Worst... movie.... ever!!!

Rating: 1/10 (20 October 2005)

After seeing so many glowing reviews I felt obligated to warn the unsuspecting lucky souls that have not yet wasted their time and money on this travesty.
Do not see it! Just don't.
I like horror movies. I like action movies. I like Milla Jovovich. Even given this, Resident Evil Apocalypse manages to suck something fierce, failing on so many levels it pains me just to write this review.
I typically do not give up on movies before they end but I could not muster the strength to finish this heap of garbage. I will save you a detailed description of all the movie's faults (I do not have all day after all) but I will give you just a couple of examples of the mind-numbingly, I'd rather scratch my eye with an ice-pick, stupid sequences.

A group of characters who Milla Jovovich does not know is holed up in a church. There is a big monster in the church. It is obvious they are going to die... But wait, out of *nowhere*, Milla Jovovich comes jumping through the stained glass windows, on a motorcycle, she flies though the air (in slo-mo of course), lands, pulls the bike to a tight stop, pulls out her mega-super-shottie and blows the monster to pieces... Then one of the occupants of the church (the "chick with a 'tude" caricature) goes up to Milla Jovovich and says 'Who the f*ck are you?'.

Come on! There was nothing leading up to this scene, no explanation of where she got the bike, how she managed to find a ramp up to the glass stained window 10 feet high on the church wall, how she knew the monster would be there at that exact point in time etc. It was perfect example of pointless, poorly executed action that was supposed to look cool. And that line 'Who the f*ck are you?'... Who put pen to paper and thought, 'yeah that will be a cool end to that scene'? Dim witted stupidity.
Watch that scene (or do yourself a favor and don't) and if you say it is cool I am sorry to inform you that there is a big chance that you are not functioning properly at one, or perhaps many levels. If there is such a thing as universal appeal and beauty then this scene is its anti-thesis. I have not felt such pain since I saw Winona Ryder 'act' in Alien 4.

The Zombies are sometimes extremely fierce and can hardly be put away with automatic weapons. However this does not prevent our protagonists from occasionally engaging in martial arts hand-to-hand combat with the zombies, even though they have automatic weapons readily available!!!! Pleeeeease. I don't ask for much when I rent a horror flick. I am willing to check my sense of logic and disbelief at the door but there are limits! Why in the name of everything that is not junk would they choose to engage the zombies in hand-to-hand combat when they have automatic weapons readily available?

Do yourself a favor, do not see this movie.