Rocky Jive

Rating: 1/10 (15 August 2014)

One of the top ten WORST films ever made.
Rocky (rhymes with Schlocky) has brain damage to the point where he put his drunken red-nosed brother-in-law Paulie in charge of his personal finances. When Rudolph signs over the house, the car, and all of Rocky's personal savings with one signature, Rocky and his load must relocate back to the old neighborhood.
We get to see here that Rocky is a terrible provider. He's made absolutely no friends in the City of Brotherly Love (Philadelphia), nobody whom he can ask, "Yo, can I stay with you for a minute?". Soon, Rocky gets the bright idea to dig out his old leg-breaker clothes which includes his cigarette-smell stained leather jacket, his little black hat, and the rotting handball he once bounced off the ground of the pee-stinking alleys he use to frequent.
One day when Rocky is stumbling along the garbage strewn streets of Strawberry Mansion, a young punk, who may or may not be an ax-murderer, coerces Rocky to train him to be a boxer. After three minutes of dumb banter on the street corner, Rocky invites the serial killer-- I mean, the nice young man home for dinner.
After a meal of liquor store grits (Adrian can cook up a supper in no time), Rocky has become so enamoured with this punk, he lets him move into Rocky Jr.'s room. Needless to say, Rocky Jr. is a bit peeved. Things go smoothly for about a day until the terrorist-- I mean, the young fighter gets romanced by a well-known fight promoter. The kid agrees to dump Rocky and take a shot at the big time.
Noticing that his new protégé has turned ingrate, Rocky does everything he can to get the kid to return to Rocky Jr.'s room for more training and free-loading. The punk says no and with the end of the film drawing near, The Big Fight begins where Rocky is supposed to triumph over all evil forces.
The two morons pummel one another on the street while the idiots who live there cheer Rocky on because they have absolutely nothing else to do. Rocky bashes the punk in the face, bloodies him up to a veritable pulp, and leaves him for dead in a trash can.... gee, Our Hero. As we hear chants of "Rocky! Rocky!" from the various half-wits of the community, Rocky walks away like a pimp while he punches his fist into the air in victory.
Truly one of the STUPIDEST sequels ever squeezed out of a series that should have ended a long time ago.