Moff Tarkin Simulator

Rating: 6/10 (28 December 2016)

Ever wondered exactly how the Death Star plans were stolen? Well, look no further than Rogue One: A Star Wars Story About Dead People.
Rogue One starts off a little dull. We're introduced to Jyn Erso and her family, and they're boring. Then we are introduced to Prince Caspian, and he's a boring protagonist that kills people. We also get to meet some other human characters that don't matter: Forest Whitaker on stilts, kung-fu man, kung-fu man with a gun, Hitler with a white shirt and a cape etc. Truthfully, the only character in Rogue One that is actually interesting is not a personand that's K-2S0, a sassy Imperial droid that says whatever's in his circuits. He's genuinely entertaining.
There is another "not a person" character in this movie that's entertaining too, but for the wrong reasonsand that's General Moff Tarkin. You're not reading that wrong, by the way. Moff Tarkin is not a person in Rogue One. He's a Tupac Hologram, Young Jeff Bridges from Tron: Legacy, computer-generated piece of garbage. Who in their right mind gave the go ahead to include a phony Peter Cushing so much in this movie? I get that he has long since passed away, but why did he need to be turned into a cartoon for this film? It would've been much more respectful to just hire an actor that looks close, or just not include Tarkin in the film at all.
Luckily, Rogue One meanders to a decent final act. It turns into Saving Private Ryan, but set in space and with AT-ATs. Now, I can't imagine how Disney approved that, but they did and it worked. Plus, we get to see Darth Vader do some bad stuff. Yay, Rogue One for seemingly ending on a good note until *SPOILERS* Right before the credits roll we get to see Princess Leia and SHE'S A ****ING CARTOON! I literally laughed out loud in the movie theatre when she reared her jarring, computerized face. Upon reflection, that might have been perceived as poor taste because Carrie Fisher had literally just passed away that morning. For shame.
To be fair, Rogue One is an okay prequel. It is definitely not the best Star Wars; it's not even close to being as good as IV, V and VI in terms of storytelling, characters and tone. It loses points for just way too many unnecessary fan-services, and only just passes for containing a thrilling final-battle. I would have gladly accepted a cameo from an Ewok in a cage over the walking horror shows of Tarkin and Leia, which as you can hopefully tell by now, largely ruined my enjoyment of an already shaky film.
6/10, baby.