A desperate sequel with a poor script and cringe-worthy finale

Rating: 3/10 (28 November 2016)

Sylvester Stallone once said he strictly made Rocky V to make a few dollars. Perhaps that explains why this Rocky film has hardly anything to offer. The first two Rocky films had great stories and really likable characters that you rooted for, so much so that you didn't care about how unbelievable some of the circumstances regarding the fights may have been. Rocky III didn't do it as effectively, but made up for it with some great entertainment value and a feeling of self- awareness regarding Stallone's career for the next couple of decades. Rocky IV threw all seriousness out the door and the quality steeped even more than with Rocky III, but it can be entertaining on a primitive level, similar to Stallone's other 1985 hit, Rambo: First Blood Part II. This film offers almost nothing special. It wants to be gritty and emotional like the first Rocky, but it can't seem to avoid having some scenes that are a bit, shall we say, "macho;" unfortunately, those parts are out of place with the rest of the film and don't make it more fun. Having just defeated Ivan Drago (watch Rocky IV to understand everything), Rocky (Sylvester Stallone) returns home with his family and finds out that, thanks to Paulie, his brother-in-law (Burt Young), his accountant has stolen all of his money since he has power of attorney. What prevents him from fighting again to win some money is the fact that he has gotten significant brain damage (I can hear the realists saying "Finally," since Rocky would've suffered from this long ago if this was real life), and all he can do is auction off his big house, most of his stuff, move back with his family to Paulie's house in the same, poor Philadelphia neighborhood they once lived in, and run the gym of his late trainer and friend, Mickey Goldmill (Burgess Meredith, who appears in a tear-jerking flashback). Also, he trains a young boxing hopeful named Tommy Gunn (real boxer Tommy Morrison, who passed away in 2013), and is harassed by boxing promoter George Washington Duke (Richard Gant), while ignoring his son (Stallone's real son, Sage), who is beaten up by bullies at school every day. Now, the main problem with Rocky V is its screenplay. First off, the way Rocky loses his money makes little sense; what he thought was a tax extension was really a power of attorney. How could anyone not notice the difference? Also, while Rocky's family thought they had paid fully the mortgage on their house, they still have $400,000 outstanding. Again, how could they have not noticed this? Also, Duke is a one- dimensional villain (a common trope in a lot of Rocky and Rambo sequels it seems) and a cartoon character that jars terribly with how serious the film wants to be. Also, when Tommy is asked by Duke to turn away from Rocky and sign with him, you'd think, given how much Rocky and Tommy seem to bond during the film, that Tommy would have doubts, but not once does he think, "I dunno: Rocky's my friend. He really got me somewhere. Do I really want to do this?" But no: he just signs with Duke and when he beats the Heavyweight Champion, he only acknowledges Duke and completely ignores Rocky. Rocky's son is another problem with this film. He gets mad that his father won't help him against the bullies, but he later seems to take care of that problem (with physical violence against the bullies, of course) by himself, which just leaves him upset that Rocky is paying more attention to Tommy and not him, which causes him to act like a little punk (on Christmas of all days!!!). Rocky says that having Tommy as his student gives him a purpose in life, but throughout the two montages that show Tommy training and winning fights, there's no sense of development. Tommy's character arc just seems to be made up as the film goes along. First, he seems like a young hopeful who wants to box and eagerly accepts Rocky as his trainer, then he signs on with Duke without any shred of doubt and abandons Rocky, then he beats the Heavyweight Champion and gets mad because everyone thinks he's not good enough to fight strong opponents (the guy Tommy beats only got the title through contract), he challenges Rocky to a fight at Duke's insistence, and then, when Tommy provokes Rocky into a street fight, he yells at Duke, "You don't own me! Nobody does!" Not to mention, the street fight is an absolutely ridiculous affair that no one in their right mind would shoot for television and just stand aside to watch, and it destroys any credibility the film did have. Rocky V is a complete waste of time and something not worth spending a few dollars to watch on demand or ten dollars to buy on Blu-Ray. More action-oriented fans can be forgiven for liking Rocky IV, but please stay away from this freak misfit.