Please folks just look away

Rating: Null/10 (13 February 2002)

Ok so I was real excited to see this movie when I rented it. I even had beer, and when I have beer its easy to enjoy just about everything. And I was really into the true life story of Ripper Owens, the kid who got to sing for Judas Priest, which this movie was partially based on. I have a strong feeling in my psychic verberaorations Ripper's life is about 100 times more fun than this doo-doo.
Its sad because this is a great premise for a story, small time kid who plays in tribute band actually gets to sing for the band he has been emulating his whole life. That's super. Well Wahlberg plays the geekiness/metalness pretty well. But get this, even though he has dedicated his LIFE to loving, imitating, and worshipping this band, he gets all goofed up over the fact that he can't write their songs now that he actually is in the band. Suddenly he doesn't know that the guitarist and drummer always write the songs(That would seem like vital info to a true fan). Suddenly this is a problem. WHAT? Suddenly lets just ditch our character for the convenience of a plot turner.
Wait I'm getting another vision, Jennifer Aniston in another movie! Basically we get the same ol Rachel character she plays on TV, but with metal hair. "Be be bebebebeebbebe" whatever the hell she always does. Its old and terrible. Anyway she play's Wahlberg's girlfriend in the flick and is there to do little more than get happy when he does something good (YAaaaY!) and fret the rest of the time. Oh boo hoo, we're getting into drugs, oh boo hoo all the other band members' wives are sluts and plus they hit on me and make me question my sexuality. Yeah boo hoo. This was only a DREAM of hers, and Marky Mark's, but now its just upsetting! Women should be more willing to make sacrifices for their men, THATs what I think.
But folks, this is the KICKER. The movie is almost over, we hope, we think. Wahlberg's playing in the band and suddenly just DECIDES to take off, handing the mike to some punk KID in the first row and lets him finish the show. The other members of the band just play on like yeah this is fine. That enables Marky to leave the stage, ON HIS OWN TERMS PEOPLE let it be known. He turns to the stage manager and goes " I gotta take a p***" (which is actually supposed to reference something romantic from early on - Just think of "Good Will Hunting"s line "I had to go see about a girl" but totally MeTaLized and you've got the idea).
THEN, OK THEN... We flash forward a year or two and Alternative rock is in!! Mark has his hair cut alterna-short and is wearing a cute little fuzzy hippy sweater and singing in a smoky coffeehouse. Oh, thank GOD you got COOL! Another character ditching!! A true metalhead would never fall so far. LAME. So here he is belting out this little soft sweet love tune while the other members (made up of the tribute band he was in at the beginning, they had a HUGE fallingout but yet here they are all together at the end, FRIENDS FOREVER XXXXOOOOXXXXXOOOO) back him up, also with cute little haircuts and pleasant, loving visages. Then Rachel comes in and he talks so SOFTLY to her its so sweet!!! CUE THE CREDITS BABY THAT WAS SUCH A GOLDEN ENDING. Thanks a lot test audiences!!!
So I guess I didn't like it at all. Negative 1 star out of 4. Yes its that bad.
Oh wait I forgot I wanted to upgrade this one star because they played "Good Vibrations" in the end credits. Ok 0 stars out of 4.