Airheads Without the Comedy

Rating: Null/10 (16 September 2001)

WARNING!!! SPOILERS!!! As an unabashed 80's metalhead, I really, really wanted to like this movie. But I could not. Why not? Try two-dimensional characters, pre-fab plot, wooden acting, and a whole lotta lazy scriptwriting. You all know the story by now: Mark Wahlberg stars as a tribute band singer who eventually gets to tour with his idols, Steel "everyone knows they're Priest" Dragon. Their first mistake was basing this movie on a fictional band. I guess they didn't feel like paying Priest royalties. But that's a relatively minor complaint. What I found much worse was the movie's squandering of the great material it had to work with. Instead of celebrating 80's hair metal, the movie uses it as a backdrop for the most formulaic and boring of love stories...which is even more infuriating considering the lack of chemistry between Wahlberg and Jennifer Aniston. Both deliver uninspired performances but they do have their moments (Wahlberg actually looks pretty good on stage. Aniston is at her best dissing the cerebrally challenged groupies she is forced to travel with.) But what little excitement the lead actors may have generated in this movie is killed by the fact that their characters are barely developed at all. The only actor that exhudes any humanity in this film is Timothy Spall (Beano from Still Crazy) as Steel Dragon's road manager. I read that the screenwriter had no prior knowledge of metal, and it shows. He treats the material with no love. It was cute to see Zakk Wylde and Jason Bonham on the big screen, but why weren't these guys hired as technical consultants as well? Then you wouldn't have scenes with Wahlberg during a show smashing up the amp of his lead guitarist for taking a solo in the wrong spot, talking about "Don't ruin the gig, man!" Uh, hello, you just killed his amp.... I was also annoyed (though this is a very music geekish complaint, I know) by the fact that in one scene the lead characters are shown listening to an AC/DC song from 1990...it's later revealed that this film takes place in 1985. Did the filmmakers really not count on their audience knowing 80's metal? It blew the continuity a bit for me. The filmmakers treated this movie as if a nostalgic soundtrack and references to Ratt and the Village People were enough to carry it. Wrong. (The Wedding Singer at least had a few yuks.) And given the subject matter, some of the soundtrack choices were downright baffling. INXS? Frankie Goes to Hollywood? Culture Club?!?? (Although the Talking Heads' "Once In a Lifetime" definitely hit the mark.) Even the original music was a disappointment. Blood Pollution was the only Steel Dragon song that was any good. And how about that ending? Mark Wahlberg just walks off the stage to "find his own voice" by becoming an anonymous grunge weenie in a Seattle coffeehouse. THAT'S your big happy ending? No thanks! Besides, grunge is the antithesis of metal, are we to believe that Wahlberg's character, who did nothing but eat, sleep and breathe metal for years really has an inner Kurt Cobain yearning to break free? Gimme a break. I really hope some other filmmaker revisits the land of 80's metal, because the material certainly deserves better treatment than this. This film should've been Almost Famous for 80's metalheads. Instead, it was Airheads without the comedy. My recommendation: Skip Rock Star. Instead, listen to some Judas Priest, AC/DC and Ozzy, followed by a viewing of Almost Famous.