Resident Evil: Suckolaypse

Rating: 3/10 (11 October 2006)

I had the displeasure of picking this DVD up on sale and watching it a few days later. I loved the first Resident Evil and thought it did well for a video game to big screen adaption. (A genre not known for producing block busters by any means!) In a nutshell, this movie sucked donkey balls. Apparently they decided to have this guy named Alexander Witt direct the movie. His name should actually be changed to Alexander Wittless or at least they could have attributed the credit to Alan Smithee. The direction was terrible at best and the first half of the movie was extremely choppy, with little regard to defining any characters, and featured some of the lamest action scenes that I've seen in a long time.
The movie starts off with the town of Raccoon City being quarantined due to all of the zombies escaping from the Hive facility. (Where the zombies came from was shown in the original.) Milla Jovovich is back as Alice and we find that the T-Virus has managed to merge with her body making her extremely powerful. (Does this sound like Alien: Resurrection by any chance?) Her mission? Survive in the ruins of Raccoon City and try to find a way to contain the virus all while avoiding a beast named Nemesis who is hunting her. Alice doesn't do it alone in this one as she soons recruits a small gang of moronic characters to help in her quest. (One of the dumbest scenes where she crashes through a church window on a motorcycle for no apparent reason.) After a flashy opening we are left with a weak story, laughable dialogue, acting only William Shatner could be proud of, dumb music video like action sequences, and a climactic confrontation with a creature that looks like a mix between the Toxic Avenger and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Actually, that last comment isn't being fair to the Toxic Avenger as most Troma movies are more entertaining than this bloated piece of *****. I kept asking myself: Come on, this movie isn't really taking itself seriously is it? Is this supposed to be a spoof? Is this some "fan cut" of the movie or something? Fans of the original: Stay away from this one!