Like Spinal Tap never actually happened

Rating: Null/10 (28 January 2004)

A famous heavy metal band recruit the lead singer of a tribute band to perform with them.
Not a bad idea in theory and sort-of true in the case of Judas Priest and Oasis - for a short while at least, but this is not a movie but a cliche fest. This is amazing that it includes not only every rock cliche in the book (even TV set out of window is shown - TV-out-of-window for christ sake! TV-out-of-window is not even allowed in satire!), but every cliche involved in a rock musical film. If you have never seen any before and want to catch up on forty years of cinema buy your ticket now. This is just a compilation tape. And just when you thought you were safe, they steam in with another at the very end - "funny" outtakes!
What is there to say about Heavy Metal that hasn't be said a thousand times before and taken to pieces in Spinal Tap? Nothing. Boy dreams of fame - get fame - finds that fame is not what he thinks it is. No wait, wait. Boy becomes corrupted by fame? No, no, wait again. How about Boy gets fame as a rock star and is screamed at by thousands of girls, but all the time he secretly wants to play soft acoustic rock in an old pullover in a coffee bar? Marky Mark in a pully - no that was an out take that got put in by mistake surely!
So how is the telling of the motley cliches? Well professional, but not that great. Aniston is not an actress, just a personality actress that got very very lucky. Here she wears a thong under a kind of knit dress and kisses a girl (I think anyway - who can tell in Heavy Metal), which I suppose is as wild as she gets. Maybe she will realise that Marky Marky has changed and no longer needs her ---- nooooooooooo, that would be too much of another rock and roll cliche.
The last question - why are all rock managers English in these products? What is it about this country (mine) that makes them so ideal to be the fast talking fly-by-night 10 percenters? Maybe it is the accent that makes everything they say seem more real, correct and followable. "Now Marky me-ladooo, drop your pants... That's it right down, now see that blender well pop your member in there.... There ya go, couldn't be better. Now reach down and press that green button with your left hand. That's it. Good boy. Ossie does it all the time - never goes on stage without doing it first."