Sly, Dali, Olsens Oh My!

Rating: 1/10 (26 May 2005)

I figured it out! There is only one way this movie could have possibly made. Here's the scenario, Sly Stallone is sitting on Pee-Wee's gigantic talking chair snorting coke off of a Salvador Dali painting. He starts thinking to himself: "That arm wrestling drama I did back in 1987 was pretty bad. But I think I could top that." That's when Lawrence Fishburn busts down the door and said "Dude it was pretty bad, but there is no way in hell any movie you make can be worse then that pile of crap called "Manos: Hands of Fate" The bar was set, and in just a few days Stallone had a group of Community College actors together to work on the next installment in the Rocky series. The result of this all is on par with a Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen flick, minus the girls. Instead, just add a couple beefed up guys in really short shorts and a really awful Don King impersonator. This, like the Olsen flicks has a few minutes of crappy dialogue followed up by a music and flashes of sweaty men swinging at each other.
I also know why this movie has managed to squeeze out a four on the ratings. It is the result of a quantity of disillusioned 40 year old Rocky fans who are sitting in their mother's basement with his high school letter jacket on his shoulders and a Keystone Light in his hands. Without these sad folks, Future War would be pushed aside and would be clasped to a ball and chain in order to roll out the red carpet for the single worst sequel of all time, Rocky V.