Romeo + Juliet (1996)

Rating: 4/10 (15 April 2020)

Directed by Baz Luhrmann. Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Claire Danes, Harold Perrineau, Pete Postlethwaite, John Leguizamo, Dash Mihok, Miriam Margolyes, Paul Sorvino, Diane Venora, Paul Rudd, Vondie Curtis-Hall, Jesse Bradford. (PG-13)
Shakespeare's tale of doomed star-crossed lovers is updated to the modern age, transported to the Miami-esque city of Verona Beach, and given a gaudy MTV-style makeover so it can vulgarly pander to the youth market (coming up just short of giving the couple a crass gossip-rag nickname like "Rom-liet"). A misguided conceit resulting in a headache-inducing mess that encapsulates the words of the Bard but produces none of the poetry; it may not desecrate the text, but the dialogue rarely comes to life coming out of the mouths of this cast (Postlethwaite being the chief exception, playing Father Laurence instead of Friar Laurence...even though he's still called a friar at one point because, well, that's the sort of care that was put into this "adaptation"). DiCaprio's star qualities can't be denied and Perrineau's flamboyance is well-suited for Mercutio, but it's all drowned in hyperactive editing, lurid camera filters, sledgehammer symbolism, and tonal whiplash. Does feature a surprisingly effective soundtrack considering the eclectic mishmash of genres--buy the CD, skip the movie. Full title is "William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet," which is equal parts laughable and depressing, and less suitable than it would have been to release "Jane Austen's Clueless" the previous year. M. Emmett Walsh cameos as the Apothecary; Brian Dennehy also appears briefly as Romeo's father, but he has nothing to do (most of his scenes must have ended up on the cutting room floor).
36/100