What's That Whirring Sound?

Rating: Null/10 (16 August 2000)

Updating the plays of Shakespeare has occupied the minds of many filmmakers, but it is a good idea to try to occupy the minds of the audience as well. Baz Luhrmann's loud, brash and irritating adaptation is possibly the most pathetic attempt at updating the Bard I can remember. How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...
The basic setting doesn't really work beyond the most surface level, although using a newscaster as a narrator is a good idea. The casting is utterly bizarre, with Danes displaying all the talent of a jar of water, Postlethwaite miscast as a priest, and Margolyes overacting horribly. The decision to make Mercutio a drag queen make so little sense that I wonder if I'm still watching a 16th century play, and the whole enterprise is horrendously overdirected. The cross motif gets so out of hand that by the end we have a gross of them in a single shot, the storm is an unoriginal device, and is badly matted, as are the shots of family names on the tops of buildings.
I can't begin to imagine why so many people like this film, although at least they are getting more out of it then I am. If you want a good Shakespeare update, try Richard III (1995). As for this, I wasted two hours of my life, which I'm not getting back, on a film that disappears up it's own backside faster than a jet-propelled enema.