Sampling finally makes it way into a visual medium

Rating: 2/10 (23 September 2007)

Transcript of a pitch meeting between Paul W. S. Anderson and Screen Gems studio suits. In the interest of not being sued, all dialog but Anderson's has been removed.
"So here's a pitch for a new movie I want to make. First off, it's set in a post-apocalyptic desert, like "The Road Warrior". Oh yeah, I loved that movie. I gotta use that tractor trailer rig with the fuel tank in it sometime. I always wanted that thing to explode at the end, instead of being filled with sand. I'll fix that in my movie!
Anyway, Sarah Connor, you know, from "T1" and "T2", leads a group of expendables around. Hey, remember when she said, at the end of the first one, "There's a storm coming"? I'll drop that line into my movie, just to show the fan-boys I like the same movies they do.
Hey, did you ever see "The Birds"? I did. Man, was that creepy! I got it! The rag tag fugitives are attacked by birds at some point! I'll figure out why later. Maybe they're robot birds or something
Let's see these survivors are looking for a safe refuge. How about some place far away from the desert, someplace isolated, so they're safe from the cyborgs. An island? No, that's too much like the remake of "Dawn of the Dead". And "Damnation Alley" had them going to, like New Jersey or something. Hmmm... how about Alaska? Yeah, that's it! They're going to Alaska.
Hey, did you ever see "Planet of the Apes"? Not the remake, but the original. I did, and that scene with the Statue of Liberty really stuck with me hey, they're in Vegas! New York New York Casino has a statue like that! I'll do an homage!
So anyway, speaking of "Dawn of the Dead", I like zombie movies. I've done video game movies and horror movies and sequels and stuff, but not a straight up zombie movie. Did you ever see "Day of the Dead"? The one where the scientists are underground, trying to work on the zombies to see if they can cure them or control them? It was cool.
Speaking of movies I saw, did you ever see John Carpenter's remake of "The Thing"? Man, that was one batsh*t scary movie! I love that part where the floorboards are being torn up form underneath as some kind of monster comes after Kurt Russell I could use that bit. Oh, and the creepy dark lab, where stuff runs past the camera in the foreground? Classic Carpenter bit. I'll borrow that, too.
Hey, did you ever see "Re-Animator" or "From Beyond"? Some good horror creatures in those films. I ought to introduce poor Johnny-come-lately horror fans to the monsters from those movies.
What do you mean, you don't want me to make this movie? Are you nuts? It's a sure fire thing!
"Resident Evil 3"? Yeah, I did the first two, but I'm done with those. I don't want to do that one. I want to make this big budget tribute movie to everything cool I ever saw growing up, the one I just told you about!
Hey, I think we may have a 'You've got your peanut butter in my chocolate' moment here, guys but can I direct this one?
No? What do you mean, Russell Mulcahy! That guy may have done the original "Highlander", which was actually very cool, but he hasn't directed much of anything of note since then
Fine, just pay me and I'll have a script for you in two days."