her own. Well, that's been done dozens of times before. Jack Bauer, James Bond, Dr. Richard Kimble, to name a few. What the movie Salt needed to do, was separate itself, I don't know, with some original and exciting action sequences and less on trying to trap us in who's the mole.
To sum it all up, a Russian spy is, in fact, out to kill both the Russian and US Presidents and since Salt is their only suspect, they void any search of any other assassin. Could the culprit be pulling a Skynet? Sorry, I forgot to say SPOILER ALERT, but if you didn't see that coming or who's really responsible, then congratulations on your first movie you've seen since E.T.
Again, I'll admit Angelina looked wonderful, but this wasn't her day in the acting part. She was so up and down with real/fake emotions, she either made the director look bad or she took lessons from Megan Fox.
Every once in a while a movie will change my mind on an actor, much like my distaste for Nicolas Cage was thwarted a bit in Kick Ass or my annoyance with Adrien Brody was lifted in Predators. Didn't happen here with the actorI'veneverliked: Liev Schreiber. He didn't do anything, quite literally, in this movie. He was flat-lining out of the gate and did nothing to add to his character or movie. He was like Keanu Reeves who can tell you he's an FBI agent or he's a vampire hunter, but we never believe him due to his poor acting.
Who am I fooling? This movie's premise is just that, to fool you. It's not about acting, depth, originality or setting the bar higher. It's like an M. Night Shyamalan blunder whereas they were so concerned with the BIG surprise, they forgot to make a movie.
I'd barely recommend it for action alone and Angelia who did look good in her Matrix moves and clothes, but it's more of a rental. A cheap $1 rental. Or even on network TV in a year with dozens of commercials and scenes edited out.