Go for what?

Rating: 3/10 (11 June 2007)

I stumbled upon this movie quite early this morning (which is probably the only time when this movie airs). I had never seen this "Rocky", only hearing and reading that it was absolutely awful. Well, everyone was right. There are so many things wrong with this movie, guess I might at well start near the beginning.
Adrian (Talia Shire) and Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) find out that Adrian's brother and Rocky's hanger-on Paulie (Burt Young) signed the Balboa fortune over to a crooked account. Problem #1: Stallone never portrayed Rocky at the brightest bulb in the box, but we're supposed to believe both he and Adrian gave a drunk power of attorney? The Balboas lose everything, have to sell off almost everything, and move back to the slums of Philadelphia. Rocky takes a job working as a trainer in his old gym and Adrian has to work, also. Rocky's son Robert (a.k.a. Rocky Jr. whom Rocky Sr. refers to as "kid", played by Sly's real-life son Sage) has to go to a difficult public school where he is repeatedly mugged and has his jacket and lunch money stolen. Eventually, Rocky is befriended by a young boxer named Tommy Gunn (actual boxer Tommy Morrison, sporting a very unflattering mullet) who asks Rocky to take him under his wing. While training Tommy, Rocky Sr. ignores Rocky Jr. who starts to distance himself from his father.
Rocky is frequently accosted by promoter George Washington Duke (Richard Gant), who is a blatant ripoff of Don King, even using King's catchphrase "Only in America." King, er, Duke, tries to get Rocky back in the ring to fight one of his fighters, but Rocky announced his retirement (again) at the beginning of the film. Somehow, Duke got a hold of Rocky's medical records (which were supposedly confidential) showing Rocky has suffered brain damage. He repeatedly tries to lure Rocky back into the ring, but voice of reason Adrian refuses to let him. Unable to get Rocky, Duke wines and dines Rocky's prized pupil Gunn. Gunn eventually accepts an offer to join Duke's team. Rocky accuses him of "selling out" but Gunn has had it with Rocky and his refusal to get him a title shot. By this point, Adrian snaps Rocky out of his haze by telling him he's lost his son. Rocky Sr. and Rocky Jr. eventually make nice and start up their "home team" (whatever that means) thing again. Previous to this, Sr. taught Jr. how to defend himself and Jr. takes out one of the bullies.
Gunn eventually defeats the champ, but the crowd turns on him for leaving Balboa. At a post-fight press conference, the media says Gunn beat a bum and he'll never be as good as Rocky. An incensed Gunn storms out of the press conference and goes to to the slums of Philly with Duke in tow to challenge Rocky to a fight. Rocky refuses until Gunn punches Paulie who was popping off to Gunn. Duke wants the fight "in the ring" but Rocky tells him "My ring's outside." Rocky and Gunn engage in a street fight with cameramen and reporters following the action (man, talk about good timing). Rocky Jr. is watching TV and tells Adrian that Dad is fighting. The two then head to the scene. The fight ends with Rocky scoring the victory. Afterwards, Rocky confronts Duke who says to Rocky three times "Touch me and I'll sue." Rocky disregards his warning and gives him a body blow that knocks him four feet into the air (??) onto a parked car. Rocky then says to him, "Sue me for what?" Other problems with this movie: 1) All the stuff that the Balboas sold couldn't even get them a modest apartment in a decent neighborhood? 2) After defending himself and getting his jacket back, Jr. and the bully shake hands and later Jr. becomes friends with the other bully. Nice to see there's no hard feelings.
3) How on earth did Adrian and Jr. get to the street fight in about two minutes? Man, Adrian must've really hauled.
4) After distancing himself from his father, Rocky Jr.'s grammar takes a nosedive. Apparently becoming tough means suddenly saying things "don't mean nothing'." In closing, Stallone was clearly trying to re-create the first Rocky (even having Rocky start wearing his old top hat and leather jacket again, along with resuming smoking) but he falls well short. The only redeeming qualities in this movie are a couple funny lines, Rocky's nemesis not being a caricature, and the "One more round" line which is one of the most memorable lines from the Rocky genre.
Take a pass on this dog. While I haven't seen "Rocky Balboa" yet, it can't be worse than this disaster.