2 hours 2 long

Rating: 2/10 (8 January 2017)

Now I know that many of you guys will be smashing that "Not Helpful" button because I am giving this a bad review (because the same thing happened when I gave "The Force Awakens" a very positive review), but there's one thing I beg you to do. Hear me out! Read this review before deciding that I have no good taste, because I believe that I have good reasons to personally dislike this movie, even if others like it. And I will admit there are positive things about it. As a matter of fact, the performances (except for Forest Whitaker's really silly accent), directing, and visual effects are all very well done. I will not deny that this is a well made film that took some hard work and effort to create.
However...
It is boring! There is nothing particularly interesting about the plot, the characters all have little to no personality, I was so bored I wasn't paying any attention-I was just staring at a screen as random stuff was being thrown in my face. It is packed with uninteresting dialogue, surprisingly boring action sequences, and an overly depressing tone. I am all for dark movies, but this is just ridiculous. One of the most annoying new blockbuster movie clichés is that every movie has to be so dark and depressing for seemingly no reason, simply because it works flawlessly with Christopher Nolan's work. But, this is because Nolan is a much more talented filmmaker than Garreth Edwards, whose work I admittedly enjoyed in the past. I thought that, while very flawed, his 2014 "Godzilla" movie was really underrated and epic. I enjoyed that movie, even if it was dark there were still cool things about it and it didn't feel overlong or boring to me. Unfortunately, this film is DEFINITELY boring for me, and is almost factually overlong.
Think about it, the whole concept of this film is stealing plans. If the characters were developed, perhaps it would be worth a 2 and a half hour runtime, but the characters each have little to no personality or backstory. This is a movie of nothingness, of a painful dullness. I attempted to eat too many Reese's Pieces during this movie so I could throw up because then something interesting would be happening. Footage of me pathetically vomiting out of boredom would be a much more powerful and engaging movie with better characters and conflict than "Rogue One".
I watch movies to be engaged and fascinated, not to be bored. This movie is just flat out BORING. I've already stated that plenty of times in this review, but that is because I mean it with all of my heart. I could not pay attention or care about anything that was going on because of the lack of personality the film had in its writing and even in its cinematography. The visual tone of this film is needlessly dull and grey. I know many will defend this movie by calling it a "gritty war drama", but it doesn't work as that either. Also, "Star Wars" is mainly a fantasy universe, why would I want to watch a gritty war drama taking place in this universe rather than in a more realistic environment. Why do the most fantastic, wondrous concepts have to be transformed into something realistic? The original trilogy, which pretty much everyone agrees includes the best three films in the entire saga, did not try to be realistic. It tackled a few realistic themes and conflicts, but those themes were never made to be over the top. The original films were not gritty, they had much more humor and fun. They were entertaining thrill rides that also included characters and stories we cared about. They could be intense, funny, and even tragic at times, and it always worked because they were made in such a way that the viewer was always engaged in the story, the viewer always liked the characters. "Rogue One" is the opposite of this.
Now I'm getting really controversial...
So it seems that 90% of IMDb user reviewers thought that "The Force Awakens" was 1/10 trash, despite it being a very well made and colorful film that genuinely had some heart and soul. It was flawed, but it was also fun. The special effects were wonderful, it worked as a celebration of "Star Wars". The characters were likable and (for the most part) memorable. It had humor and heart, action and suspense. It may have been a very unoriginal movie due to it being so ridiculously similar to the original 1977 classic, but at least it felt like the people behind it were much more loving and joyful. It feels like the people behind "Rogue One" just wanted to kill themselves and make money from basement dwelling internet geeks. However, "Rogue One" is packed with 10/10 star reviews, people saying that it made up for "The Force Awakens". This is something almost impossible for me to wrap my mind around. Was it just more awesomer? Were the past references so epic that it is now a masterpiece of cinema?
I am sure there are plenty of great and intelligent people that will disagree with me entirely, and I am well aware that I may have been a little unfairly mean while making fun of some members of the "Star Wars" fanbase, but the overall point of this review is just:
This movie is boring and I do not understand the praise.