Completely worthless plot

Rating: 1/10 (22 May 2008)

What made the resident evil series interesting is that it is the thinking man's zombie movie. It offered a typical sci-fi plot but it kept things based around certain rules, threw in some twists, and maintained at least reasonable premises.
This movie strays from having any remotely rational plot and feels no need to offer explanations when it does. As a result it is a huge disappointment if you slow up looking for anything more than hacking up zombies for 94 minutes.
(SPOILER ALERT) Here are just a few of the needlessly ridiculous premises you are asked to just accept without any further explanation...
1. T-virus has spread and essentially wiped out humanity. Surprisingly, this caused all plant life to die and the earth turned into a desert. Take that greenpeace!
2. Alice is now a jedi and can use the force to move rocks, bikes, and flaming gasoline at will.
3. Zombies are incapable of climbing the 8 foot chain link fence surrounding Umbrella headquarters, but can easily scale the Eifel Tower and with surprising stealth.
4. Olivera shoots a zombie which is clearly munching on LJ but thinks nothing of it. The entire group has apparently adopted a don't ask, don't tell policy regarding infection.
5. Zombies have been functioning without any actual need of food or water (according to doctors) and will continue to for, and I quote, "DECADES." No further explanation given.
6. Too much T-virus antidote turns you into an octopus.
7. After reading an incoherent diary in Utah, the group decides to drive to Alaska, but opts to gas up in....LAS VEGAS! (damn these Umbrella maps) Umbrella anticipates this move and has an ambush waiting at the exact casino they stop at.
8. Umbrella installed an on/off switch in Alice and cameras in her eyes but apparently did not find those things useful in tracking her the past 7 years or in confirming her identity when they spot her via satellite. Either that or Alice has no bars in rural Utah.
9. Umbrella is cloning Alice and finds the best way to extract her blood is through repeated unnecessary and exotic deaths. Unfortunately cloned blood isn't as 'magic' as regular blood and they only end up piling up Alice corpses in the back yard like lawn clippings.
10. Umbrella is developing a nation of domesticated zombies for use as Walmart photographers.
11. Umbrella is developing an army of extra angry zombies and goes to the trouble of putting them in matching uniforms.
12. In the event that society falls, mormon hillbillies will opt to lure innocent people into their lairs to feed their zombie dogs. Remember that then next time a missionary stops by your house.
13. Eating infected meat causes crows to get infected...but not really. It also causes them to go blind...but not really.
14. Zombies rule the earth and Umbrella is essentially trapped underground but the primary challenge the company is facing is the shortage of cheap labor.
15. Food, water and fuel are almost gone, humanity is vanished, zombies are everywhere but the primary challenge facing survivors is...Umbrella Corp.